Chapter 89:
(Kat's POV)
"Hi Carlee," I smiled into the phone.
"Kat," she sighed, "hey. What's up?"
I looked at Zayn who was driving, "nothing, we just came back from a party and we're on our way home."
"Party?" She said excitedly, "you're going to parties?"
"They aren't exactly parties. They're like huge dinners with rich people."
"Rich people?"
"I have this friend who I work with-"
"Come back," she blurted out of nowhere.
I was taken aback by how randomly she brought this up and how easily she said it. "What?"
"Come back," she repeated, "Bradford isn't the same without you."
I looked at Zayn, who looked at me and nodded, asking me what was wrong. I frowned, taking his hand in mine and shutting my eyes.
"I'm sorry but I can't," I said, remembering the reason why I was doing this all in the first place.
She took a deep breath, "I broke up with Drew and I really need someone."
My heart shattered. "Carlee, what?! I'm right here, talk to me."
"You're not right here," she argued, "you're all the way in Cambridge with Zayn. You aren't here with me. I have to go alone to Flloyd's on Wednesday's and I have to keep this secret from everyone who loves and cares about you."
"Carlee, I-"
"Jack is torn. Cora is pregnant and she's worried sick. Your mom keeps calling your dad and crying, telling him that it was all his fault. And worst of all," she breathed, "your dad isn't even half the man he was before. He looks like he hasn't slept in ages. He barely eats. He doesn't go to work. And he always looks like he's been crying."
I shut my eyes, a tear falling down my cheek. "I'm sorry."
"Are you, Kat?" She asked, "are you really sorry of leaving your whole life behind just to be with some stupid boy?"
My eyes shot open, my blood boiling. "What?"
"Was he really worth it?" She asked angrily, "was he worth all of this?"
I clenched my jaw, curling my hand around Zayn's tightly. "He is worth it, Carlee. I love him."
Zayn looked at me, suddenly realizing the topic was about him.
"You don't love him," she said, "you're too young to have fallen in love."
"Carlee, I'm twenty," I said to her. "Look, I get it that you and Drew broke up, but that gives you no right to tell me what is going on in my relationship."
She laughed coldly, "use it against me Kat, I don't care. But just so you know, I'm not telling you what's going on in your relationship; I'm telling you what's going on everywhere else. Because it seems like your stupid relationship is the only thing you're ever worried about."
I rolled my eyes, "that's all I need to worry about. I left everything else behind for a reason."
"Of course," she said. "And just like always, everything's running back right after you."
"What does that mean?"
"I gotta go," she spoke, "the real world needs me." Then, she hung up.
I huffed and put down the phone, clenching my jaw so hard that I was afraid my teeth were going to break.
"What happened?" Zayn asked kindly.
I shook my head, "nothing."
Zayn looked at me, waiting for something else to come out of my mouth, but I didn't say anything. Zayn turned back to the road, curling his fingers around mine. Carlee always knew how to put a damper on the best of nights.
Once he pulled up in front of the flats, I got out of the car as quickly as possible so I could avoid confrontation. Zayn followed me, knowing my actions better that I knew them myself. We walked into the elevator, the doors shutting behind us slowly.
I stared at the door or the elevator, but I saw Zayn staring at me from the corner of my eye. He started moving towards me, but thankfully, the elevator doors opened and I got out. We walked into our flat and Zayn locked the door, following me to the bedroom.
I walked in front of the mirror and took off my rings and braclets before reaching to the back to untie my dress. I felt Zayn's hands slide down my waist and then he wrapped his arms around me. He dug his face into my neck and placed soft kisses on my shoulder. I shut my eyes, resting my hands on top of his.
"No matter what she said to you," Zayn cooed in my ear, "I know what we did was right. This was our only option left."
I sighed, "me too."
He inhaled my scent, holding me tighter. "You can tell me anything, you know that?"
I nodded, "I know."
"Good." He kissed my shoulder once again and then backed away, bringing his hands up to my neck to untie my dress. I watched as he easily slid my dress off my body then slowly took out the pins in my hair.
"I can do that," I said to him, "don't worry."
"I want to do it," he spoke, "I like it."
I didn't understand what he meant but I let him do it anyways. Once he finished, he placed a kiss on the side of my head and then walked over to the cabinet and took a Tee for me. I reached for it but he kept it close to him, wanting to put it on me himself.
He slowly unfolded the shirt and said, "arms up."
I obeyed, putting my arms up so that he could slide my shirt over my head. I smiled and kissed him after he finished.
I began to unbutton his shirt as he undid the belt on his pants. I slid his shirt off his arms and I watched as he stepped out of his jeans. I didn't bother getting clothes for him because I knew he preferred staying only in his boxers when we were home alone.
Zayn took my hands in his and brought them up to his lips, kissing them knuckle by knuckle. I smiled at his carefulness and patience, somehow loving him more than ever.
"I'll always be here," he whispered, bringing my fingertips up to his lips and kissing them sweetly.
"I know," I smiled, "and I love you for that."
He turned my hand around and ran his thumbs over the palms of my hands. "And I really love you," he spoke charmingly. "But you have to tell me what's bothering you."
I looked up at him, my frown disappearing. He kissed my palms delicately, making me feel more loved. I could tell him. He was Zayn. He loved me more than anyone.
"Do you think we made the right choice?" I asked, looking up at him.
He brought my hands down, holding them tightly. I stared at him but he looked down and said with disappointment in his tone, "I think we did."
"Zayn," I brought my hand to his chin and lifted it so I could see his face. "I didn't mean it like that."
"I know," he quietly said, "and whatever Carlee said, I hope you don't believe it."
"I don't," I lied. "And I know that I shouldn't even have asked that."
"It's okay," he looked into my eyes, his Hazel eyes softening. "I wanted to know and I found out."
I looked down and saw Tigger circling Zayn's feet, probably hungry. Zayn pressed his forehead to mine and said, "do you think we made the right choice?"
"I think Tigger's hungry," I said, pulling away from him. "I'm going to give him some food."
Zayn nodded, a disappointed look on his face. "Go do that."
I walked out of the room and into the kitchen, Tigger at my tail. I sighed, opening a can of meat for him and putting it in his bowl. Tigger began eating and I threw away the can, washing my hands in the sink. I went back in the room and saw Zayn sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.
I pursed my lips, my heart aching at the sight. I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to lie. But at one point, I didn't want to runaway with him. That was the truth.
I took a deep breath, walking to the bed and sitting beside him. He didn't take a moment before getting up and walking away from me. I knew I deserved it, but it still hurt. A lot.
"I'm sorry-"
"No," he immediately spat, turning around to face me. "I don't want to hear it Kat. I really don't want to fucking hear it."
I looked down, ashamed. I knew this one was my fault and I knew that I hurt Zayn a lot. But maybe Carlee was right, maybe we didn't think this through.
"If you were going to do this, you shouldn't have waited this long to let me know." He said, staring at me with so much anger. "I really thought we could make it throught this with no doubts, but it turns out that all it takes is a fucking phone call to change your mind."
"Zayn," I said quietly, getting off the bed. "Listen to me-"
"No!" He shouted, losing his temper. "You listen to me!" He pointed to his chest, his eyes bulging with fury. "You can't change your mind whenever the hell you feel like it, Kat! You can't keep breaking me. I already gave you everything I ever had and I never doubted it once. All I asked for you to do was take my hand and never look back but you can't even do that!?"
"Zayn, stop."
"Not anymore, Kat. I won't stop. This is too much," he took deep breaths, knowing his anger was getting out of control. "I don't have anything else to give to you, Kat. I don't know what to do."
"You don't have to give me anything," I said softly, walking towards him to help him calm down. "I just need you to listen."
"I don't want to," he said sharply. "I'm so fucking tired of just listening. All I want is for you to be happy."
"I am happy, Zayn."
"You aren't," his jaw tensed. "And if you aren't happy, then how can I be happy?"
"I'm sorry baby," I tried to take his hands but he pulled away. My face fell, my stomach churning. This was of course my fault. I wish I just agreed with him.
"You deserve so much more that what I can give you," he whispered, "it's never going to be enough."
I shut my eyes, tears falling from them. "I'm sorry."
"I know you are," he said, "and I'm sorry that you had to run away with me. Leaving everything behind for some stupid boy."
I opened my eyes as he quoted Carlee. He did hear us. He knew what she said. He just wanted me to tell him that it wasn't all true.
"It's not like that," I cried.
"But it is!" He shouted, running a hand over his face frustratedly. "And everyone you love is back there and you left them."
"No Zayn," I took a step towards him, "I love you."
"Then tell me that we made the right choice," he asked sincerely, his eyes filled with hope.
I looked down. We didn't make the right choice. We shouldn't have ran. We shouldn't have left everything behind. But we loved each other. And love hurts.
"I knew it," he said quietly at first, but then he repeated it louder. "I knew it."
"Zayn," I whispered, "you know how much I love you."
"Apparently I don't," he clenched his jaw. "And I'm fucking tired of it. I want you to not look back."
"I left everyone behind, Zayn," I spoke quietly. "I shouldn't have. I was angry when dad shot you. I couldn't think straight."
"And you think I didn't have a family?" He said to me. "You think that this was no big deal for me?"
I looked down, "but they were used to it."
"What?" He asked, his tone sharp. "They were used to me leaving them?"
I looked back up. I messed up, again. "No, babe. I'm sorry."
"No, tell me. They were used to me leaving them so you thought the second time I left, it would be easy for them?" He continued, "you're lucky that at least Carlee can tell you how everyone's reacting. Nobody at my house has any clue of what's going on."
I looked back down, ashamed. There was no way I could look back up at him. I totally forgot how this all feels to him. I'm such a selfish bitch.
"You could've told me that you didn't want to do this," he sighed.
"I did," I spoke quietly. "But then, I didn't."
"What?"
I sighed, "the day after the accident, I decided it was a bad idea. I went to tell you but you seemed so happy-"
"You didn't want to run away with me?" He asked quietly.
I looked down.
"Kat!" He screamed, "tell me that you're just saying this because you're mad."
"Zayn."
"You can't be serious," he yelled. "I love you with all my heart and the second day, you change your mind!?"
"I love you too!" I shouted, "do you think I would've ran away with you if I didn't love you?!"
"No," he said, "but I gave you my everything, and you haven't given me your everything!"
"What more do you want?!" I shouted back, losing my patience. "I'll give it to you. I love you, Zayn."
"Tell me that you wanted this," he shouted, "tell me that you wanted to run away with me!"
"I didn't want to run away with you," I said calmly, not wanting to make a huge fight. "I changed my mind. I didn't want to run away, Zayn."
He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him, "don't say that to me, Kat. Don't you dare fucking say that to me."
I shut my eyes, tears falling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry."
He let go of my arms and backed away from me, his entire mood changing from angry to depressed. I shouldn't have said that. I regretted it. Zayn left everything for me, I could leave everything for him.
He began walking towards the door, not saying anything.
"Zayn-"
"I'm sleeping on the couch," he spoke quietly. "Goodnight."
I wanted to apologize, but I think I should let him be for the night. I messed up, and a kiss wasn't going to fix this.
***
The next morning, I walked into the kitchen. We didn't have work because it was Sunday, and I deeply wished we did. This wasn't going to be a good day considering what happened last night.
Zayn was still sleeping on the couch and I spotted Tigger tangled in his arms. It was so cute, but I couldn't go and kiss him or anything. I hurt him so much last night and all he ever did was make me happy.
I am a horrible person.
I took out a box of cereal and poured some in my bowl. I flooded it with milk, grabbing a clean spoon from the drawer. I quietly sat on the table and began eating quietly, thinking of ways I could fix this problem.
Tigger heard me eating and had awoken, jumping off the couch and towards me. He jumped in my lap and circled it, purring in joy. Man how I wish I was a cat. Life would be so much easier.
I was so distracted by Tigger that I hadn't realized Zayn woke up. I saw him stand up off the couch, his hair messy. He ran a hand over his face and tried to adjust to the morning light, looking extremely hot. I felt weak in my knees because I wanted to touch him so bad, but I had to suffer.
He started walking to the room, not even looking up at me. I said, "do you want something-" He slammed the room door shut, not even listening to me.
"To eat..." I trailed off. I so deserved that.
I quietly finished my cereal, getting up off the table and walking to the kitchen. I set my bowl in the sink and sighed. What could I do today that would be productive? The only think I did on Sunday's was cuddle with Zayn. But that's not a choice anymore.
Zayn walked out of the room and I grabbed my coat and our phone. I slipped on my shoes and said, "I'm going for a walk."
He didn't reply.
I didn't wait either, I knew he wasn't going to talk. I stepped out of the flat and shut the door, walking to the elevators. Once it opened, I stepped inside. There was no one inside and I was thankful because of there was, it would be extremely awkward.
When the doors opened, I walked out and the doorman said hello to me. I smiled at him, then continued walking. It was March and 45 degrees. I put on my coat and tried to find my way to the nearest coffee shop when my phone started buzzing.
I didn't have to even see the caller ID to know who it was. I put the phone to my ear and heard Carlee's voice.
"Hi Kat," she same shamefully.
"Did you call to bash on me again?" I asked her, "or are you calling to tell me that I made the wrong decision?"
"I'm sorry," she sighed, "I was just upset about Drew and I couldn't stop talking. But now that he and I are back together, I know my mistake."
"Of course," I said to her. "You have to ruin everything before you realize your mistake. Don't you?"
"What?"
I sighed. I was so angry at her for making doubts in my mind and making Zayn mad at me. Last night would've ended perfectly if she hadn't called and ruined it. Of course it was my fault for listening to her in the first place, but she didn't have to tell me that everything I was doing was wrong.
"Just because you and Drew are back together does not mean that whatever shit you caused between Zayn and i is going to disappear," I said to her, finding a Starbucks and walking inside.
"Listen," she said quietly, "I'm sorry, I just had to let you know what was going on back at home. The rest was just stupid."
"I know," I said, "but that's not going to make Zayn talk to me anymore."
"Why isn't he talking to you?" She asked sincerely, but I was too mad at her to discuss it with her.
"You've already caused enough damage, if I want to talk to someone about it, it's not you." I shut the phone in anger and stepped in the line. I ordered a hot chocolate and stood in the waiting line.
I don't know if it was all her fault, but she surely had a big play in this. I was mad at her, but I was also mad at myself. I wish I hadn't believed her. She made me forget that Zayn had a family that he left behind too.
As I got the hot chocolate from the counter, I suddenly had an idea. I quickly walked out of the crowded store and dialed Zayn's mom, wanting to speak with her.
After one ring, she picked up.
"Hello? Zayn?! Are you okay? I've been trying to reach you for ages-"
"This is Kat," I said to her quietly.
"Oh, Katrina, thank you for calling. How is everything? Zayn didn't come home this month and he isn't calling me back," she said frantically.
I took a sip of my hot chocolate and braced myself. I wanted to tell her. She deserved to know. "Zayn and I ran away," I admitted.
"What?"
"Things weren't working out for us over there," I spoke, "my father strongly disapproved of us and it was getting hard to stay put over there. Something happened and Zayn and I decided to run away."
"What happened?" She asked, curious.
I didn't want to tell her that Zayn was shot. I didn't want her to worry. And if I told her, she wouldn't want me near him again.
"Well, my father just found out about us secretly meeting up. We then decided that we couldn't stay in Bradford any longer."
"So where are you now?" She asked.
I sighed, "Cambridge. But please don't tell anyone in my family. I know you have close relations with my mom, but if you tell her, she'll tell my dad and my dad will hurt Zayn."
"I won't," she said. Then she murmured something in a different language, but I knew what she said. My dad once dated a girl who spoke Urdu for eight years so I learned it then. Plus, my mom speaks a bit too; her parents were punjabi.
"I'm sorry we kept this from you," I said to her, "I just wanted to settle down first."
"It's fine, Katrina. I'm glad you told me," she sighed. "Where is Zayn?"
"He's back at the flat, angry with me. I'm on a walk," I told her.
"Why is he angry?" She asked.
I took a sip, still ashamed. "I told him that I think we made the wrong decision and we shouldn't have ran away."
"And?"
"And I told him that I didn't want to run away in the first place," I sighed. "He was just so happy when I finally thought it was a good idea but when the next day, I wanted to tell him it was a bad idea, I couldn't. He was so excited."
She laughed, "you must love him."
"A lot," I sighed.
"Listen, Katrina. Every girl changes their mind, and every girl has doubts. Men; not so much. When they aim for something, everyone should be right on board with them," she spoke, a smile in her voice. "But Zayn, he's a different man. He understands doubts and second guessing, but it takes him a while. He loves you too, Katrina. He just wants you all to himself."
I nodded.
"No matter what type of men there are, all men want their possessions to themselves. He doesn't want to go back home so that there is an option of you getting pulled away from him."
I took in a breath, "but we've been fighting so much lately."
"He's fighting for someone he loves," she spoke, "even if it means he has to fight with her to keep her."
I shut my eyes. Suddenly it all made sense. I shouldn't have said what I said to Zayn. I made a mistake.
And now I have to fix it.
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I promised smut in this chapter but I didn't give it to you because we didn't reach the goal. But don't worry, smut coming soon for all you who wanted it.
Comment more questions for my Q&A coming up. Thanks babes.