when lilith was younger she hated the following:
her father
the devil
mint flavored ice cream
mint
and the room
the room was where her father pushed her deeper to her descent into madness. and as much as lilith hates to admit it, she used to be a sweet kid, a little angel
how ironic
the room was where she would spend her days feasting on the dead bodies of people she didn't know. at one point reginald had thrown in a living person who had robbed a bank, her father told her to eat him because he had committed a crime
she was about seven years old when she first ate a living breathing person
so i guess you could say that she was having a mini panic attack as soon as she opened her eyes and saw that she was inside the room
it looked the same, dead bodies everywhere, the walls and floors splotched with blood, and a few people being tortured on the walls
"no. no... i was finished with this. i am not doing this again!" she whispers shakily, the stench of the decaying bodies filling the air. it was a scent she was all too familiar with
the first part of your initiation, is facing your worst fear
lilith takes a deep breath and shuts her eyes "well i'm facing it, hell i'm looking straight at it, take me back now please!" she pleads, backing away from the heaps and piles of bodies before her
take a closer look at the bodies, lilith
she blinks, confused by the statement, but nevertheless she agrees to it. lilith takes a step forward and knelt down in front of one of the bodies, she pushes it a little to identify who they were
lilith's eyes widen and she screamed as she looked into the eyes of person. she staggers and falls to the ground, her body makes a soft splash against the pool of blood on the floor, she covers her mouth, and a dark red mark is smudged on her face
"k-klaus?" she whispers shakily, crawling back over to the body and brushing away his hair from his face "klaus..." she whimpers and holds him close "w-what happened?"
lilith looks over to the body next to him, the nimble, small and almost fragile corpse didn't need lilith to rush to check who it was for her to know
"v-vonnie?"
lilith looks up, and sees their bodies, the bodies of every one of her siblings piled together in the room
has your hunger been sated, lilith?
"congratulations, number eight" a voice lilith didn't expect to hear ever again boomed through the room. she didn't bother to turn her head, not wanting to meet his scowl
"but, i still long for the day you use your powers to its full potential" lilith does not reply, nor does she look at him. she shuts her eyes and pretends he was never there
"it's just a dream, it's just a dream"
lilith chants to herself, she tugs her arms in a sad attempt to calm herself. "this is not a dream, number eight. but i hope you take my words seriously; you and number four must stop holding back your powers"
"are you happy, lilith?" at the mention of her name, lilith looks up and meets the cold dead eyes of luther and all of her siblings standing beside him. they all looked terrible, their chests were ripped open and their organs were half eaten, lilith could imagine only the worst
"w-what?" she asks, still on her knees. cold blood dampens her hands and jeans, but she didn't care, no not at the moment
"you were never able to control the devil. we figured it was only a matter of time" allison steps forward and scowls at lilith, allison never looked at her like that, with so much hate "w-what...you think...i-i did this to you?!" she has never seen her siblings look at her coldly like this, with so mich hatred in their eyes
"i'm sorry, i'm s-so sorry" lilith whispers, kneeling before them as a way to beg for their forgiveness. she could smell the stench of the blood under her. her hair drenches itself in the blood, giving an almost crimson effect to it
"it should've been you that went in, not ben. if you did love him you would've been there when he died" the alternate diego spat, blood dripping from his mouth. lilith flinches and quickly tenses at his statement
"i was there! i was! i was right next to him when he died in the infirmary, i was there to hold his hand until i couldn't feel him holding mine anymore! i was there!" she yells out, "i was there, i was there..." she repeats the phrase, almost chanting it
you know, i expected your fear to be seeing yourself wearing crocs with socks and a mullet. but instead it was this, you fear your siblings hating you and losing control
lilith didn't reply, she just shut her eyes and prayed this fucked up nightmare away
after a few minutes of silence, lilith slowly opens her eyes and sees that the venue had changed. she was back at the academy, lilith sighs in relief. she looks over to a door and recognizes it as the bathroom
"alright, good it was just a dream" she looks down at her clothes, and it was drenched in blood just like in her nightmare. she tilts her head in confusion "but...what?" she is baffled by how unlogical the situation was
if it had been a nightmare, wouldn't she be in her bed? she decided to think about it later, lilith needed to scrub the blood off
before lilith's hand brushes the tip of the doorknob she hears the sound of whispering inside the bathroom. assuming it was klaus she doesn't bother to knock on the door, thinking he was just putting on makeup
"hey crazy, i'm going in" she says, but as she tries to turn the door knob, her hand phases right through. she gasps and takes a step back and stares at her hand "what the fuck?" she mutters
"ah shit, i'm a mess!" the voice on the other side exclaims. lilith's gaze returns to the door and she stares at it curiously
"that...voice" lilith trails off, she slowly approaches the door and hesitates to go inside, afraid to find out what was inside
but nevertheless, she braves it through and phases through the door like it was never there. she enters the room and sure enough, the person in the otherside was her
well atleast a younger version of her, the one who actually thought that plaid looked slimming on her. times have changed, and so did lilith's hairstyle, it was a fucking bird's nest for christ's sake
ah yes, your worst memory. i remember this one, do you?
"like it was yesterday" lilith replies, watching her younger self pace in front of the bathroom mirror nervously, lilith remembered this day because it was the day her whole world had stopped, as did her heart
"ben, i...i, i love you" the younger lilith stammers and stutters over her words, she runs a hand through her messy blonde hair and to lilith it was a miracle that it even went through to begin with
"damn it lilith, look at you; you're an ugly girl who eats people and is the epitome of social anxiety" the young lilith sighs and clutches the side of the sink
damn, who the hell made you have self esteem this dangerously low?
"i like to think it's my dad but i've recently realized that you are a top contender" lilith mutters, not taking her eyes off of her younger self
really? you just recently realized?
lilith rolls her eyes at that, continuing to listen to her younger self practice her confession to ben. if only she knew what was in store for the future, she'd tell him the minute they see each other
"ben, i lo-" the door suddenly swings open as both lilith's jump in shock. the door phases right through lilith and she lets out a sigh of relief, remembering that it was a memory. younger lilith however didn't seem as relieved as she was
"b-ben!" younger lilith exclaims in surprise. lilith looks up and sure enough her heart wrenches at the sight of ben. it hurt her so much to see him, it was the last time she and ben had a moment, and she wouldn't see him ever until the devil finally lets her die
"hey rose, i heard my name? what were you saying?" ben, sweet ben. charismatic, kind and lovable ben. her ben
he didn't deserve to die, it could've been lilith, satan knows that lilith lost her will to live so long ago, and yet death took away ben
has he always been this...pure? there's barely any trace of hate in his heart
lilith smiles gently and lets out a soft laugh "yup, that's ben alright"
the younger lilith stammers and nervously fidgets in front of him "i-i uhm...you know what it's nothing" young lilith waves him off and tries to move past him, but ben blocks her way and stares at her intently "no, you don't look fine, what's up?" he asks
ben had always been the sweetest person lilith knew, never hesitating to step in for the others when they needed help. but this memory will forever be engraved in her mind for being her biggest regret, not being able to tell him
young lilith takes a deep breath, and seemed to panic as ben raises the question. it was a memory, a thing of the past and something lilith could never change, and yet she hoped that her younger self would just swallow her pride and tell ben
but she didn't and lilith was not surprised
"ben, i...i lo..." lilith cringes as she watches her younger self struggle to get the words out, and she ultimately looked down at the floor not wanting to watch what came next
"i lost that book you lent me" younger lilith says quickly, trying to pry ben off of her back "i was too nervous to tell you"
wow you were smooth back then
lilith rolls her eyes at the devil's sarcastic comment "shut up"
ben's eyes widen at her answer but his shocked expression slowly faded away and was replaced by his smile. god his adorable smile
"oh, it's alright. it's just a book, i can ask mom for another one" young lilith smiles sheepishly as ben grabs her arm "come on! let's get ready for breakfast"
"s-sure"
"i'm confused, you said that i'd be facing my worst memory. this is just something i've regretted my whole life" lilith whispers to the devil
just wait, you'll see
the scene starts to ripple, and it changes to the living room, where young lilith was reading a book in peace while listening to vanya play the violin. lilith remembered this day, she had been injured from the last mission and was asked to stay back in the academy, she wasn't complaining. it had been those rare days where she wasn't forced to eat and she wouldn't have it any other way
but this day, this day was a slap to lilith's face. it hurt her so much to even think about this day, the day ben died
"mom? mom! help!" klaus' voice interrupts the tranquility of the room, vanya stopped mid song and young lilith looked up at a panicked klaus
"klaus? what-" klaus grabs her shoulders "where's mom?" he asks, looking terrified
young lilith stares at him with confusion until she sees mom and all her other siblings carrying a body. she did a head count, there was number one, two, three, four... where was six? where was ben?
young lilith feared the worst as klaus followed her gaze and saw that they had brought the person into the infirmary "lilith, come on" klaus grabs her arm and runs to the infirmary, lilith following behind him
"wait, where's ben?" young lilith asks, klaus doesn't reply, although he gives her a sad glance before turning back to the infirmary doors
lilith leans by the doorway, watching as her younger self approaches the infirmary searching for ben. she couldn't stand to watch it, and it hurt just listening to her siblings whimper and cry
"b-ben?" young lilith whispers, pushing through her siblings who stared at her sadly with teary eyes
"lilith, listen-" diego steps in front her as she reaches the infirmary bed, young lilith refuses to be held back and shoves diego away from her
it was a horrible sight, and that was saying something as lilith had seen bodies ripped open like paper, it wasn't as bad, but lilith felt like breaking down the moment she saw him
"oh my god, ben!" lilith watches as her younger self grabs his hand and held it tightly. watching herself breakdown in front of her family felt weird for her, it was a common occurence when she was younger that if she didn't cry people would know something's up. but after ben's funeral, the one she never went to, she moved out, not wanting her family to look at her with pity
"ben...please no, don't leave me please..." young lilith musters up what will she had within her to beg him not to go. ben looks up at her and meets her teary eyes, he gives her a weak smile
lilith lets out a shaky breath and looks away, not being able to watch the scene before her
young lilith lets out a sob as she clutches his hand close to her heart. oh how it must have hurt, lilith would certainly know
ben musters up the last of his strength to caress lilith's cheek and wipe off a stray tear that escaped from her eyes "rose...i..." he trails off, as did his heart beat
lilith watches in pain as all her siblings panic, luther had ran to get mom while the others stayed and weeped for ben who god had forsaken and weeped for poor pitiful lilith who had believed in happy endings. and poor pitiful lilith weeped and panicked as she felt ben's warmth suddenly disappear in a second
even as grace, pogo and reginald enter the room little lilith did not move from her position. grace hurriedly runs to ben with a defibrillator and activates it "he's flatlining sir" grace reports, looking up at reginald
"then do something about it! we cannot afford to lose him!" reginald shouts, almost worriedly. but lilith knew better than httto believe his tone, he showed as much emotion as a cold dead rotten cod fish
as grace prepares the defibrillator, she notices that lilith still clung to ben "lilith dear, please move"
lilith shakes her head and hugs ben, sobbing into his chest
young klaus walks up to lilith and places a hand on her shoulder "lilith-"
"shh...ben's resting" lilith whispers, stroking ben's cheek, clearly unable to process his silent demise. suddenly klaus gasps, lilith looks up and glares at him "klaus! ben's sleeping!" she exclaims as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake him up
young klaus pointed to the empty space near ben's bed. "b-but...he..." klaus whispers as a response, but he lowers his hand and starts to stare blankly at the empty space
lilith, who was still leaning by the door way watches the scene quietly "i've never looked back and wondered what was up with klaus that day"
i may have an idea
"and?"
i'll let you figure that part out
"clear!" grace states as she attempts to regain a heartbeat from ben, klaus quickly pulls lilith away from ben. lilith screams and struggles against his grip, she cries watching ben in pain "let me go!" she turns to glare at klaus and red suddenly flashes in her eyes as she faces him "let me go!" she repeats, and struggles some more
she almost broke free until luther and diego started holding her back as well, she was too weak and mentally exhausted to struggle some more, especially against all three of them
grace repeats the process a few more times, but the results came back the same as the first; nothing
she looks up at reginald sadly and shakes her head. she stares at her son sadly, one might say she would've cried, but she was a robot. grace covers ben's body with a blanket and reginald only sighs as he walks out of the room
as all of lilith's siblings begin to mourn and cry for the loss of their brother, young lilith stares blankly at the covered body before her
pogo wheels the body away, and lilith watches in utter defeat and helplessly struggles against her brothers' combined grip on her
"pogo? pogo! no he's still sleeping!" from the corner of her eye, lilith sees allison shake her head before wiping away the tears that cascaded doen her eyes
"mom! tell pogo to stop! ben is afraid of the dark!" as lilith continues to stuggle, grace watches the scene sadly before shaking her head in silence
"no, wait...ben's not...no" watching herself not being able to admit that ben was gone didn't make lilith hate her any less, in fact she may hate her even more
"stupid little bitch" lilith mutters, shaking her head
wow, sourpuss. hope you remember who that is
"all the more reason to call her that"
everyone stands in silence, lilith still replaying the events in her mind, unable to comprehend with what had just happened. klaus starts crying on lilith's shoulder, which was followed by allison and dieg, ultimately luther had succumbed to the tears and lastly vanya who had been watching everything from afar and was apparently next to lilith the whole time
damn, has she always been this quiet?
all her siblings started to hug lilith before they all cry together. all except for lilith, who looked indifferent, but really she was dying. they all hugged each other and lilith couldn't help vut feel empty
those weren't ben's hugs, and ben wasn't hugging her. ben wasn't even here
lilith didn't cry, no not even a single tear. she didn't go to his funeral, instead she stayed locked up in her room and moved out the day after the funeral, wanting to throw her past behind her and into the bin. how hilarious
and now lilith still refuses to shed a tear as she was forced to remember her worst memory
the scene ripples again and now they were in a different place, a red room. no bodies, no pungent smell of blood, just a red room
"what the hell is this now?" lilith asks, her arms crossed as she looks around the red room, trying to find some sort of clue to what was next
you're worst enemy
"who the hell do you think it is then?" she doesn't hear a reply from the devil, in fact she couldn't feel them anymore and lilith was worried "devil?" she calls out, not hearing a reply or a simple wave of emotion she starts to panic and grip her head
"devil?!" she repeats, once again she is met with a feeling of emptiness that she has never felt before, when ben died yes she felt empty, but this, this was so different
"where are you?!" she screams, falling to the ground and kneels, still unable to understand this engimatic feeling
"right here, lilith" lilith's head snaps up to look at the voice
in front of her, she sees herself, in her devil form, but with slight modifications. the lilith in front of her had feathered wings and a staff in hand. but what really caught her off guard was the black, this bitch was wearing black
it was then lilith came to realize, this wasn't her
this was the devil
lilith quickly gets on her feet as soon as devil stares at her in a way lilith used to stare at her victims before eating them
"so...this is what you look like?" lilith asks
the devil looks at her and smirks "this is what we look like"
"well then, aren't you going to kill me or something?" lilith asks, her arms crossed, waiting for the devil to simply rip her head off easy as that
the devil scoffs and shakes their head "oh lilith, killing you would be suicide" they look at lilith from head to toe and sighs
"no, when i said that you had to face your worst fear, memory and enemy, i meant that you just had to accept it all in order for you to complete the initiation"
"what exactly happens after the initiation, if i complete it?" lilith asks
"simple, you return to the academy and become whole. but if you fail, you die, and so far you've been breezing through everything, most would've killed themselves by now" the devil smiles, but lilith could see that it was a simple mask that hid one true emotion; fear
lilith didn't know why they were scared, only that something was going to happen. lilith eyes the devil up and down and shakes her head "you'd look good in pink you know" the devil lets out a laugh "you're just saying that because you can't stand to watch yourself wear black"
"well, you're not me" lilith says, her eyes wandering around the room to check
"really? you're a smart girl lilith, why won't you just admit it?" the devil complains, crossing their arms. at that, lilith rolls her eyes "admit what?" she asks
the devil growls "that we are one!" "no we are not! you have your own mind, i have mine! you want to eat people and i don't!"
the devil sighs and shakes their head, they approach lilith and strokes her cheek lovingly "lilith oh lilith, you know just as much as i do that deep down i was never the devil, it was you"
lilith pushes them away from her and turns away from them, refusing to meet their eyes. from behind her, the devil sighs "lilith, i'll be straightforward with you; i' want to rest and be at peace. when i still lived in hell, i hated that place and wanted to escape from ruling it. but then on october 1st 1989 you were born alongside many other extraordinary children, next thing i knew you and i became the same, it was then i realized that you could be everything i never could have"
lilith feels the devil's arms around her waist and lilith lets out a shaky breath "i realized that i had to put up with you and watch you grow. i thought you were the most annoying creature in the universe, but then you started to open my eyes to the beautiful aspects of life that i never thought existed" the devil lets out a chuckles, but lilith is silenced, curious to hear out what comes next
"everytime reginald would speak to you harshly i would get angry, but i would bottle it all up. i never wanted you to get hurt, and that day when he introduced you to the room it awakened my hunger and i couldn't control myself. i was hungry lilith, and to this day i regret losing control and forcing you to gorge on those bodies. you were so young and you didn't deserve it"
the devil was met with lilith's silence again, but she had melted into the devil's embrace and stayed quiet and listened to their words
"as i watched you grow up, you made me feel proud, disappointed, angry, sad, happy and grateful. i would never had admitted it to myself years ago, but it killed me every time you said you hated me, i didn't know why but it hurt so much, but i would quickly brush it off as soon as i hear you laugh. i would trade my soul over and over again if it meant that you'd live a happy life"
the devil rests their forehead against lilith's back, still hugging her tight "and you made the devil do the impossible, lilith rose hargreeves"
"which was?" lilith asks, turning her head slightly to look at the devil "you made me care for you"
that line hit lilith's heart hard, she never even once put into thought that the devil may have had these feelings, these maternal/paternal instincts "is that why you never let me go through with my suicide attempts? it wasn't because you needed my body to reside in? but the reason was because-"
"because i love you, lilith. and as much as i would insult you and call you these names, i will never even think of standing by and watch you try to kill yourself" the devil states, lilith hears a slight cry in their voice, but she didn't really know what to make of it "a woman may have birthed you, reginald may have adopted you, grace may have raised you, but please know that i have been with you since day one"
lilith shuts her eyes and turns around immediately, she hugs the devil she had oh so hated all these years, she had never put into consideration the one who had always been with her from the start "i'm sorry" lilith whispers, the devil's body tenses but they slowly relax and melt into the gentle embrace
"and now, the initiation is complete. you've defeated me lilith, no you've defeated yourself, i know that it is hard to grasp; but you never needed me, i was just the voice in your head telling you to eat people. you are the devil" the devil lets go of lilith and kneels in front of her
"now, lilith please. grant me mercy and bring me peace"
lilith had expected a great battle between her and some monster, but here she was, her monster had knelt before her and begged for mercy. but lilith wasn't sure if she was ready to grant it just yet
"wait no... you're asking me to kill you" lilith places a hand over mouth and stares at the devil, the devil nods sadly "i'll do it, but please promise me that you'll come back. i can't live without you" lilith whimpers, and yet no tears come out
the devil gives her a sad smile "i'll come back" they whisper, the devil turns to look at the ground again, but this time lilith was hovering over them
she closes her eyes and transforms into her devil form, but without the actual devil with her, she felt free and unchained for some odd reason
lilith didn't understand what was happening, but a huge surge of power waves through her body, she then starts to learn things she felt she already knew by nature, so many spells, so many curses, so much power
lilith was still reeling from this new surge of power that she does not hear the ugly snap
and with a blink of an eye, the devil's head had been ripped off from their body and lilith didn't get to see the devil smile at her one last time because of the bright flash of light that blinded her
see you in hell kiddo
lilith didn't reply, her eyesight finally readjusts to dark setting of her room. she was back at the academy, and she was all alone
WOW I SAID THERE WOULD BE ANGST THIS CHAPTER BUT IT'S JUST A LOAD OF CRAP. BUT ANYWAY NEXT CHAPTER WE RETURN TO THE PLOT AND YEAH
4000+ WORDS THAT'S RIGHT