"I don't know how it got out!" Newt screamed as he threw his bag against the tour bus wall. They left the taco place right after. "It was months ago!"
"We can find out who took it. We-we can do something about this," Teresa said as she pulled at her hair.
"You heard him! Janson said we're done if people find out!" Newt made a frustrated noise and kicked the couch.
Thomas felt something weird twist in his stomach as he stood up and crossed his arms. "You know what Newt, why does it fucking matter?"
"Because we're gonna get taken off the tour!" he snapped back. "You don't get that?"
Thomas clenched his fists. "Sorry that some fucking tour is worth more than people knowing you're dating me."
Newt frowned hard. "That's not it and you know it."
"No it is!" Thomas yelled. He could feel himself getting worked up, everything he'd been wanting to say over the weeks finally pouring out. Teresa sat down, keeping quiet. "You can't just grow a pair of fucking balls and stand up to Janson! You got crazy jealous over me dating Teresa, a fake relationship you forced me into! You made me do this Newt, you did and I hated it but I did it for you."
"Thomas how is that relevant right now?! I know you hate it, I do too, we fought about this before why are we doing it again?" Newt looked pissed, if Thomas himself wasn't so angry he would have found Newt's posture hot.
"Because you can't do this one thing for me!" Thomas felt a huge weight off his chest when the words left his lips. "I-I did everything you asked me to! I held Teresa's hands, I looked at her the way I look at you, I always had my arm around her. I played the good fucking boyfriend to a girl I don't love so I could be with you. I mean fuck Newt all of this, all of this effort was for you and you can't do one thing in return for me."
"Don't even say it's because I don't love you," Newt hissed at him. His eyes were rimmed red. "Don't you even bloody say that Thomas Edison because that's not true."
"Then grow a pair of fucking balls Newt! Tell Janson we're not playing this stupid game anymore. Everyone knows we're dating so what? They already support us anyways!"
"You don't get it Thomas!" Newt yelled back. Thomas heard the tour bus door close, he assumed that Minho and Teresa left.
"Tell me exactly what I don't get!" Thomas demanded. His skin was hot, he was so mad he could barely focus. "Lay it all out for me Newt, go ahead, tell me exactly what I just keep failing to understand."
"This! All this!" Newt pulled at his hair as he wiped away the hot tears on his cheeks. "This is my dream Tommy. This is what I want to be doing everyday for the rest of my life. The tour, the shows, the autographs, my guitar, this is what I'm supposed to do! This is the only thing I'm good at. T-this is what my life is going to be because this is who I am! You can't try and change that!"
Thomas was crying now too, he could feel it, he could feel the wetness on his face. "I'm not in it then huh?"
"What?"
"This future you see yourself in, I'm not in it."
"I never said that!" Newt snapped back. "You're still not understanding!"
Thomas let out a frustrated noise. "Dating is a two way thing Newt. We're supposed to do things for each other. It doesn't work if it's only going one way!"
"You can't make me pick!" Newt was basically screaming now. "You can't make me pick between you and this."
Thomas threw his arms up in exasperation. "You can't keep putting the tour over me Newt. I get it, it's important to you, but I'm not doing this any longer, I'm not pretending Teresa is my fucking girlfriend any longer. I can't do it Newt. I can't. I'm living a fucking lie. I'm in the closet again because of stupid old homophobic fucker." Thomas let out a breath as he pushed his hair from a face. "Maybe I shouldn't have even come at all."
"D-don't say that," Newt's voice cracked. "It's not fair."
"It's not fair? Really Newt. It's not fair for you. I'm lying to everybody! That's what isn't fair. I'm lying to everybody because my boyfriend is too fucking scared to stand up to his manager."
Newt pulled his mouth into a tight line. "Fuck you."
Thomas scoffed. "Fuck you." Thomas grabbed his coat off the couch, wiping his cheeks hard. "You know what, talk to me when you figure out what you want." He stormed off of the bus, slamming the door as hard as he could behind him.
Teresa and Minho were out there, sitting in the parking lot. Their heads snapped up when they saw Thomas.
"Hey are you ok-"
Thomas just shook his head, sitting down and pulling his kneecaps to his chest. He started sobbing into them, ugly hard open mouthed crying.
"I got Newt," Minho said as he got up and headed towards the bus.
Teresa carefully scooted next to him, gently putting her arm around his shoulders. "You're okay," she said softly. "It's going to be okay."
Thomas shook his head and just cried harder. He was hiccuping into his jeans, his arms trembling slightly.
"I-I wanna go home," Thomas said as he lifted his head slightly and wiped his running nose. "I don't want to be here anymore I want to go home."
"How about we don't make any decisions tonight?" Teresa asked softly as she ran her fingers through the hair on the back of his head. It was soothing and it felt nice.
"Why can't he just tell everyone?" Thomas asked as he let out another muffled sob. "It's so fucking stupid!"
"We're not gonna talk about Newt," Teresa said as she abandoned his hair to hook an arm around him. "Let's focus on you right now."
Thomas looked up at her with his tear stained face. "Am I being unreasonable?"
Teresa shook her head, pulling her sleeve down over her hand and gently wiping his cheeks with it. "You're not being unreasonable, but you're upset right now so let's not get you more worked up okay?"
"I don't want to sleep with him tonight," Thomas said as his lower lip trembled.
"Okay, you can sleep in mine or I can set up the couch really nice for you."
"I'll sleep on the couch," Thomas said, his voice coming out hoarse from all the crying.
"Okay." Teresa ruffled his hair gently. "You know I love you right? No matter what?"
Thomas nodded, letting her pull him into a half hug.
"It's hard for him too," Teresa said softly.
Thomas bit his lip, not trusting himself to respond. Teresa was his friend, his good friend, but she was also Newt's. He couldn't go off on a rant about how stupid the blonde boy was to her, it wouldn't be fair.
"T," Minho said as he came out into the parking lot. "We gotta go."
Teresa looked up. "Newt's playing the show?"
Minho nodded.
"Janson will be there."
"He knows," Minho said.
Teresa ruffled Thomas' hair again, pressing a soft kiss into it before patting his back. "Get some rest, drink some water."
Thomas nodded and stood up with the girl. Minho pulled him into a short hug.
"This isn't either of your faults," Minho said as he gently squeezed Thomas' bicep. He turned to Teresa again. "I called an Uber, they'll take us right to the stadium."
Teresa nodded. "Okay, I'll be ready."
Thomas went back onto the bus then, sitting on the couch and pulling the blanket around himself. He watched Newt leave. He saw his red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. When the three left for the show it was quiet. Thomas decided to go on social media. The video was everywhere. It was on twitter, it was on instagram, it was on tumblr and even a gossip news page. He found himself clicking on the video, he felt himself smiling softly as he watched Newt put his hand on his cheek again. He looked so scared. He remembered how it felt, how Newt's mouth felt against his. He remembered how his heart was beating so loud he could practically hear it. He opened up snapchat next, clicking on the most recent saved video. It was of Newt, he was standing in front of him, texting something. Thomas saw his own hand reach out and pull Newt down, pulling the blonde boy onto his lap. Newt fake frowned at him. "What was that for?" Thomas flipped the camera then and tugged him down to kiss him. Newt smiled against his lips, cupping his face in both his hands. The video ended then. He scrolled onto the next one, feeling the hot tears on his cheeks then. The next one was a picture, it was of Newt with his shirt off holding up the middle finger and Thomas put heart eye emojis on it. There were more videos, ones of Newt refusing to use the snap filter Thomas was trying to get him to do because he just wanted to kiss. There were stupid selfies, weird videos, pictures of them that Minho took and sent to them. Thomas felt his heart ache more. He turned off his phone and pulled the blanket up tighter to his chest. He felt more confused than before. He didn't know what he wanted.
He fell asleep a few minutes later, he was still sleeping when the three came back. He missed the way Newt lagged behind the other two and pulled Thomas' blankets better around him before pressing a soft kiss to his head. He didn't hear him mutter "goodnight Tommy" and he didn't notice the way Newt went to bed with a broken heart.
The morning was worse. Everything was tense and awkward. Thomas woke up with a stiff back from the couch, his body ached and his stomach hurt from the night before.
He was brushing his teeth when Newt came up behind him and leaned against the doorframe. "Wanna talk?"
Thomas turned around, toothpaste dripping on his chin. "Can you give me a second?"
Newt nodded before leaving. Thomas' heart was pounding as he spit into the sink and rinsed his mouth out. When Thomas went back out Newt was sitting on the couch with his hands clasped together. He looked spacy, like he was there but his mind was somewhere else.
"Are we gonna start screaming at each other again because if that's the case we should probably leave before we traumatize Minho and Teresa again."
Newt shook his head. "We're not gonna scream Tommy, we're gonna talk."
Thomas hesitantly sat down across from him. "Okay, let's talk then."
"Janson said we have to make a public announcement."
Thomas felt his heart lighten at that. "That we're together?"
Newt bit his lip before shaking his head. "That we did it because it was a kiss cam, that it didn't mean anything."
There was the anger again, it was bubbling up in his chest already. "And you agreed?"
"He said he would drop us otherwise, not just from the tour." Newt let out a breath as he pulled on his hair. "Look Tommy-"
Thomas scowled at him. "Don't call me that."
Newt flinched at that. "O-okay. I can't do that to Minho and Teresa, I can't get our whole career thrown out because of this stupid fucking video."
"It wasn't a stupid video," Thomas said softly. "It was our first kiss, it meant something to me."
"You think it didn't mean anything to me?" Newt shook his head. "I don't know how else I can make you see how much I care about you."
"You could tell people we're dating."
Newt sighed.
Thomas willed himself to stay calm. "I thought about it Newt. I'm done being your dirty secret behind closed doors, if you don't want to tell them, then that's it."
Newt's expression fell at that. "That means what I think it does?"
Thomas nodded, his eyes stung with tears. "Yeah."
"Can you at least tell me you know that I love you. Please?" Newt's voice cracked on the last word.
Thomas wanted to scream. He felt like he was in the middle of a bad dream and no matter how hard he pinched himself, he wasn't going to wake up.
"I love you," Thomas said. "I do Newt, but not like this. I loved us before we had to hide. I loved the stupid dates and the late nights. I loved seeing you with your cats, I loved driving with you. I loved being with you." Thomas wiped his eyes. "I can't be with you like this. I'm not happy hiding."
Newt opened his mouth to say something before he stopped and let out a long breath. "Okay."
"Really? That's all you have to say."
"What else do you want Thomas?" Newt looked at him then, their tear filled eyes meeting each others. "I'm not going to force you into this any longer."
Thomas blinked, feeling the build up in his eyes go down his cheeks. "Okay. That's it then."
"I guess go," Newt said as he clasped his hands together again. He let out a half hearted laugh. "Well this fuckin sucks."
Thomas didn't know how to respond so he just bit his lip, trying to will himself to stop crying.
"I'll get you a plane ticket," Newt said as he stood up. "Try to get you out as early as possible. Janson will cover it." Newt pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.
Before Thomas could think he was standing up and facing him. "Newt, don't."
Newt scoffed as he pulled out a stick and grabbed his lighter. "Fuck off Thomas, you're not my boyfriend anymore."
Thomas felt his stomach drop as he watched Newt walk off the tour bus. He could see him out the window, he could see him lighting the stick, holding it up to his lips and the tip turning red as he sucked in. He watched him blow the smoke from his lips before wiping his eyes hard.
"Everything okay?" Teresa asked softly as she emerged from the back of the bus. "It got quiet out here, I assumed you were either making out or it wasn't good."
"We broke up," Thomas said, his voice coming out soft and cracked.
Teresa's expression softened. "You did?"
"I dumped him," Thomas said again. The words felt like poison on his tongue.
Teresa looked like she was holding back words, probably for the better.
"Don't worry," Thomas said harshly as he crossed his arms. "I won't be here much longer."
Teresa let out a breath. "You're not gonna like-?"
Thomas felt like she just slapped him in the face. "Tell? Are you fucking kidding me Teresa?! You're worried about me telling when I just broke up with the boy I'm head over heels in love with because he won't just grow a fucking pair of balls and love me back?!"
"That's not what I meant," Teresa said, her expression growing cold.
"You're all insane," Thomas spat as he clenched his fists.
"All I did was help!" Teresa was looking at him with pure shock. "You're gonna yell at me for helping?!"
Thomas was crying again. He was upset and angry and he probably shouldn't have been having this conversation right now. "I shouldn't have even came here."
Teresa pulled her mouth into a tight frown. "You know what, maybe you shouldn't have."
Janson drove him to the airport the next morning. Thomas didn't say goodbye to any of them, he just packed his bag and left. He could tell how happy the man was to see him leave. He looked almost cheerful as he drove the black car to drop Thomas off at the airport. Thomas just stared out the window the whole ride, not saying a word.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out," Janson said suddenly.
Thomas scoffed. "Shut up."
"You're going to keep quiet about this though right?"
Thomas rolled his eyes. "Yes, don't worry I won't ruin your fucked up plans."
Janson nodded, seemingly satisfied as he pulled into the airport parking lot. "Here you are."
"Thanks," Thomas muttered as he opened the car door.
"Thomas?" Janson said as he was getting out.
"Yeah."
The man smiled. "Have a safe flight."
Thomas held his middle finger out at him as he got his bags and started towards the airport. Going through security felt like a blur, his eyes still stung and he knew that he looked like shit. He put his headphones in when he was waiting at his gate. He turned the volume all the way up, staring blankly at the floor.
He texted Rosie that morning, telling her that he was coming home. There was a string of sixteen texts from her that he hadn't bothered to read yet and probably about five missed calls. He clutched his plane ticket in his hand, trying to focus on something other than the situation he was dealing with.
He hadn't heard from Teresa or Minho, he knew they were kinda pissed at him but at the same time he was still pissed at Newt.
Thomas let out a sigh as he ran his hands over his face. How did it all get fucked up so fast? The happiest moment in his life quickly turned out to be the thing that ruined them. Thomas looked up as they called his flight, he walked zombie-like onto the plane. On the plane he leaned his head against the window, he tried not to cry in front of the random strangers but when Wonderwall came onto his playlist, he started crying into the sleeve of his shirt. He was forever grateful that the lady next to him didn't say anything, but he totally noticed when she slipped him her bag of peanuts.
Thomas changed his lockscreen with a heavy heart, it was a picture of Newt sleeping on his shoulder. He couldn't stand to look at it. He knew he did it for the right reasons, he knew what he did was right, but as he looked out the plane window he couldn't help feel like he made a mistake.