Kinabukasan matapos matanggap ang tawag ni Ivy ay kaagad na lumuwas ng Quezon si Aya. The designer took a three-days leave from work. Buti nalang at wala silang masyadong hectic na project ngayon.
Driving to the destination, Aya let the window of her car open; her long wavy hair was swaying by the strong wind but Aya didn't care. All she could think of was Yuna --- why the woman was doing this to her over and over again? Was she not good enough? Saan ba siya nagkulang? Iyon ang mga tanong na paulit-ulit na nagre-replay sa utak ni Aya.
Getting betrayed for the first time was painful enough, being betrayed for the second time is worst, and being betrayed for the third time? - it's hell.
There's a constant pain in Aya's chest and tears were falling occasionally on her beautiful face. The designer was tempted a lot of times to just bump her car on the other moving vehicles or the trees she would pass, because of agony.
Overcome by the emotions, Aya angrily wiped her tears and speed fast, then suddenly... stepped the brake, tires screeching and producing a mass of smoke on the process. Luckily, there was no car approaching nearby so she didn't get on an accident.
"Ahhh! Yuna, you piece of shit! Why! Why! Why!" Aya screamed while hitting the steering wheel hard with both hands, continuously. The designer's face was bathed in tears, chest heaving fast after the outburst.
It took Aya a few moments to compose herself.
When Aya regained herself, she took the wheel again and drive. Ivy was waiting for her at the resort. The journalist said that Yuna was there. Nagkataon kasing ang resort din na iyon ang ginagawan nito ng article. Ivy was a travel journalist. Pagdating ni Aya ay nakaabang na si Ivy sa gate.
Ivy was standing confidently on the side. The journalist looked mesmerizing, if not only for the deep frown engraved on her forehead.
Agad na lumapit si Ivy pagkatigil ni Aya ng sasakyan. Gumawi ang journalist sa passenger side ng kotse at pumasok.
"Hey... ", bati ni Ivy.
Tinanguan lang ni Aya ang kaibigan bilang ganti. Itinuon na muli sa harapan ang tingin. The designer was tired from the long journey, not to mention her bitter mood.
"They were still inside," Ivy informed "but you should rest first. I have a cottage house, it's good for two persons."
"No, I want to see them," agad na tutol ni Aya. Her eyes were swollen from the crying "I want this to get over with, now," she added, not looking at her friend beside her.
Ivy hesitated. "But you're not in the condition. You're tired and probably emotionally-drained. You should rest first. I heard they're going to stay for another two days. So, you have enough time to confront them."
Tears began pooling again from Aya's eyes upon hearing that. It had been three days since Yuna was away at ang sabi ni Ivy ay dalawang araw na daw ang mga ito sa resort. And now...
Aya began to feel rage. She shook her head vigorously and finally looked at Ivy. "No. I don't think I'd ever be in the right condition. The longer it takes, the more it's driving me crazy. I'd probably be gone mad any minute by now. I want to see them!"
"But, Aya..." Ivy tried to reason out but was cut off.
"Please, Ivy... Gusto ko na matapos 'to..." pakiusap ni Aya.
Ivy released a sigh. Napahinuhod nalang din ang journalist. "Fine. Ipasok mo na muna ang kotse. Three houses to the left is my cottage. Iwanan na muna natin ang mga gamit mo doon."
Aya then drive to where Ivy pointed. They got there in no time.
"Are you ready?" Ivy asked.
Napalingon si Aya rito. Bakas ang pag-aalala sa mukha ng journalist. Dinuduyan ng malakas na hangin ang mahaba at kulot-kulot nitong buhok. Maganda si Ivy. Morena. Iyong tipong kinuhuhumalingan ng mga foreigner.
Aya released a sigh. "Yes," halos pabulong na anas niya. Namumula na ang mga mata ng designer dahil sa pag-iyak. Ramdam ni Aya ang pamamaga ng mga iyon, maging ng ilong at bibig niya. "Let's find them," aniyang nagpatiuna na sa paglalakad.
Aya was met with the strong breeze coming from the ocean and she welcomed it. The designer closed her eyes briefly and savored the calming effect it brings. The floral sundress she was wearing was being carried by the wind, so she held it on the side. Ivy was following close behind. The journalist was wearing something similar to Aya, but it looks like it was smeared by paint.
They trudged on the sandy shore, both eyes wandering and looking for the familiar auburn-blond haired woman. A lot of tourists was scattered on the beach. The two squinted their eyes and scanned the crowd for the cheating bitch .
They couldn't find them. Ivy and Aya arrived at the most deserted part of the resort. Mayroong mangilan-ngilang liqour shops sa paligid. Maaga pa naman kaya wala pang gaanong tao sa parteng ito.
"I wonder where those two snakes are," may bahid ng pagkayamot sa boses na wika ni Ivy.
Aya turned to the journalist.
Ivy looked back at Aya apologetically.
"Where have you seen them, before?" Unaffected na tanong ni Aya. The designer was starting to feel numb. Ang gusto lang niya ay makita ng sariling mga mata ang kataksilan ni Yuna.
"Saw them swimming, once. Then at the dance party last night."
Aya nodded her head. She pointed at the nearest shop. "Why don't we try there?"
Naglakad na ang dalawa palapit doon. Medyo may kalakihan ang liqour shop na ito. It has a bamboo exterior. Tinanguan lang sila ng guard bago pumasok. It looks classy inside. Modern ang mga equipments sa loob but still mixed with bamboos. Buhangin lang ang flooring pero may isa pang floor sa itaas. Naaaninag nila ang tila stage sa pinaka center part nito.
Nadako ang tingin ng dalawa sa bar.
There they are... Sitting on the stool was Yuna. The red-head was wearing a two-piece red bikini. A scarf was tied on Yuna's waist to cover her lower body. Yuna's hair was tied up in her usual high pony. And beside her was... Mike. The man was wearing an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and matching shorts. The two are engrossed in a conversation. But what made Aya see red ay ang kamay ni Mike na nakalingkis sa baywang ni Yuna. Halos magkadikit na din ang mga katawan ng mga ito. They were sipping what looked like an alcohol and the two looked tipsy kahit katirikan palang ng araw.
What happened next had blown Aya's mind and just like last time...
As if watching a movie screen --- Aya's world stopped. Only the movie is playing.
In the movie was Yuna --- leaning forward and capturing Mike's lips, and giving him the kind of kiss Aya thought was only meant for her. It was passionate and slow.
Beside Aya... Ivy gasped loudly. The journalist was about to walk towards the still kissing couple when Aya grabbed her hand. Naguguluhang napatitig si Ivy sa kaibigan. Aya, eyes flowing with tears, shook her head at the journalist. Lalong kumunot ang noo ni Ivy.
Yuna and Mike were still oblivious by their presence. Hindi pa kasi sila tuluyang nakakapasok at nasa bandang gilid pa rin malapit sa entrada ng shop.
Hinila na ni Aya ang kamay ng kaibigan. Ivy was about to protest pero nahila na siyang palabas ni Aya.
"What the hell, Aya! Are you just gonna let them off the hook?" Nanggagalaiting tanong ni Ivy. Kung kanina ay siya ang natatakot na baka magwala si Aya at sugurin ang dalawa, ngayon ay siya naman ang gustong-gustong saktan ang mga ito. "Ano ba? Hindi mo ba sila susugurin? Hindi mo ba sila kokomprontahin? Akala ko ba gusto mo nang matapos ang paghihirap mo? You are just prolonging it sa ginagawa mo," Di pa rin makapaniwalang tanong ni Ivy.
Napailing-iling lang si Aya habang tahimik na umiiyak. "I wanted to hurt them, believe me. I hated being played like this. Pero... " she paused then look at her friend again "Natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na tuluyan na siyang mawala sa akin." Patuloy ang pagdaloy ng luha sa kanyang mukha "Ivy... I'm in this too deep. Hindi ko kaya," Aya said while shaking her head. "Hindi ko kayang harapin ang katotohanan." Aya's chest felt like it was being pricked by thousands of needles. "Kung si Yuna ang magsasabi sa akin na ayaw na niya, dun ko lang siya ile-let go. But, not like this..."
Hindi makapaniwala si Ivy sa naririnig mula sa kaibigan. Baliw ba ito? "Aya, Are you mad? Gugustuhin mo pa ring makisama sa cheating bitch na 'yan???" The journalist pointed inside the shop. Kahit hindi naman kita mula doon ang dalawa. "She has been playing you all along. Ilang beses na ba niyang nagawa 'to sa'yo? At nakakasiguro ako na hindi ito ang huli. Kaya kung anuman iyang nararamdaman mo, you need to stop. She doesn't deserve it!" Ivy said frustratingly. Di naman niya malaman kung bakit nagpapakatanga pa dito ang kaibigan niya.
"I-i'm just... I'm tired vee.." Aya's body was shaking at patuloy ang paghikbi "I-i c-can't ---"
Hindi na naituloy pa ni Aya ang sasabihin dahil bigla nalang itong bumulagta sa buhanginan at nawalan ng malay.
"Aya!" Pumunit sa katahimikan ng dagat ang sigaw ni Ivy. The journalist didn't come on time para saluhin si Aya. "Shit! Shit!" Ivy picked the girl's head and put it over her lap. Pinakiramdaman ang dibdib ng designer. "Oh. Thank god," tila nabunutan ng tinik na sabi ni Ivy nang marinig na normal naman ang tibok ng puso nito. Nagpalinga-linga siya at naghanap ng puwedeng tumulong. Lumabas na din pala ang guard ng liqour shop at nilapitan sila.
"Ma'am, ano hong nangyari?" The guard inquired.
"Hindi ko rin alam. Bigla nalang siyang nawalan ng malay. Can you help me? Find someone who can carry her to our cottage," natataranta pa ring sagot ni Ivy.
Sumunod naman ang guwardiya at kinuha ang radyong nakasukbit sa baywang.
----
Samantala...
Inside the liqour shop ay bigla namang napakalas si Yuna mula kay Mike. Para kasing nakarinig siya ng sigaw at naulinagan niya ang pangalan ni Aya. Pero imposible naman yun. She left Aya in Manila. Yuna started to feel remorse towards Aya.
"Hey... Are you okay?" Nagtataka namang tanong ni Mike, his forehead creased.
Napatingin si Yuna sa guwapo nitong mukha. She shook her head at nag-focus nalang sa kasama niya. Yuna raised her hand and cupped Mike's stubbled face. The red-head pecked his lips and smiled at him despite being guilty upon remembering Aya. "I'm fine."
She just loved this man...
----
Mabuti na lang at nakatawag agad ng tulong ang guard kanina. May mga lifeguards na nagroronda sa area kaya agad silang nakarating ng cottage house. Wala pa ring malay ang designer. Dahil umano sa over-fatigue kaya ito hinimatay sabi ng tumingin dito kanina. Hinuha niya ay wala itong tulog kagabi sa kakaisip kasabay pa ng napakaagang pagbyahe nito kanina mula sa Caloocan at dere-deretso ng Quezon. Kasama na rin ang emotional breakdown nito dahil sa nasaksihan.
Awang-awa si Ivy sa kaibigan. Pinaturukan na rin niya ito ng sedative para makapagpahinga na muna. Baka kasi pilitin na nitong umuwi agad kapag nagising. Kung ano pa ang mangyari dito.
Napapabuntung-hininga nalang si Ivy habang pinagmamasdan ang nahihimbing na designer.
Gabi na nang bumalik ang diwa ni Aya. Nagtaka siya noong una nang mamulatan ang hindi pamilyar na paligid. Natanaw ng designer mula sa siwang ng bintana ang dagat, at unti-unting bumalik sa kanya ang lahat. Nagsimula na namang maglandas ang luha sa kanyang mga mata.
'Yuna... Bakit? Bakit? Saan ba ako nagkulang?' Hinagpis niya sa kanyang isipan. Makailang beses na niyang naitanong sa sarili ang mga iyon pero wala siyang makuhang sagot.
Siya namang pagpasok ni Ivy sa kuwarto. "Hey..." bati kay Aya sa nakikisimpatyang tono. Lumapit ito at naupo sa gilid ng kama. Inabot ng journalist ang kamay ni Aya at pinisil. "How are you feeling?"
Aya looked at her friend with sorrowful eyes and answered, "I was feeling like my heart has been shattering into million pieces. Like it was stomped by multiple horses." Aya chuckled dryly. "I really don't know if my heart would ever survive after this. I was beginning to think... What if everything she ever showed me were all just a hoax? What if her love was never been real? Okay lang eh... Okay lang naman na ginawa niya 'to basta ba... Basta ba talagang minahal niya 'ko. Basta ba hindi iyon pretension lang. I can handle it. I can handle even if she cheated on me. Basta ba sa huli ako ang uuwian niya. Pathetic na kung pathetic. But I can't lose her. I just can't," desperation can be heard in Aya's voice. Ngayon ay naiintindihan na ng designer kung bakit may mga taong nagpapakatanga sa pag-ibig.
Ivy shook her head at Aya. "You can't go on like this, Aya. Sa una palang hindi na siya naging totoo sa'yo. At hanggang ngayon pinapasakay ka pa rin niya sa mga kasinungalingan niya," madiing turan ng journalist. Hawak nang mahigpit ang kamay ng kaibigan. Shaking her head, "I am foreseeing where and how this would end," Ivy said. Fear can be seen on the journalist' dark eyes. "Take it from my experience, Aya. Remember, I told you, I have been there before. This is exactly how it was," pagbabalik-tanaw ni Ivy. The pain from the past coming back to her. A distant look was in the journalist' eyes. "And I was like you back then --- too afraid to let go and be left behind. So, I cling on. But on the process I didn't notice that I was throwing pieces of me, leaving me completely ruined. And at the end, he wasn't there to fix me." She then turned to look at Aya again. "Ikaw lang ang matatalo, Aya. Huwag kang masanay sa ganitong set-up. Yuna was aware that she was ruining you pero ginagawa pa rin niya. How then, would she pick you when you completely lost it? No, she will just leave you behind. Or feed you with some more lies furthering the damage."
"No..." iling niya. "Hindi ko kaya, Ivy. I love her. I love her so much," tutol ni Aya. Patuloy pa rin sa pag-agos ang masaganang luha sa mga mata niya.
Ivy briefly closed her eyes and let go of Aya's hand. "Gods, Aya. Stop being so stubborn. I'm telling you, walang pupuntahan 'to. Sasaktan mo lang ang sarili mo. Marami ka pang mahahanap diyan. Hindi lang siya ang babae sa mundo. You deserve someone better and not a cheater like her!" May bahid na ng galit na saad ni Ivy. Tumayo na ito sa pagkakaupo mula sa kama.
Napaangat naman si Aya mula sa kama. Itinukod ang dalawang kamay sa likod. She felt so weak but still tried to sit. Ibinaba niya sa paanan ng kama ang mga paa. The designer fidgeted her hands. Head low, "I still want to give her a chance. Maybe she's still just confuse. Nakita ko kung gaano siya naghirap noon, pero pinandigan niya pa rin ako laban sa pamilya niya." Iniangat muli ang mukha kay Ivy. "She had chosen me once, maybe now she will still choose me," Aya defended. The designer was justifying Yuna's actions.
Nakapamaywang na naglakad-lakad si Ivy. Napahilamos ng kamay sa mukha. "Hindi mo alam ang ginagawa mo, Aya. Kung palagi mo nalang ito-tolerate ang kalukuhan niya, hinding-hindi ka na talaga makakalabas pa diyan. You're just digging your own hell, deeper. And you are letting her toy you. And that's what will you be to her. A toy," the journalist said the last word, firmly. "Even if she tells you she loves you," sabi pa. "Dahil kung totoong mahal mo ang isang tao... hindi mo siya lulukuhin ng paulit-ulit, hindi mo siya pagtataksilan ng paulit-ulit. Think again, Aya. Huwag kang magpakatanga sa kanya," Ivy said, dauntily. The journalist knew that she was being harsh on her friend. Pero walang ibang paraan para matauhan ang designer. Magagaya lang ito sa kanya na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin makabangon. Ivy didn't want Aya to go through that too. Back then, she had no friend para untugin ang ulo niya at magising. At ngayon... Siya ang uuntog kay Aya kung kinakailangan.
"I know na nagmamalasakit ka lang para sa 'kin. Pero... Gusto ko pa siyang ipaglaban. Ayokong bumitaw agad na hindi ko ginawa ang lahat para manatili siya. Ayokong sa huli ay may pagsisihan ako dahil hindi ko siya binigyan ng chance para patunayan ang sarili niya. Ivy... I'm willing to take the risk. Contrary to what you believe, I think she deserves it. I've seen her in the lowest point of her life. She had been through a lot too. She can change," Aya said with conviction in her voice. Malayo na rin ang narating ng pagsasamahan nila ni Yuna. She can still go on.
Ivy looked at her friend with pity. Teary-eyed, she said, "That. That has been my reason too. But look at where I am now," the journalist gestured at herself, bitterly "I may not look like it, but I'm barely holding on. I tried to take my life multiple times para matakasan na yung sakit." Lumapit siya kay Aya at lumuhod sa harapan ng designer hub "I don't want you to go through that, Aya. You are a dear friend to me. I know the feeling and I can't bear to see you in that state too. So, please... Just let go and be free from Yuna's poisonous hands."
Lalong bumalong ang luha sa mga mata ni Aya. "I'm sorry, Ivy. I believe I am already there. So, I'll just fight... Until I can," she said, finality in her voice.
Napapikit ng mariin si Ivy at hilam na rin sa luha ang mga mata nang ibukas iyon. Pinahid iyon ng journalist. "Fine. Have it your way then. But please... If you ever see a way out, just take it. It's for your own good," sabi nito.
"I'll try..." malungkot na tugon ni Aya. Nakayuko at nagpahid din ng sariling luha.
Napabuntung-hininga na lang si Ivy. It was better than nothing. Ano pa bang magagawa niya kung magmamatigas si Aya. She was just a friend and Yuna was Aya's lover. Naturally, the designer will trust that bitch more.
Tumayo na si Ivy. She looked down at Aya. "Ikaw ang bahala. But, don't tell me I didn't warn you."
Aya turned her head to look at her friend. "And I was thankful. But it was my decision. Pangangatawan ko ito. I'm ready for the consequences," sagot naman ni Aya.
Ivy released another sigh and got silent. She crossed her arms. Naalala mulu ang kahapon. Parehong-pareho lang sa pinagdadaanan niya ang nangyayari ngayon kay Aya. Pero parang kahit ano pang sabihin niya ay hindi na niya mababago ang isip ng designer.
"I've prepared food. Come, let's eat," maya-maya'y paanyaya ni Ivy. Wala na ring maisip na ibang sabihin ang journalist.
"I don't feel hungry," matamlay na sagot ni Aya.
Ivy uncrossed her arms and looked sternly at Aya. "Come on, Aya. Anong oras ka pang dumating. Ilang oras din ang binyahe mo. I bet you didn't eat anything on the way, kaya din siguro nawalan ka ng malay. Kailangan mong kumain," Ivy stated with authority in her voice.
Ivy was right, halos wala nga talagang kain si Aya simula pa kagabi. Nawalan na siya ng ganang kumain ng dinner matapos siyang tawagan ni Ivy. Kahit kaninang umaga ay tamilmil din siya sa pagkain. Nagtataka nga ang mga magulang niya pero nagdahilan na lang ang designer, kaya hindi na rin nag-usisa ang mga ito.
And now, Aya felt so weak and exhausted, but she couldn't feel any hunger.
Ivy got impatient. Lumapit ang journalist at hinilang m patayo si Aya. "Halika na. I won't take no for answer. Kasi kapag namatay ka, ako ang magiging suspect. So, no. You need to eat."
"Ang morbid mo naman, patay agad?" Bagamat mabigat ang nararamdaman ay biro ni Aya sa kaibigan na pilit pa rin siyang hinihila. "Wala talaga akong gana, Vee... " she resisted.
"Kayang-kaya kitang buhatin Aya, don't try me," banta ni Ivy.
Aya looked at her friend's body. Yep. She definitely can. Nag w-weight-lifting yata ang kaibigan niya dahil medyo may pagka-muscular ang katawan nito. Mas matangkad din ito sa kanya.
She was about to protest but Ivy glared at her kaya itinikom nalang niya ang bibig at hinayaan na niya itong hilahin siya sa kusina. Mukhang seryoso kasi ito sa banta.
Nagpalipas na din muna ng gabi si Aya bago umuwi ng Maynila. Alam niyang kahit magpaalam siya kay Ivy ay hindi siya nito papayagan. Naikuwento rin ng kaibigan ang pinagdaanan nito sa past boyfriend nito na kagaya ni Yuna ay paulit-ulit din itong niloko. Ilang beses pa rin nitong sinubukan na baguhin ang isip niya pero hindi siya nagpatinag, kaya't sa huli'y wala rin itong nagawa.
Maaga rin siyang umalis dahil ayaw na niyang magkrus pa ang landas nila doon nina Yuna at Mike.
"Sigurado ka ba talagang kaya mong bumyahe nang mag-isa?" Nag-aalala pa ring tanong ni Ivy.
"I can take care of myself, Vee... don't worry," Aya reassured her.
"Don't ever think of doing something funny, Aya. Think of your parents," payo ng kaibigan.
"I won't, Vee. I promise," paninigurado ni Aya.
"Ayaw mo ba talagang sugurin 'yung dalawa man lang? Didn't you came here for that?" Tanong pa ni Ivy. "I can punch them for you, if you want. Just tell me."
Umiling si Aya at napangiti sa kaibigan. "No, Vee. I'll handle it myself. I don't want to involve you further. Isa pa, you have your own heart to heal." Lately lang din pala ang heartbreak nito kaya hindi pa rin ito makapag move-on.
"Hmp. Atleast I'm way past that. You on the other hand... " Ivy clicked her tongue. "Pag-isipan mo ng mabuti, Aya. Papahirapan mo lang ang sarili mo sa lagay na 'yan."
Napasandal si Aya sa headrest ng driver's seat. She was about to go and Ivy was leaning by the window, shield down. Nakapatong ang siko nito doon habang kausap siya. "I already made up my mind. Don't worry about me. I'm as tough as you."
Ivy rolled her eyes, shaking her head. Diskumpiyado pa rin siya dito. "You need to confront her at paaminin siya. She needed to be true to you. Don't let her take you for granted. You are worth more than that."
"I was planning exactly that. Don't worry, Vee. If I see no reason to stay then I'll let go. I also know my worth. But I was considering her. I believe there's more to her other than her cheating habit. But if I was wrong... then... " Aya sighed "Ayoko na munang isipin. Haharapin ko nalang kung nandiyan na."
Mataimtim siyang tinitigan ng kaibigan. "Fine. You're big enough at alam mo na ang ginagawa mo. Kung wala na talaga akong magagawa para baguhin ang isip mo, then be it. But please, don't let yourself sink deeper. You need to come out, alive."
Malungkot na ngumiti si Aya. "I promise."
Lumayo na si Ivy sa bintana. "Go ahead, then. And take care. Gusto man kitang samahan kaya lang ay may assignment pa akong kailangang tapusin."
"Salamat. Thank you for everything, Ivy."
"You are always welcome, my friend."
Aya then grabbed the steering wheel and started to drive. Ivy waved at her and she waved back. She could see her from the sideview-mirror na hinahatid pa rin siya ng tanaw palayo. Aya was thankful that she had a friend like Ivy.
Umuwi siyang dala-dala ang durog-durog niyang puso.
Hindi siya dumeretso sa bahay ng mga magulang pagdating ng Maynila. Ang alam kasi ng mga ito ay dalawang araw siyang mawawala dahil may kakausapin siyang kliyente out of town. Sa apartment ni Yuna siya tumuloy.
She heaved a deep sigh once she was inside her girlfriend's house. They have so many happy memories here. Nagbalik-tanaw siya sa masasayang araw na iyon. Pilit na binubuhay sa isip ang mga alaalang pinagsaluhan nilang dalawa subalit hindi niya mapigilang hindi lumuha. They were all a distant memories now. She wasn't sure kung madudugtungan pa ba ang mga alaalang iyon. She grasped her chest in pain. The mere thought of losing the woman she loves was killing her. Ano nalang ang gagawin niya kung sa pagbalik ni Yuna ay tapusin na nito ang lahat sa kanila. Will she be able to handle it? She got down on her knees and weep for the love that's starting to slip away. She wailed like a child left in the rain who had just lost her parents. Scared. Lost. And there's no other witness but the four walls of the apartment.