It's been a while, hasn't it. Well! For those who still have android fevers and Connor Bonners, here it is.
A slow day in Detroit. It was the weekend, so no one really did anything important besides shopping or paying taxes. For the most part, everyone was either out partying or sleeping their sad little lives away. Speaking of sad little lives, Markus, and Connor decides to spend their time tormenting Gavin in his own house. Poor guy couldn't even call for help, since Connor was the only other officer present. So he just lays there on the ground, shielding himself from the T-Posing menaces.
Markus: Haha! Your reign of terror has ended COP!
Gavin: B...but Connor is..!
Markus: I KNOW WHO CONNOR IS! Don't try to correct me!
Connor: -Has a idle smile on his face- I'm helping. I'm helpful.
Gavin: -Groans in distress- I'm doomed.
Suddenly the TV turns on and shows Kara waving and smiling into the camera.
Kara: Hi! Kara here for the sticky pad! Use it clean away all the p***sies and people who make your house dirty.
Ralph: -Appears in front of camera- SO CLEAN!
Kara: I guarantee it's fingers get in there deep!
Kamski: -Appears in background- Giggity.
Ralph: It also vibrates! -Is shaking from holding the sticky pad-
Kara: They vibrate to make the cleaner...er...I mean cleaning a faster job!
Blue Traci: -Is locked in a room, cleaning stuff with a sticky pad- It really worrrkkkss!
-Skip-
Kara: Hi Kara here for the Handy Pillow!
Ralph: Ralph likes handies!
Luther: -From behind camera- Sure you do.
Kara: Wanna sleep peacefully at night? Wanna kill your husband? Use Handy Pillow!
Chloe: I could never get rid of this asshole who kept wooing me.
Camera zooms out to show Kamski unconscious in an ally.
Chloe: So I used Handy Pillow to smother him to death. Handy Pillow really saved my life!
Blue Traci: I use Handy Pillow to beat some jerk off...I mean up! Thanks Handy Pillow!
-Skip-
Kara: Tired of baking those boring old cookies? Try my new Kara's Killer recipe book!
Ralph: -Is on the ground, unresponsive, with a chocolate cookie in his hand-
Kara: We have over 9000 recipes for you common housewives at home.
Luther: WHAT? NINE THOU- -He's knocked out by Blue Traci-
Blue Traci: Nope. We're not doing that.
Chloe: -Reads recipe- Hm...step 1, boil some water. Step two...skin the chicken.
Kamski: -Is tied up- HONEY!? LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!
Kara: Now, ladies. Back to our kitchens!
A disclaimer on work place incidents scroll by, as well as something about no refunds. Gavin stares at the screen for a few more minutes, until he has a revelation.
Gavin: -Gasp- I think I know how we could get money.
Markus: -Anime face- Nani?!
Gavin: What if we make a product of our own? You know, sell some sh*t.
Markus: Dude, the last time we ever started a business, we were knee deep in law suits.
Connor: Is that the time where that guy was yelling at you about not having anymore canned bread, and he ended up with a broomstick stuck in his-
Markus: YES! I GET IT! I HAD A BAD TEMPER! But it's not my fault Ralph forgot to restock!
Gavin: Well, don't worry I got us covered for law suits.
Markus: Well..what would we sell? All we have is Connor's husbanu pillows.
Gavin: -Is licking a pillow, but immediately throws it away- Well, my dad has some old antique equipment in his yard.
Markus: You mean that house with the old, rusted vehicles stained with android blood?
Gavin: Uh....er....yea?
Connor: Hm...that reminds me of that one time a customer ate your handmade chocolate cookies, and choked on his own-
Markus: CONNOR! I'M NOT PLAYING THESE GAMES!
-One blueberry pie later, at the Kara residence-
After being yelled at to "sit the f**k down" several times, Alice finally sits the f**k down and turns on the TV.
Alice: Oh boy! Here I go rotting my brain cells again!
The commercial starts.
Gavin: F**K YOU DETROIT! Come down to Gavin's Gangsta Glocks!
Markus: Really..?
Gavin: I was running out of ideas!
-Skip-
Gavin: See some of the best buckshots we have in stock!
Markus: Try the 83 caliber silencer. Good for night time muggings and killing your husband in his sleep. -Gives thumbs up-
North: After using his glocks, my boyfriend was literally lifeless. Things have gotten so much better with a Gangsta Glock.
Connor: -Is holding a sniper rifle- I'm helping! -Accidentally shoots Gavin- Oops...
-Skip-
Gavin: Have some assh*le who keeps getting into your back yard? Try our new security system!
Daniel: -Walks into Amanda's yard happily and gets blown to hell by turrets-
Amanda: -Walks outside- Conan! We got another one and it doesn't look like he's gonna make it this time!
Conan: I'll finish him off with my buckshot! -Smiles to camera- Thanks Gangsta Glocks!
-Skip-
Gavin: Try our new Gangsta Glock Getaway Cars! Perfect for drive bys, bank robbing and hiding bodies.
Markus: -Slaps roof of suspicious looking truck- This bad boy can fit so much f**king corpses in it!
Josh: But why would we need to-
Markus: Just shove them right on in there!
Josh: But the truck isn't even big enough.
Markus: I'M NOT PLAYING YO GAMES! -Shoves Josh into trunk-
Gavin: Order now and you get a free hitman!
Rupurt: -Dressed in a suit and tie- Sup.
-Skip-
Gavin: We have some of the best prices in stock!
Daniel: -Is bandaged up and browsing gun racks- 390 dollars for a pee shooter? That's a rip off!
Gavin: Here at Gangsta Glocks, it's our belief you're such a stupid mutherf**ker, you'll fall for our bullsh*t!
Chloe: -Picks up 200 dollar rifle and shrugs- Eh, I'll bite.
-Skip-
Gavin: Come downtown to Gavin's Gangsta Glocks! Home to some of the meanest sons of b**ches in Detroit!
Markus: That's 1-800-blow-his-brains-out!
Connor: Guaranteed!
Commercial turns off and Alice smiles.
Alice: Mom? Can I have a Gangsta Glock?
Kara: -Too busy making chocolate cookies to really care- You can have whatever you want honey.
Alice: Yes!
With that, Alice runs past a dead Luther, who was holding a chocolate cookie in his hand, to revise her christmas list.
-Extras-
Hank: -Walks down street whistling, suddenly a bullets whizzes by his head- WHAT THE F**K!?
Amanda: THIS IS FOR ALL THE YEARS OF STEALING MY BLUE BOY!
Hank: Ok...Amanda...you're drunk. Let's just calm down and-
Amanda: I WON'T HESITATE B**CH! -Blows Hank's brains out-
-Skip-
Connor: Aaand that's another law suit on our hands.
Gavin: -Slides insurance bill over to Markus-
Markus: I'M NOT PAYING THESE GAMES! ....I MEAN BILLS!
THE END
Finally! A new chapter for those who still have faith in this book. Continue to have faith my dear lovelies. Continue to keep the Connor Bonnor alive!