Mike's Point Of View
When the mock funeral was over, we still weren't quite done dealing with Peony. In the end, none of us really know Peony or if he would betray the lady... however, he had betrayed Vitis who had always wanted the best for him. If he could betray Vitis the way he did... disregarding all kindness Vitis had ever shown him and request to get to kill him in a duel, then it was unlikely he would keep any of our Lady's secrets after she condemned him...
So as we pulled him out of the stone coffin we kept his fire magic choked as we tried pinning him to the ground to cuff him with anti-magic chains. In an instant he began resisting, his instincts probably told him that this is where our Lady's punishment ended. His eyes narrowed with spite, as I pressed his shoulder down against the dirt hard enough to feel the bone of his joint against the fingertips I dug into him.
He squirmed to get free as Vitis put a knee to his chest, nearly slipping free as he twisted on the ground, only have his leg ripped to the side by Arven who was also barely out of treatment. Peony, tried to spark fires at us, causing glints of bright light that would turn into smoke as the fire blessed knights extinguished it as fast as he made it. We cuffed his legs first, preventing him from fleeing. Then ripped his shirt over his head while pressing his face into the muddy ground as we cuffed his hands... and pulled him out to the river on the other side of the castle.
The ground was cold and wet as we got there. The wild grasses stood tall as we dropped him to the ground, standing over the defenseless him.
"If you hurt me you'll break your chivalry code," he speaks out with that cold voice of his... that cold voice he used to say those words to Rudder as he abandoned him.
"Shut up..." I mutter out as I kneel down beside him... the cold mud seeps through to my knees, but my stomach feels like its burning. My useless hangs limply by my arm as I swing my other the best I can, hammering it against his face.
I stare at Peony's face where I just hit him, staring at the red scrape on his jaw, but he just spits at the ground and glares back at me.
"Is that the best-"
I smack him again.
Why... why can he be like this?
I clench my hand tighter, then punch him again even though my fist is burning, even though I just felt his nose crack against my fist, creating a sound that made my toes curl up. I hit him again, even though I can see his eyes roll and blood splurt out from his lips onto the muddy green grass.
I pause... staring at him.
"Apologize... apologize to him," I whisper as I sit back on my heels. My limp hand flopping into the cold mud.
"He protected you. Even though he hated you he protected you... he never treated you badly."
...because you can never give him back. No matter how much I beat him. No matter how much I torture him I can never see Rudder again. So... if he just this once shows empathy, if he just this once shows regret then I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop because I can't stand looking at this guy anymore, as all I remember is Rudder's terrified look at those words.
Peony spits out a couple of teeth and then stares at me while blood runs from his nose and mouth and leans his head up while looking me in the eyes.
"And so did I, you're the ones treating me unfairly," he spits out at me in return. Then spits a thick glob of blood at my face... it's warm. His blood is still warm... unlike Rudder's.
I feel a rush of fury go through me, and I lash out at him again, putting my knee on his warm chest, pressing down till the air goes out of him as he tenses up again. I grip his face, ripping at his cheek violently, digging my nails into the flesh.
"You! Are people nothing but numbers to you?!" I scream at him. I pull, and rip and eventually hit him again, sending droplets of both blood and mud flying... over and over I hit him even after his eyes roll back and the mud by his face starts turning red. Even after the others pull me off of him and try to calm me down.
I know... I know that it will never get Rudder back, but that bastard needs to suffer! Suffer!... suffer..... even if Rudder would have let him go.
I sink into the mud, the others' warm hands on my back and shoulders to calm me down... but Rudder isn't here. Tears stream down my face, and I gasp into the mud as I once again remember the feeling of holding his still warm corpse... and the terrified look underneath the thick almost slimy layer of blood that had covered his face, and the way it had been seeping into his eyes.
My stomach turns, and I grit my teeth to hold it down.
A wet splash brings my attention back to Peony as the others try to wake him up again... unfortunately he does. Coughing blood and spitting out more teeth.
A muffled grunt escapes him as they force his hand onto the mud, then stab at the thumb with a knife. A muffled grunt of pain escapes him as the dull knife sinks into his hand. He begins to squirm while they try to stab off his thumb, but because he struggles and clenches his hand tight it makes a bloody mess in the soft slippery mud... and the blood starts pouring out as the thumb begins to detatch with enough hits, not much unlike my useless arm was yesterday. It dangles, still partly attached to his hand as they rip it off the last bit, causing my stomach to turn. Then they cauterize his hand, only to proceed with the other one... All while he withholds his screams as if to deny us the satisfaction... but he doesn't know...
He doesn't know that the revenge of hurting him when he doesn't understand his sin tastes sour and bitter. How the look in his eyes so convinced that he didn't deserve this just makes you want to hurt him more... hurt him more so that maybe he would understand the pain we're going through... but it never happens.
They end it with cutting out his tongue, tossing the lost body parts to the fish in the river.
We know that this is not what our Lady ordered, and that we would be punished by her if these actions were found out. Furthermore, we would be punished for 'losing' the magic blocking chains... A punishment we were prepared to take. It was a debt we was willing to carry to make sure that Peony was helpless and would live whatever remains of his life like that. We know that people would most likely have ignored Peony no matter how badly he spoke of our Lady, or how many secrets he said he knew. After all, he is condemned a coward... and they'll think he's a liar from having his tongue cut out.
But Peony is clever. Even if he feels nothing for others. He could still corner them in a conversation and could use that in his favor. He will now never do so. In the same manner he could have written letters, or he could have turned to attack either the helpless or our Lady. So we took away his ability to write, to use a weapon and to use magic. All to leave him at the mercy of the other people that he only thinks of as numbers.
With all that against him, he can only hope for the kindness he did not show Rudder.
When we tossed him on the road leaving castle Tepet, his bird fairy landed on his back as though to encourage him, and the last I saw was him stumbling to his feet in his bloody clothes without looking back.
—-*—-
That Headal agreed to two days of peace meant that the Tepet army had time to set up mass funerals for everyone they had not yet had time to burn... There was no burial, just massive bonfires of soldiers and knights just barely cleaned up and stripped for their weapons and armor in the process.
When I returned with the others I wobbled to Rudder's side. His pale lifeless body was stiff and cold... and heavier than I remember. The others offered to help, but I sent them away... for a while I didn't want to talk with anyone but Rudder.
I fetched a bucket of water, but though I struggled to get water... though I struggled to bring it around and to move Rudder so I could get his armor off I... I couldn't let others do it. If I had just been a little faster, or if I had gripped his hands faster when the walls came up... I could have saved him. I'm sure I could. So there were no one else to atone for this.
His stiff body made it had to undo the straps... but even worse to get off the chainmail... I massaged his cold stiff shoulders awkwardly with the one hand I could move and my body weight, causing more of his blood to pour out over my fingers. Though bloody, he looked so relaxed, though the blood was pouring out.
When the joint finally loosened I struggled to get off the heavy chainmail... leaving his body undefended and only in the clothes we wore when we left for the academy... stained with blood and mud even though I had placed him on my blanket.
I carefully placed him on his back before grabbing the rag piece from the bucket... it was all we were given to clean them. I look back to Rudder and carefully try to wipe the blood off of his face... only to find it thick, sticky and in many parts dried. The gentle caress becomes a hard rub as I try to clean away the blood... clean away any proof of the sin.
At the very least... at the very least I want to give him a proper beautiful burial.
When I get to his bloody scalp my sight is blurry with tears and my hand is shaking. Even at the lightest caress of his blood matted hair causes me to jolt as I find parts of broken scalp between the tangles.
I pull back, crumbling as I put my head against his chest.
He should have lived. Peony should have died in his place.
Rudder will never come back. I will never see him smile, or marry Erica or laugh as he plays with the kids they would have had in the future. He has gone away, and though I can lift his body in my arms and hold him... cling to him... he can never come back.
Why did that thing have to survive in his place?! Why did I have to survive in his place?!
Why... why did someone so far kinder than me, far smarter than me and someone that has someone waiting for them have to suffer a fate like this?
I straighten back up and place my handkerchief against the part of his skalp where the hammer went through, cupping his head gently for a moment until the handkerchief is entirely soaked with... everything, creating a small unsafe seal, as I clean the rest of his hair.
As I finish I look over his pale skin. I wish I could do more, or do better. I wish I could bring him home and bury him at home, but that is impossible. I get on my knees and put my arm under his neck, awkwardly lifting his heavy body from the ground. Then gently put his head against my shoulder... it feels cold as I reach around his body and carry... drag him to the bonfires built for their burial. I brought the blanket along too, and with help from a couple others place him on top of the blanket on the pyre... again massaging his joints and hands to fold his hands on his chest... and then descend the pyre... only to stare at him from the ground.
Now where his eyes are been closed and his hands folded on his chest respectfully... If not for the hole in his skull or his multiple other injuries, he would simply look as if he's sleeping with no hint of stress or worry in his face... nor the regret, fear and worry from when he was cut down. It is all gone now... and so is he...
Rudder had nothing but his clothes with him when we left. Everything else still belonged to House Celeste. The only things I can to bring home to Erica, is his sword and the pendant she gave him to wish him safety when he was knighted. It's only thing I can bring home to her and convince her that he is gone.
...He looked ready to sleep peacefully... to pass on... but I am not. I really should have been in Rudder's place. Peony was supposed to be my problem to deal with... so why did it have to be him?! Why?! Why was he not allowed to return to Erica's arms?! Why is all I can bring home a damned pendant instead of the man himself?!
We should have done more. Made more memories. Written a letter when we knew things might go wrong... anything... anything more.
—-*—-
The bonfires were set ablaze.
The golden flames surrounded them in a blazing heat, like the scorching heat of the sun at a summers sunrise... and the smell of burnt flesh spread through the camps like rot.
I spent the rest of the day cleaning Rudder's armor for blood while sitting near the bonfire. I couldn't tell how much of the blood was Rudder's... but likely all of it. But even though I want to do my best, these salty tears of mine get in the way... blurring my view and... with every drop that falls I must wipe it off so the armor won't rust.
My mind fills with memories of the past and Erica's smile whenever she sees Rudder return. How can I tell her that he will never return to her or hold her close. That all the time they spent together will never be able to lead to more... that she must eventually set her heart on someone else than the guy both of us have known since we weren't even old enough to walk?
What will I do if she asks what happened? I can't tell her that someone left him to die alone surrounded by enemies. No, I'll apologize for not staying close enough to him. She needn't known about Peony. She needn't carry that resentment and distrust. She needn't suffer more and carry this muddled rage in her chest.
—-*—-
It is long past the time for being awake, but the lands of dreams and silence are far away and out of reach. Only flashes of Rudder's last expressions and his death keep me company and prevent me from sleeping.
The smell of burnt flesh is gone by the use of magic, but it still lingers in my memory. I've tried working myself to sleep by cleaning off the blood of his things, but the pain in my chest is too immense to be pushed away. My cheeks never dry and my sleeves are cold and wet from wiping them away. My head feels heavy and bloated from crying for so long, but still my body won't rest.
I leave the tent to avoid disturbing the others further. Vitis and Asher never clocked in. From what I hear, our Lady is bedridden.
I wonder if she'd know how to calm this pain, for as it is, I don't believe it will ever end. Will time really heal this feeling?
Our Lady suffers every night and lost so many. I want to ask these things of her... though I know I shouldn't. How does she calm her thoughts and see anything but them? Is it just time? What should I do? What is right to do? What do I do about this feeling that I should have been in Rudder's place?
—-*—-
I gave in and stumbled to the keep. Vitis was taking the night shift in watching over our Lady, and stopped me briefly outside her room.
I could see the pain in his eyes match mine, and the same guilt as mine lingering within. He pulls me into a hug unexpectedly... and the pain in my chest explodes again all on its own. I want him back. I want my friend back, and I want him to smile and see the sunlight. Fate is simply too cruel. The place in my heart and soul where he belongs feels as though it's being ripped from me, and all I can do is cling to it desperately.
I cry loudly and gasp for breath shakily with every cry from my heart, but nothing clears the pain away. For none of it is him.
The door to the Lady's room opens quietly, and her pale visage peers out from the opening.
Regret and anger streams through me for waking her up, yet Vitis pulls my head in close on his shoulders to let me cry out. Everything goes blurry again as everything descends back into the world of memories of him and hopes and dreams for the future he will no longer be a part of.
"He will always be by your side, Mike."
Our Lady's words are kind, but they are but the words of a priest. In the swamps where ghosts appeared none who had lost their loving family ever saw any of them. It is merely wishes of those left behind... and even if it was true it would never let me see nor talk to him again.
A small hand grasps a hold of my wrist cautiously, yet Vitis doesn't move an inch. Is it an order that-
A freezing pain cuts me out of the stream of thoughts. It's like my pain is being cut into two and split across my body. What is this?! As a reflex I try to push my hand away from our Lady's, but as I do everything goes black.
—-*—-
I slept with vivid dreams that night of a beautiful meadow bathed in sunlight. Rudder was there sitting at a small pond in the clothes he had been wearing as we burned him. It wasn't torn or burnt and there wasn't a trace of blood. His matte brown hair seemed to shine softly in the gentle breeze and... it was as though just being there brought stillness to my aching heart.
I remember running to him and desperately grasping him in my arms with sobs of relief. The ignorance... the hope that maybe he wasn't dead.
'I am quite dead, Mike.' He had said to remind me. Calmly... collected... and with a small warm smile on his lips as he had gently clapped my shoulder.
I remember being so afraid that he would disappear that I had still clasped my hands around his arms and begun insisting that he was alive. Again, Rudder had repeated the same words... but then continued calmly.
'Mike. Had you died in my place I would have felt the same as you. So lift your chin. You still have someone waiting for you at home, even as dense as you are,' he had said the last part with hints of amusement, but his eyes radiated warmth.
'I have no-' I had tried to speak, but Rudder hushed me.
'We have no time for this, Mike. Our god has been mischievous and the play for his amusement will come to an end. Turn our Lady's tragedy into a happy ending, and protect those unable to protect themselves from the claws of the true shadows.'
His expression got serious and he pointed to the side where an enormous beast... no... Lion, stood tall and watched us closely. Is that our lady? It looks exactly as the old woman described, but there is so much fur around the neck, and it's enormous. At least two and a half meter tall.
Rudder grasped my shoulder.
'It is there to reclaim the soul it lost as our god stole it, just like the four butterflies around it. They're waiting for more tragedies to happen.'
Four almost glowing butterflies spread their vivid colored wings and set off from the Lion. They fluttered about and around us gracefully but left a soft trail behind them. As I followed them with my eyes, I had stopped at a couple further away in the meadow. One in golden lamellar armor, and one in a golden shirt and a black skirt. Their skin was dark, and they looked foreign to me. Long narrow eyes that draw into lines at the corners and almost flat faces in profile. The gentle breeze had caught their midnight colored hair and made it flutter like something from a legend... or perhaps as rudder said, the one bright scene of a tragedy.
They had been talking softly. They neither touched nor smiled, just talked.
'We all have questions to those who died. So many questions we could have asked but never did. So many questions we wish we could have asked. So many things we wish we could have known. So many regrets,' Rudder spoke softly while looking at them.
'He killed her. She wants to know why and he wants to beg for forgiveness, but neither of them want to bring it up so he's just scolding her on her swordplay.'
He had turned back to me.
'Take the leaps of faith, Mike.'
My dream ended like that, and to fulfill the premonition Rudder had given me an announcement was made by the prince of Headal that morning, which shook everyone within the many miles it was spread to with air magic.
"We extend a peace offering! If the war hero Augustus Celeste, the Child of Scorog, takes the Ristaze throne, we will end this war! If not, the collective alliance of Headal, Semor, Crinia and Zocria will commence an all out attack on Ristaze."
The words were spread so far and wide that I am certain it has already reached many villages behind us, and even I know that those words could not be contained... and that the first to fall to those words would be those with the least courage and most to lose. The peasants, and the common soldiers and their families.
—-*—-
Somewhere Outside The Keep
"Are you alright?"
One of the maids walks up to a young pink haired man with a small bowl of soup.
"My my, they took it quite far, didn't they?"
She looks down to his hands curiously, while the young man looks back at her with a hint of caution in his eyes. The maid smiles at him sweetly.
"It's fine to be cautious, but there's no one here to see you eat or drink."
The maid looks over him again and then puts the bowl down in front of him and then takes a step back like she's trying to feed a stray cat.
"You know, Lord Salender will be quite unhappy with the current chain of events regarding those words. So... I was hoping I could bring him home a little plaster on the wound."
The smile on her lips curl up more into a mischievous and cruel one.
"After all the aphrodisiac plan failed completely as well."
She puts one arm around herself and then puts her other hand on her cheek.
"Confused? Don't worry, it is but a personal plan our lord formulated for the Lady Lily to get together with Lord Lionel."
Her smile turns wicked as she observes the young man's reaction. He hasn't touched the food, and upon hearing her words with that smile he take a step away, preparing to run. This maid wants nothing good for him. He decides running is the safest... but the moment he turns his clothes burst into vicious flames.
"As getting them together is my main mission, I must admit her knights didn't go far enough. You're a liability, Peony."
In the end the maid left nothing but ashes and a mild fire that she extinguished. When a few Tepet knights arrived to find out what was going on, the maid insisted that a bandit had attempted to violate her, and who was to question a damsel in distress over what appeared a former prisoner without a weapon or identification?