~I can't breathe without you/But I have to breathe without you/But I have to breathe without you/But I have to~ Taylor Swift Featuring. Colbie Caillat
"Keep my heart until I get back." His words making my eyes finally fill with tears I had fought back since he'd told me of his departure.
"And I was doing so good!" I cried as sobs escaped my wet lips.
Jace's thumb wiped under my eyes smiling humourlessly "I'm so sorry baby." He whispered his guilt hitting me.
I shook my head "It's not your fault, or anyone else's. We've just got to get use to it." I said shakily trying to get a steady breath.
It was silent as we stood out front under the huge oak tree as Jace held me tight up against him "I love you and I will miss and will get home as soon as possible." He said defiantly kissing the top of my head. "If you need anything. Anything. Call me." He said stressing it. "And most importantly don't forget me."
I crushed his lips desperately to mine wanting to let go, wanting all. He held me just as tight as we kissed hungrily until my breath almost ceased. "Never." I panted in his ear his pain striking me. "I love you." I whispered as Lance walked over towards us ready to go.
Jace groaned "Oh god I love you." He said kissing me roughly my lips already swollen from last night.
"Ready Jace?" Lance asked, tearing our lips apart as Lance stood by the driver's side of his car. Jace was leaving his Ute in case I needed it. Jace didn't reply but sighed. Lance sent me a warm understanding look before sliding into the seat.
Jace sighed again turning back to me "I love you." He whispered his hands resting on the side of my face as I blissfully leant in against him trying to remember every detail of his touch.
He pulled back and unable to bite it back to keep him from hearing I whimpered making him tense in pain at mine. Stiffly he got into the car.
"Love you." I whispered once the door shut. His eyes meeting mine telling me he heard.
***
15 minutes. I had already sunk as low as possible, I was in the shower again realising this was the worst I have ever felt. Sure before meeting Jace I was filled with terror. But this was utter longing and painful need; it was like I was gasping for air. When I use to daydream and long for the dream it was nothing compared to this as I had never experienced it. But now sitting on the showers floor all I wanted was for Jace creep into the shower with me and to clean every inch of my body like the other morning.
***
120 minutes. I felt sick as I hopelessly roamed the house unsure of where to go, what to do, what to think. I felt so loss. Jen was off doing who knows what yet even company didn't seem promising. Unless it was Jace filling the silence.
***
180 minutes. I found myself in the library deciding that maybe to make this more bearable I needed to make it like before. Daydreaming. Remembering Jace's warning with the books I went to the area for simply reading no fantasy world related. Unless it was a fantasy book. Yet all books were the more traditional and older. Sitting down in the window seat I opened to the first page praying 'Romeo and Juliet' would sweep me away.
***
420 minutes. 'Pride and Prejudice' now finished hadn't helped either as I cursed at Mr Darcy and Elizabeth for their lack of help. Sour I knew I couldn't concentrate here so bounding up a handful of books to help alleviate my hole I thumped upstairs. Nestling into Jace's bed I thought this would be better as his woodsy musky scent would blanket me with reassurance.
***
660 minutes. "Em honey?" the knock at the door startling me as I glimpsed up. Jen had stuck her head around the doorway and seeing me she smiled sympathetically. Closing the door behind her she came and sat down over on the bed looking at all the books that laid scattered on top of Jace's bed. She picked up 'Romeo and Juliet'. "I never got Shakespeare." She said smiling slightly.
I chuckled surprisingly able. "Neither. I mean in school we read 'Othello' and 'As You Like It' and if you read them...well they aren't the most gripping stories. Yet reading 'Romeo and Juliet' and 'Macbeth'? Well they at least made me think more of him than a mad drunk man who tortured English students." Jen laughed and I joined in.
Sooner than wanted we eased back into our glum silence. Sighing Jen squeezed my foot. "I know it doesn't seem it but it gets easier. Slightly. A tiny bit. A tad...Maybe not at all." She sighed making both of us laugh shortly with no humour. "Come on honey, tea is ready." I nodded heavily following.
***
675 minutes. "How do you do it? Seriously?" I cried. We sat on the lounge room floor eating pizza the music in the background on the stereo filling the eerie silence.
She smiled faintly, knowingly. "It's torturous." She admitted. "Yet you find distractions. Usually girl time as they are in just as much need of distractions as you. When Jace was little" I smiled at the idea though the hole continued to inflict the throbbing pain "It made it easier with having someone else just as important. That is until he grew up and left too. Yet no matter what you still go to bed alone waiting for them to come back." She admitted her strength flooding. "Alpha's wives struggle more so as they're away more so. Though usually they go with, depending on the circumstances." I nodded absorbing all.
***
800 minutes. "Oh God he is such a terror." I laughed spread out on my stomach beside Jen looking at photos of Jen's and Lance's, photos of Jace in particular. The photos in a strange sense relaxed me to an extent and I was having a good laugh. "Handsome lil thing." I said smiling at Jace in tuxedo at the age of six. Jen looked over my shoulder at the photo and laughed.
She sighed suddenly after more photos "Em?"
I glanced up "Mmmm?"
She looked suddenly serious putting me on edge "Thank you for accepting Jace, us, who we're." She said gratefully. I didn't speak; I didn't know what to say. "See, I'm not sure if you know but if you hadn't accepted or ran...Well Jace would of died not literally but emotionally." She explained "He would have had to know you were okay every second and make you happy even if it hurt him or meant he had to leave you completely. It would kill him. Usually those who experience it go rouge or dangerous...do things they would regret majorly if they were in a sane state of mind." I felt sickened by the possibilities. "Humans scare at the feelings they experience so quickly, its dangerous waters." She explained honestly. "I'm just so grateful for you Em and how easily you've been all about this."
I smiled shyly "I love him Jen."
***
1680 minutes. Day 2. Last night's sleep was difficult yet bearable. I had his scent but not him to hold me. I slept in and out yet okay.
Sitting on the lounge watching iTunes 50 Countdown on Channel V I couldn't help but watch the drive, the phone, the time. Jace had said the chances of finding a phone or services was slim so I was stumped as to how I called him in an emergency.
Jen walked in through the front door after a trip to the shops with a bunch of magazines humming excitedly. My eyes followed her curiously. Had she hear from the boys?!
"Distraction." She declared chucking a bunch of wedding magazines on the lounge squealing excitedly.
***
1800 minutes. I had to admit this wedding stuff was fun, highly, and a distraction. Jen was excited; she couldn't help bouncing like a child on sugar. Jace and I hadn't spoken about or wedding, yet it was a distraction and I was just looking I wasn't deciding. Though there were some ideas...
***
2220 minutes. I was ready for bed. Exhausted and aching to snuggle up in Jace's bed.
That was until the phone rang. It was Aunt Lilly. I frowned, I had spoken to her last night filling her on things so far minus some details; engagements, werewolves and sex.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Em...it's Lilly." I nodded slowly, this can't be right.
"I know." I managed filled with dread.
"Sweetie...I've had some news." She managed her voice slow and tentative like mine. "Your dad has escaped prison."
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