I wake up entangled in Sean's arms. I don't recall anything about spooning last night but here I am now, legs entangled with his, my head on top of his chest with my right arm over his waist. I'm actually comfortable in this position, a lazy grin widening my lips.
I raise my head from his chest and take my time looking at his sleeping figure. He looks different from the normal Sean I know, more peaceful and less annoying. He looks like a hot baby. Does that even exist?
So now I'm thinking about stupid things. Real mature.
"I'm gonna go." I say half whispering like someone could hear us.
He opens his eyes slowly as if thinking about something before letting go of my arm and I use that to get away from him and his body. I took my time taking a shower all the while making myself forget about everything that happened last night but still keeping the knowledge Sean shared with me last night.
I didn't dwell much on all of it though, wanting to ignore the stuff I know about somebody else's family. It's not good for me to join in their family drama and I don't intend to. I went downstairs to find Sean not in his usual seat by the kitchen island. He would normally be sitting down there when I get down eating his pancakes and I wonder if I did something wrong for him to not do his usual routine today.
Aunt Claire had her back to me, her body half covered by the refrigerator door she was holding open. "Hi Claire, do you know where Sean is?" I say as I meekly enter the kitchen. Claire shuts the refrigerator and turns around to look at me with a humble smile.
"He's already by the garage and told me that you should eat your breakfast without him." I frown suddenly and Claire notices.
"Don't worry dear, he didn't look mad. He looked like his usual self." She adds but I still can't help the pang of uncertainty in my chest. I feel like something's wrong and that I'm involved.
She doesn't know we're in a relationship.
I didn't want him to wait for me so I grabbed a granola bar and slung my bag over my shoulder before waving goodbye to Claire who insisted that I sit down and have a proper breakfast. I didn't mention to her what I felt and simply told her that I needed to get to school early today. That was a complete lie but no harm's done with getting to school early today.
I find Sean's all too familiar black Porsche waiting for me as I walk down the series of steps from the front door. How did he get it back? I have no clue.
Sean doesn't show any movement of greeting as I enter the car, his face impassive as always, he just simply drove away from his house. We remain in silence apart from the current song I'm not too favorable of.
"Can I change the song?" He nods without looking my way and I can't help but suck a sharp breath. I changed the song to one of Taylor Swift's which I know Sean doesn't like.
By now he should've groaned and changed the station but he doesn't and I know why. He doesn't want to do anything that concerns me. Which means he's just gonna pretend I'm not there and that I didn't just change the song into one he hates.
This makes me furious. I didn't even do anything wrong. Was it wrong to slip out of his bedroom this morning? I guess not. He does understand that I'm a girl and that I have certain things to do early in the morning.
We pull up into one of the parking lots near the entrance of the school and we both get out of the car without a single word. Sean still doesn't make a move of acknowledgement and my anger just bubbles up more. He wants to do this the hard way then. Fine.
Guess we're not doing our brilliant plan today then.
I angrily stomp off away from him and towards where I see Caitlin and Emma cautiously looking at me occasionally glancing at Sean whom I left behind. As much as I would want to see his face I won't glance back at him. I don't. I won't.
The student body seems to notice the tension in the air and they glance back and forth between Sean and I. Once I reached Caitlin and Emma they looked at me worriedly.
"What's wrong?" Caitlin asks, her voice tense and knowing that something indeed is wrong.
"Oh I don't know." I shrugged, sarcasm dripping venomously off my voice. "An asshole seems to wake up on the wrong side of the bed today and ignores her girlfriend completely. So what does the girlfriend do? She seeks the comfort of other men." I don't acknowledge Sean who passes by and who heard every single thing that I just said. I know he's just as furious as I am but I don't care now.
"Let's go." I snapped, Caitlin and Emma following behind me as I entered campus. I might've just sounded like a bitch back there but I can't help myself.
Caitlin and Emma didn't say a word as I gathered my books and placed them in my bag. We went to classes and Emma started small talk which I'm glad about despite Caitlin who's obviously glancing at me from time to time wanting to know what's wrong.
They both know me well enough that I don't want to talk about it yet which I'm grateful for. We head to class and the school started out normal, nothing new.
I entered the lunch room again with that feeling of the teenage life around me. This is where most important memories happen. From the spilling of drinks over one another, the sharing of gossip from time to time and where the drama happens.
I sit with Caitlin and Emma today. Just plain us bestfriends. After another round of small talk coming from Emma, Caitlin finally breaks free of the act.
"Okay woman, you have to spill right now and drop the bitch act." Caitlin says in her powerful woman voice. In how she uses it, I don't know.
I sigh and drop my fork filled with pasta. "I honestly don't know what happened too." I glanced at Sean's table with his back to me so I didn't see his face. I don't see any slut hanging by his arm, maybe that's a good sign.
"Then what happened?" Emma asks indignantly. Then I started from when we talked heart to heart last night but I left the personal things he said just the general thought, he talked to me about his family.
Caitlin and Emma looked at me with that weird astounded face again. They still can't believe how close we are now, I can't too.
"I think you need to talk to him." Emma finally says. She's always been the mature one in the group and now was I just thankful for that.
"Maybe..."
"I'm serious." She looks at me, straight at me. "When me and Logan experience these things I just talk to him."
"But I want him to talk to me first."
"Come on. Don't play hard to get, do that in a different situation." She says wisely.
"I know that but if I cave in first then my bitchy act earlier would just be for nothing."
"Fair enough." Emma nods slowly in a thinking daze. "But if he doesn't then do it first." She looks back at me.
"Fine." I don't pay much attention anymore and just silently eat my food all the way until lunch ends.
School ended and Sean didn't talk to me the whole day. Well not yet since the day isn't ending yet. I saw him talk to Caitlin or Emma sometimes during classes when he's not with one of his friends, he just ignores me completely. I can't say that he didn't see me because I know he does. I'm always sitting beside either Caitlin or Emma and it would be hard to ignore the person who's sitting beside the one you're talking to.
I'm even surprised that when I head out I see his car still parked outside and I could see him in the driver's seat doing something with his phone.
I really don't want to be in a small space with him but I have no choice. I climb inside without a word and he shuts off his phone and starts the car, again with this.
We arrived at his house a few minutes later and I'm happy that the awkward air can be escaped. I probably looked like a girl running out of a house on fire but I was so rushed to get out of the car that when he parked I quickly opened the door and entered the house.
I didn't go to the kitchen to greet Claire. I went up to my room and finished all my homeworks wanting to get my mind off things.
When dinner rolled by I didn't want to eat with them even though Claire personally went up to tell me it was ready. After a few hours of sucking in my room doing nothing I finally thought of something to do. I knew Claire would come up to my room once they finished eating and I didn't want to talk to anyone yet so I decided to go to the one place I love most in this house.
I smelled the vanilla before I even saw the candles from where they were coming from. The swimming pool still looked the same from when I'd last been here and I blush when I remembered the memories from where I was so close to Sean that night.
I shook my head away from those thoughts and stood across the large window. This is what I've always dreamed of to have in my house. A big window that overlooks the whole city. I didn't know how they managed to build one up here knowing that the house wasn't near the city but it was there.
The lights of the tall buildings looked like stars in the night sky. The familiar red and yellow lights of cars rushing back and forth over the highways.
"Angel." A voice says behind me and I don't bother to turn around who it is.
"What are you doing here?"
"I know you'd be here." He ignores my question. "I'm sorry."
"You're just saying that now?"
"I know I've been an asshole."
"Why? Tell me why do you think that you're being an asshole?" I scoff. "Of course you don't know. You don't see yourself like I do."
"I know why I'm an asshole." He snaps and I know he doesn't intend to. "Just listen.
I'm an asshole because I'm a coward. I'm a coward of thinking that when I face you you're going to be disgusted by my presence."
I turn around and look at him baffled. "Are you crazy? What made you think that I would be disgusted by your family. Have you even seen my family? My parents are going through a divorce and here I am staying in one of my mom's best friend's house being a trespasser."
"Don't. Don't believe that. You're not a trespasser, we welcomed you with open arms. Don't you dare think that you're not welcome." He looks at me determined to prove that I'm not what I think I am.
"Okay fine. Then maybe I'm not a trespasser but you guys are going out of your way to make me feel welcomed even though I know the routine you do in this house was way different from what I see now." Ok, maybe that came out low, but he gets the point, maybe.
"Whatever. You're always welcome here. You're like family." Sean runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "But that's not the point, I'm a coward."
"I know." He stares at me pointedly.
"Because I think that you're gonna be disgusted by what I just told you last night." He stares at me the whole time and I notice determination in his eyes to prove his point.
"I know. But I'm not, so don't just run away from me like that." He looks at me, his face shifting into concern.
"I'm sorry." He walks up to me and pulls me in his arms. I let my arms dangle lightly by my sides making no move to hug him back.
"Am I forgiven?" He says against my hair.
"Maybe." My voice was muffled by his shirt.
"I'm sorry." He whispers against my hair over and over again.