𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚎'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠
𝚝𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚊𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚑, 𝚝𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢-𝚘𝚗𝚎
I twisted the key in the door, the stupid thing always gets stuck. I shove it open, my arms full of groceries. All of them, except the kumquats I couldn't find for the life of me. I walked inside, kicking the door shut, "Hey Mom! I got everything, but I couldn't find any kumquats-" I gasped, dropping the groceries as I took in the sight of my mother.
She was on the kitchen floor and her breathing looked shallow, "Mom!" I yelled in a panic as I rushed over towards her. What did the doctor say to do when this happens? Think Annalise, think! Call 911, that's what. "Hold on, mom, everything's going to be fine." I tried reassuring her.
I left her side only for a moment to grab the home phone, dialing 911 and grasping her hand in mine. She opened her eyes slightly when I gave it a squeeze, "Anna, hi," she whispered weakly. How had she gotten so bad in the half-hour I was gone?
I bit my lip as the tears started to build up, the situation hitting me. "Hi, mom." I held the phone to my ear as it started ringing, "You're going to be okay. We're going to get help," although I wasn't if I was telling the truth.
There wasn't any blood, so she didn't fall. The only other explanation is the worst one: cancer.
She shook her head, "My sweet baby, we both know that's not true." She gave me a sad smile with tears in her eyes. "I know that you think you're not ready, but my time has come." Her voice was so soft, so weak.
I shook my head vigorously, "No Mom! Please, don't say that!" I begged, she was struggling to breathe now. She started convulsing around me- I shot awake, my breathing heavy. I brought my hand to my cheek and felt the wetness of tears.
There was a knock at my door and Aiden popped his head in, "Annalise, you alright? I heard screaming." I nodded, not saying anything, I didn't trust my voice right now.
I swallowed and coughed, "Is dad back yet?" My father and I had hardly spoken lately. Between our fight and his new fiance, the relationship has been mostly made up of strain and tension. Aiden shook his head sadly, I scoffed. "Of course, he would skip out on being with us on a day like this, typical dad."
Aiden looked like he wanted to defend our father, but he didn't say anything else before shutting my door.
I wiped the rest of my tears and climbed out of bed. I want to try and have a good day, it's what mom would have wanted for me- though it'll be a challenge, it's one I'm up for. I walk into my closet and stare at my clothes unsure of what to wear. Is anything good enough for today?
Today would be hard, but one thing has been looking up lately.
It's been almost a week since Zach and I started dating. Things have been good, really good. It's exactly what a relationship is supposed to be, he's my best friend. Though I'm not sure he's ready for the amount of baggage I haul around on a daily basis, especially today.
Because today is my mother's birthday, it would have been her forty-sixth to be precise.
I decided on something I would have worn normally when we still lived in Australia. I picked a matching cream and brown plaid button-down and tank-top, along with a cute pair of denim shorts. I slipped on my Birkenstocks and let my hair flow down my back in waves.
I didn't have the mentality to do any of my hair or makeup today anyways.
"Hey Lise," Aiden whispered as I passed hs bathroom door. I stopped in my tracks, turning to face him. "You going to be okay today?"
I nodded, though I don't think I looked very convincing. "I have to be," I told him. And it was true. I don't have time to sit down and break every time something upsets me, otherwise, I'd be in pieces every second of the day.
He shrugged, "If you say so," and went back to brushing his teeth.
I continued down the stairs, half expecting to pass my dad and receive the cold shoulder. But then I remembered that he was away on business, again. I had a feeling that he remembered Mom's birthday and purposely missed it.
Maybe I'm part of the reason he purposely missed it.
But then I realized how stupid that sounded. No, Annalise, it would be stupid to make this about you, It's mom's day. I scolded myself.
As I reached the bottom the smell of coffee engulfed my senses, thank you Aiden. I poured some into a cup and took a sip, the bitterness helped to ease some of the knots in my stomach.
I leaned against the counter sipping it, black. I didn't feel like cream or sugar this morning, maybe I felt like I didn't deserve it.
I half thought of waiting for Aiden or even calling Daphne. But today was something I was going to have to do on my own, that I knew for sure. Dad wasn't here, Grandma Nora wasn't here, the rest of my family hated my mother, and Aiden prefers to grieve alone.
I sighed, taking another sip before grabbing my keys in the other hand. I'm afraid that if I eat anything I'll just throw it up. It's already taken everything in me just to get up and get dressed, I knew that breakfast was not an option
•
I sat at the lunch table picking at my salad.
I had the same thing from this morning: knots in my stomach. If I had even one measly cherry tomato, I would be throwing up the entirety of my stomach contents in the bathroom.
"You okay, Annalise?" Daphne asked staring at me.
I didn't expect her to know what was up with me, I didn't expect any of them to. I hadn't told any of my friends about my mother's upcoming birthday. In fact, Summer doesn't even know that my mother had passed.
I simply nodded, "Fine." She didn't seem convinced. I sighed, "I'm just not too hungry today."
Zach leaned over, whispering in my ear. "You sure? Anything I can do?" I waved him off, continuing to play with my food.
The day continued on as usual, and by the time sixth period came around, I felt downright sick. I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch, and I felt the overwhelming urge to cry. I was bottling and that was the worst thing I could do.
I trudged into the locker room and was met with Daphne, who was somehow already changed.
As I put on my pink tye-dye shorts and my black sports bra, Daphne filled me in on all the newest gossip. I would just nod my head and say "Uh-huh," to everything even though I have no idea who the fuck Ashley is and why she would kiss Jeannette's boyfriend right in front of her.
When we all met in the gym, Coach Robin started going on and on about our conditioning. Apparently, we've been doing it wrong- she's probably referring to Aiden and how he skips the real workout by jump roping.
I zoned out as she talked, she droned on for what seemed like forever until she finally blew her whistle waking all of us up. She smirked, eyes gazing over all of us. "And as a result, we'll be running two and a half miles today, timed." Everyone groaned, me especially. "When I blow my whistle I want you to run out those doors and do your laps, ready?" She didn't waste a moment before she blew hard and the whistle sounded loudly, signaling us to start.
Everyone took off, I wasn't in the mood to run- but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy it. I used to run track, nobody does track unless they actually like to run. I started to get in my groove and the same old feeling started to come back. I felt the wind through my hair, the sweat on my skin, and the adrenaline in my veins.
I managed to stay in the lead as I sprinted along the track's white-painted line. My body felt weird, probably from my lack of food, energy, and sleep. It felt longer, but a mere fifteen minutes, and I was done.
I felt kind of woozy, and a bit nauseous.
But overall, I was proud of myself. I had done two and a half miles in fifteen minutes! That's basically a six-minute mile.
When my body came to a complete stop the adrenaline rush faded and my other senses heightened. The wooziness was overwhelming and I started to feel lightheaded as my vision went spotty. "Woah," I muttered as I backed up until my back hit the wall and I slid down into a sitting position.
I took a few deep breaths until the coach noticed me, "Hey! You okay, Stark?" She asked loudly from up above me.
I wanted to nod, but as I tried to a wave of nausea hit me. "No," I whispered. The world spun and my own voice filled my brain. "I think I might pass out." I groaned loudly, holding my head as I frantically tried to make it stop.
I felt her presence next to me before I heard her sigh, "King!" She called for Zach. I heard his footsteps as he came towards us, "Take her to the nurse's office please!" She called loudly, great.
I was torn from my thoughts when I heard a voice, "Princess what happened, what's going on?" It was Zach. He grabbed my hand and helped me stand up, I wobbled, stumbled, and fell into his chest- all with my eyes closed. "Alright, up we go." Suddenly I wasn't on the ground anymore.
He sounded worried, I hate worrying him.
I didn't have the energy to talk as I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep myself from falling. My head was still spinning as he walked, so I laid it down on his chest.
My mom's birthday was supposed to be a day of growth for me, but all it was was a disaster! I haven't eaten all day, I've barely talked to anyone, I had to run two and a half miles, and now I'm being carried to the nurse's office. I just wish this day would end already! Though Mom's probably cracking up in heaven, saying I should learn to look on the bright side.
I snuggled closer to Zach's chest as I took a few more deep breaths. I was snapped from my delirious state by a loud gasp, "Oh no, what do we have here?" I heard the squeak of a chair as someone stood up.
Then I heard footsteps before a cold hand felt my forehead, causing me to flinch slightly. "Annalise Stark, ma'am. She started to feel light-headed in Athletics, Coach Robin asked me to take her here." Zach explained to who I assumed was the nurse.
This was the first time I had been to the nurse since I had been back.
She shined a light in both my eyes to check my pupils and I winced and leaned harder into Zach. "Has she been eating properly? Drinking lots of water?" The nurse asked, I heard the click as she turned the light off.
I could feel his chest vibrating slightly as he spoke, "As far as I know, yes." I could hear the hesitation in his tone. He had no idea if I had or not.
The nurse sighed, "I see," I heard a pen on paper. "You say you were in athletics? Well, It's blazing out there! Most likely a case of mine dehydration. She'll be just fine." The nurse paused, "Just send her home, have someone watch her closely, and give her lots of water." I felt Zach take one hand off of me and the crinkle of a paper, probably a check-out slip.
He nodded, "I will, thank you," he said as we walked out. I opened my eyes the slightest to look at him. "Alright, Princess, whose car are we taking?" He smiled down at me.
I didn't need him to take care of me, not today, not any day. I am fine. I wiggled a bit in his arms, "I-I'm fine." I said as he reluctantly put me down. "I can.. take my own car," I made it two steps before I started seeing black spots again.
"Annalise?" Zach questioned, taking a step towards me.
I didn't respond, "Shit.." I winced and grabbed my head, stumbling back in the process.
I felt Zach's arms on my waist, "Woah there sleeping beauty," he said picking me up again, teasing me with the nickname. "You're not fine." He's right, I can barely walk. I have no choice but to let him take care of me.
Just this once.
I felt him playing with my hair, and I listened to his breathing and his heartbeat. I was delirious and half asleep. I started dreaming slightly as the black spots continued to crowd my vision before it became just that, black.
•
I couldn't remember what happened, but honestly, I didn't care. All I wanted was sleep- I was exhausted. I felt the cold air hit my body and I whimpered, rolling over on the cushioned surface. I smiled in content as I started to drift off into that beautiful sleep once more, "Daphne wait!" I hear a voice call, it's Zach's.
I hear a shushing sound, "Zach!" Another voice hisses, it's Aiden. What's going on?
I heard the footsteps stop near me, before another gasp. "Oh my god, she's still out?" Daphne asks, worry evident in her voice. Why are they worried?
"Yes. She passed out in my arms when we left the school, It's been two hours and she's just been in and out the whole time. But we just have to let her sleep, she'll be fine." Zach reassured her.
I felt my body dip as someone sat down next to me, "Why isn't she waking up?" Daphne asked. I felt someone grab my hand, and I immediately knew it was Zach. "What's wrong with her?" I furrowed my brows, for your information nothing is wrong with me Daphne, I am just fine.
More footsteps, "Like the nurse said, she was malnourished and dehydrated. All that running was too much for her," I heard Aiden speak softly. He knew what was going on with me because the same thing was happening to him.
Daphne hummed, "Malnourished? Dehydrated? Annalise is neither of those things, she has a great eating schedule and she drinks plenty of water." Daphne argued. Though I knew- and I suspected Aiden did too- that I hadn't eaten anything today.
"She didn't eat her lunch today," Zach spoke up. I mentally cringed. "That's probably why, Daph. She said she wasn't hungry today." Another half-lie.
Daphne scoffed, "Not hungry? When is that bitch ever not hungry?" She questioned loudly, I wanted to snort and insult her back, but my body wouldn't allow it. I felt as if I was paralyzed, though I wasn't scared or alarmed. It felt somewhat peaceful.
I heard Aiden sigh, "It's not that she wasn't hungry, she was just anxious today. I could tell she was uneasy this morning, but I didn't do anything about it." Aiden sounded guilty as he spilled my secret to them. "Today is... today is our mother's birthday, the first one without her."
Daphne gasped, but Zach was silent. "You're kidding me! I'm the worst friend in the history of forever, I can't believe I forgot.." I could hear the pain in Daphne's voice as she spoke.
But I didn't blame her, neither did Aiden. I heard someone get up, "It's not your fault Daphne," Aiden reassured her, confirming my theory.
"I didn't know either," Zach spoke softly.
More footsteps, "Don't give me that bullshit, man." Aiden scolded his friend, "If Annalise wanted you to know, you would have. This is clearly something she hid from us for a reason." Wow, so comforting Aiden, thank you for that.
"Yeah, don't fret too much on it Zach," Daphne agreed. I felt my body dip again as another person sat next to me, "But she needs to get up, I'm getting worried." I felt Daphne's hand on my shoulder as she shook me lightly.
Zach groaned, "Daphne!" I felt my eyebrows scrunch as I whimpered again, wasn't expecting to do that? "We need to just let her sleep, there's a reason she hasn't woken up yet."
Daphne shivered, I could feel it. "Guys I'm scared, what if she hit her head or something?" Her voice cracked slightly while she tugged my arm again. I didn't even open my eyes, I was too tired and my body wouldn't react. "We need to take her to the doctor."
I could practically hear Zach facepalming, "Daph, even if we did wake her up and somehow get her to the doctor, they'd just tell us the same thing- that she needs water and rest. Although I won't lie, I'm getting pretty worried, too. You say she wasn't eating because of stomach knots?"
I felt a pang in my stomach: anxiety.
I felt horrible, I felt like crying all over again. I was worrying them because I was what, tired? My anxiety was going crazy telling me how bad of a person I was for doing this to them. I didn't want them to feel concerned for me where it wasn't due- especially Zach. We just started dating and I'm already worrying him, at this rate he'll have gray hair by July!
I tried my hardest and squeezed his hand, my body finally reacting due to sheer will. I started to open my eyes and adjust to the brightness of the lights around me, "Is she?.." Aiden asks.
I see Zach nod, "Annalise?" He asks hopefully.
I blink a few times, "No, it's the muffin man." I crack a weak smile.
I'm interrupted by my lovely best friend, "See! She's up! No biggie." Daphne yells at Zach, who in return rolls his eyes.
I looked around blankly before I sat up and leaned on Zach. I don't know why, but the first thing I wanted was his touch. "I'm tired," I whispered as I closed my eyes again. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest, the most comfortable pillow on planet earth.
I hear Daphne's facepalm as she smacks her forehead, "No Annalise! Don't fall back asleep!" She shouts and I scrunch my brows.
As much as I didn't want to respond and just sleep, I couldn't. "I can hear you, I'm right here with working ears!" I point to them, though I can't hold my arm up for more than a few seconds. Why do I feel so weak, is it really from the running?
She frowns, "I know, you're just worrying me."
I felt bad and that combined with all of their incessant chatterings I was slowly awakening. I rubbed my eyes, showing them that I was fully awake. "I'm okay," I whispered. "I feel better. Don't worry." All eyes were on me.
Zach leaned over, whispering in my ear, "Are you sure? You can always go back to sleep upstairs. No one will blame you." His breath tickled my ear causing me to shiver.
Except for Daphne, I wanted to say. But I didn't. Instead, I nodded, "I'm sure, I'm okay."
I looked up to see her with her hands on her hips, "Wanna tell me what's up?" I guess she didn't think I'd heard their entire conversation about my knots and Mom's birthday.
It's fine, I'll bite. "Today is my mom's birthday," it came out as a whisper. "But I didn't do a very good job of celebrating." I looked down at my lap.
When I said that, Aiden sat down next to me. "What do you want to do?"
I shrugged and played with my fingers, "I was just planning to watch her favorite movie, it's not like I can visit her grave." I tried to crack a smile to lighten the mood. My mother's body was buried where she requested it, her favorite spot in all of Australia. The cliff by the beach. She has a little cross and everything, I only got to visit it twice before I moved home.
"We'll watch with you!" Daphne smiled.
I could see Zach giving her a look, before he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, "Unless you want to be alone, whatever you want." I smiled sadly and reached out to caress his cheek. How did I get so lucky to have him in my life?
I bit my lip, "I'd like that, we can all watch together." I'm sure mom would like it way better too.
He furrowed his brows, "Are you sure?" His face had concern written all over it, making me feel even worse. I clung to him tighter, nodding, before muttering that I'm sure.
"What movie is it?" Daphne questioned.
I felt my eyes dart to her, lighting up, "Matilda, let me go and grab it." I stood up, and the second my feet made contact with the floor, supporting my whole weight, it hit me. I felt my eyes snap shut as my head started to ache once again. I grabbed it as the familiar queasy, lightheaded feeling returned.
I felt Zach's hand on my arm, "Annalise?" He asked worriedly.
I quickly stood up straighter and ignored the pain in my head, "I-I'm fine, it was nothing." He smiled sadly and pushed another piece of hair behind my ear. "I'm alright, I want to do this." I really did.
Instead, I sent Aiden to get it, wouldn't want to fall down the stairs like Daphne did. I laughed at my own joke, and thankfully I did. Because if I had voiced it Daphne probably would have smacked me upside the head.
𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚋𝚘𝚘 𝚢𝚊𝚑!
𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚘𝚖 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚞𝚗 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 :) 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚡𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚍, 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚕
𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝙸'𝚖 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠? 𝙽𝚘? 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜!! 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚘 𝚊𝚌𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚊, 𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛. 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢'𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚢 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝙽𝚎𝚝𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚡 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚞𝚕𝚞.
𝚂𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚗 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝: 𝙰𝚜𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐. 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎, 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚔𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚊 𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚗, 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚝?? 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜, 𝚡𝚘𝚡𝚘 𝚜𝚢𝚍 :))