PUSH ME TO THE LIMITS
For a second, Louis felt like his whole world had just come crashing down from the words that had been uttered from Harry's mouth. It seemed unbelievable, and he wasn't going to accept it, he didn't want to. It seemed too painful to even consider, to comprehend. He couldn't imagine his poor boy feeling so powerless, unable to stand up for himself and get himself out of the worst situation. He could feel his heart clenching, his fists rolled up and his eyes still squeezed shut-- trying to block out the inital pain. He hadn't even realised there was tears rolling down his cheeks, onto his shirt and he didn't even try to wipe it away.
Harry noticed, hesitantly moving forward and touching Louis's shoulder just slightly. "Why you crying?"
Louis exhaled sharply, shaking his head. "I just..."
But, he didn't want to talk. He didn't have any words left to say. Louis felt defeated, nothing had ever brought him down like this and he was truly speechless for the first time in his life. He had thought he had gone through the world's worst problems, through the high's and low's but there is nothing like your love confessing they've been raped. They've been used, out of their will, and made to feel nothing more than a dirty object.
Louis crawled back in bed, feeling so small and fragile even though it wasn't even him who had gone through the whole ordeal. His heart and head felt heavy, his mind trapped in thousands of thoughts and his palms sweaty.
"Can I hug you?" Louis whispered, spluttering out the words like even that was too hard to say.
Harry sighed, looking deep into the blue eyes like he was trying to cheer him up. Like he was trying to shrug this off. But, this is not a little deal-- it's huge and Louis had to do something about it. He had never felt this amount of anger, as well as sadness, his cheeks bright red and his fists clenched in balls. His jaw was tightened, trying to block out all the bitter thoughts running through his mind right now-- just wanting to attack Dalton, ending him for once and all.
Harry nodded weakly, moving his arms from himself and letting himself be wrapped up by Louis's strong arms. Louis tried to get comfortable, snuggling close and feeling the warmth of Harry's knitted sweater, trying to find home in this place-- where he belonged. Louis didn't have the energy to speak, to say comforting words. What could he possibly say that could make this situation okay?
He just hoped that Harry didn't expect anything from him, didn't expect him to make a big deal and shout horrible words that wouldn't amount to anything. What has happened, has happened and Louis wasn't there-- he wasn't able to save his damsel in distress and nothing felt worst.
"Don't cry sweetheart," Harry managed to break the awkward, tense silence. He slipped his hand from under Louis's hold, slowly grazing it across Louis's cheekbones to collect the moisture before smiling. It was a sincere smile and it made Louis's heart flutter.
"I'm not," he muttered pathetically, rolling his eyes but only hugging him tighter, afraid of letting go.
"Please."
"Ssh, I'm not," he repeated.
They stayed like this for a while and it felt good, to just lay in silence and enjoy each others company-- not feeling the need to say anything. Louis couldn't get the damaging image out of his head, only imagining Harry crying and not being able to fend for himself. Then, he would just think about how much of a shitty friend that made him, how he failed to fulfill the simple rules of being there for Harry. He was so concerned about his own life, his singing career and getting his album done that he didn't even bother keeping in touch with Harry, really keeping in touch.
Now, he was this weak boy who has been pushed way above his limits and left with nothing but a broken heart, trust issues and incapable of love. What was Louis ever going to do to help Harry get over this? How does a person recover from such a traumatic experience? It's near impossible, requires years of therapy and someone who truly, deeply cares.
And, Louis does care. He cares more than anything, he would easily take a bullet for Harry and get involved in any fight to defend him until he dies. He don't think he'll ever feel at peace with Harry out of his sight, not around him constantly and it was just this feeling of needing him around, needing him by his side.
But, Louis also wondered what was going inside Harry's mind after admitting something out loud and having the courage to stop something he was clearly uncomfortable about. Louis felt like a fool, wanting to make him feel so good right after he had admitted to being abused-- he should've found it in himself to control his desires, not get too excited and not take it so quickly. If he had even the slightest glimpse in the lengths Dalton had gone to, he wouldn't of ever put Harry in such a place where he felt like he had to be remembered of rape.
The mere thought of that caused Louis to hug Harry tighter, wanting to wrap him up and protect him and never let him go. He never wanted to spend another passing day of his life without the boy with the curls, never wanted to see another day of sunshine without his own sunshine next to him. He acknowledged that it wasn't going to be easy now, it was going to be difficult and their relationship just got even tougher. But, it's true love if you're willing to put yourself through that.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Harry, once again, tried to bring up conversation and Louis wondered whether the silence was killing him. He decided to start using his mouth instead of bottling everything up in his mind.
"I was... just wondering what happened." He admitted, gulping and not releasing his grip.
Harry didn't smile nor did he frown, his facial expression stayed completely neutral and Louis was at a loss thinking about how this boy could be so strong. "There's not much, Lou. You don't need to worry yourself with the details."
"I want to, I really want to."
"No, you don't." Harry argued back stubbornly, his brows furrowing. "Don't be ridiculous."
So, Louis fell back in silence and so did Harry but they still cuddled each other until they found comfort in each other. Hours passed until Louis finally got up, preparing a salad lunch for Harry and handing it over-- who looked much more content with the food that was given.
"This is nice," Harry chirped happily, grabbing a fork and digging in. Louis couldn't help but think about all the torture Dalton put him through, not letting him eat and forcing him to lose weight. It would explain why Harry's ribs stuck out, poking Louis relentlessly and why every clothes seemed to hang off him like he was nothing more than skins and bones. It worried him but he didn't voice his concerns, not yet-- there was a time for everything.
Louis smiled, for the first time all day, while he fixed himself a bowl of salad too but he had no appetite. He couldn't even imagine to get through a plate of food, feeling sick to the stomach and wanting to throw up but he had to keep going. He had to keep going for Harry, that's all.
"Zayn prepared it." Louis mentioned his best friend who was still, conveniently, in the other hotel room and minding his own business. That's why Louis loved Zayn so much. He always kept out of the way at the right times, only coming in when he really needed to and not forcing to know any details if it wasn't for his ears. "Zayn prepares a lot of my food actually."
Harry chuckled, shaking his head. "Lazy little Louis, aren't you?"
"No, no. I just don't have the time! I'm a busy man, Haz."
"Busy writing songs, making albums and planning tours." Harry sighed, almost in a bad way. "You're very lucky, Louis."
Louis blushed at the compliment. He had been told about his luck and how proud everyone was of him for years, endless and he simply listened to it blindly now. He knew he got lucky, he knew that this didn't happen to everyone. Who exactly manages to make it big? Manages to become a worldwide famous singer with world tours coming up? It wasn't an ordinary thing, you truly had to be lucky to make it so big-- it was just fate.
But, hearing the words come out of Harry's mouth was just something else and it made him giddy, high. He had never really heard Harry talk much about his accomplishments, mostly because he was so busy with Dalton but now Louis understood. Everything was almost crystal clear and the past few months made so much more sense to him.
"I know," Louis murmured.
"Woah, so rich and so successful!" Harry commented like this was his first time founding out about Louis's status.
"I know right." He replied sarcastically, sticking his tongue out in a playful manner before returning back to his salad that was getting neglected. He tried to swallow it, keep it down him and not feel the need to go running for the toilet.
"Louis, I'm really sorry I never attended your concerts. He never let me out... he definitely wouldn't let me go to concerts and oh god. I really wanted to come, I di-"
Louis shook his head, stopping him and cutting him off. Maybe it was too early to hear about how the abuse played out, how Dalton controlled every aspect Harry's life because it felt like a stab straight to the stomach and Louis didn't want to know. Not yet. There was a time for everything, he would eventually learn every detail but right now, everything felt good between them and he didn't want to ruin it with these stories.
Bringing up Dalton brought Louis's temper up again, his blood boiling as he held onto his knife tightly, nearly snapping it in two. He just wanted to get his hands on Dalton, on his little pretty face and fuck it up to the extent he would never be able to leave the house again. Dalton wasn't a normal human being, he had issues for thinking that his abuse was normal and Louis wanted him behind bars-- faraway from Harry.
Small steps lead to bigger ones.
"Harry..." Louis started the conversation cautiously once they had finished their salad. Harry had a lazy smile playing at his lips, looking overly happy with his food. "I'm going to need to leave for a few... hours?"
Harry's face changed straight away, doubt washing over his features as his eyes widened in fear. He really didn't seem to like the idea and Louis really didn't want to leave Harry either but he couldn't stop the storm that was going on in his mind: Dalton, Dalton, Dalton.
"What, why?" Harry's voice squeaked, growing a few octaves higher on the last word.
"It's management things," Louis lied easily, internally cringing. "I'm going to leave you with Zayn. He has no idea... about anything, and you don't need to tell him... but, I need to go down to my office. Just for a few hours, maybe less. I promise I'll run back."
Harry didn't seem too happy, but didn't argue, agreeing with small sigh. Louis couldn't help but lean forward, dropping a sloppy wet kiss on his forehead and smile fondly at Harry. Right before his eyes was everything he has ever wanted and there was no way that Louis was going to lose it now. It's been too long and he's too in love to let go. Even if there's a tiny tiny chance, isn't it worth going for it?
"Let me call Zayn over..." Louis muttered, mostly to himself, as he grabbed his phone and dialled up Zayn's number. He picked up after a few rings, sounding fuzzy from the other end.
"What's up Lou?" He said into the phone, sounding worn out and Louis felt terrible for subjecting his best friend through this. He probably shouldn't have to go through all this shit for Louis, it wasn't fair for him and Louis felt like he owed him something.
"If it's not a big deal, can you stay with Harry for a while? I need to run back for a while."
"What, why? I mean, of course it's no problem! I'm coming over now."
"I'll tell you when I return.." Louis simply said, not wanting to give anything away as he hanged up and went over to Harry again. He could look right through him, could see the frown and the sad eyes and Louis couldn't stand this. He was chasing after revenge right now, wanting to hurt him and wanting to keep Harry as close as he could-- for as long as he could. After everything that had gone wrong, Louis didn't want this to go down the hill to.
He leaned forward, planting a soft lingering kiss on Harry's forehead and smiling. "I'll be back." He promised, trying to reassure the boy who just smiled back.
"I don't want know what to say to Zayn..." Harry whispered, looking afraid.
"Just be you, it's fine," Louis smiled.
When Zayn came in, Louis showed around the hotel room and what food to make in case he got hungry and he hadn't returned yet. He had no idea how hurt he could get but he didn't really care, he was insistent on hurting Dalton tonight-- no matter what it took. If it landed him in hospital, Louis wasn't worried and he would do anything to protect his boy. Zayn looked suspicious, watching him carefully but didn't utter a word as Louis left the hotel room. He looked back at Harry one last time, nodding and smiling before backing down the stairs and straight into the car that was waiting for him.
Thankfully, there wasn't many fans waiting around which was surprising because of the outburst he had with the paparazzi. He was expecting people, news reporters, thousands of fans to just catch a glimpse of him but it was completely empty, quiet and Louis wondered whether their management paid everyone to fuck off. Then again, when was their management ever so friendly? He highly doubted that happened.
Alberto was in the car, his lips stretched into a frown and his eyes written with worry as he watched Louis settle down in the seat. "Young man, what was this all over the news?" He brought up the topic straight away, not wasting time.
Louis tried not to sigh loudly. Right now, his own position and the fact that he had literally tried to commit suicide wasn't on his mind. Harry invaded his personal thoughts, not allowing him to think anything else and he couldn't figure out whether it was a good or bad thing. "Alberto, I don't really know. It just happened."
"You nearly attacked a paparazzi, Louis." He sighed like he was tired of looking after him, like this wasn't the first time as he drove down the empty roads. "Where to?"
"Garden road." Louis said bitterly. That place brought nothing but bad memories back, flashbacks of Harry and Dalton sounding so lovingly together when it was all crumbling like pastries right before him. And yet again, he had no idea. Louis just watched on and assumed all was good, they were going well and he didn't even try to open his eyes and realise what Harry was going through.
Alberto looked concerned as he turned into their hometown, making ways down to the road. "Why Harry's house?"
"Just some things I need to do," he lied straight through his teeth, fiddling with his hair-- something he did ever so often when he was nervous. "Wait outside here, yeah?"
Alberto nodded when he parked outside the flat block, the long hour drive seeming to last forever, as he cut off the engine. He gave Louis a knowingly look, sighing. "Don't do anything stupid to bring yourself more negative light, yeah?"
Louis didn't even question how Alberto knew. His blood was boiling once again to be in front of the familiar place, just horrible thoughts running through his mind as pictures kept coming up on his mind of what could of happened. He was yet to learn the details, a part he was silently dreading, but he could just imagine it all. Harry was submissive, that was his nature and Dalton took that to his advantage and made Harry suffer for so many years in complete quiet. It was disgusting, something that Louis was already strongly against. He wasn't going to let this go lightly, he wanted Dalton bleeding and begging by the time Louis was done.
He didn't even answer back, climbing out of the car and running over to the house. He could feel his nerves spiking up now, his fists already clenched and ready to attack and nothing more felt this good. Louis wanted to get his hands dirty, after so long, and he didn't care how much he may have to pay after this. He only cared about one thing, one person after this long and if he couldn't save Harry-- it would be his worst nightmare.
He wasn't even thinking of what Harry would think, what he would say about this sudden spur of the moment decision but right now, Louis didn't even care. He rushed straight up the stairs, feeling more determined and more ready than anything.
He rang the doorbell, taking a brisk step back and taking deep breaths as he tried to control himself. When the door open and Louis was faced with the culprit, the person who caused all the pain and did this to Harry-- he couldn't help him, couldn't help back. He landed one hard blow, right to Dalton's pretty face with such force that Dalton staggered back into his apartment.
"The fuck?" He yelled, already red in the face and clearly hurt by the punch, nursing his face. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Louis laughed, shaking his head in disbelief as he entered right after him. "You fucking bastard." He muttered, punching him on the jaw, then managing to land one straight on his eyes that caused Dalton to fall straight to the floor. Louis was taken back by the power he had, how strong he was because he never had a reason to fight until now.
Dalton was bleeding, looking completely defeated and in amounts of pain. Louis stood over him, feeling more powerful than he ever had before. "You think you're going to get away with what you've done?" He asked, kicking him right in the ribs with his trainers-- hoping to hurt him, break his bones, leave him needing hospitalization.
Dalton groaned out loudly, doubling over and clutching his sides. He tried to rock side by side, to calm the pain down but nothing seemed to be working.
"Not so fun when it's the other way around, is it?" Louis carried on, kicking him again, right over his arms and not caring where it landed. "Not so fucking great now, is it?"
Dalton coughed out pathetically, spraying blood everywhere. "Son of a bastard, what are you talking back?"
And for that reason, Louis couldn't help but kick him again with all the force he had inside his tiny little frame. It was angering him, getting him worked up like nothing else and the fact that Dalton even had the nerve to deny it-- he wanted to carry on.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Louis screamed.
"Yeah, I do actually," Dalton tried to talk through his heavy breathing, the blood coming out of his mouth and forehead. "Harry, that weak fucking son of a bitch-- he deserved every singl-"
Louis cut him off, grabbing a handful of his hair and tightening his grip until his knuckles went white. He picked Dalton up, looking him straight dead in the eye before punching him again.
"You have done enough damage, you hear me?" He tried to talk, tripping over his words just by looking at Dalton. Louis was quite pleased with the outcome but he still wanted to do more. He knew this was enough, just enough to cause Dalton to reconsider ever coming near them. "You're going to fuck off, keep everything here. I'm taking Harry and you'll never hear of him again." He let go, pushing him back so Dalton fell back and banged his head against the counter-- once again, crying out in pain.
Louis was pleased, clapping his hand and sending Dalton one last hard look before running out of the place and hoping it was the last time he ever had to return.
**
When Louis returned back to the hotel, Harry was sittting on his own and using a laptop-- looking quite blissed and in his own world. Louis tried not to over think about how he was alone, how he wanted to kill Zayn for even thinking of leaving Harry here alone. He shrugged off his jacket, placing it on a chair as Harry looked up.
"Where were you?"
Louis smiled cockily. "Daddy gets high, but daddy takes care of business."
Harry's expression was priceless, looking confused and somewhat disturbed as he blushed deeply red and swatted Louis hard and playfully. "You fucker."
Louis felt satisfied with his answer, smugly placing himself on the bed next to Harry and pulling him into a soft hug. He felt terrible for going behind Harry's back but also knew he would never be allowed to do what he just did if the younger boy knew. Harry would've stopped him, straight away.
"I love you, you know?" Louis whispered as he gently coaxed Harry's hair, running a hand through his smooth and curly hair. "He's not going to hurt you anymore."
Harry frowned, immediately pulling away from the touch and frowning. "No, what did you do?"
He held his hands up in surrender, biting his lips slightly because he knew he was guilty. "I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened."
"He's going to hurt me Louis!" Harry whined, covering his face with his hands and groaning into it. He looked more distressed than ever, like this was the worst news he could ever receive. He reached over to Louis's hand, bringing it to his face and noticing the bloody knuckle. "You... idiot!" He shook his head, climbing out of bed.
Louis started to climb straight after but recieved a stern look from Harry which indicated to stay exactly where he was. He watched Harry go over to the kitchen, get a towel and plasters and a bandage and approach back.
"I don't want you hurting yourself over me, okay?" Harry whispered, looking upset over the blood as he gently wiped it away. It was like he had experience in this and it made Louis gutted as he watched the boy work away, cleaning it all up.
Louis gulped down the throat in his lump, not wanting to voice any words out as he watched in silent. "I can't help it. You're too perfect."
"What did you even do?"
Louis shook his head. "Ssh, no. We're not going to discuss Dalton for a while, okay? Baby, it's just you and me and this hotel room."
**
I've decided not to include smut in this fic. Initially, I was going to add a few scenes in where Louis was treating Harry but I decided it's too soon. Harry is still trying to recover from this whole 5 years of abuse and it's impossible for him to just start making out with another person after all he has been scarred.