🔔🔔🔔I don't know why you guys don't like Phoebe omg! Stop attacking her lmaoo, she's a good friend and her reasons for not liking Jacobe are valid. She only wants the best for Dawn and shame on y'all for bashing her just because she doesn't fw Jacobe. Who isn't a good/sane person by the way! Just cause he critiques her doesn't mean she's bad. They don't need to like each other. Even if Prince was in the wrong, Phoebe is still a person with feelings🚨🚨🚨
It was exceptionally cold today. I didn't stretch every day but on this intensely chilled morning I felt something I never did before. It startled me after I woke up and realized that I was completely enveloped in it and scary was not near articulate enough. It scared me even more when I had registered that despite my alarm, I didn't budge a leg from under the thick duvet. That staticky atrocious anger towards my parents for trying to separate me from Jacobe scorned my impression of them deeply.
There was no hesitation when rolling out the matt then beginning my starter positions to ease the sleep out of my body
How do I even still communicate with them with this new light of how they are? Are they protecting me or are they just scared of me making my own path in a way they themselves didn't organize?
My breath when rising from my downward dog had come out as a frustrated huff of dissatisfaction. I give up on calming myself down
Kicking the mat to the side I flop back down in bed and hit the youtube app, hoping to find some sort of peace within a Jenna Marbles video. Purposely I had set my alarm a tad earlier than usual to make sure I had that breathing room to maybe forgive my parents. I wasn't a defiant child, but I was old enough to recognize wrongs and rights.
When 7 finally came my eyes rolled back in annoyance, normally the beautiful sunrise calmed me but it only now reminded me of the awkwardness that came with this house.
None the less, I got dressed.
Sending my usual good morning texts to Phoebe and even Jacobe though he never responds to them. Always saying he would rather say those things in person, but I think it is his way of sneaking those adoring kisses
"Ugh" I press my hands to my face and hold my head skywards, never imagining I'd actually miss the boy
I wonder if he feels the same..
I slowly tap down the stairs, trying not to make my presence known.
"Dawn my star breakfast is..ready" mama says with her usual boisterous vocals. She too although inside was completely wrapped in an oversized sweater to shield the winter wind. But it cuts into a melancholic rhythm when she tip toes into the foyer only to not see me prepared for the food she had put together, but slipping on my snow boots. It had been heavy snow yesterday.
My scarf and winter coat layered around me but I could feel the icy stiffness in the room
"I made cereal earlier.." A lie. I seemed to be doing that a lot more lately. Of course I would being with a master of lies himself. But blaming Jacobe wont help.
"Oh..well that wont hold you the rest of the day, i'll get you some money" She quickly turns on her heels but I stop her
"Mom stop, it's okay. I'm fine really. Bye, love you" And I'm out the door into the cold, pulling my scarf over my nose. Squinting against the wind and hoping that I would get some time to chat with Jacobe today.
*******************
"I should've stayed home today, the fact that these selfish bastards didn't cancel school today reminds me of how evil the American educational system really is." Phoebe plops down in the seat beside me with her arms tightly coiled around her body with a grumpy pout that was meant to be serious but of course I laughed because shes so cute
"This isn't anything compared to a Serbian winter, now that was brutal"
Phoebe rolled her eyes "On your next destination, make it Maui and hit my line before you go so I can start packing a bag and learn to hula. I'm sick of this cold and these people"
I smile but keep my mouth closed, knowing of the people she detested but wouldn't give any names to thought. I looked down at my phone instinctively and saw no new messages. I let out a small disappointed sigh
"No texts from boo boo bear?" Phoebe teases
"None, and ew don't call him that pet names would never suit him" I laugh
"Mmm, I think crazy bastard rings just well with him"
"Do you have something that needs to be said to me Phoebe. I suggest it be said to me and not friend." The dark voice makes us both pick up our heads at the tall boy. Instead of his usual nothing, Jacobe actually made an effort and wore a a thin looking NorthFace jacket zipped all the way up to his neck and basic black gloves. I panic, too quickly to celebrate the victory of him actually dressing semi appropriate.
"You know what Vladkov-" My friend begins but I cut her off. The last thing I want is for a argument to break out between these two. "-Jacobe..Good morning, why didn't you answer my text?" I get up trying to change the subject.
The unforgiving gaze diverts to me but his eyes don't change
"I was busy, I will be busy for a while dear girl" This makes me a bit uneasy, normally he just tells me he is just not the kind of person to does good morning texts. But now something else was taking up his time. "Busy...? With what exactly?" School work was simply non existent in the Vladkov high school life, his friends were not exactly a laundry list nor were there current chaotic happenings within his own household. Unless that was failed to be mentioned.
But I didn't get an answer
Instead Jacobe's coal eyes do not blink. He does not flinch at my question. He is still like Marble
"Do not worry girl. Nothing that will send you to an early grave"
Was that meant to be a joke? I'll never know. His face rarely changes in the community of others and even a joke would not break the mask. Phoebe scoffs and diverts her attention to her phone while I try to silently get an answer. His thick palm is raised to my head. Petting my hair before diving down my cheek and when into the crevice of my neck gently, squeezes. I feel the security he outstretches to me. But not the truth.
"Alright, alright we're all ice cubes but I just asked the janitor to put on the heat so that were not all freezing while discussing the complexities of Notre dame and the Latin Renaissance" The instructor enters the room looking over dressed and extra large coffee in hand to keep her warm, enticing a hasty scramble of students to their respective seating. I turn from Jacobe and return back to my seat. He stalks quietly to the back of the class.
What kind of face was he making?
Was he looking at me?
Everything in my blood wanted me to look back. To give into my instant gratification.
Everything was fine, I had no reason- or rather no solid evidence that Jacobe was doing something wicked behind my back. I defend him in mind, body and spirit. However my own senses were things that I had always been unable to ignore. The early breaks from classes or the lack of communication I thought we built between each other. It now seemed like something I'd only made up. But I also did not want to be wrong about Jacobe. I want to believe he is the same person he is when we are in the comfort of our own privies together.
But then again, there are things that are perceived that aren't exactly reality
*************************************************
"Dawn"
Shivers run up my back when the hand coils around my upper arm, stopping me to an immediate halt without much force. Phoebe and I's laughter stops as I turn to meet the pale skinned beauty that I dreamed of. I know, I looked stupid but my smile was non negotiable when I slipped out of his hand and fully embracing his body. Smelling the clean linen that was probably newly washed- my favorite scent. Feeling more fueled as he reciprocated the action.
"..I'll see you later baby doll" Phoebe announces but leaves before I even get a chance to stop her, I sigh and roll my eyes further looking back to Jacobe who now carried a victorious smirk. "Can't you be nice to my friend? You know she doesn't like you"
"Her beef is one sided, I don't care. But I'm cordial because I want to make you happy" Jacobe squeezes both sides of my cheeks- giving me a fish face I bite down on my lips to control the silly smile threatening to appear
"Where have you been? I'd been texting you" While simultaneously trying to not quadruple text- especially since Jacobe is the annoying type to leave his read receipts on
"Class, unfortunately getting good grades is apart of parole. But I am leaving now" My happy demeanor plummets "I just wanted to let you know before I'm gone"
"Leaving? Again..?" I release my hold from him and step back. This was the third time this week he wad going again. Suspicious was an understatement.
"I have business to do, you need not-"
"To worry, yeah I get it but why can't you tell me if it's nothing to worry about?" My arms fold and my leg leans on my right. Something slight flashes across Jacobes face. He knows I'm right but wont say it. I scoff shaking my head
"Jacobe..I want to defend you but I can't if you don't talk to me." I didn't want my parents to be right. They couldn't be.
His jaw contorts south, pushing his cheek bones upwards while his nostrils flare..he was angry. Regardless, his domineering figure leans over to whisper the chilling words that might have been frostier than the air
"Isn't it good that I don't need someone like you to cosign."
Jacobes lips leave the only bit of warmth from him on my cheek
Then he's gone
********************
Phoebe painted her thumb with the crimson red paint then raised her hand high above her to take in the view. "I know your family has been all over the world but how the hell did y'all manage to get rattle snake nail polish" her giddy laughter carried miles as she flounced backwards on my bed still taking in the color
"Well it definitely didn't come off of the shelves at walmart" I smile folding my legs under me but never taking my eyes off of my phone to the dog videos. "I made it myself in Peru- all of the local women and girls used it as a defense against rape and sex trafficking. All it takes is one jab in the eye or mouth and the bastard is down for the count" I recall being so disgusted by the thought of being assaulted that I decided extra venom would serve appropriate for the polish.
"You know you would make a killing at The Barn selling these" She suggests but my eyes roll "Oh please so that we can constantly hear on the news about another mysterious guy dying from snake poison? yeah fucking right"
"Ugh too true, with the amount of unsolicited ass slapping going on in that place it would practically go extinct." I take the polish from her hands, thinking back to a time when I wore the polish religiously out of my own anxiety. I'd stopped, not knowing my own power on situations and how dangerous it was to myself as well as others.
I never was in any real danger to use it, but my senses as of lately made me..weary. Jacobe left early today..again. He wont tell me where he's going. Just that I shouldn't worry. We haven't even been on a real..anything now thinking about it. No dates and barely seeing each other. Kisses in the school hallways or whenever he sneaks into my room after midnight looking like he'd just been mauled.
"Jacobe is.." I begin "Jacobe is going to do something soon" I turn to my friend who now has her usually dulled eyes whenever the boy is mentioned. "He is being secretive, moving like war..I know you hate him. I'm not asking you to love him but Phebes..Am I getting ahead of myself here?"
Phoebe licks her glossed lips and sits up, taking my hands in hers
"Dawn. It's no doubt in my mind that Jacobe likes you. I've never seen him give a woman the time of day past sex. But even though I've known him all of my life, he is not what any of us might think he is. He is always two steps ahead. The Barn and his stink attitude isn't the only reason people stay clear of Jacobe. I told you that I would let you figure it out because I cannot tell you what to do. Although he has been in this town for years, no one. And I mean no one truly knows who Jacobe Vladkov is except for Jacobe Vladkov." Phoebe leans closer, her voice never going higher than a whisper "And he is worse than nightmares. Because he is real."