Langraaf, Netherlands June 8 1992
It was a couple of weeks into the GNR tour, and I think I was finally getting in to the groove of keeping the guys to a schedule. Lucky for me, they're pretty good at wanting to be on time which makes everything else easier, but I can tell they are getting bored with having to stick to a schedule all the time.
We are currently on the tour bus on our way to Landgraaf for the Pink Pop Festival that is held every year at the beginning of the summer. GNR have a week off for a much needed rest, but Over the last couple of weeks though, it's become quite apparent that Axl has been really flirting with me when Chris isn't around. I mean it's fine because I am definitely not interested in Axl at all. I'm a fan and that's it. I don't think I'm flirting back... I mean, I'm nice to him when he's talking to me but the way he looks at me sometimes is starting to make me feel weird. At first I didn't really think anything of it but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe this week off the GNR tour will help me just relax about it.
Right now, I'm having trouble sleeping in my tiny bunk in the back with Chris sleeping above me. I hate sleeping in this little bunk by myself. I much rather try and get a hotel room, even if it is just a cheap room but there were none available on our way to Landgraaf. Frustrated and annoyed that I can't sleep, I climb out of my bunk, adjust my P.J's and glance up at Chris who seemed to be sleeping soundly laying on his back with his one arm under his head. I wish I could crawl in there with him and have him hold me so I could fall asleep but we both won't fit. I lift myself up a little and place a kiss on his bare chest and hear him stir a little but still doesn't wake up. I then make my way to the front of the bus closing the divider behind me. I grab a seat at the dinning table and take out my planner and decide to go over the schedule for the day. I wasn't exactly sure what time is was but it was still dark outside.
While I'm going over the schedule, I hear the divider open and I glance back to see Kim rubbing his eyes to focus in the dim light of the bus.
"Hey, Andi..." He says with his groggy sleep voice.
"Hey, I didn't wake you did I?" I ask quietly.
"No... just can't sleep," Kim says as he sits down at the table across from me.
"Yea me either," I say and look down at the schedule.
"Trying to sleep on a bus can suck sometimes, especially when it's moving around as much as this one is," Kim says as he pulls out a cigarette and lights it up.
"Yea..."
"Knowing Chris, I'm surprised he's sleeping... I would've thought he would be the one out here," Kim says.
"Or trying to crawl into my bunk and getting frustrated cause he can't fit," I giggle.
"Did he actually try that?" Kim chuckles.
"Yea... I mean not to... I mean just to sleep but he got mad and went back into his bunk," I laugh remembering the incident. He was so adorable trying to fit in with me, trying to help me fall asleep but it didn't work. Kim smirks and takes a drag off his cigarette then exhales a cloud of smoke.
"So what's on the schedule for today boss?," Kim smirks and takes another drag.
"Well... you and Chris have an interview with Kerrang magazine... one of the editors has set it up before the show... um... looks like it's for 1:00pm today... the meeting's at a pub... Overste Hof...or something..." I laugh trying to pronounce the name and Kim chuckles.
"Then just your show..."
"Cool..." Kim says puffing his smoke.
"What..?" I ask after a few moments of silence with Kim giving me a thoughtful look.
"You know we haven't really talked in a while... just you and me... everything ok with you?" Kim puffs his smoke.
"Yea... I guess so..." I say a little off guard but I know where he's coming from. We haven't really talked in a long time. He's usually always the one I run to when Chris are fighting, though that's not very often, or just when I need someone else's perspective on things.
"Well... I don't know... there's something that's been bothering me for a bit but... I could be reading way too much into it..." I trail off as I close my planner and a little more silence between us takes over.
"Go on..." Kim encourages.
"Well... I don't even know how to bring this up and I don't want to sound paranoid or anything... but Axl has been really weird with me... like flirting but not in a way I'm comfortable with.... like... I don't know how to explain it," I confess.
"Have you said anything to Chris?" Kim asks.
"Not really"
"Then you gotta tell him," Kim says.
"Well I know but I don't want to start a fight, or make it weird... I don't know... I never told him about Eddie and even tho-"
"Wait, what? What happened with Eddie?" Kim cuts me off and I realize that I said a little too much.
Shit.
"Ok... when I was going though the stuff with my mom, when Chris and I were apart, and I was confused and shit.... I met Eddie before Chris ever introduced him to me but I didn't know it was Eddie-Eddie... if that makes sense?"
"Uh huh," Kim says gesturing me to keep going.
"So while I was stupid and shutting out Chris, I started to hang out with Eddie a few times, nothing serious, just friends like... whatever right?" I say quietly and Kim nods.
"There was one time Eddie and I were hanging out, we grabbed some food... no big deal... totally innocent... just friends. Eddie walked me home and when he was about to say goodbye to me, he kissed me," I say as I look at Kim.
"Ok," Kim says still not getting it.
"No I mean, like kissed me-kissed me,"
"Oh," Kim says flatly.
"I stopped the kiss obviously... " I trail off as Kim looks away thinking for a moment.
"At that point I hadn't even mentioned anything about Chris to Eddie so Eddie had no idea. Then when Chris and I got back together, I never mentioned anything to Chris about Eddie cause... I don't know... like I said, I was stupid and confused..."
"Andi, don't say that," Kim says.
"Well... I felt that way... anyways, I never told Chris and when Chris finally officially introduced me to Eddie after we had made up and everything... we just played it off like we just met for the first time, which was the night at The Moore Theatre like a year ago. Eddie has never told Chris and neither have I, cause... it was nothing," I explain.
"Nothing else happened between you and Eddie?"
"No, Nothing else... but now I feel like the same thing is about to happen with Axl this time. Like, Axl is super extra flirty with me and it's... I don't know,"
"Andi you gotta tell him," Kim says.
"I know... I... I was just so messed up when I found out my mother was dying. I just didn't want to feel it anymore... you know? It's even worse now that she's gone... I try to keep it together... and not think about it... I can't sleep and I keep having weird dreams... that are like, so vivid... and I don't want to think about how much I miss her..." I confess even more as I look down at my planner and play with the clasp.
"Have you told him that?" Kim asks.
"No..."
"Andi..." Kim gives me a look
"I know... but I can't..." I say still looking down at my planner.
"You're telling me right now though," Kim says.
"Yea..." I say and trail off thinking about how much Kim is right.
"If I know Chris... and trust me I do... He's gonna understand... of all people he will understand.... you just gotta let it out or it's gonna eat at you... and I wouldn't want to see anything happen to you two. I mean let's fucking face it, you two are made for each other," Kim chuckles a little and I look up at him and smirk.
"I have never seen him fight for anyone like the way he did to get you back... He wrote a fucking song about you... a few actually... like, he never did that before, not even with Susan," Kim says and takes another drag of his smoke.
"He told me what happened with her... and I feel like I just did what she did..." I say looking back down and playing with the clasp again.
"No, Andi... not even close... she fucked him up big time..." He says and exhales a cloud of smoke and I look up at him confused.
"He told you about her and Bruce right?"
"Yea..." I say.
"Well he wasn't the only one... Bruce was just a one time thing that he happened to walk in on. She was fucking around with a lot of guys... there was Jim Tillman from the U-Men... Alex Vincent from Green River... like... everyone knew and Chris didn't which made it awkward when we used to hang out with those guys. Well I don't think Jeff or Stone knew but... trust me, you didn't do anything close to that," Kim says and takes another drag of his smoke.
As I sit there with Kim telling me all the stuff that Susan did to Chris, I swear I could never ever do that. I mean I know Eddie and I kissed but that seems so innocent now compared to what Susan did.
"Andi... you just gotta talk to him about it,"
"I know...just... not yet... I gotta find the right time... somehow"
Fuck, I hate this.
•••
Later on that morning we finally arrive in Landgraaf and went to the last hotel that I could find to get a room for me and the guys. I had made the mistake of leaving the booking until the last minute and couldn't find any rooms available for the night. Of course I would fuck this up.
"There is one room left, well more like 2 rooms that are connected to each other and they both only have single beds," The receptionist says.
"Are you sure? I mean... there's five of us," I plead standing at the desk while the guys stood behind me.
"I'm sorry," She says giving me a sympathetic look. I feel defeated and stressed out all at the same time. I haven't slept and you could clearly see it all over my face. All I wanted was a shower and a nap. I turn and look back at the guys and I think they could tell I was exhausted.
"Babe, it's fine.... we'll make it work," Chris says.
"Ok... We'll take it..." I exhale as I turn back to the receptionist. She nods at me and sets us up with the room and hands me the key. We all grab our bags and head up to the room and as soon as we walk in, we notice just how small it is. It had the two single beds, one on each side of the adjacent room, a small love seat and chair with a little table between them and a small washroom with the tiniest shower stall I had ever seen. This sucked.
"Well hey, at least there's a love seat and a chair in here..." Matt says as he sets his bag down.
"That bed is mine!" Kim says as he walks over to one of the beds.
"I don't think so," Ben says.
"Sorry... claimed it" Kim says and sits down on the bed closest to the window.
"Fuck man, let me have it," Ben says with a bit of a whine.
"Nope... I'm older... it's mine," Kim smirks.
"Really? You're gonna play that card?" Ben chuckles.
"Yep, I'm the oldest so I need a bed... you can sleep on the floor..." Kim smirks and Chris looks at both of them and starts to laugh. Oh fuck, what did I get myself into?
...
A little bit later I was able to shower quickly and change but there was no time for a nap. After we were all able to freshen up and change, we had to meet downtown at the pub for the magazine interview with Kerrang. Ben and Matt decided to head to the festival early to meet with the crew and make sure things were set to go, so I could get the interview set up for Chris and Kim.
We arrive at the pub and the editor turns from the far table that was beside the large window, sees Chris first and waves us over.
"Hi, I'm Lonn, it's so great to meet you guys. You must be Andrea right?" He says standing up from his seat as we approach the table and he shakes my hand.
"Um, yea... sorry we're a little late... traffic," I smile at him returning the handshake.
"It's no problem, I had a hell of a time getting here myself... the roads are crazy here," Lonn smiles at me.
"Oh I know, Everyone drives on the wrong side of the road..."I giggle a little and look up at Chris realizing that joke was not funny at all, but Lonn chuckles with me while Chris gives raises his eyebrow at me.
"I'm sure you already know... uh, this is Chris and Kim..." I say a little nervously gesturing to them as Chris changes his expression and gives me the cutest smirk ever which eases me a little.
"Uh yes, it's good to finally meet you in person," Lonn says as they shake hands. I look down at my notes in my planner and brief Chris and Kim on Lonn and what the interview is about, obviously letting them know Lonn travelled a long way for this interview so it's not going to be your typical 'Do you compare yourselves to Led Zepplin?' or 'Chris, you sing like Robert plant... can you elaborate' type of shit.
"Alright...I'll uh leave you guys to it just let me know if you need anything, I'll be up at the bar, " I smile feeling Chris' gaze as he smiles so cutely at me. I think he can tell I'm nervous as all fuck but I'm trying to be confident and act like I know what I'm doing.
"Thanks baby," Chris says so sweetly to me and leans down to place a quick kiss on my lips.
"You're welcome," I smile when he pulls away from me. I give him a gentle tap on his chest then make my way to the bar with my planner, order myself a Jack and Coke and look over the schedule.