Chapter 153 part 2 Pain
Yuki lays there in Kaname's arms, Trying to catch her breath. He holds her tight not wanting to let her go. Feeling happy that she went to him.
She knows this was a mistake. That it would only make him think, things were better. When they were far from the truth. She was hoping that taking his blood, and having sex with him, would curb her feelings. Make them go away. Take the pain away, but they didn't. Her throat wasn't on fire like it was, but she wasn't fully satisfied at all. Either in blood or sex. Her want was still there. Her desire still burned for Zero. Thoughts of him, still ran through her mind, making her hazy. These feelings controlled her mind and body.
"Is this what he went through? Is this why he screwed all those? God, I hurt. I still hurt. My body feels like it's over an open flame." Yuki says to herself.
She stays there not moving, trying to get some rest. Just waiting for morning to come. Feeling there isn't much she could do at the moment anyway. At least the pain wasn't as intense as it was.
"Good morning my love," Kaname says. "Morning," Yuki replies. "Are you feeling better? I know something came over you last night. I enjoyed whatever it was. Anytime you have the need just come to me." Kaname states. "Thank you. I fear that might not be fair of me." Yuki replies. "I am more than willing to help you fight any demons you are going through. I rather you come to me than go to someone else. I know it's going to take you a long time to get over him. If that is what you're trying to do. I don't mind if you use me. In the past, it was quite fun being used by you." Kaname admits. "I am glad you're not hurt by it. I...just ...feel..."Yuki starts saying and stops.
"What? You know you can say anything to me. I know that nothing will compare to the real thing. I understand that now."Kaname states. "No, I am sorry but nothing does. I see what he went through. How it burns. Even after your with someone else. It just makes it lighter for the time while doing it. Then comes back full force. It's crazy." Yuki confesses. "Its what the bond does. You do what you need to do. I am here for you. At least, I can take off some of the pain. I enjoy being with you in that way Yuki. In every way, if we are being honest." Kaname replies. "I know you do. I do also. I want you to know that." Yuki says. "I know," Kaname replies.
The morning goes on, both of them heading downstairs to have breakfast. Yuki still fighting with her demons, Which only have grown stronger. Kaname's blood did nothing. The edge it took off at the beginning was now over. Her need increased.
She knows she needs the rest of the pills that are left to maybe help her a little. So she heads downstairs to the lab.
"Hanabusa, may I please have the remaining of the pills that are left," Yuki says. "Sure, There is only a hand full. I also do not have any more of his blood left to make more." Hanabusa states. "I will just take these, thank you." She replies.
She walks away going back upstairs not even able to wait till she gets up them to pop one of the pills into her mouth. Once her tongue hits it, a feeling of calm sweeps over her. She swishes it around in her mouth, savoring all its taste. Letting it run down her parched throat soothing it. She closes her eyes and just enjoys the favor, the scent, the way it makes her feel. Nothing else could ever compare.
She takes a seat in the den, just thinking what was she going to do? If he did leave for good, how would she survive? Could she get over this? It was tons worse than before. Even though she was stronger now, her want for him didn't change. If anything it grew. She sat there wondering if he felt the same? And if so why hasn't he called? or came home? Was he over her? Was he going to do what he planned from the start? So many things ran through her mind.
She feels empty and alone not even having Kaname makes her feel any better. She knew she couldn't do this for the rest of her life. She knew what Zero said was true. Kaname couldn't make her happy. He was trying and they were a lot better than what they were in the past. She loved him and loved even being with him. Just the ache in her heart, she couldn't control. She just wasn't happy or complete without Zero in her life.