"What if I told you I'm incapable of tolerating my own heart?"
- Virginia Woolf
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I sighed, exhaling a stream of smoke as I glared up at the ripe moon, full of indecision. Jim and I had been staying with Dutch's gang for over a week now, and my shoulder was not a pressing issue any longer.
The past week had been a blur of activity- after apprehending the serial killer I'd gone on a number of jobs for my daddy- with Mr. Morgan, no less, and much to Jim's vexation. Those two argued like nobody else, and no one in camp was blind as to the reason why. I mean the look Arthur gave me each time I went to bed with Jim was enough to have the blood pounding in my ears.
From the pointed looks and veiled questions Jim's been giving me over the last two days, I knew he was wondering why I hadn't brought up leaving. He was a patient man, but seeing Arthur Morgan everyday was taking it's toll, and time was ticking.
I knew it wouldn't be long before Jim would be confronting me over my reluctance to move on from the gang and properly get back to life as The Viper. I was too scared to admit to him that I'd grown comfortable here, after finding an easy rhythm with the other folks, the sense of camaraderie was sweet.
Plus, seeing my daddy and Hosea every day was golden. And Arthur...
I sighed again, bitterly sucking on my cigarette. Stupid, stupid, stupid. My clumsy, foolish heart was right back at it, forever skipping beats whenever he looked my way. And I couldn't hide how physically affected I was anytime he moved close or put his hands on me.
Just the other day he'd tightly grasped my waist to stop me from falling after I lost my balance while hunting, and the sound that escaped me was enough to stain my cheeks red. Arthur had really enjoyed it though, and I'd taken off in a hurry to nurse my embarrassment elsewhere.
I'd been berating myself constantly these past few days, irritated that I'd dropped my eight year grudge.
You always were a silly girl, I reminded myself, feeling frustrated tears gather in my eyes. How I was going to solve the situation between myself, Jim, and Arthur I didn't know. I knew the minute Jim and I mention leaving the gang is the minute Arthur will kick up a fuss. I didn't want that drama, and I didn't think I even wanted to leave.
Shit. I viciously wiped my eyes, feeling sick to death of my misery, and the situation. I shook my head, trying to physically erase the thoughts from my brain. I'd never get any peace at this rate- the same topics had been swirling in my mind for hours on end.
A sound stirred behind me, and I threw my cigarette out, turning to see the camp mostly settled in for the night.
Jim was around the campfire, sitting and listening to that sweet Mary-Beth read aloud from one of her romance novels. They were slightly obscured by the tent to my right, and my heart twisted seeing the peaceful intimacy between them.
If only Jim had met her first, I surprised myself by thinking. The usual guilt swelled inside me, and I reached for another cigarette.
I turned back towards the moon, luminous in the sky. A branch snapped behind me, and I shifted, laying my hand on my gun. I was greeted by Arthur Morgan, holding his hands up in mock alarm.
"Easy there, Ava Grace, I ain't looking to get shot." Arthur quipped, lighting a match and holding it out for my cigarette.
A small smile played on my face as I lit my cigarette, mirroring the one on his. I stepped back, exhaling a puff of smoke and facing the picturesque view of the moon again. Arthur copied my actions, standing alongside me, close enough for our arms to almost touch.
We were quiet for a few minutes, companionably so, though there was the undercurrent of sexual awareness that always earmarked the moments we were alone. I shivered slightly, thinking of when we danced, how his arms had felt around me.
I slid a covert glance over to him, taking in the broad set of his shoulders and the corded tension of his hands and forearms. I shifted, feeling the heat well as my thoughts went further and further down their sordid path. Christ.
"Do you think I'm blind, Ava?" Arthur gruffly asked, making me jolt out of my illicit daydream. My cheeks flushed, and I sent a sidelong glance at him, noticing how he crossed his arms over his chest, causing his muscles to bulge deliciously. "You keep looking at me like that and Jim McCleary will finally have a real reason to kick my ass." Arthur stated, finally meeting my eyes.
There was an almost savage tone to his voice, hinting at a need so deep it tugged at something inside me, sending tingles down my spine. His gaze seemed knowing, and I gulped, embarrassed that he seemed to be able to hear what I was thinking. Wordlessly, I averted my eyes and passed him the burning cigarette, unable to keep from biting my lip as his fingers brushed mine.
Arthur let out a low groan that had my gaze snapping up to meet his. Eyes dark, he tossed aside the cigarette, his hand hesitantly reaching out. His thumb wandering up to rub over my bottom lip, releasing it from it's trap between my teeth. I let out an audible whimper at the feel of his calloused hand on my face, and his grip firmed, tilting my chin up.
"Arthur," I cautioned, tone low and full of want.
We both knew well where this was heading. I was shocked at the sound of my own voice, not recognizing the husky, needy tones as mine. His breathing had hitched as I said his name, and I felt his other arm sliding around my waist and pressing me firmly against his body. I gasped at the feel of him, and his hand lowered down my back to press me firmly against his arousal.
"A-arthur," I said again, stuttering as my hips helplessly rubbed against his. "W-we should stop before this gets out of hand." I said softly as he lowered his face into the crook of my neck, trailing his lips along the soft curve.
"It was out of hand the minute you bit your lip." Arthur growled in my ear. "You smell so damn good, Ava." He added, pressing a kiss to where my pulse beat hotly. I moaned quietly into his ear, sliding my hands up to the broad set of his shoulders.
"S-stop, stop." I whispered, as he continued to press open mouthed kisses to the sensitive skin of my throat. "Arthur, I can't."
He drew back slightly, eyes searching mine in the dark. We didn't release our hold on one another, and I was painfully aware of how he was still lazily grinding his hips into mine, a steady rhythm continuously provoking me. I bit my lip again, against a moan, as he pressed against a particularly vulnerable place. The grin that edged his lips was wicked with intent, as was the hoarse chuckle he let escape.
"I'll make you a deal, darlin'," Arthur finally said, after a few fraught moments of pleasure. "One kiss, and I'll leave you alone." His grip on me tightened. "For tonight."
I swallowed, my mind racing, the temptation growing with every teasing brush of his hips against mine.
"Alright, one kiss." I agreed hesitantly, knowing I was in over my head. I slid my hands up his shoulders and around his neck, sidling just that bit closer. Arthur lowered his head, teasing as his lips ghosted over mine repeatedly. I sunk my nails into his shoulders in retaliation, smiling at his subsequent grunt.
"Do your worst." I whispered against his lips, causing him to laugh breathlessly. My lips curved at the sound, feeling a surge of contentment. The moment felt so right, the anticipation almost as sweet as we had been when we were younger.
Abruptly, he fisted a hand in my hair and drew my head back, causing me to gasp before his mouth was on mine. A thrill went through me as he took advantage of my parted lips, kissing me deeply, possessively- his hands relentlessly gripping and moving over my flushed body. I was frantic, the rough scrape of his beard against my face and the punishing force of his mouth against mine was driving me wild. I shoved my hands into his hair, grabbing ahold and urging him harder over me. He accepted my offering with a muttered curse, one of his legs moving between mine as he gathered me closer. Arthur growled, pulling back and gazing triumphantly down at my swollen lips and dazed eyes. He set his mouth to my throat again, the needy kisses and bites bruising the soft flesh as he whispered over and over, "mine."
The possessive litany had me trembling under the weight of his need, his hand firmly gripping my behind as he urged me harder into the stiff pressure of his erection, my soft moans in his ear spurring him on.
"Such a good girl for me," He growled, taking my lips again. I was helpless against my own desire, the situation had spiraled outside of my control. I knew my brain would catch up to my actions soon- and I'd be buried in a mountain of guilt- but it all felt too good to stop. Finally having Arthur holding me the way I'd dreamed of since I was sixteen.
"You going to cum for me Ava Grace?" Arthur groaned against my lips, as I clutched him tighter, hooking a leg around his hip and settling him where I needed him most. He kissed me greedily, as if to swallow the sounds that were fracturing the silence of the night.
"Arthur," I whispered, feeling tears well in my eyes as the sensations all coalesced. I shuddered in his embrace, he held me tightly as I gave in to the voluptuous rush of my orgasm. Arthur groaned, muffling my cries with his kisses.
Afterwards, I was shaking, but aware of the gentle kisses Arthur was pressing against my mouth, the soothing caress of his hands against my back. I pulled away, pressing my face against his chest in shame as he gathered me in a tight hug.
"What did we just do?" I asked weakly, though I was fully aware of the answer. Arthur pulled back to look into my eyes, no doubt reading the roiling emotions within them.
"We just decided what it's going to be like between us from here on out." Arthur stated, his hand beneath my chin in an effort to keep me from looking away. "Which mean we need to talk to Jim."
I could feel my lower lip trembling, my eyes welling with tears as the riotous emotions gathered within me, most prominently guilt and confusion.
Oh god, how could I have done this? How could I have betrayed Jim this way?
I was aware of Arthur's stormy gaze, his eyes reading the nuances of my expression and trying to understand it. He hugged me again, and I let out a low sob. Arthur sighed, his breath blowing hot against my ear.
"It'll be alright, Ava." He muttered gruffly, aware that I needed to be consoled, though he wished it wasn't the case. It was clear I was hurting over the soon-to-be-end of my relationship with Jim, and the reality of that was eating away at Arthur like acid. Arthur pulled back again, fixing me with a domineering stare.
"You're mine now, darlin', It'll be alright." He leaned in to press a kiss to my lips. It was slow, passionate- a juxtaposition to the relentless claiming of his kisses from before. I moaned, sliding my palms up his chest.
We were both so enamored with one another that we didn't hear the footsteps behind us.
"Ava Grace?"
Arthur and I broke apart, and I felt my stomach drop as I took in the man who'd discovered us. Oh shit.