Nikki's POV
Harry was in and out of consciousness for the past 15 minutes. I must've screamed for a banana and some juice for 10 of those minutes.
"Shouldn't we be calling 911?!" My assistant, Kiko, hands me the items I demanded.
"I'm 90% sure his blood sugar is low. I want to avoid having his personal business become a headline. Call Anne, please." I sit Harry up and prop him against me. My security caught him when he went down which made me a little suspicious. It seems like he knew it was coming.
"C'mon baby, you need to drink the juice..." I tap on his cheeks with the cup at his lips. His groan is a good sign and he takes a small sip. I rub his back, thankful that he starts to drink more until the cup is empty.
"What..." He coughs and leans his head on my shoulder. "What happened?"
"You fainted...eat this." I hand him the banana. I was trying not to freak out. I feel angry but that's because I'm so scared of losing him.
"What's going on?! Harry???" Anne runs over to us sitting on the ground. "You're whiter than a sheet, dear! Let's get you to a doctor!
"NO!" Harry shouts, making is mother recoil slightly from his outburst. "I mean, no...I'm fine." He nibbles on the banana with shifty eyes. He knows raising his voice was a mistake.
"No, you're not, fine." Anne speaks lowly. It's the first time I've ever seen her angry, jaw clenching much like Harry's does when he's agitated.
I tighten the robe that my assistant thankfully threw on me before Anne came down. My body feels hot in embarrassment at exposing myself for others to see when Harry had come to watch me on set. Nudity doesn't bother me, but I made that call without asking. I wanted him to watch me and I wanted others to watch him watch me.
My mind was so fucking clouded with dirty thoughts that I forgot when he last ate an entire meal. Was he really at the gym for the last 2 hours?! I'm not taking care of him like I should be. Yesterday was chaos. I should've made sure that he was okay.
"We'll call a medical concierge service to come to our suite. They'll be discreet." I put my hand up when Harry shakes his head. "Don't argue with me right now. If it were me, you would've put me in an ambulance then had me taken to the most private sector of a hospital by now."
He opens his mouth then shuts it again. He knows I'm right. My man would go above and beyond for me.
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A doctor came to the hotel a half hour later to look him over. He was dehydrated, which was out of character for him. It was rare to see Harry without a bottle of water in his hand. He was attached to an IV as the doctor continued looking over his vitals and asking him some questions.
I sat in a chair in the corner, balled up in his yellow jumper from this morning. I was worried sick. He really did appear thinner. His anxiety attacks were no longer everyday, but when they do happen they're worse than ever before.
Maybe, it's me.
Maybe I broke him.
"Baby...?" Harry stood in front of me.
"Oh, is the doctor gone?" My voice comes out raspy. "Did I fall asleep? Are you okay? I'm mad at you!"
"Woah, one thing at a time! He left awhile ago. You've been rocking back and forth. I'm okay...sorry I ruined your shoot." He sits on the ottoman across from me. I'm hugging my knees to my chest and it's only now that I've realized I've been like this for awhile. My arms are burning and my back is achy.
Harry hooks his arms under my knees and gingerly stretches my legs out. My shaky arms automatically hug my middle.
"Doctor says it was my blood sugar. Mum just ordered enough room service for a small army." Harry's tone was light like him fainting was nothing but a doozy. I notice him flex his wrist in discomfort.
"Harry, I think you need to actually commit to therapy. You're eating less and less. We both do the same thing when we're stressed! I was so scared! What were you doing at the fucking gym for 2 hours?!" I might as well lay it out now with his family in the next room to back me up if I needed it. They're concerned, too.
"I had those three sessions months ago. I'm fine. I...I lost track of time at the gym. You know I like to read when I run." He's mumbles and avoids all eye contact.
"You're a terrible liar." I reach out to gently massage his achy wrist. "And for fuck's sake, please go to the doctor about your wrist!"
"It'll be fine in 20 minutes."
"EVERYTHING IS CLEARLY NOT FINE!" My chin wobbles in an attempt to hold back a sob. "You're not okay, monkey. Please stop being so stubborn!"
I'm a sniffling mess when I crawl into his lap, still cradling his wrist to me. He tucks my head under his chin, the both of us trying to find comfort in each other. I hear him sniff then let out a sob into my hair.
"I need to be strong for you...trying to be man enough." He is speaking so quietly, but I hear him. I can hear him even if he doesn't tell me. It's in his actions. It's in his eyes. It's in the way he puts me first in everything now.
"You are more than man enough, don't be silly." I kiss up his jaw. "It's okay if you're not okay. You got me and I got you. Besides, I handled myself for a long time without you."
"Would you prefer being without me? You left before." He mutters the last part more to himself, but I heard him.
I wasn't expecting that.
That stung.
I scooted off his lap as the bad kind of goosebumps begin to spread across my skin. Is he still trying to guilt trip me for leaving him? Is that really what's bothering him?
Before I could muster up an answer, Anne walks in to let us know that the food is here. Harry walks out too fast for someone who fainted not too long ago.
I was waiting for the ground to swallow me up.
Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.
"Everything alright, dear?" Anne rubs my back in concern.
I don't want to lie to his mother nor do I want to tell on him and agitate him even more.
"I'm worried about him." I bite my tongue, willing my eyes to stop from watering.
"Me, too. I've been worried for awhile. He's very stubborn...reckon he gets that from his father." She shakes her head.
Harry never talks about his dad. Perhaps I'm used to daddy issues and I know not to ask.
"He never talks about him."
"Their relationship is complicated. Desmond has changed for the better now, but he had a bit of drinking problem when we were married. Harry witnessed things as a little boy that he's never been able forgive him for." Anne eyes gloss over with haunted memories. She blinks and her twinkle returns. "Come eat before it gets cold."
I've forgiven my dad. I've also forgiven my mother and sister even if I choose to no longer be associated with them. I forgive them because I've also forgiven myself for putting up with so much bullshit for my entire life.
It's time for Harry to do the same thing. Albeit, he's being fucking petty about me leaving him. I'm sorry for walking out on in him, but the breakup had to happen. He can't hold that over me after what he did. I feel flat out disrespected, but I'm not going to make a scene in front of his family.
Eat dinner and play nice, Nikki.
Be a lady until they're asleep.
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I haven't said a word to Harry in the past 3 hours. It wasn't difficult because he wasn't paying much attention to me either. He knew he fucked up. After dinner they all started playing Scrabble. I politely declined to play, telling Robin I had some work to do.
It wasn't a complete lie. I did have to look over my schedule for the next 2 weeks and send out my thoughts on the blueprints for my tour stages. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
How did showing Harry support and encouragement on getting help backfire on me? Ha, I wonder how many times he asked himself this same question when it was the other way around. We can both be so temperamental.
He's still only 22.
For fuck's sake when I was 22, I was for lack of better words, extremely fucked up. I was drunk and high everyday, sometimes both. I was completely lost.
Harry is so sure of himself. He knows what he wants. He's ready for marriage and kids. He's ready to deal with my moody ass for FOREVER. That must be what this is...he's made his way of the honeymoon phase.
No, no, no. I'm overthinking like usual.
He has real issues with himself that he has to work out. I hate how I become so self involved. My mind is always reeling on how I've done something wrong or how I could've been better.
Is victimized selfishness a thing?
In a means to try and distract myself, I hop onto Instagram and smile at the positive posts about my album. I laugh at Taylor's various video clips of her reacting to some of the songs. I cried at videos of fans crying about how much they love the album and what it means to them. I'm back to laughing when I watch the Carpool Karaoke video and relive the silly moments.
Then it suddenly dawns on me.
For the first time in my entire life, I hadn't thought of my twin brother on our birthday. It was a busy day, sure, but I never forget about him.
My heart drops into my stomach.
Happy belated birthday, Jack.
Harry always walks in like he has some sort of internal alarm that goes off when I'm about to have a breakdown. He knows I'm mad at him with his puppy dog eyes and invisible tail between his legs. No one can resist a pouty Harry.
No one can resist him period.
Resist. Resist. Resist!
"I wanna be alone right now." I walk into the bathroom and as I'm about to shut the door, Harry puts his hand out to keep it open.
"I didn't mean what I said in the way that you thought I meant it."
"I know..." I wrinkle my nose.
"You clearly don't." He taps my nose. I physically can't lie to this monkey.
"Ok, fine. You hurt my feelings. It doesn't matter what you meant by it." I forcibly shut the door and lock it. Within seconds the knob starts to wiggle. "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY PICKING THE LOCK?!"
"You're upset! Let me make it right! We need to fight better! That's one thing I learned from therapy! See!" Harry bellows through the door.
"I don't want to fight! Just leave me alone right now, please! SEE, I'm asking nicely!" I huff and turn on the shower hoping that he got the hint.
I wait a few minutes because when Harry sets his mind on something there's no stopping him. Finding relief in the silence, I remove my clothes and step into the shower. The scalding water did nothing to wash away the guilt.
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Harry's POV
I sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her to come out. She has been so happy lately and I went and ruined it. I'm a hypocrite of the grandest kind. I really should practice what I preach about loving oneself and taking care of yourself, blah blah blah.
I'm not doing anything on purpose. I don't have an appetite and I'm more stressed out than I've ever felt in my life. Working out usually helps me, but the effects of not eating much has caught up with me.
The bathroom door opens and I straighten up at the sight of Nikki in a plush robe. She keeps trying to tie her hair in a little bun, huffing and puffing when her hair keeps falling out of the hair tie. I try not to laugh because I know she's mad at me. I find the little things like this adorable.
She gives in and hands me the hair tie. Her little smile is a good sign that she's ready to talk. My clingy arse needs to accept that she needs her space. I glance sheepishly at the bobby pin that's still sticking out of the lock. She raises her eyebrows at me and I make a mental note.
Give her space when she asks for it. Don't smother her with cuddles like you desperately want to every second of every day.
Bad Harry.
"Sorry, again..." I smile awkwardly, gathering up her hair and holding it up in one hand. I gently rub the back of her neck. She softly moans at the rotation of my thumb; her hands reach out and grasp my sides.
"Feels nice. Best fight we've ever had, at least for me." Nikki jokes.
"Angel..."
"Everyone asleep yet?" She asks.
I nod while expertly tying her hair up in a tiny bun. With a neck this lovely, I wish she'd wear her hair up more often.
"I wanna take you to my favorite spot in New York City. We can talk there." She slips on her shoes.
"You wanna go in your robe?" It was my turn to raise my eyebrows.
"It's here, silly. Put on your ugly Gucci slides and follow me."
I put on my super cute, and super comfy might I add, Gucci slides, and follow her into the hall. It was late, but I felt a little anxious about us getting recognized. We walked into a stairwell. I was out of breath after several flights of stairs.
"Baby, what the hell?!"
"We're here!" She grabs a key out of her robe pocket and uses it to open the door. "Now THIS is New York!"
My eyes widen at the best view of the NYC skyline I've ever seen. You could really feel how big the city was from up here. It was somehow quieter, the bustling of the city a low purr from this high up.
"How do you have access to the roof, Samson?" I laugh at the fact there's many things I still don't know about her.
Nikki grins then sits down on the ledge looking over the city. There's a large railing and a glass like structure that surrounds the rooftop. Honestly, if there wasn't a barrier, I wouldn't let her be so close to the edge.
"I came here for the first time when I was 17. Back then, the guests of the hotel had access to the roof. I always stayed at this hotel because this was my favorite spot. Someone found a way to jump off, so they closed it. One of the bartenders is a big fan. She has been to all of my New York shows. And um, she is someone I've hooked up with on numerous occasions..."
My ears perked up. She has never talked about hooking up with fans. I know her and Ville were basically messing around with other people in their toxic hellship, but it's almost nice to hear about her other sexcapades. She certainly knows that I've been around the block.
"She?" I sat next to her. We're so high up that I hold onto her in order to ground myself.
"Yeah, her name is Hannah. Beautiful girl. She's smart, too. She just passed the Bar Exam to become a lawyer, so obviously she doesn't work here anymore. Point is, she stole one of the master keys for me so I could keep coming here." Nikki rubs her thumb over the back of my hand in soothing circles. "It was one of my places to feel like me, because my management team wanted to make me into something else. David has always been with me. He left his management company and created his own company. It took me awhile to cut ties, though. The fine print shit ya never care about when you're a teenager always comes back to bite ya in the ass."
"You can say that again." I sigh. There were so many parallels in our lives.
"I know you're stressed. You're scared of the unknown. You're worried if you'll be successful. You're having to make your own decisions and to own up to your own mistakes now. It's fucking overwhelming. You don't have to tell me all of this. I know, Harry." She squeezes my hand. "I know."
My chest tightens and it becomes difficult to breathe. If there's anyone that gets it, it's her.
"I really am sorry that I passed out earlier. I really thought the sight of your tits just finally did me in." I say far too seriously and we both end up laughing hysterically.
"Harry, I'm being serious!"
"So am I!" I wipe the tears from eyes and pull her to me. She's the most beautiful when she's laughing. Her giggles die down. It would be a shame not kiss her, so I do.
Nikki straddles my lap, her kisses are desperate and all consuming. Her hands claw up into my hair.
"You scared me, don't ever do that again." She says breathlessly, holding my head back by my hair to look at me. "And I'm never leaving you. You're stuck with this old broad for life."
"Shut up, you're not old. You're my sexy laaaadyyyy!" I rub my hands up and down her bare thighs.
Between the jokes is a heaviness. Our careers are overwhelming as is our connection with each other. I wonder if it's possible to love someone too much. What's even considered a healthy balance?
She lets go of my hair, scratching at my scalp then tucking her head into the nape of my neck. I move my hands up and under her robe. I seek the feel her warm little body, loving her soft skin beneath my fingertips. I dance them up her spine, an erogenous zone of hers that I love to tease. She's anything but ordinary.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings earlier. I'm scared you will get bored of me one day." I mutter.
I wasn't expecting her to laugh.
"I was thinking the same thing earlier! I'm 29 and you're 22. I'M the boring one!"
"Age is just a number, baby. You look younger now than when you were 22. Besides, I feel like an old grandpa the way my bones be creaking these days." I kiss across her collarbone in a fit of giggles. "I love you. I've loved you the moment I saw you. And one day I'm puttin' a ring on it!"
"Well, I didn't love you until later. You were just some boy with poofy hair." Nikki teases and raises her head.
"Yeah? Think I'm just some boy now?" I slip her robe off her shoulders. Her perfect breasts look even more divine in the city lights and the moonlight "Shit, think I'm gonna faint again."
"Think you're too weak to fuck me on this rooftop?" She shrugs the robe further down her torso.
Dear God, thank you for the two bacon double cheeseburgers I had for dinner. Grant me the energy to fuck this superstar on a NYC rooftop because it might just be the most rock 'n roll thing I've ever done...well will do. AMEN.
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Happy Sunday! I updated early today. 😊
If you're interested, I have a One Shots & Short Stories book called I Got Me An Appetite! I posted my first one shot yesterday and will post a couple more very soon!