Chapter seventeen : heart ache & secrets
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updated: Sept 13,2014
(not edited)
I turned the volume up on my IPod. My speed picked up and I let my hair blow with the wind. As I passed the people casually walking in the park, my mind ran back to what Jason and Natalie told me. I stayed focus on my running. The music on blast blocked out the sound around me. I could not hear the little conversation of everyone, or the children's laughter. I stopped against a tree and caught my breath. my eyes closed as I inhaled the fresh air.
::Flash back::
"Jake are you okay?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and sighed. Jake is the only one I feel like will not lie to me. My heart can't take the constant pain. " I'm not happy T" he said, pulling me out of my depressing thoughts. I looked up into his blue eyes. I have never heard Jake say those words. "I guess we are in the same boat.." I said closing my eyes,and placing my head on his shoulders. "I want to be happy. Happy with someone I can love. I want a girl who will stand by me no matter what. No matter how many stupid mistakes I make, or how many times my idiotic actions hurts her" he said, a couple tears managed to escape my eyes. I quickly whipped them away.
::Flash end::
I gasped for air. Feel a lost of breath. The idea of me not remembering the night of this party annoyed me. Jason and Natalie explained to me what they did. I can't remember it,so I don't know how to feel. The only thing that i keep remembering is Jake opening up to me. Something happen at that party and I feel the need to know. Yesterday Natalie explained to me why she broke up with Jason.
I believe she some how feared their relationship. Meaning, she and Jason were best friends , now they are trying something much bigger realizing they feel more. She pulled out because she feared what will happen if they broke up. She might lose him. Not to mention she hurt me by keeping it a secret, she explained. I understand how she feel about Jason. I guess now that they are not together she is afraid to admit she still actually love him. seeing him, or hearing anyone else speak about him and another girl make her question her choice. Deep down she actually loves him and wants him back.
Love is a painful second hand emotion. It makes us do stupid thing in which we soon regret. We think what we do or who we love will benefit us. In reality we are only playing this two player game,which involves heart breaks. I put back in my head phones and began to run again. We constantly argue that love hurts. The real hurt is rejection, and loneliness. The lost of someone hurts. In my opinion love is sacrificing the faith and admiration of Millions of men for facing hard criticism of one who captures your heart the hardest.
I began picked up speed realizing I was close to home. suddenly I slammed into a hard chest. I feel back on my but. I looked up and saw...him. I slowly crawled back from him. I can mentally feel him on me just like in the stair case. He looked at me confused. He pushed out his hand to help me up. I instead pushed his hand away from me and got up. I tried to look him in his eyes but it hurt to much. I looked down at his sneakers and whispered. "please just leave me alone. you heart me already" Before he could respond I ran off.
***
I crawled up against the tree house wall. Tears streamed down my eyes. I felt my insides get tight, suddenly not being able to breathe. Feeling as if the pain is now becoming to much. I closed my eyes shut tighter,it did not help. I could only do one thing. scream. I saw him standing at the tree house exit. He smiled that smile I never could forget. Still not knowing when I opened my eyes ,I stood up. Clutching my stomach. He opened his arms for me to fall into.
I slowly walked. I need one more hug. The closer I got, The more my heart begged me not to. I leaned in to give him a hug. Suddenly, his face turned into a frown. Why? "This is not a good thing! Don't continue to do this. you will get hurt all over again in time" he kept repeating. I did not listen anymore. I ran to hug him. His figure began to fade and drop.
"Tori?! Tori,please! open you eyes" said a voice. I felt my body being shook but saw no one. I closed my eyes and cried. "Tori it me Zayn" I opened my eyes and saw Zayn holding me. I hugged him back and cried harder. "It was all a dream. your safe now" he said softly.
"No I'm not. Zayn, I remember now, Well some of it" I said in between sobs.
"What do you remember?" he asked.
"I remember feeling the pain the night of the party, when Natalie and Jake lied to me. The thing that makes no sense is what happen with Jake. I can't remember that. I feel like I am better off not knowing" I whispered the last part.
Zayn lifted my chin. I looked in his eyes,as he whipped my tears away. "There will be a point were you just give up trying. Feeling like you don't belong. The hurt you feel will become over barring soon smiling will no longer be a option. yeah sure the people you trusted, and believed in are no longer the same. Don't let it be the end of you. There will be days where you feel like you have no one to turn to. Tori remember you have me. I will be there if you need me. I might make a mistake today but never in purpose to hurt you" he said with a warm smile. I hugged him and whispered "Thank you".
"How about be go stuff our face with food?" asked Zayn. I could not help but laugh. "you know me so well" he helped me up. As we walked out the woods I got a text from Aria,Jake's sister. she told me to come over asap.
***
Zayn dropped me off and went to meet Hannah. I let my hair out the pony tail and walked up to the open door of Jake's house. when I walked in Aria gave me a big hug. When we pulled apart, I looked in her eyes. She was crying. "What happen? please tell me Jake is okay." I told her, feeling my heart take speed. "God no. Jake is alive. He just refuse to speak to anyone or leave his room.
(Flash back)
"Jake are you okay?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and sighed. Jake is the only one I feel like will not lie to me. My heart can't take the constant pain. " I'm not happy T" he said, pulling me out of my depressing thoughts. I looked up into his blue eyes. I have never heard Jake say those words. "I guess we are in the same boat.." I said closing my eyes,and placing my head on his shoulders. "I want to be happy. Happy with someone I can love. I want a girl who will stand by me no matter what. No matter how many stupid mistakes I make, or how many times my idiotic actions hurts her" he said, a couple tears managed to escape my eyes. I quickly whipped them away.
Jake turned to look. at me, I could tell he is heavily drunk. He lifted my chin and brought me closer to his face. I looked up into his piercing blue eyes. The spell of the recent drinks he had lingered in his breath. He whipped away the tear trailing my cheek. our noses slowly touched. The tingle from his touch travel my body. "kiss me" he said huskily, suddenly our lips crashed into each others. A thousand butterflies bumped against the super nervous wall of my stomach. His hands trailed to my waist,securing me with a soft squeeze. I then developed a breathless sensation. I tried to step away feeling the need for air but Jake pulled me even closer kissing me making me feel the need to scream I love you a thousand times. My heart skipped a beat. the sparks in this kiss was like no kiss I ever had before.
suddenly we pulled away and I just sat there confused.
(flash back end)
"Tori are you okay?"asked Aria. I looked at Jake's sister who was a year younger than him. She had her Brown hair in a high pony tail, her blue eyes filled with tears,and her dimples shown when she speaks. "Yeah, can I go seen him now?"I asked, she nodded and I went upstairs. on my way up, I kept thinking about my memory. I kissed Jake ? I tried to open the door but it was locked. I went to the bathroom and took the key I made. I quietly open the door and walked in. He did not realize. There he was, his face buried in his hands. I turned the computer chair and kneel down in front of him. "Jake?" I asked making him look at me. "I missed you" he said with a smile, as he rest his head on mine. "What happen today?" I asked him.
"I don't feel like speaking about it" he said. I took his hands and pulled him to sit next to me on the bed. "I think I know what will make you feel better" I said standing up. He gently grabbed my wrist. I felt so many tingles in my body. "Don't leave me" he said. I gave him a warm smile. "I won't. go take a shower,when you are finish I will talk to you.
***
Aria boyfriend Dylan came over. So I was helping her get dressed to go out on there date. I completely forgot about Jake. When they left, I went and got the candy bowl and two bottles of water. on my way, I was texting Hannah. I was so busy speaking to her I did not know I was in Jake room. I looked up and dropped my phone. Jake stood in his room with only his towel wrapped low showing his v-line, and his muscular body exposed. He did not realize I was in his room until my phone dropped. He walked towards we while locking his phone.
"I thought you were dress. Don't laugh at me" I said turning completely red. "I can't help it. you are turning red he said picking up my phone and resting the stuff I brought down. I looked up in his eyes. "I heard you were crying today" he said coming closer to me. I broke from our stare and looked down. He lift my chin. "you want to tell me why?"he asked. I looked at him shocked. "I asked about how your day was first" I said, with my hands crossed. He was now very close. He put his hands on my waist. "I can care less about my day. you are more important. I hurt you way to much to try it again" he said softly. I rest my head against his warm body and closed my eyes.
I pulled back a little to look him in his eyes. He pinned me to the wall. his hand gently brushed against left cheek. I shivered my every touch. He leaned down towards my ears. "Tori" he whispered seductively. my eyes rolled back, as his breathe met my neck. His hands traveled my body, making me moan. He looked in my eyes and his lips brushed mine. "We should not do this" I whispered. He stopped me and said " it's okay" . my heart picked up speed by how sexy his voice sounded. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. His eyes sparkled with amusement and he kissed me, his lips were on mine, parting them them, pecking them apart. I gave in, as he pulled me on top of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands finding their way into his hair. some how his towel stayed tight on him.
My stomach felt uneasy. Not because I needed to puke, but because Jake made me go all crazy. He made me feel a way no one else can make me feel. How could one person have so much affect on you, I have no clue. Jake was about to whisper something in my ears when.
"Jakes?! I need to speak with you babe" said a very familiar voice. I tried to get away from Jake. Thing with Jake is he always pull me back. He grabbed his sweats and some underwear. When he came out the bathroom , he had them on with no shirt. as soon as he was going to come to me the room door sung open. "Jake we need to talk" said melody giving me a dirty look. "What part of we are done don't you get melody. How the hell did you even get in my house ?!" asked Jake pushing her out the room. "actual question is why is she here?" she asked looking over Jake shoulders. "She can be here of she want to" he said stepping in front of me. "leave my house now or I'm calling the cops" said Aria. when did she get here?
Melody wanted to be crazy and push Aria a little bit. Jake was about to grab her but I pulled him back. Aria had it under control. She grabbed a hand full of hair from melody and swung her out the room. They went downstairs. Jake turned to me and smiled. After all the years of being best friends you never held me back" he said.
"maybe I was afraid she might beat you up" I said falling to the floor weak by his facial expression. "I Jake woods don't get beat up!" I shook my bead . how about Hannah,and Zayn have movie tonight at my house tonight?" I asked.
"I will have to see because I need to deal with that crazy girl" he said.
"Oh yea, I forgot. so just text me later"
***
after I showered,I changed and slipped into bed. Natalie came in and loaded next to me. "do you still hate me?" she asked after a while. I took a deep breathe and closed my eyes. Hating you would not improve anything. I can't hate hate you for having feelings for Jason. Natalie can we please move last this?" I asked
"I just dint want us to change" she said. I looked over to her. "we won't change unless you allow us to" I added.
"I honestly don't known what I would do with out you Tori" said Natalie. we both fell asleep around the same time. I got a text from Jake.
"only bums go to sleep early" he text
"only wimps are afraid of girls" I replied
"You my best friend so your my back up wimp" he text
"Shut up Jake! how did it go with melody?"
"turns out her dad works as a police office" he replied
"That's deep. Hey I'm sleepy and Natalie is knocked out next to me. ttyl" I text back.
"Night T" he replied .
I so badly wanted to ask him about earlier. What did he mean by "it's okay"? I want he to tell me if he felt what I felt. I guess not all our answers need a answer and should be left unanswered.
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This update probably suck. I'm sorry I did not update Wednesday my WiFi was not working. please guys vote and comment it means alot to me. I am working on making my updates longer. I usually have chapter questions so here they are...
Melody annoying or nahh?
Jake and Tori made out. how do you feel?
should Tori tell Jake, or Zayn about the guy who hurt her?
What do you think will happen next chapter
Until next time
~ Xxkiara_wadexX