I once heard from the wise words of Billie Eilish herself,
"Never express your feelings."
Well, I always think about that. Since I'm, well, in my youth, I always feel the need for attention or just to get something from someone, to just write a "rant" I like to call and post it on my private story.
You might be thinking, "This is fucking pointless," and honestly you're not wrong. I just felt the need to express myself somehow, because I'm about 70-89% that I always repress my feelings deeper than I think, and when they come out, either in tears or arguements in my head, they all come out.
Repressed emotions aren't exactly helpful, and especially when you don't know who to say them to. You think, "Maybe I haven't found the right person," or "I can't say this, because the one person I want to listen to me, doesn't even know me that well."
I don't have depression, and even if I did, I wouldn't self-diagnose myself without any real evidence.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and even the concept of fate.
I believe in nonsense, some may refer to, but I call it a form of guidance, a way to help me in a manner. Tarot--in an app.
Laughable, sure, but not to me.
I once asked the app, "Do I have depression?"
Obviously, it replied no.
I'm not in denial or anything, it's just nothing that big or special would happen to me. After all, I'm just a speck on Earth, one out of about an estimated seven billion.
I'm not relevant to those with large names, though sometimes I wish to be.
But then I asked the app, "Am I being overdramatic?"
"No." It replied.
So I'm not in over my head.
Something is happening.
I'm just doubting myself somehow, the alleged teen life this is. I prefer the word "alleged" because some things aren't meant to be revealed, but maybe they will.
You may think, "Oh, she's," (My pronouns are she/her, yes I'm woke) "just on hormones,"
but am I really?
You don't know who I am, you probably won't, and it's not like I want you to.
I just want you to understand this side of me I never say out loud to my friends and family.
I don't want to hear their criticism, their laughs at my "dramatism," their opinions, their bullshit really.
I don't--I'm not sure if I want attention, or what I'll gain from this--what one less repressed expression?--but, if someone's reading or listening, who somewhat feels the same, what should I do?
And what is this I'm feeling?
Am I just another attention whore grabbing bitch? Am I a faker? I can guarantee that I'm not, but what am I?
I'm not sure how to end this, but I gotta somehow.
I'd rather release this anonymous than anything else.
So, see ya next time.
-Anonymous, The Alleged Teenager