When my friends visited me and we went on a road trip I soon realized this day would be very memorable. I thought I would never forget it for the rest of my life. And that turned out to be completely right.
It really was an unforgettable day but not for the reasons you might think.
It will probably be better if I just show it to you rather than rant about it.
You can judge for yourself if I was right about that or not.
***
"Oh, thank you, but you really didn't have to do that. I was happy to help you. I wasn't expecting a reward." I cracked a smile when the old lady who I assisted a few moments ago just gave me an apple which I happily accepted and bit into it since it looked remarkably delicious.
"You deserve to get rewarded. That bag was quite heavy. I wouldn't have been able to carry it without your help." She sounded slightly hoarse but I assumed it was because of her old age.
"It really wasn't that heavy..." I wasn't used to hearing this much compliments over a simple act of kindness so I shied away.
"I must be getting really old then..." The old woman chuckled with a raspy voice. "I thought it was as heavy as a rock."
"You look very young for your age..." I tried to comfort her with a sympathetic grin.
"You don't even know how old I am so how can you be so sure about that?" She gave me a suspicious look before laughing it off.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you in any way..." I replied with a serious facial expression because I wasn't sure if she was actually offended or not.
"I was just joking around." The old lady replied lightheartedly. "You're so gullible!"
"Is that such a bad thing?" I asked without even realizing that I said those words out loud.
"Not necessarily, per se, but I have lived many years in this world and I can assure you that there will be some people who will use that against you. Humans are vicious beings who are capable of committing atrocious cruelties and your trustfulness can be seen as a weakness." She started giving out her intelligence to me. "I'm only telling you this because you were so kind to me. Your selflessness and generosity can be a very powerful tool for you to succeed, just be careful who you trust. Not everyone will appreciate those qualities the way I do. Some may even try to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to."
"You are very wise..." I admitted honestly before remembering the fact that I had stayed here for way longer than I intended to. "Thank you very much for the apple and your advice! I will not forget it. I must leave you now, my friend is probably waiting for me, but it was very nice meeting you."
"It is me who should be thanking you." The old woman stood up to express her good wishes on parting with a farewell. "Peace and blessings to you, child, it is rare to see polite young men like yourself these day. You are always welcome in my house."
"Thanks again for your hospitality. I'll get going then!" I replied warmly before leaving the old lady's place.
Even though a few seconds ago I was quite confident that I wouldn't get lost in this area, after walking for a couple of minutes I had absolutely no idea where I was. Nothing seemed even remotely familiar so I couldn't find my way back to where I was supposed to be.
I sighed and tried to look for something that would lead me towards that bench I was sitting a few moments ago with my friend. But once I realized there was no way I would have been able to do that I decided to go back to that old lady's house and ask her for directions.
Unfortunately that also turned out to be impossible because I couldn't even remember where she lived. I finally gave up on that plan and just kept walking. That was something I used to do all the time. Sometimes metaphorically and other times literally.
Some may say that I was making everything way too complicated and that I should have just asked someone on the road and they would be completely right. I was clearly making this situation more difficult than it should have been but I hated talking to strangers so much that I preferred to be lost rather than asking for help from somebody I didn't know.
After a few minutes of aimlessly rambling I heard something familiar. Something that was very big part of my everyday life before I was traumatized and now I was trying to avoid it at all cost. I heard waves splashing against the sand. I smelled the fresh air and felt the cold wind rubbing against my cheeks.
I realized I was near the beach. My first instinct was to run away from there as quickly as possible but my legs were tied to the ground. As if the sea was calling me I was drawn to the water and without even realizing it I started walking towards the waves.
My feet were a few inches away from touching the water but I snapped out of my dazed condition because of my phone which was vibrating in my pocket. I took it out and looked at the screen right before answering the call.
"Hey, where did you go? I couldn't find you anywhere..." I heard my friend Lucy who sounded slightly concerned.
"I got lost... I'm not sure where I am exactly but I'm at the beach somewhere." I answered calmly.
"Ugh... Why did you even leave in the first place?" My friend started scolding me which didn't surprise me at all. I was actually expecting her to yell or something but she seemed to be quite understanding. "Just stay where you are. I saw the beach when I was looking for the bathroom. There were no people out there so I don't think it will take that long for me to find you so don't even move from where you are now."
"Whatever you say..." I said unenthusiastically before Lucy hung up on me.
I guess I was wrong about her not being angry at me. She was probably very frustrated but since she knew I wasn't feeling great she was probably trying to restrain herself.
Once I put my phone back into my pocket the sea quickly reminded me of its existence. The waves were battling each other. I wasn't sure which one was going to reach me first and swallow me but I was certain about one thing. I couldn't back out.
If I did that then all my efforts of ever returning to my normal state would go in vain.
I took off my shoes, socks and pulled up the bottom of my pants so they wouldn't get wet. Then I inhaled the cold but fresh air and closed my eyes to listen to the sound of the nature.
I didn't know why but I was sure that if I overcame this obstacle I would somehow be better. It was hard for me to even move but I forced myself not to chicken out. So I took a step forward.
My feet got immediately buried in the wet sand. My eyes were still closed right before my lower body made contact with the water.
In that moment all the fears and all the nightmares that were haunting me ever since that horrific day disappeared.
For a moment I even felt strangely peaceful. As if I were Moana and the sea was my friend. As if I didn't have to be afraid anymore.
I don't know how long I stayed in that position but when I finally opened my eyes I was already quite far from the beach. Thankfully the water wasn't that deep.
Even though I had a lot of other problems at least I wasn't scared of drowning anymore...
"What are you doing there? You'll catch a cold. Get out of the water right now!" I heard Lucy's demanding tone from behind me so I immediately turned around.
Instead of responding I smirked playfully and started walking towards her. Once I got closer to her I tried to splash water in her face but she was fast enough to dodge most of it. I cupped my hands and bent down to get some more water but my friend realized what I was planning to do so she backed out.
"Stop that!" Lucy ordered. "I don't have spare clothes if I get wet and neither do you!"
"Okay fine..." I sighed and slowly walked out of the sea.
When I put my feet on the sand I weirdly felt so much happiness rushing through my entire body that I suddenly got the urge to dance. I started spinning around like a lunatic and held Lucy's hands so she could have fun with me.
"Have you completely lost it?" She clearly wasn't sharing my enthusiasm but she was still giggling while observing my unconventional behavior.
"I want to dance!" I replied loudly. "Don't you?"
"But there's no music..." She rose her eyebrows suspiciously. "Plus it looks like you're having a seizure."
I stopped for a moment and looked at Lucy who was trying her best to remain the serious facial expression but when our eyes met she couldn't hold it in anymore and we both burst out laughing.
I'm not exactly sure when that ended but it felt like my few seconds of happiness lasted quite a while longer than expected.
I got exhausted really easily because of all the laughing and I fell down on my butt and laid on my back. Lucy also joined the resting session but unlike me she didn't put her head on the sand which was probably for the best because getting pieces of sand out of her long luscious hair would be extremely troubling.
"Are you feeling better now?" My friend asked after a few relaxing moments of silence.
"I guess... I don't really know at this point." I tried my best to express my true emotions. "One second I'm happy but then it feels like I've been stabbed with thousands of swords all of a sudden. It's almost like I can't win no matter what I do." I poured my heart out to Lucy. "As if everyone was watching me and waiting for me to make a mistake just so they can point it out and laugh at me. I know I shouldn't care about what anyone thinks or says but it's hard to do that when you were taught as a kid that people's validation and acceptance is the only thing that matters. At some point in my life that became a need and now it's more difficult not to think about everybody's opinions. In former times all I cared about was to get people to like me and because of that I lost touch with the parts of me that made me who I am. Now I feel like I'm just a shell of that person I once was."
"I just don't understand why you would feel that way. Especially now when you're living with your grandmother who loves and supports you. Shouldn't you be happy?" Lucy asked while reaching out to hold my hand sympathetically.
"You're right. I should be happy but I'm not..." I admitted and looked down, feeling ashamed. "Back in the day I always had someone else to blame for my unhappiness. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was just using them as an excuse. Maybe others aren't the reason of my despair. Maybe I was just shifting the blame towards them so I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that in reality I am responsible for everything. Maybe I can't be happy because I don't think I deserve it. Maybe I'm self-sabotaging everything because I know I'm a piece of garbage who is just ruining everything good in his life for no reason... Maybe I'm afraid that all of this is just too good to be true and I'll wake up one day and realize my happiness was just a dream."
"Stop saying that!" Lucy got angry with me. "It's like you're self-destructing or something and it kills me to see you in this state. I don't even know how I can help you. I'm such a bad friend. You were there for me when I needed you but now when you're in trouble I can't do anything to guide you..."
"That's not true at all. You have done a lot to help me." I assured my friend that she had no reason to feel at fault. "And I think I know what I'm supposed to do now..."
"Really?" She seemed a little bit surprised. "And what is that?"
"I'll talk to my grandmother once we go back and tell her about my condition. If she says that I need to go to a therapist then I will." I smiled while staring at Lucy's mesmerizing gaze. "I don't think it's right to hide this from her so I'll be honest."
"That's the smartest thing that has come out of your mouth today. I also believe that's the right decision." She grinned and patted my shoulder. I didn't feel reassured to be frank and I think Lucy also noticed how conflicted I was so she continued. "Don't worry. I'm sure she'll do anything to help you."
"I'm not worried about that. I just didn't want to be a bother to her but I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle all of this on my own." I explained.
"That's why you have us. You can call anytime you need and we'll help you however we can. You know that, right?"
"Yeah... I know." I smiled warmly and stood up on my feet. Then I ran my hand through my hair to get all the pieces of sand out of it and started cleaning the back of my pants. Once I put my shoes back on I turned my face towards Lucy and added. "I think we should head back. Felicity and Tae-soo are probably waiting for us already."
"Okay." She responded quietly and soon we both left the beach.
When we reunited with our other friends we told each other all about our journeys. Well actually most of the time it was just Felicity who was energetically signing with her hands to let me know how terrifying that haunted house was.
After a few minutes of chatting we also went on other attractions and had a wonderful time. Everything was going as smoothly as ever. We didn't even leave that place until the sun went down.
I was so exhausted that once I got inside the car I immediately rested my head against the window and closed my eyes. I didn't know why I was feeling so sleepy that day but I was definitely not complaining. The last few days weren't exactly very relaxing so taking a nap was undeniably a good thing.
Unfortunately my moment of happiness didn't last for very long because when Lucy went on the road the car started moving up and down and I lightly hit my head on the window.
"Ouch!" I put my hand on the spot that hurt. "Can't you drive a little more carefully?"
"Sorry!" Lucy responded with an apologetic tone.
"Here! You can rest your head on my shoulder." Tae-soo who was sitting next to me pointed at upper joint of his right arm which seemed much more comfortable than the window.
"No. It's fine. I..." I denied his offer because I thought it would be really awkward for him but before I was able to finish what I was saying he forcefully made me put my head near his neck.
"Stop being such a baby and do as I say!" Tae-soo's voice sounded a little different from usual but that was probably because I had my left ear on his body and I couldn't hear as clearly as before.
My heart started beating a little faster than usual when my hair touched Tae-soo's skin because I was surprised by this sudden action but I quickly relaxed and after a few moments fell asleep.
When I woke up we were just arriving to my grandma's town. After a few seconds I even noticed Tae-soo's house. When Lucy pulled over he swiftly got out of the car and said goodbye to all of us. He then looked directly at me and smiled while waving his hand. I repeated the motion.
Once we reached to my house I yawned and opened the door of the vehicle. Lucy and Felicity also got out and we hugged one last time before they also left.
I turned around when the car disappeared from the horizon and went inside my grandma's house. I immediately felt irritated because I saw my shoes were ruined yet again.
"Roxie! Get in here!" I spoke up with a demanding tone. "Did you eat my shoes again? I warned you not to do that!"
"Jesse, is that you, sweetie?" I heard grandmother's voice from the kitchen. She sounded unusually downhearted.
"Yes." I replied and went towards her. When our eyes met I could swear I saw how teary they were so obviously I immediately started questioning her. "Grandma, is everything alright?"
"Come here! Sit down. I have to talk to you about something." She replied and pointed at the chair next to her.
"I actually had something to say too..." I stated but soon realized grandmother wouldn't just cry over anything so I decided to let her talk before me. "You can go first though."
"Sweetie, I don't know how to tell you this..." Grandma exhaled while looking away for a moment. "A few minutes ago I got a call from the hospital."
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I quickly asked her.
"It's not about me..." She responded softly before adding something else. "Um... it's about your father. They said that he was walking out of the bar while drunk and then he... he got hit by a car. He's in a critical condition now. They're not sure if he'll make it. But when he was in the ambulance he asked to see you. He said he had something important to tell you..."
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This chapter may feel a little lackluster because I didn't even have time to reread it to fix the mistakes and spelling errors. I'll try to get back to it as soon as I can.
Anyways I hope you enjoyed this one and thank you so much for reading!