I don't remember going home that night. I really don't remember anything but the feeling of my heart breaking when I walked into that room. I really wish we never fucking went to that party. I wished we just stayed home and watched Netflix, and got take out.
After I left everyone was texting me asking what had happened. I only answered David, who said he'd be coming over. I didn't bother changing or brushing my hair. I really couldn't even get out of bed. My head pounded and my chest ached. I felt broken. Completely and utterly broken. I don't think I locked my door after I got home that night. I just didn't care. Something deep in my heart and mind told me that loving Jake was a mistake. The other part, the bigger part of me said that I love him and he loves me. Although I knew that if we got back together we would never be the same. And just that thought, broke my heart a little more.
I had given Jake so much of my love, and so much of my time I didn't know what I was going to do. Jake had slowly been becoming my everything - my world, and when your world comes crashing down so fast like mine did, you don't know if you're going to make it. And if you do, how you're going to.
"Lilly?" David called out. I let out a sigh. I heard his footsteps coming closer and soon my bedroom door was being opened. "Are you okay?" he asked coming closer. I shook my head 'no'
"Can I sit?"
"Please" He took his shoes off and sat down on the bed. I was facing away from him and felt his hand on my back, gently rubbing up and down.
"Do you wan to talk about it?"
"No" he let out a sad sigh
"After you left, Jake broke down. Colby had to drag him to the car"
"He's home?"
"Yeah, he's home"
"Good. I don't want him hurt"
"Come here Lilly" I sat up and turned to face David. I let him pull me into a hug and slowly wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I let out a small cry not being able to keep it in any longer. "Shhh it's going to be okay" He cooed softly into my ear.
"No it's not" I sobbed. He held me closer to him and put his hand on my head, softly playing with my hair. "I promise you it is"
"How do you know?"
"Because I've been through this too, Lilly"
"Liza?"
"Yes Liza"
"I'm sorry I'm being selfish"
"You're not being selfish, Lilly"
David held me a little longer before going to do something. He didn't tell me what though. When he left I finally pushed myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, i looked like shit. I let out another sigh and walked over to the shower. I turned the heat all the way up, then got undressed. When I stepped in I was immediately burned with the water. I let out a small hiss but eventually got used to it. "Fuck" I whispered as I washed my face. I felt more tears stream down mixing with the hot water. I turned around and rinsed my hair out.
When David came back he had two coffees and some food. I had changed into a sweatshirt and sweatpants and put my hair up. David and I sat on the couch eating the food he brought and silently watching tv.
ha ha ha i AM DEAD INSIDE