Luke Hemmings
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I don't like to lie, I've never much seen the benefit in doing so.
It's always seemed a bit pointless to me, to stray from the truth. And if I've learned anything in my 24 years of life—which, I'd like to say that I have—it would be that lying gets you absolutely and utterly nowhere.
Most of the time, lies are only set in place to delay the truth, which only proves to leave you hopelessly fucked in the end. As tempting as the act is, I try my best to steer clear of it, considering every lie I've ever told has—in some form or another—come back to bite me in the ass. I just don't like lying; I don't like the guilty feeling it gives me in the chest, and I don't like the way the aftermath chips away at any statue of trust between me and the person I've done it to.
I also don't particularly enjoy being lied to, as I'd had enough of that to last me the rest of my lifetime.
Furthermore, I've never believed there could be a gray area around it; that being whether or not I actually had lied to someone. But, a couple of days ago I promised the girl I'm pathetically in love with that we would be perfectly fine, and I can't help but wonder if I deviated from the truth.
I had thought lies were black and white, but my words are swimming in the dull color between, and I don't know what to do about it.
I wanted to believe the words just as much as I'd hoped she would, but the more I dwell on it the more I can't help but think that I might've lied to the both of us.
"Hey, fucker, stop zoning out. You look like an idiot."
I have to blink a few times to remember where the hell I am, and who the hell I'm with. Sometimes I actually don't mind his company, but right now I kind of feel like smacking the bored look off of Cole's face from where he sits in front of me.
The stress is getting to me, I think.
"You're such an ass." I mumble.
"I've got a pretty good one, thanks for noticing." He grins and I roll my eyes, leaning further back in my chair.
I bring my hands to my face, running them down and over my eyes in what I can only describe as exhaustion. From what, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the fact that Cole is being extra irritating today, or maybe it's because I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.
I was having a perfect night with Elise, tangled hopelessly in my sheets with a movie playing low—of which I couldn't recite a single detail about if my life depended on it, all because I was too busy staring at her. In the least creepy way possible, I could not keep my eyes—or my hands—off of the pretty girl in my arms.
She hadn't noticed where my attention was focused until she let out the most adorable laugh at some scene from the movie, and had to lift her head from its' position on my shoulder to see why I wasn't laughing along. She was only a little surprised to see my eyes already on her, myself having bit down harshly on my lip at the sight of her, simply because I didn't know what to do with myself.
"Have you been paying attention?" She was hiding a smile.
"Mmhm,"
It wasn't a total lie, I had been paying a lot of attention, just not at the movie.
"Oh, really?" She pushed herself up the smallest bit with a hand on my chest, eyes full of amusement. "So you saw what just happened?"
I nodded, dazed as I tucked a small strand of loose hair behind her ear.
She raised a brow. "What happened, then?"
"Mm," I was too busy studying the subtle curve of her lips to think straight. "Something funny."
Elise gave me a skeptical look that I didn't take much notice of, choosing instead to focus on pushing her hair behind her shoulder and running my fingers down her neck.
"You think a dog dying is funny?"
"What?" I paused my fingers and glanced back up at her serious expression. "No—"
"I'm kidding," her grin spread before she even got the words out. "The dog is very much alive."
"Right," I was still a little out of it as I let my thumb trace her jaw. "I knew that."
"Luke."
"Elise." I murmured.
"There isn't a single dog or furry creature in this film."
I could see in the amusement in her eyes when I glanced back up, and I bit the corner of my lip, not the slightest bit worried that she caught me.
"You sure?" I tilted my head and she giggled.
"Positive."
"Not a single one?"
"Not even a stuffed animal."
I couldn't help but give her a small smile. "Shame."
She shook her head with a grin, grabbing my wrist to take my hand from her neck and fumbling to slot her fingers through mine. I always loved watching her do that, seeing as she struggled a bit to spread my fingers apart with her tiny little ones, pushing hers through mine to just barely graze over my knuckles. She would press them together in a way that looked like it shouldn't work, yet somehow worked perfectly all the same.
"What's a shame is that you haven't watched a single second of this movie," she squinted at me. "I'm offended."
I chuckled a little bit. "Why?"
"Because I picked it."
"Mm," I hummed. "Sorry, baby."
"Don't say sorry," she groaned, head falling back against my shoulder as she frowned at me. "Just watch this with me, please."
I couldn't stop biting down on my lip, because my heart was swelling for the small girl in a way that I nearly didn't know how to handle. So, I combed a hand through her dark hair and pressed my lips to her forehead once before tilting her chin to look at me.
Her eyes were so bright and I was so in love.
"Okay." I whispered, faint smile on my lips.
She didn't say anything else, only gave me a content smile as she turned her attention back to the screen. I didn't, of course, I still had my gaze set on her with a hand continuing to run through her hair. I didn't want to watch the movie, I was far too wrapped up in the girl with the soft laugh and the faintest blush on her cheeks that never quite seemed to leave.
It took her a moment to notice, but she glanced back up at me only a minute later to see my eyes still blissfully away from the screen. I let out a soft laugh as she groaned again, shaking her head at me.
"You're impossible."
"Sorry." I gave her a small smile.
"No you're not." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"No," I pulled her further into my chest. "I'm not."
She huffed, mumbling against my bare skin. "I thought you liked movies."
"I love movies." I ran a hand down her side, grinning to myself at the shiver that passed through her.
"But you won't watch this one?" She pouted.
"Correct."
She propped herself up, her face right in front of my own with a somewhat skeptical look. "Seems logical."
"It is, actually." I murmured, pulling her the smallest bit forward.
"How?" Her lips were so close to mine at this point, and all I could focus on was the way her breath hitched in her throat when my hand slid under her shirt to graze her skin.
"I love movies," I whispered and pressed two fingers under her chin, curling them to bring her lips to brush against mine. "I just love you, more."
I didn't give her a chance to respond, because I kissed her right after and snaked an arm around her waist to keep her in place. She didn't seem to mind, though, for her lips moved eagerly against my own and her little hand squeezed my shoulder for support.
I was more than ready to prove it right then and there; to lie her down and take her all night with a gentle thrust and a soft kiss to muffle her whimpers. We were halfway there, with my body pressed against hers and my fingers inching a slow trail up her thighs. Her chest moved in deep breaths against mine and I wanted her so badly.
But then four unbelievably infuriating headaches in the form of Elise's best friends were pounding on my door, and I had to let them in with a frustrated sigh and a dick that would surely have scolded me if it could talk.
"Oh good, you aren't busy." Ashton, who was much too chirpy at 1 am, had smiled at me before inviting himself and the three other usual suspects inside.
"Please, come in." I muttered.
"That's the spirit!" Cassie praised, making herself comfortable on my living room couch. "The faster you accept it, the better the time for all of us."
"Yeah, all of us. Definitely me, too, and not just you guys." I deadpanned and the girl only gave me an enthusiastic thumbs up.
I did not reciprocate the gesture.
"Lisi," I watched Calum smirk at the sleepy girl who tumbled out of my room at their voices. "Nice of you to join us."
"Wouldn't miss it." She sighed, both of us giving each other a look of slight—but also extremely not so slight—dissatisfaction.
Michael, who was strangely the most serious one out of the bunch, placed a worn out notebook against the coffee table, rubbing his hands together. I felt like I needed a drink, because it was late and a kid with fading pink hair looked like he was about to give me an FBI briefing.
"Good, can't have a team meeting without the whole team."
"A team—What?" I groaned. "We're not doing this. Again."
"Oh yes we are, buddy," he squinted at me with an accusatory finger. "We're gonna make a plan and make sure the She-devil doesn't sell you two out."
"But—"
"No buts," he stopped me. "Do you wanna get caught, or not?"
And that was sort of the end of the arguing, because no; the thought of Sidney getting me fired wasn't exactly number one on my list of desires. So I let them come up with plans that probably would never see the light of day, though I hadn't anticipated that they would do it for over four hours.
The three boys couldn't focus on one task for shit, and even I found myself getting distracted by them. Hence, the reason I'm so disgustingly tired today.
"Fucking hell, stop it." Cole groans and I shake my head to regain some composure.
"Stop what?"
"Daydreaming, or whatever the fuck you're doing," he scoffs, retracting the hand that was tapping loudly on the wood of my desk to snap me out of it. "That was like the fifth time."
"Sorry," I mumble, because he's probably right. "Got some stuff on my mind."
"Well?" He looks at me expectantly. "I'm fucking here, aren't I?"
I frown. "So?"
He rolls his eyes. "So, you can tell me," he huffs and my brows shoot up in surprise. "Or not, I don't give a shit." He grumbles.
"Right," I stop myself from laughing. "Sure you don't."
"I don't," he snaps. "I just—if you really wanted to talk about it, I might listen."
That was the thing about Cole—similar to Zach and Cameron, they could actually be decent friends when they wanted to. But, they led a fraternity of boys who needed to respect them, so they pushed that part of themselves down in order to maintain the facade that they simply 'don't care'.
I couldn't really blame them; they were following in my footsteps, after all.
"Tempting."
"Shut the fuck up," he crosses his arms. "I'm trying to be helpful."
"You wanna be helpful?" I lean back, nearly laughing in a sarcastic huff. "Tell Sidney to fuck off for me."
"I tell her that every day," he shakes his head. "The girl's like a fucking roach."
"Tell me about it," I sigh and let my mind wander to years ago, the memories of which I don't particularly love rehashing. "I really thought she was gone for good."
Cole, for as much of a front as he puts up, looks genuinely concerned. "So that's what this is about, then?"
I scoff. "Of course it is. What else would it be?"
He shrugs, glancing around the empty classroom for a moment. "Thought maybe you were having relationship problems with the student you're fucking."
I clench my jaw, eyes narrowing. "She's not some 'student I'm fucking', you dick. How many times do I have to tell you not to say shit like that about her?"
"Depends," he grins. "Are you gonna get pissy every time I do?"
"Very."
"Then at least one more time."
"Why are you such an asshole, Anderson?"
"I learned from the best, Hemmings." He smiles.
He's got you there.
"Yeah, well, I grew out of it," I huff out a breath. "Learn that instead."
"Next year, buddy," he laughs. "Can't promise I'll be able to find a freshman to get with, though."
"I'm not getting with—"
"Oh please," he interrupts me with a scoff. "Fucking save it."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I groan.
"I'm talking about the fact that you were about to tell me you haven't fucked her yet," I momentarily freeze up. "Which is total bullshit, because I know you."
I really don't like to lie, but this is one of those times where I feel it can't exactly hurt to withhold the truth.
"You don't know shit." I grit my teeth, not exactly liking where this is going.
"I know enough," he muses. "And you're not denying it."
"I'm not confirming it either, dumbass," I mutter, feeling myself tense at the topic and the mention of the girl who I'd much rather be with right now. "It's not any of your business."
He laughs a little, raising a brow. "You used to make that shit everyone's business."
I can't help but frown, decidedly less angry at him and more at myself because he's right, and it's my fault for leading him to think I'd brag about something like that. "I used to do a lot of things."
"No shit, dude," he shakes his head with a chuckle. "What changed?"
Everything. "Nothing."
"Ah, so, by that I'm gonna assume you mean the girl?" He gives me a knowing look and I sort of feel like there's no use in denying that much.
"Yeah," I sigh, thinking of my little girl who's probably rushing to make it to make it to her psychology class right now. "Her."
Cole doesn't say anything for a moment, but I note the way his expression becomes a bit more serious—thoughtful even—as he nods at my words. I don't have anything else to add so I stay silent as his brows pull together, glancing up at me in curiosity. I can't say I'm not surprised by what he chooses to break the silence with.
"Are you writing again?"
"What?" I sit up, confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb." He rolls his eyes.
"I don't know what you mean—"
"Dude," he gives me an expectant look. "I lived with you for years. I fucking saw you writing in that journal all the time. Until the end of senior year, and you stopped, or something." He shrugs.
Truthfully, I'm a little shocked that he picked up on that. I never told anyone in the frat about how much of a mess I was, and I certainly didn't mention the fact that writing in some worn out notebook got me through it.
"You knew about that?" I blink at him.
"Oh yeah. I read that shit, too. Whenever you left the house." He grins.
"Fuck you," I shake my head, letting out the smallest laugh. "I fucking knew someone was going through my shit."
"Yeah, that was all me, sorry," he shrugs with a grin and I scoff. "You were such an emo fuck, I wanted to know what was going on."
"I wasn't emo—"
"Shut up," he waves me away. "You can't have a lip piercing and not be a little bit emo."
I shake my head, my mind flooding with memories of a person I barely even register as me. "I was going through shit, leave me alone." I groan.
"I know," Cole rolls his eyes. "Which brings me back to my question. Are you writing again?"
I bring a hand up to scratch at my jaw, thinking of the notebook that's now in Elise's possession. "I guess so, yeah."
He pauses. "Because of the girl?"
I catch myself smiling a bit, because it's exactly what I'd told her once she saw the journal for the first time. Also, I'm quite tired of lying, so I don't drop the smile from my face as I glance at Cole and nod to tell him the truth.
"Elise," I murmur. "Because of Elise."
"Well fuck me," Cole leans forward, a genuine smile on his face for once. "I get to know her name? That's progress, my friend."
"Don't ruin it."
"I'm not, sheesh," he raises his hands in surrender. "So, how serious is this thing? You really like her?"
And I have to laugh, breathlessly, at this. I don't know why, but the thought of my feelings for Elise being reduced to 'really liking' her seems almost comical. Maybe it's because I'm whipped, like everyone says I am, or maybe it's because every time I think about her my heart beats a little faster and my chest feels a little tighter.
"Like her?" I breathe out a small laugh and Cole raises a brow, urging me on.
I glance behind him for a second, my gaze catching on the seat towards the front; the same one I watched a flustered girl scramble into on the first day of class, with wide eyes and a face prettier than I was prepared to handle. It makes me almost laugh again, because everyday I would scan this room until my gaze would latch on that very spot—where that same girl would be seated—and I had to try to contain my grin every time her eyes found mine.
"Fuck, man, I love her. I love her, and I can't screw it up."
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Put Luke in a mixer and call that boy WHIPPED CREAM LMFAO.
I love him and writing his thoughts, plus I really wanted Cole to make a prominent reappearance because his character in all of my books is lowkey one of my favorites.
And HI I literally have a third book because I have no self control so pls read Player because I'm so excited for it & I think you'll all like it :)
I love you!
-tay ♡