She joins me back on the bed holding the dildo. I have never seen one, not even in sexual education class, they seemed so intimating in my head but now I want to grab it out of her hand and put it on her. I am thankful that Lauren can't hear my indecent thoughts even though her words are dirtier than any thought I have ever had.
"Are.." Her voice is low.
"If you ask if I am sure, I will kill you." I tell her and she smiles.
"I was going to say, are you going to help me put this on or should I do it?" She laughs, waving the strap-on in front of me.
"Oh. I want to, you have to show me how though." I bite my lip.
"Okay." She sits down on the bed and I sit up cross legged. She leans across and kisses me swiftly on my forehead before taking my hand in hers. She gets up from the bed and put the strap-on to her vagina. The strap-on is like a two way penis (there's the part sticking out and the part that goes in the other one's vagina. Lauren chuckles and shakes her head after seeing the way I look at that thing.
"I'll show you, this way." She says and uses our combined hands to take my hands and place them on the part that will go into her. It feels slippery to the touch.
"Now you put it inside me." She says, her cheeks flushed. Her eyes narrow as both of our hands slide the dildo into her and she groans. I then attach the rest to her thighs.
"That wasn't so bad for an innocent and a drunk" I laugh. She raises an eyebrow at me and smiles. I am glad we are being playful and not so intense, it makes me less nervous for what is about to happen.
"I'm not drunk babe, I had a few drinks and when I showed up here I was a slightly impaired but arguing with you has sobered me up, as usual." She smiles and runs her thumb across my bottom lip.
I am pleased with her answer, I don't want her to be passing out half way through or puking on me. I laugh a little at my thoughts and look at her again. Her eyes are clear, not glazed like they were an hour ago.
"Now what?" I say before I can stop myself. She laughs, taking my hand and wrapping it around her fake penis.
"Eager?" She teases and I nod.
"Me too." She admits and I move my hand up and down. She shifts her body so the toy moves better inside of her and she moves so she is on top of me. She uses her knee to part my legs, spreading them wide and I feel her fingers rub against me. I wonder if she will be gentle with me, I hope so.
"You're soaking so that will make it easier." She inhales. Her lips meet mine and she kisses me slowly, her tongue teasing mine. Her lips seem to be molded against mine, made just for me. She pulls away and kisses the corners of my mouth, followed by my nose then my lips again. My hands go to her back in a desperate attempt to pull her closer to me.
"Slow baby, we need to go slow." She whispers. Her lips touching my earlobe.
"It's going to hurt, just tell me if you want me to stop. I mean it, okay?" She says in a gentle voice.
"Okay." I gulp. I have heard that having sex (with a penis) hurts but it can't be that bad. I hope not at least.
She kisses me again, I feel the silky strap-on brush against me causing me to shudder. Seconds later she presses into me, its such a foreign feeling. My eyes screw shut and I hear myself gasp.
"You okay?" She whispers into the kiss. I nod and she moves further into me. I wince at the pinching feeling deep inside me. It is just as bad as everyone says, if not worse.
"Fuck." Lauren groans. Her body is still, unmoving and the feeling is incredibly uncomfortable. Apparently not for her.
"Can I move?" Her voice is so strained and raspy.
"Yea." I say. The pain continues but Lauren kisses me all over, my lips, my cheeks, my nose, my neck, and the tears forming at the corner of my eyes. I put my focus on squeezing Lauren's arms and her warm tongue on my neck.
"Oh god." She moans and rolls her head back.
"I love you, I love you so much Camz." She breathes against my cheek. The comfort of her voice mutes my pain slightly but it is still present as her hips slowly roll against mine.
I want to tell her how much I love her but I am afraid if I talk, I will cry.
"Do you.. fuck.. do you want me to stop?" She stutters. I can hear the pleasure and worry battling in her voice.
I shake my head and watch her in amazement, her eyes are closed tightly. Her jaw is clenched in concentration and her hard muscles contract and pull against her inked skin. The pain has almost completely disappeared as I watch her come undone. She brushes my cheekbone with her fingers and kisses me again before burying her head in the crook of my neck. Her breath is staggering, hot and wild against my skin. She brings her face to mine and opens her eyes. I would take the pain over and over to be able to see her this way. The emotion is her eyes as she looks into mine brings more tears to my eyes, it sends me reeling out into the oblivion and then tethers me back to her. I love her and I know without a doubt she loves me. Even if we don't last forever, if we end up never speaking again, I will always know that in this moment she was everything to me.
I can tell that it is taking everything in her to control herself, to keep this slow pace for me and I love her all the more for it. Time slows and stops, speeds and stops again as she moves in and out of me. The salty taste of sweat is on her lips as she kisses me, I want more. I kiss her neck and the spot under her ear that I know drives her crazy. She shivers and moans my name.
"You're doing so good baby. I love you so much." She reminds me again.
It doesn't hurt anymore but it is still uncomfortable and there is a slight sting each time she thrusts into me. My lips move to her neck and my hands tug at her hair.
"I love you Lauren." I manage to say. She moans and brings her swollen lips to mine.
"Oh baby, I am going to come." She says through clenched teeth.
I nod and kiss her neck again, sucking gently on her skin. Lauren's eyes never leave mine as she comes, promises of forever and unconditional love are made as she tenses and gently falls onto me. I can feel the heavy thrumming of her heart against my chest and I kiss the top of her dampened hair. Her chest stops heaving and she lifts up, pulling out of me. I wince at the sudden emptiness as she pulls the strap-on off and neatly places it back in her bag.
"Are you okay? How was it?" Her eyes search my face and she looks more vulnerable than I thought possible.
"I'm okay." I assure her. I press my thighs together to dull the ache. I can see the blood on my sheets but I don't want to move.
"Was it.. was it what you expected?" She wipes her hair away from her forehead.
"It was better." I answer honestly. Even with the pain, the whole experience was exquisite. I find myself already fantasizing about the next time.
"Really?" She grins. I nod and she leans closer, pressing her forehead to mine.
"How was it for you? It will be better once I have more.. experience... When I will be the one who has the strap-on on." I tell her. She grin and she presses her fingers under my chin, titling my head to make me look at her.
"I can't wait, I'm sure it'll be the best strap-on sex I'll wver have had." She says and I roll my eyes. I am sure she has been with far better, girls who actually know what to do and when to do it.
Answering my thoughts she says, "I didn't love them. It is a completely different experience when you love the person. Honestly, Camila. It's totally different, incomparable. Please don't doubt yourself or degrade what we just did." Her voice is so soft and sincere I feel my heart swell and I kiss the bridge of her nose.
She smiles and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me to her chest. She smells so good, even sweaty she is my favorite scent.
"Does it hurt?" She runs her fingers through my hair and twirls a piece over her index finger.
"Sort of. I am afraid to stand up." I laugh. She squeezes me tighter and kisses my shoulder.
"It didn't hurt for me when I had sex the first time" She says and then seems to think of something.
"I've never been with a virgin before." She says quietly. I look up at her and her eyes are soft, not mocking in the least.
"Oh." My mind produces a hundred questions about her first time. The when, where, who and why. But I push those thoughts away, she didn't love her. She has never loved anyone but me. I don't care about that anymore, the women in her past are just that. Her past. I only care about this beautiful flawed girl who just kind of made love to me for the first time in my life.