Do any of you guys come from Montreal?
After class I say goodbye to Ally and walk straight to the professor to explain my absences. He congratulates me on my internship and explains that he moved the syllabus around a little. I try to keep our conversation going until Lauren exits the room.
I make my way back to my dorm and sit out all my notes and textbooks on my bed. I try to study but I am edge waiting for Lucy, Lauren or one of the many other people who are always in and out of my room, to show up. I pack my study materials into my bag and head to my car. I will find a place to study off campus, maybe a coffee shop. I drive towards town and see a small library on the corner of a busy street, there are only a few cars in the lot so I pull in. I walk all the way to the back of the library and sit next to the window, I pull all of my books and notes out and get to work. For the first time, I can study in peace, no distractions. This will be my new sanctuary, the perfect place to study.
"Miss, we are closing in five minutes." The elderly librarian informs me. Closing? I look out the window and it is dark out, I didn't even notice the sun going down. I will definelty have to come here more often.
"Okay, thank you." I reply and pack up my things. I have one new text from Hayley.
*I just wanted to tell you goodnight, I can't wait for Friday.*
*That is very sweet, thank you. I am looking forward to it as well.* I reply.
Lucy isn't in the room when I get back so I change into my pajamas and grab Wuthering Heights. I fall asleep quickly, dreaming of Heathcliff and the moors.
Thursday goes smoothly and Lauren ignores me during class and I do the same. I spend my evening at the library until it closes again and go to bed early, preparing for the bonfire Friday. I am really looking forward to meeting Ally's boyfriend tonight, and seeing Karen and Mike, I have grown quite fond of them. When I wake up on Friday I have a text message from Ally telling me that she won't be on campus at all today because Troy will be arriving earlier than she thought. Skipping literature crosses my mind momentarily but I decide against it, I can't let Lauren ruin anything else.
I take a little more time to get ready today and braid the front of my hair back before curling it. The weather is supposed to be warm today so I wear a purple sleeveless fleece jacket and jeans. I still go to the coffee house before class, Louis is in front of me in line. Before I can walk away unnoticed, he turns around.
"Hey Camila." he smiles.
"How are you?" I ask politely.
"I'm good, you coming tonight?"
"To the bonfire?" I ask.
"No, the party. The bonfire is going to be lame, it always is."
"Oh, I am going to the bonfire." I laugh lightly and he chuckles.
"Well if you're bored at the bonfire you can always come to the party." he offers and grabs his coffee.
I thank him as he walks away. I am relieved that Lauren's group of friends seem to be uninterested in the bonfire which means I won't have to deal with any of them tonight. When it is time for Literature I walk right to my seat without a single glance in Lauren's direction. The discussion continues on Wuthering Heights but thankfully Lauren stays silent. I wish this ever present ache in my chest would go away, instead of shrinking it seems to get larger every moment of every day. I shouldn't have admitted to myself that I love her, if I would have kept ignoring the truth, maybe it would hurt less. As soon as we are dismissed, I gather my things and practically bolt to the door.
"Camila!" I hear her call behind me but I just walk faster. Without Ally here I feel more vulnerable. I feel a light touch on my arm. I know it is her from the way my skin tingles.
'What!" I shout. She takes a step back and holds out a notebook.
"You dropped this." She tells me. Oh. Relief and disappointment battle inside me.
"Oh thanks." I mumble and grab the notebook from her. Her eyes catch mine and it takes me a few seconds to remember that we are standing on a crowded sidewalk, just staring at one another. She shakes her hair out and pushes it back before she turns and walks away.
Without going back to my room first, I head to my car and drive straight to Ally's. I wasn't going to go until five and it's only three but I can't sit in my room. I really have gone mental since Lauren has came into my life.
When I arrive Karen answers the door with a huge smile and invites me in.
"It's only me here right now, Troy and Ally are at the store fetching a few things for me and Mike is still at work." She tells me and I follow her into the kitchen.
"That's okay, sorry for coming so early."
"Oh, don't be sorry. You can help me cook." She laughs. She hands me a cutting board and a few onions and potatoes to chop and we talk about the weather and the upcoming winter.
"Did you still want to help me get the greenhouse going? It is climate controlled so we don't have to worry about the winter." She tells me.
"Yes, of course! I would love to."
"Great, maybe tomorrow? Next weekend I will be busy." She laughs. Her wedding. I try to smile back at her.
"Yea, I'd say that" I laugh. I wish I would have been able to get Lauren to agree to go, but it was impossible then and it's even more impossible now. She smiles and puts the chicken into the oven.
"Is Lauren coming to dinner tonight?" She seems a little nervous when asking.
"No, she won't be coming." I tell her and look down.
"Are you guys okay? I don't mean to be nosy."
"It's okay." I might as well tell her. "I don't think we are okay."
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that. You two really had something, I thought. But i understand you can't be with someone who is afraid to show their feelings." She says. What?
"What do you mean?"
"Well I don't know Lauren as well as I wish that I did, but I know she is very closed off, emotionally. Mike used to stay awake all night worrying about Lauren. She has always been an unhappy child, she wouldn't even tell her mum she loved her." She says, her eyes glossy.
"What?" I say again.
"She just won't say it, I am not sure why. Mike can't recall a single time when Lauren said she loved either of them. It's truly sad, for Lauren as well." She blots her eyes. For someone who refuses to tell anyone, even her own parents that she loves them, she sure was quick to use the words against me in a hateful way.
"She is... she's very difficult to understand." Is all I can think of to say.
"Yes, yes she is. I hope you'll still come around if you two don't work things out."
"Of course." I tell her. Ally walks into the kitchen followed by a beautiful man with curly hair. I knew he would be handsome, but he is even more handsome than I imagined.
"Hi, you must be Camila" He smiles and hugs me. I immediately like him.
"I have heard so much about you, it's nice to finally meet you." I tell him and he smiles again. Ally's eyes follow him as he walks past and takes a seat at the counter.
"We passed Mike on our way here, he was getting gas down the street so he should be here any minute." Ally tells Karen.
"Great, Camila and I have already set the table." She tells them. I am beginning to wish I had invited Hayley even though it would have been extremely awkward, having dinner with two deeply in love couples may be worse. Ally takes Troy by the hand as she leads him to the table. I take my seat across from them and glance over at the empty place setting next to me, in another life Lauren would be sitting next to me, holding my hand the way Ally holds Troy's, and I could lean into her without fear or being rejected. Mike enters, saving me from my thoughts. He walks over and kisses Karen on her cheek before sitting down.
"Dinner looks great honey." He tells her and places a napkin on his lap. "Troy, nicd to see you again." He smiles at him. "And Camila, congratulations on your internship at Vance, Christian called me and told me. He really had a wonderful first impression of you."
"Thank you again for calling him, it's such an amazing opportunity." I smile and take a bite of chicken. It's delicious.
"Sorry I'm late." I hear from behind me and my fork falls out of my hand onto my plate.
"Lauren, I didn't know you were coming!" Karen says nicely and looks at me. I look away. My pulse is already quickening.
"Yea, remember we talked about it last week Camila?" She smiles her menacing smile and takes the seat next to me. What is wrong with her? Why can't she just leave me alone? I know it is partly my fault for letting her get to me, she enjoys playing cat and mouse with me.
Everyone's eyes are on me so I nod and pick my fork up. Troy looks confused and Ally looks worried.
"You must be Teliloy?" Lauren says to her.
"Troy." He corrects.
"Yea, Troy. Same thing." She mutters and I kick her under the table.
Ally glares at her but Lauren doesn't seem to notice. Miek and Karen go back into conversation, as well as Troy and Ally. I stay focused on my food and think of an exit strategy.
"How's your evening so far?" Lauren asks in a casual tone. She knows that I won't cause a scene so she is trying to annoy me.
"Fine." I answer quietly.
"You're not going to ask me how mine is?" She smirks.
"Nope." I mumble and take another bite.
"Camila, was that your car outside?" Mike asks and I nod.
"Yea, I finally got my own car." I laugh and Lauren raises her eyebrow at me.
"When?" Lauren asks.
"The other day." I answer. You know, the day that you told me you enjoyed the chase?
"Oh. Where did you get it?" She asks.
"A car lot." I answer. I see Troy and Karen both try to hide their smiles.
"So Troy, Ally told me you were thinking of going to New York for a ballet school?" I direct the attention off of me. He tells us all his plans to move to New York and Ally looks genuinely happy for him despite the distance that will stay between them.
"We should get going soon, we are going to the bonfire tonight." Ally announces.
"Okay, at least take some of the dessert with you" Karen asks. Ally nods and helps her put some into a Tupperware container.
"Are you going to ride with me?" Lauren says. I look around to see who she is talking to. "I'm talking to you." She states.
"What? No, you're not going." I tell her.
"Yes, I am. You can't stop me from going so you might as well ride with me." She smiles and tries to put her hand on my thigh.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I say under my breath.
"Can we talk outside?" She asks and looks towards her father.
"No." I say quietly. Every time Lauren and I 'talk" I end up crying.
She stands up and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet.
"We will be outside." Lauren tells Ally and pulls me through the living room and out the front door.
"Stop touching me!" I say harshly as we step outside.
"Sorry, but you weren't going to come with me." She shrugs.
"Because I didn't want to." I spit.
"I am sorry. For everything, okay?" She says.
"You're sorry? You're not sorry Lauren, you just want to mess with me. Just stop. I am exhausted and drained from fighting with you all the time. I can't do it anymore. Isn't there anyone else that you can mess with? I will even help you find someone, some poor innocent girl for you to torture as long as is isn't me."
"That's not what I am doing. I know I am back and forth a lot with you, I don't know why I do it. But if you give me one chance, one more chance I will stop. I tried to stay away from you but I can't. I need you.. " She says.
"Stop! Just stop. Aren't you tired of this? If you needed me you wouldn't treat me the way you do. You told me yourself it was all about the chase remember? You can't just show up here after everything and act like nothing happened" I keep my tears in check this time, she has seen them enough times.
"I didn't mean that, you know I didn't ."
"So you admit you just said it to hurt me?"
"Yea.." She looks down. I'm so confused by her, she says she wants more then she kisses Molly, then she tells me she loves me and takes it back, and now she is apologizing again?
"One more chance? Please, Camz. I will explain everything to you." She pleas. I almost believe the pain in her eyes as she looks down at me.
"I can't, I have to go."
"Why can't I come with you?" She asks.
"Because.. because I am meeting Hayley there." I admit. I watch as her expression changes and seems to crumble in front of me. It takes everything in me to not comfort her. She did this to herself. If she actually does care, it's too late.
"Hayley? So are you guys like.. dating?" Her tone is full of disgust.
"No, we haven't even talked about it. We are just.. I don't know, spending time together I guess."
"You haven't talked about it? So if she asked you, you would?" She breathes.
"I don't know.." I honestly don't know if I would. "She is nice and polite and she treats me well." I don't know why I am explaining myself to Lauren but I am.
"Camila you don't even know her, you don't know.." she begins and the front door opens.
"Ready?" Ally asks and I nod. Her eyes dart to Lauren who for once, looks unguarded and even.. heartbroken. I force my feet to my car and follow Ally as she pulls out of the driveway, I try not to look back at Lauren who is still on the porch, staring back at me, as I drive away.