Not a lot of people had a lot to say about me taking over as leader of the Saviors, but Gregory definitely had a big problem with it. He kept saying I was gonna turn my back on everyone, lead the Saviors against us, free Negan, yadda yadda yadda, but Rick put an end to it. Maggie, to my amazement, was actually okay with the decision. I guess she thought it over and decided she'd rather it be me than Negan.
Telling Elijah and Judith that I was leaving was hard. They cried, begged me not to go, but I explained to them that I had to. I told them that we would survive this life but only if we could unite and survive together. I told Judith that Carl wanted this for us, that seemed to calm her down a little, but Elijah was damn near hysterical. MJ reassured that I had promised to visit often; I never promised this, but I didn't mind it. I loved these two kids, so I would visit as much as possible anyways. That or invite them all over to see the place once it's rebuilt.
While I was spending time with Elijah and Judith, Daryl took it upon himself to pack our things and load them up into a truck. We had to drive separately, unfortunately, thanks to the 'let's get all the baby stuff we need to Hilltop' idea. Rick, Daryl, and MJ loaded the truck though, they didn't want me or Maggie to strain ourselves.
Maggie was already in her third trimester, while I'm still in my second. I envied her. I wanted this pregnancy to be over with already, but I knew I needed more time. Not only to prepare, but so Joseph and Harper could have more time in the oven... so to speak. I didn't care if I sounded stupid when I said that out loud; Joseph and Harper are my little buns. My stomach always seemed to growl with hunger for food I couldn't have. Daryl still wants to make me something to eat, but I refuse. I didn't want him to feel like he had to wait on me hand and foot, especially when I was fully capable of cooking for myself.
When I returned to the bedroom, Daryl had my sleep clothes already laid on top of the dresser for me alongside Kindness. Curiosity ran rampant through my mind, wondering what Daryl had planned for her. I'm not gonna lie, I would miss Kindness, she gave me a sense of power... it made me understand why Negan was so partial to Lucille.
"You takin' a shower?" Daryl asked from the bathroom doorway.
"Do I need one?" I teased.
"Wouldn't hurt. Them kids got ya fartin' all night."
"Gee, I wonder who they get that from."
"You."
"Excuse me? I'm a woman and women don't fart, we—"
"Poot?" Daryl smirked. "Ya said that back at the farm."
"And it's still true."
"When ya sound like your ass ate Chewbacca, it ain't. Ya fart, babe. Ya fart and it fuckin' stinks."
"I will settle for anal belch, but I refuse to admit that I fart."
"I'd rather poot." I quietly laughed and looked back over at Kindness. "What?"
"Why haven't ya done anythin' with 'er yet?"
"I'd say we'd deal with it later."
"I know, I just thought ya would've done somethin' with 'er by now."
"Not really. I've been packin' our shit since the meetin'. We'll deal with it tomorrow." I could tell the way he said 'it' that he was getting agitated that I referred to Kindness as her, it probably reminded him of Negan.
"I'm sorry, Daryl." I mumbled. "I know it bothers you, it's just— I'm adjustin' to all of this. I just need some time."
"Ya had time."
"Not really. I mean, I was in love with Negan, but I was in love with you, too—"
"Are ya still?"
"In love with who? You or him?"
"Either."
"I love you, Daryl, but—"
"Fuckin' Christ." Daryl scoffed.
"Can ya please not interrupt?" I grumbled. "I love you, but I love Negan for other reasons. I'm not in love with him, Daryl, I love 'em for givin' me a child."
"Mmm." Daryl grunted.
"I love you for that reason, too." The room fell silent. "Daryl, how are we gonna do this?"
"What do ya mean?"
"This." I motioned between me and him. "All we do is argue anymore. We argue over things that seem major and turn around and argue about stupid shit that doesn't make sense."
"The bat's stupid shit?"
"Yes. It's a fuckin' object, Daryl. Ya should've known that it couldn't ever replace you, a human bein', and yet ya acted like me wantin' to keep it was like I stabbed ya in the fuckin' back."
"Because ya did!" Daryl snapped. "All them times ya chose him over me, tryin' to kill me, when you'd rather be dead than with me—"
"I already told ya why I did those things, Daryl. I didn't mean to shoot ya, I let ya live in the fuckin' woods, and I wanted to die because I couldn't stand the way ya made me feel anymore. I felt guilty for everythin' I did, Daryl!"
"And how do ya think I felt? How do ya think I feel? I'm literally just waitin' for the day that ya fuckin' disappear and find ya back with 'em!"
"That's not gonna fuckin' happen and ya know it!"
"NO, I DON'T! I DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW SHIT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN THAT FUCKIN' HEAD OF YOURS ANYMORE!"
"What's goin' on?" MJ asked as he entered the room.
"MIND YOUR OWN FUCKIN' BUSINESS!"
"DON'T FUCKIN' TALK TO MJ LIKE THAT!" I snarled. "What the fuck is wrong with you today? I swear if I knew comin' back to all this was gonna be this fuckin' stressful I would've—"
"What? Ya would've what? Stayed with that prick?"
"I would've gone off on my own."
"Yeah? Well, maybe ya should've." Daryl stormed over to the desk and grabbed my journal and shoved it into my hand. "Take your fuckin' diary with ya when ya go."
"Ya read my fuckin' journal?"
"I was packin' and it fell. Saw it was to the kids, thought it would've been cute, but it ain't. You're gonna tell 'em about Negan?"
"They have the right to know."
"No, they don't."
"Negan is Joseph's father."
"I'M HIS FUCKIN' FATHER!"
"I meant biologically, and ya know it! Like it or not, he's not biologically yours! Negan has every right to be in their lives!"
"That's how it's gonna be?" Daryl scoffed.
"That's how it needs to be."
"No, it don't. Negan's locked up for the rest of his life, he killed people, our people, our fuckin' family, and ya want 'em to be around our kids?"
"He's done shit, but so haven't I, so haven't you, all of us have killed someone. It ain't my fault that people look at themselves like they're better than him when they're exactly like 'em."
"Fuck you."
"I think it's time that we separate ourselves." MJ spoke up and stepped in between us. "No need to get 'er stressed out."
"Nah, let 'er get stressed out! She was fuckin' willin' to hang herself knowin' she was pregnant, threatened to kill 'em numerous times, let 'er get stressed!"
"Harper is yours, you fuck!" I hissed as tears welled up in my eyes.
"Apparently not! Hell, ya slept with Negan, Simon, one of his wives, my fuckin' brother, who else did ya sleep with? Is Harper really mine?"
"You can't be fuckin' serious."
"Don't act like ya ain't high and mighty, we're all Negan, remember? He's fucked a lot of women in his life, he must've rubbed off on ya at some point! Who else ya been fuckin'?"
"No one!"
"And I'm supposed to believe ya? How am I supposed to know ya ain't a fuckin' slut anymore?"
"DARYL!" Rick snarled as he appeared behind me. I quickly pulled my arm back and slammed my fist into Daryl's nose. He stumbled back a few steps before leaning against the bed, his nose trickling a small amount of blood into his hands. "MICHAELA!" I looked back at Rick and turned back to Daryl, who looked at me with anger, and yet shock.
"Fuck you, Daryl." I whimpered. "Fuck all of this." I quickly shoved past MJ and Daryl and left the bedroom, walking all the way to the truck outside to grab my duffel bag.
"Where are you going?" Aaron asked.
"Out."
"Out? Now? It's dark out." I didn't respond as I pulled out a pistol from my bag and checked the clip for bullets before shoving it into my waistband. "Alright, let me just get my things."
"No."
"You seriously think I'm gonna let you, a pregnant one-armed person, go out on their own in the middle of the night? You wouldn't survive out there."
"I'm a gamblin' woman."
"Yeah, and I don't like the odds." Aaron sighed. "How about you stay? Leave the bag and just take a walk with me around the wall."
"No, thank you."
"Well, how about you come to my trailer. It's not much, but I've got a pretty comfy bed. I just don't want you going out there and getting yourself hurt or worse. This isn't just about you anymore, Michaela." I quietly sighed as I looked my bag over. "Please? It's spaghetti night."
"You still have spaghetti night?"
"Yeah, I guess old traditions never die, even when those who started them are gone." Aaron half smiled. "Come on, it's sad eating by myself and Gracie doesn't eat solid food yet."
"Y-Ya took Gracie?"
"Maggie agreed to it when we brought her back here. When Eric died, I felt like I lost a part of me, but when I saw Gracie, I felt like I could survive somehow. Maggie said Gracie brought out the best in me, thought I should be the one to raise her." I sighed once more and pulled my gun from my waistband and placed it back in my bag.
"Be happy that I'm a sucker for spaghetti and kids."
~~
"She's gettin' so big." I smiled as I held Gracie in my arms.
"I know." Aaron softly chuckled. "I swear it feels like she's been gaining a pound a week."
"If that were true, she'd be as fat as Fat Joey." I laughed, but when I saw Aaron wasn't laughing, I nervously cleared my throat and concentrated on holding Gracie rather than the conversation.
"Do you miss it there?"
"To be honest... sometimes. I don't miss it because of Negan, if that's what you're thinkin'."
"I wasn't."
"Good, because it ain't the reason."
"So, what is the reason?"
"The people." I sighed. "They respected me."
"Did they respect you or the fact that you were Negan's wife?"
"Both. Respect is earned, and I did just that. I mean, sure I wouldn't doubt that some aren't on the same page as we are now, but back then, we all were. We all had the same idea of what needed to be done and who to do it."
"Everyone?" I gently nodded. "What was the idea?"
"Survival. That's all we wanted to do, we wanted to survive. Negan wasn't wrong, you know, his whole 'working with other communities' thing. I mean, it was poor execution, but he had the right idea. Your biggest problem was Simon."
"But not yours?"
"No. See, Simon and I got along great. He was like my twin when it came for our thirst for control. He wanted y'all to pay, but so did I, except I wanted it for a different reason."
"Which was?"
"So I wouldn't have to look back at you all and feel the guilt I had since agreeing to marry Negan." I gently put Gracie back in her crib and turned to Aaron. "It might not have looked like it, but I felt guilty for everything. Even when I was so pissed that I told them some of your secrets, I felt guilty even then. And now—" I whimpered. "And now I'm pregnant with not only Daryl's baby, but Negan's too... and Daryl hates me for it."
"He doesn't hate you, Michaela. He's just— it's a hard pill for him to swallow."
"You think I wanted all of this? That I wanted to have this life? I went with Negan to save people, to keep people alive. I slept with him because I was afraid that if I didn't uphold my end of the marriage, he'd divorce me and kill Daryl out of spite. I had been treated like shit, I was raped, I fuckin' snapped, so yeah, excuse my crazy life at the moment because I don't know what the fuck I'm doin' anymore!" Aaron fell silent as tears rolled down my cheeks. "Why don't he love me anymore?"
Aaron didn't know what to say, all he could do was embrace me in a hug, it's all he knew what to do. I knew that coming back to all of this was going to be difficult, but I never expected all of this hatred. I guess part of me was so hopeful that they'd welcome me back with open arms that it clouded my judgment. I was foolish.
After dinner, Aaron let me use his shower as he fed Gracie and prepared her and himself for bed. Much to my own protest, he took the couch, insisting that I'd be uncomfortable on the couch due to being pregnant. That, and he said "chivalry isn't dead". I finally fell asleep after a few hours of laying there in silence, being consumed by my thoughts. I wanted to sleep, I needed to sleep, but all I could think about was Daryl.
What Daryl said really got to me. What he did got to me. He felt like he couldn't talk to me. He had to invade my privacy because he felt like I wouldn't be honest with him. I know that we've been through some shit, but knowing that he felt he couldn't talk to me or trust me absolutely killed me inside. On top of that, he didn't care if I left or not. He hated me. I should've just left Virginia when I had the chance.
I woke up to the feeling of my hair being moved. I swatted in annoyance at first, but opened my eyes when it continued, coming face to face with Daryl, who was knelt down in front of me. "What are ya doin' here?" I asked.
"Aaron let me in." Daryl motioned to Aaron, who was standing in the background. "We need to talk."
"I'll just let you two have some privacy." Aaron softly smiled and exited the trailer, leaving Daryl and I in silence. I slowly sat up and let Daryl sit on the edge of the bed as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
"Michaela— I dunno how we're gonna do this." Daryl sighed. "You're right, all we do is argue anymore... it ain't right."
"I just wish ya could've just talked to me about all this, Daryl." I mumbled. "What's goin' on between us, it's strained. I mean, it wasn't like this when ya thought Negan was gonna die out in that field, but now that he's still alive and actually on the same property as us, it's like— it's like you're treatin' me like I'm still his wife, but ya gave up on tryin' to get me back."
"I never gave up. I mean, I almost did, but I couldn't." Daryl fell silent. "I want Negan dead, a lot of us do, but it ain't our call, but what you and I do, it needs to be. We need to figure this shit out before the babies get here. So, I want ya to tell me what ya want. I won't argue, I won't yell, I just wanna know."
"I wanna be with you, Daryl." I softly smiled. "But Negan has the right to be involved. He was with me the entire pregnancy; I know it ain't your fault that ya weren't there, but I'm just statin' the fact. He got attached to 'em, he loves 'em, he'd be a great father. I know y'all see 'em as a monster for what he did to our friends, but I got to know 'em better than anyone else, he's a good man, just got his priorities fucked up . I'm not sayin' let 'em out, that'd be a mistake and a half, but he deserves to be in their lives just as much as you do, Daryl." The room fell silent. "Ya wanna know what he told me?"
"What?"
"That him and his wife were tryin' to have kids, but they stopped when she was diagnosed with cancer. All they wanted was to be parents, and now he's gettin' that chance. Joseph is his miracle child... I can't take that from him, it ain't right."
"Would ya take that from someone if that person was like Gareth? Someone like the Governor?"
"Ya mean people who are actually evil? Yes, but Negan ain't that, no matter how much ya want to believe it ain't true." I gently placed my hand on Daryl's hand. "Ya gotta believe me, Daryl. Negan would never hurt them kids, he just wants to be there for 'em."
"And what? You'd want 'em to go to him in his jail cell? Spend some time with 'em behind bars? What kind of childhood would that give 'em?"
"What kind of childhood would it be if we kept 'em a secret? Kept all of this a secret? They'd resent us, Daryl. If not in his cell, we can fortify one of the rooms in the jail house where he'd get supervised visits. It'd give 'em time to play with 'em, get to interact with 'em— I just can't take his right to be a father away, not when I know he'd make a great one."
"If that's what ya want." Daryl mumbled.
"What do you want?"
"I don't want 'em near my kids... I want ya to be happy, but I can't have both."
"So, we compromise."
"How?"
"He gets visitation only so many times a week."
"I don't want 'em there when they're born. I want that to be just us."
"Okay." I gently nodded. "But if somethin' happens, somethin' bad, he needs to be there."
"What do ya mean?"
"There's two, Daryl. Not twins, two. Joseph was conceived after Harper, he could be born prematurely."
"It ain't gonna happen."
"I don't want it to, but I have to accept it. We don't live in a modern world anymore, Daryl. We don't have access to a hospital, we just got what we have. If Joseph is born prematurely, we'll just have to hope he pulls through."
"The babies are gonna be born healthy. I'm sure of that. Ain't no 'if he's born early' shit, so stop talkin' about it."
"Okay." I softly sighed. "So... are we doin' this?"
"Yeah." Daryl nodded.
"Together?"
"Yeah."
"And Negan?" Daryl turned to me, reluctance filling his eyes.
"Yeah."