Juniper POV
After that nothing was the same. Change happened within me, the kind that I could not stop or control. I could just sit back and watch as it polluted me, invaded me, and controlled me like a parasite. It made me do things, think things, say things, that weren't me. I myself knew that from the very beggining, I felt it deep inside of me. I was helpless againt this foreghn, new darkness within myself that now dictated my every thought, move, word and feeling.
From there on out, It felt like I was a stranger to myself, and everyone around me. It felt like I was a visitor in my own mind. I was trapped in a dark pit that was so deep, I coudin't get out. From there on out, I changed, drastically. It was to the point that I looked in the mirror and didint know who was staring back.
I didin't know that girl.
That girl went against everything I once believed. She distanced herself from everybody who loved hed, she let the darkness control her like a puppet, she stopped being herself and is the reason every time she looked in the mirror, she wanted to smash it to pieces.
That girl is sadly me.
I coudint sleep because I feared sleep, I feared my dreams like I have never feared something in my life. I started to distance myself from my friends and my family. My temper grew worse and I ended up with anger management issues. I was irritated all the time. I would lash out at anybody who pissed me off , or pick a fight with somebody for accidentally bumping into me.
I became the school's troublemaker, skipping clases, getting into fights, failing tests. For me, its normal to get called 3 times to the principals office every single fricking day. I have a title, a reputation. Nobody messed with me, everybody would think twice about double crossing me, boys didin't dare screw me over. I was a troublemaker, a bad girl, against my own will. I had to become this girl, I had to do a lot of things to not suffer at the hands of the man in my dreams.
I cant care about anything. I have to wear my anger, my spunk (as the principal would say) ,my sarcasm and my humor like armor. These days, nothing could get to me, only my sleep, my nightmares and the frustrating gaps in my memory.
I didint choose this but I have no say in the matter. I have to fight to survive, to cope, to act as if everything is alright even though its not.
Its that or death.
Wen I get punished in my nightmares, It really feel's like im dying. Its like I can't breath. There isin't enough air in the world to get to me. The piercing screams surround me. I scream and kick and shout and cry. And HE stands in the middle of it all, waching me suffer as he laughs.
Im also failing my clases, wich caused my mother to act. Im going to see a psycologist next week. I've had my fair share of doctors. Its all because I can't talk, I can't say whats happening to me. If I speaked up, I bet you anything I'd end up in a mental hospital. Which I really dont mind going to. I would do anything to get rid of this.... whatever this is called. But sadly that can't happen. The privacy policy of the man in my dreams was not to be broken.
I wish I could tell somoene. I wish I didint have to suffer alone, cry myself to sleep even though its useless. Why me?...
Dear Dairy, JKT, 3:34 am
I put my journal on my night stand and turned of my lamp. Not realizing how tired I was, I fell asleep almost instantly.
--------------------------------
Cliffhanger! Hope your enjoying the story so far because I'm definitely enjoying writing it. I'll try and post the next chapter tomorrow. :)
-Ali
Edited