ASHTON POV
I don’t even know what I’m doing here.
After spending some time with Joselyn, I walked her home and then back again for my shift. She told me she could walk home herself, but if she did, I wouldn’t have the chance to kiss her the way I wanted to kiss her, wanting to feel her even more than before. If I had done it at Sunday’s, people would have given me a hard time at my shift, and I wasn’t really in the mood for that. I still had a lot going on in my head.
Like the reason why I’m here, at some random house at some random street I’ve never heard of before. I succeeded in making Joselyn tell me what exactly Michael had written to her and then I had him text me the adress for the party. The guy having it is a year older and I’m pretty sure there are some illegal stuff being passed on around here.
The only reason I’m going is because I want to clear up some things with Luke and knowing him, he would be here. He never misses a party.
Joselyn’s story hasn’t left my mind since she told me and I just need to tell Luke how hurt she got. I’m not going to start a fight, but he probably will. That’s why I asked Calum for help. Calum’s always been the one to calm Luke down when he’s too drunk or is about to do something really stupid. It’s Calum’s specialty. Calum might drink a lot, but the minute you tell him to sober up – he does. And it’s scary how fast he does it. One second he’s laughing at his own thumb nail, the next he will tell you the meaning of life. He’s even clearer in his head than he is on a normal day.
I see him before he sees me. He’s standing by one of the tables filled with beer cans. He’s got his back turned to me but I’m 100 % sure that it’s him. His broad shoulder, the quiff you can even see from the back. He’s talking with some red haired girl, probably making a joke, because she swats his arm playfully and laughs. It’s Luke alright.
I take a few steps closer and nod at Calum who’s with them too. I didn’t tell him the full story why I needed him but he seemed cool with it. Any chance to knock some sense into Luke, and he’s on.
“Well, well, well. Look who finally decides to show up. Hello there, Ash,” Luke smirks at me after turning around, clearly noticing Calum’s nod. He doesn’t yell, but his voice is still loud over the music.
“Luke,” I reply shortly.
“Why don’t you go somewhere else?”
It takes a moment before I realize he’s talking to the red haired girl who’s now quick on her feet. She finds one of her heavily made-up friends and is back to laughing pretty fast.
“Maybe we should step out for a minute?”
He ushers me out of the room and out to the porch. He tells the two people who are there to get lost and they run away. Nobody obeys Luke. It’s always been like that.
“See you brought a bodyguard,” he eyes Calum who just stares back at him, completely blank in his face.
“I won’t need a bodyguard. I just want to talk.”
“So talk. Talk to me, Ash.”
Luke opens his arms and I take a deep breathe, but is interrupted by him laughing.
“It always takes you so long to talk. Keeping shut about everything. Just spit it out, man,” he folds his arms over his chest and tilts his head a little, a smirk still playing on his lips.
“Where are we?”
“We’re on the porch of Kenny’s house, stupid,” he rolls his eyes at me.
“No, I mean…whatever. You probably hate me. Don’t you?”
“You make us sound like a lovestruck couple. Which reminds me…how’s Joselyn? Haven’t seen her in a while,” he says, the smirk growing, yet he looks a little unsure as his eyes can’t seem to focus.
“You don’t mention her, okay?”
I take a step towards him and raise my fist. I started boiling the minute he said her name, the way he emphasized every syllable in her name. This might have been a stupid idea after all.
“Simmer down, loverboy,” Luke shakes his head and unfolds his arms.
I see a confused look on Calum’s face. Maybe I should have told him what this was all about before I asked him to help me. Maybe he’d have some advice what to do.
“I don’t hate you, man. Amy probably does, but I don’t. I just thought we were bros and, like, didn’t hurt each other.”
“How did I hurt you? I haven’t even touched you.”
“Not physically, Ash,” he sighs. “Amy’s my sister and you know very well how protective I am of her.”
Luke sits down on the nearest bench and shakes his head at me, like I’m too stupid to understand something so simple. He looks tired, too.
“I just didn’t thought that about you. You know, go and kiss random girls.”
“Joselyn’s not some random girl,” I defend.
“I know she isn’t. She’s like your soul mate or something,” he waves a hand in the air and rolls his eyes. “But still, kind of stupid of you.”
This is not how I expected it to go. I expected cursing and punches. Pushing and pulling. And definitely not this. I didn’t expect Luke to sit here, with his head down, slowly rubbing his temples like he’s got a headache. Calum looks as confused as me but he doesn’t say a word. I’m still glad he’s here, though. You never know about Luke. His temper changes rather quickly.
“I’m sorry?” I say hesitantly, making it come out more as a question.
“You go tell my sister that.”
“Is she here?”
Luke shakes his head. Thank God she isn’t. I don’t want anything to do with her right now. Not until this is sorted out. And by ‘this’ I mean this situation between Luke and me.
“So if I tell her I’m sorry, are we good?”
“We’re good,” he replies short.
And I did definitely not expect him to forgive me that easily. Something isn’t right. Where’s the old Luke? The one who always must have the last word. The one who always have to show themselves to be the greatest, who wants everyone around them to like him. Is that what I want? Do I want a mad Luke? In fact, I realize I do. I want to get all these feelings out, and it’s much easier showing them when being mad than in this state. If he’s mad, I can be mad and I can easily yell in his face. But when he’s like this, tired and almost looking sad, I can’t. I can’t express my inner feelings. They stay inside, in some kind of lump, and I almost forget I have them at all.
Then I realize something.
“You never wanted us to be together, did you?”
Luke looks up at me again, his eyes wide open.
“I tried to stop you. Don’t you remember? I told you and the rest to stay the fuck away from her. She’s my little sister, Ash. I’ve tried breaking up the two of you for the longest time but you wouldn’t. You’re stubborn as hell. What the fuck? You’re nothing alike. You’re too…,” he shakes his head, trying to find the right word. “…different. You’re two completely different people.”
My breathing is getting faster as he keeps shaking his head at me and rolling his eyes.
“So you mean I was together with a girl for a year, a girl I didn’t even have any interest in, for the past, I don’t know, months? And you’re saying I could have broken up with her, at any time?” I yell, my neck is tensed and I can almost feel the blood rush up to my head.
“Pretty much. Why didn’t you?”
“Because I…”
I’m breathing loud now. I’m furious. Fuck, I’m stupid. How can I be this stupid?
“You were scared of me, admit it,” he smirks and the old Luke is back. “Scared of what I would say and do."
“Yes,” I say, my voice back to normal volume, but my breathing still fast.
“You’re fucked up man,” he laughs and by the look in his eyes, he knows he’s the one with power.
“Oh shut up!” I say even though he’s right. I am fucked up. I’m so fucking stupid. But who would blame me? Luke’s quite intimidating even if you know him.
“I actually tried getting you to admit you liked Joselyn but you never did. You told excuse after excuse. Remember?”
I remember. I remember every talk with him, very clearly. And he’s right. He tried getting me to tell him, multiple times. He even tried getting me to say it in front of Amy, but I always thought it was because he hated me for it. Like he wanted to put me on the spot and embarrass me. Not that I’d get embarrassed. It’s Joselyn we’re talking about. I’d never get embarrassed because of her.
“But it doesn’t change what you did to Joselyn.”
Joselyn never told me what exactly happened, I only know his words broke her. But Luke, he’s unpredictable. I just learnt that, so he could have said anything. I knew he was a nice guy deep inside but he surely hasn’t showed it the pa-…Oh. Now I see why he’s been such a jerk lately. God I’m so blind!
“I know, and I’m sorry. I was drunk.”
“Bro, it was Monday afternoon!” I groan, throwing my hands up in the air.
“So we’re bros again?” He smirks, raising an eyebrow.
“I never said that,” I frown at him, still feeling angry.
“You just called me bro.”
“Whatever, just answer me.”
“Yeah, I was still hung over, okay? And what’s a better way to treat a hangover than getting more alcohol?” He’s still smirking and I just want to punch him right there. Nobody gets drunk on a Sunday.
“Do you have any idea what you put her through?”
I don’t even notice the tears before I’ve grabbed Luke’s t-shirt and lifted him off the bench, suddenly my vision getting blurry. Calum puts a hand on my shoulder and tells me to take it easy but Luke just shakes his head.
“It’s okay. I fucked up. I’m a fucking asshole.”
“Hell yeah you are. She fucking stayed in her room for two days. She wouldn’t talk to anyone, and when she finally did open her mouth, she…”
I stop when I catch myself starting her story. What am I doing? Why am I telling Luke all this? I promised Joselyn not to say anything. I broke that promise by telling her parents, but they kind of already knew all about it. Calum and Luke don’t, and they’re not going to find out.
“Ashton, I am fucking sorry. I wish I could take it all back but I had too. Yes, I might not have wanted you and Amy to be together but you made her cry and I got fucking miserable just by looking at her. She was bawling her eyes out! I didn’t even know we had that many tissues at home. And when I saw Joselyn there, I just…I was pissed, okay? Pissed and so fucking wasted.”
“Is…is she okay?”
I’ve never seen Amy cry, only her eyes glimmer, and I found it hard to believe when Joselyn told me. I thought she was joking.
“Yeah, she’s fine. Got over you pretty quickly after that. Apparently going out with some other guy. I think his name is Matt. I’m gonna have a talk with him later…”
“You have to apologize to Joselyn, Luke. You have to!” I cut him off, grabbing his t-shirt even harder.
“She hates me. I don’t think an apology’s going to help,” he shrugs, bowing his head. And I’m stunned how he can even say that. How he knows that.
“Then show her. And it still doesn’t explain why you treated her badly the first time you two met.”
“I didn’t treat her badly. I was just trying to get you to confess. Plus, I really did wanted to get to know her better, if you know what I mean,” he winks at me and I feel the rage continue to grow.
“How much have you drunk?” I ask him, not wanting to continue that conversation about Joselyn.
“Not that much,” he shrugs like it’s something normal, and in his case, it is.
“So you definitely mean everything you’ve told me?”
Luke nods but I don’t know if I should trust him.
“And you’ll remember this too?”
He nods again and I let go of him. I give him a little push backwards, making him unsteady on his feet but he still manage to stand up without falling. He fixes the wrinkles of his t-shirt and sits down again.
“Do you wanna hear my opinion?” Calum asks after I take a seat next to Luke.
Calum had been awfully quiet after I pulled up Luke and he told Calum it was okay. I thought he would try to intervene once again, but instead he just stood there, a little behind, but still kept his eyes on us. Now he’s standing in front of Luke and I, who look like two kids that has done something terribly wrong and Calum’s the teacher, yelling at us, teaching us a lesson. We both did do something stupid, so I guess Calum really is the teacher.
“Do whatever you want,” Luke gestures with his hand for Calum to keep talking.
“I’ve known you two for a very long time, and I’ve seen different sides of you but hearing this discussion you two just had,” Calum shakes his head “Luke, you’ve already said you’re fucked up, so I’m not gonna say that.”
“Thanks,” Luke snorts.
“I’m not finished,” Calum snaps and Luke goes quiet. “Obviously there’s something bigger here, that we don’t notice. For instant; Ashton, why did you get together with Amy in the first place?”
“I thought you were lecturing Luke?”
“I’m lecturing you both.”
“We hooked up and I…” have no idea why. I’m such an idiot.
“Just because you hooked up and she was your first, doesn’t mean you have to stay with her forever. And honestly, did you feel anything for her at any time?”
“Yeah, he did. In his pants,” Luke smirks and raises his hand, expecting a high five, but Calum shakes his hand.
“It’s your sister,” he frowns.
“Shit,” Luke pounds his fist on the bench.
“Are you sure you’re not drunk?”
“Pretty sure,” Luke nods and a dimple shows.
“Okay?” Calum says unconvinced. “Ashton, you need to think about this. We both know, all three of us here know, that you love Joselyn. It has been quite obvious for some time. She is a nice girl and you’re a nice guy, usually.”
“Usually?” I frown.
“Usually. You have been pretty stupid the past year. You really shouldn’t have worried about Luke. He was your friend, he still is, and you know what they say – bros before hóes.”
“Don’t call my sister a hóe!”
“Will you just shut up for a second?” Calum groans and clenches his fists, making Luke flinch. “Don’t come and tell me Amy’s some innocent little girl because we know she isn’t, Luke. She’s done some horrible things and she’s said some harsh word to Joselyn.”
“H-How do you know?” I stutter.
“I was at The Diner when she called her a loser? Don’t you remember?” He frowns at me.
“Oh.”
But that was not what I’m thinking about. And neither is Luke. He’s shifting in his seat and starts picking on his finger nails, trying to make himself smaller.
“Wait…what else has she done?” Calum insists.
So I open my mouth to tell him, but am interrupted by Luke who tells the entire story from his perspective. How he saw Joselyn sitting alone by the parking lot and he just couldn’t resist getting closer. How he held her back and influenced by the alcohol, he called Amy. He asked about her opinion of Joselyn and she started rambling. He tells us how unaware he was of the situation and he barely noticed her crying and then suddenly she was gone.
“You piece of shit!”
I punch Luke on the arm, missing his face that I was aiming for, because of Calum who’s pulled him up.
“Get back here!” I stand up and shake my head at them both, my fists clenched and ready to punch again. Luke’s rubbing his arm, looking like he’s really hurt.
“Ashton, calm down. Yes, Luke’s an idiot but he apologized,” Calum says, his eyes trying to lock mine.
“Not good enough.”
I take another step towards them and Calum raises his hand. I’m sure he’s going to slap me but he doesn’t. Instead he motions for me to sit down. I shake my head.
“No. I’m not sitting down. Not when he’s here,” I nod at Luke who actually looks terrified.
“Sit the fuck down,” Calum roars and I slowly back away. “Jesus Christ. And Luke? You go sit over there,” Calum points at a spot about 2 meters away from me and Luke does as he’s told, still rubbing his arm. I think I hit a nerve, and I smile proudly to myself.
“I’ve been trying all night to get you two to apologize to each other but whenever something unsaid is brought up, you’re back to square one. Have you even listened to anything that I’ve said?” Calum’s voice is raised and he looks pissed.
Neither of us reply. I have been listening but after hearing the scene about the parking lot, I lost it. I completely lost it. Joselyn refused to tell me what exactly happened. But then again, I didn’t ask. I couldn’t hear more of it that day, or any other day that has passed since. I knew she already despised Luke and he made her feel anxious, so this must have been horrible.
“To come to a conclusion,” Calum says and eyes us both, making sure we listen this time. “Ashton, you’re an idiot for not breaking up with Amy because you clearly had no feelings for her. I still have no idea why the fuck you stayed with that girl. And Luke, you’re an idiot for putting Joselyn through shit and for being a jerk.”
I’m a jerk, too, I want to say. A complete foolish idiotic jerk. Luke’s a bigger one, but I am still one.
“I’m sorry”
“What?” I frown at Luke. Did he just say he’s sorry?
“I’m sorry. I said it before, I’ll say it again. I’m sorry.”
He hits the bench with his clenched fists and looks over at me. He looks so small. And I actually believe him. I think I believed him the first time he said it but this time I can tell he really means it.
I try to steady my breathing, trying to get it back to normal but I’m still out of breath. My neck is no longer tensed and I roll my head a little. Should I accept his apology? I really don’t want to be enemies with Luke, but I won’t forgive him for what he’s done.
“I’m sorry too, bro,” I hear myself say and I want to take the words back.
“So we are bros?” He shines up.
The thoughts in my head are bouncing back and forth. I could just get out of here, leave them confused and having them call after me.
“We are.”
And when I say those words and stand up, Calum doesn’t try to push me back down. He lets me walk up to Luke. He lets me give him a hug. I give him an extra squeeze, letting him know he’s not let off that easily. If he breaks her again, I will break him.
“Nice punch by the way,” Luke laughs when I let go.
I could still strangle him for what he did, but he’s never been this honest with me before so I don’t want to ruin this.
He’ll never be my best friend again, though.
No one who hurts Joselyn will ever be my best friend.
-
PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR MAKING LUKE (kind of) NICE!
and this is the longest chapter I've written so far. (also sorry for writing some words differently, my computer won't let me spell them correctly)
Anyway, things we've learned in this chapter: Ashton is very protective of Joselyn and doesn't want anyone to hurt her. Luke is not that much of a jerk - he can be nice (he has his moments).
Since this is a long chapter - please take your time and tell me what you think (comment) and vote. Love you all :) xx