'Wise men say; only fools rush in.
But I can't help falling in love with you.'
-----
Fear engulfs me as I read the message five, then ten times over.
"Games? What does he mean?" My voice shakes.
"Come inside," Luke says, his voice surprisingly calm as he ushers me into my apartment. He shuts the door behind me as I go into panic mode.
"How could he have known? Oh my God, he's going to find us, and he's going to---"
"Alaska, calm down so I can think." Luke begins to pace.
I close my mouth, my bottom lip trembling slightly. The silver pistol from my dream flashes through my mind.
"He knows we talked to Adams, somehow. And he wants to find us--you, more specifically," he says, his brow furrowed in thought.
Anxiety rips through me like a knife and my breathing accelerates.
I shake my head. "I can't stay here," I say, briskly past Luke and into my bedroom.
"What are you talking about?" Luke follows me, watching confusedly as I pull my suitcase out from under my bed.
"I'm going to fly back to Perth," I decide suddenly. Something about that text recieved finally made me snap.
"Are you insane?"
"Yes, maybe." I walk to my closet to pull out clothes. I don't know why I've decided to go home, but I know I'll be a paranoid wreck if I stay here much longer.
"How long will you stay there?" Luke asks, observing me as I carelessly throw shirts and jeans into my suitcase.
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "For good," I say. "Yeah, for good. I should have never moved here, all it's brought is fear and paranoia."
"Alaska, think about what you're saying."
"I am thinking about it. I could just live at home until I find a new place. I'll sell this one and everything will be okay again."
"What about Drew? What about the alliance?"
"You guys are obviously better off without me, when I'm not here to fuck things up," I say.
"That's not true."
"Oh, really? You've made it pretty clear that before I came into your life, everything was fine and normal. If I go, everything will be restored in your life, it'll be like I was never even here."
"No it won't."
"Look, I don't know why you're trying to stop me from leaving, it's not like you give a shit about me."
Luke doesn't respond, and I turn to look at him. He stares at me, his eyes ablaze, his cheeks flushed.
"You know what, Alaska? Leave. Go. Leave, and don't come back," he spits.
"I won't. There's nothing here for me that I can't have in Perth."
"You're right. I obviously don't care about you, so just go and forget eveything that ever happened here." He crosses his arms over his chest.
I shake my head. "That's what this is about, isn't it? You don't want me to go because you know I love you, and you thrive off it."
Luke clenches his jaw. "No."
"Well, you know what Luke? I'm not going to be that girl." I walk out of the bedroom, turning and entering the bathroom.
"That girl?" He asks, following me.
"Yeah, that girl. The one that's hopelessly in love with someone who will never love her, and just spends her time feeling bad about it," I snao, opening the cabinet in the bathroom and packing a bag of toiletries. "I know you'll never love me Luke, so what's the use?"
"That doesn't mean you should just go."
"Yes, it does. Without me, you guys can all go back and work for Drew, and everything will back in it's perfect little place. I'll cover up my tracks for you." I zip up my bag of toiletries and stalk back into my bedroom.
"No, you don't get it," Luke says, shaking his head. "We need you."
"You don't need me, you're better off without me."
"No, I--we're not." He fumbles with his words.
I sit down on the bed, putting my head in my hands. "I'm so confused," I mutter. "I'm confused and scared and I don't know what to do." My voice cracks.
I feel Luke sit beside me. "It's alright, I'm scared too," he says softly. "You just... you can't leave, Allie."
"Why do you care if I leave?"
"If you left, then my life would... it would just be boring again. You know, I'd go back to work, and hate Drew, and never laugh." I look up and he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I'd go back to just being Luke, and I don't want that."
"If you were just Luke then, what are you now?"
"A better Luke. One that smiles lots and goes to the zoo and sits on windows and makes fun of bartenders. And I can't be that Luke without you."
I feel my eyes water and I bite my lip. "How can you say that now, when only weeks ago you laughed in my face when I said I loved you?"
"Fuck," Luke curses, standing from the bed and beginning to pace, tugging at his blonde hair.
I shake my head and turn to zip up my suitcase, the zipper almost getting stuck on the large pils of unruly clothes inside of it.
"Are you really leaving?" Luke asks my from the doorway of my bedroom.
"I think I've made that pretty clear," I say gathering some other items from around my room.
"For good?"
"That's what I was planning."
"What about... what about me?"
I choke back tears at the saddened look in his eyes. "I hope you can find someone to love you as much as I do," I say, brushing a few tears from my eyes as I push past him, walking into the living room to grab a few more things.
"Why do you even love me? What could you possibly love?"
"I don't know," I say, pulling different things out of the drawers and tossing them onto the counter. "You're annoying, and rude, and sarcastic. You put me down all the time, and there's time when you make me feel like nothing."
I pause, fishinging for my spare phone charger in the bottom of a drawer, slapping it onto the counter.
"But you're also funny, and I can tell you care for me even when you say you don't. You remember stupid, little things about me that don't even matter, but they matter when you talk about them, for some reason. You keep me safe, and I know you always will, no matter where we are. And we always find ways back to each other. Luke, for me, it always will be you. Wherever you are."
I wipe the teears that have fallen from my eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm really sorry I caused you so much trouble," I say softly as I grab my purse and put loose items into it.
When I look up, Luke's back is to me, his fingers funning through his hair again and again. His breathing is heavy, and I can tell he's waging in some kind of internal battle.
"If you ever leave... will I ever see you again?" He asks.
"Most likely not. And maybe that's better for the both of us."
Just when I expect him to spitefully agree with me, he shakes his head and turns around to face me.
"No, it's not."
I stare in confusion as he walks towards me.
"It's not better when you're the one person who actually listens to me and cares about the stupid shit I say, Alaska. You listen to me, you laugh at my sarcastic humor that really is just me being a total douche about things, and you make me laugh more than I ever have in my life. Ever. You came into my life practically against both of our wills, and you just turned it around. Alaska, you made me fall in love with you."
My jaw drops. "What?"
He shuts hus eyes briefly, as if he doesn't believe what he just said either. "Look, I know I'm an idiot. I know I don't believe in loce, I still don't. It's stupid, and a fucking burden and it brings nothing but trouble. I let one girl ruin it for me when I was younger, and that was stupid of me. I'm not romantic at all, hell, I got you a fucking box of pens for your birthday. You make me insane ninety percent of the time, and the other ten percent of the time you're annoying the shit out of me. But even though love is a fucking bullshit myth, I still manage to feel it for you."
I almost feel like passing out at his words. My cheeks are wet with tears and I chew on my lip, unable to believe any of what he just said.
He walks closer to me, reaching out and wiping the tears off my cheeks. "So please, please don't go," he whispers.
"I won't," I say. "I won't go." My voice cracks.
He pulls me into an embrace, my head resting against his chest as his strong arms wrap around me. I inhale his scent and shut my eyes. I'm still terrified on what Drew said, but I feel safe with Luke right now, and I always will.
And in that moment, I see that he truly loves me. From the time he first drove me home when Tyler forgot me, to when he took me play poker. When he shared a cigarette with me and kissed me. When he threw crumpled pieces of paper at me at work, just to annoy me. When he told me about Blackwater Enterprises, and when I stayed with him because I was scared. When he cleaned my apartment for me after it had been ransacked. When he took me to the roof, and to see the stars, and to the zoo.
He's loved me the whole time; and I saw right through him.
We pull away from the hug, my cheeks and eyes still slightly damp.
"Well, now I have to go unpack everything," I say, and Luke laughs, his dimples popping up for the first time today.
"Hurry up, the Big Bang is starting soon."
"I'll just do it later," I sigh.
"Don't procrastinate too long, now," he smirks.
And then I step forward and kiss him.
Hard.
He responds immediately, arms circling around my waist as I stand on my tiptoes to reach his lips. He liefts me, breaking the kiss. I watch his eyes as he carries me into my room, setting me on the bed.
I laugh as he carefully removes my suitcase from the bed and climbs up next to me.
His lips find mine again, and I find myself completely and utterly intoxicated by him and everything about him.
I giggle when he moves his lips to my neck, kissing and sucking gently.
"Your lips are cold," I laugh.
"Sorry," he says into the crook of my neck and we both laugh again.
He nips at the skin on my neck, bringing blood to the surface of the skin, creating red and purple blooms. I feel completely happy in that moment as his lips return to mine, slipping his tongue gently into my mouth.
The temperature seems to rise in the room as I play with the hem of Luke's 'destroy yourself see who gives a fuck' shirt. I feel him smile as he sits up and removes it, tossing it to the floor.
My eyes travel up his torso, marveling at the ink marking his body. Two birds are drawn on his collar bones, and a few more around his neck and up his arms. I notice a quote on the top of his shoulder, saying 'Always in my mind, forever in my heart.' I'm guessing it's about his mother. Each design seems to mean something to him, and I want to know what each one means. I reach up and trace each of the small birds on his collar bones with my fingertips, in awe at the sheer beauty.
"You like the swallows?" He asks.
"Yeah," I say. "They're beautiful."
"I am yet to see your tattoo, Allie."
I smirk, remembering I boasted that I indeed have a tatoo when we were stuck in the elevator together.
I pull my shirt over my head, tossing it on the floor next to Luke's. I turn around so he can see the back of my shoulder.
I feel the tips of his fingers touch it softly, tracing over the design.
"A rose," he says, sounding almost in awe. "You've got a rose tattoo, but you keep it covered."
"My middle name is Rose, so yeah," I say as I turn back around to face him. It's so I never forget who I am.. There have been a few times where I have, so I got this when I turned eighteen to remind me that I am Alaska Rose, and that's who I always will be."
"That's... beautiful," he says, lowering his forehead to mine. "And I admit, I still thought you were bluffing about having a tattoo."
I laugh and so does he, the sound of our laughs together being one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.
His hot flesh on mine sends fire through my body as we kiss again, my arms wrapping around his neck.
I could kiss him forever.
In the next few minutes, my jeans are removed, along with Luke's. I tell him I'm cold and he laughs, pulling me under the sheets with him. He presses his lips back to mine before asking me what I want to do.
So I tell him I'm his.
He kisses down my neck again and tells me he loves me against my skin, causing goosebumps to arise on the surface. I tell him I love him too and he smiles at me, a radiant, iridescent smile. I play with the hair at the base of his neck as he disposes of our remaining clothes. He lowers his lips back to mine.
And in that moment, I swear, we were infinite.