"I'm fine Lucifer! Stop! Dude, I'm fine!" I hiss as he continues to drag me through the house. I finally break myself from his grasp and rub my wrist. He gives me the same look that you'd give a sick puppy. "I told you. I'm fine."
"I'm not an idiot Castiel. I know that you still blame yourself. It's not your fault," he tries to change my mind but I'm not so easily fooled.
I glare at him, "Really? I'm not a kid. I'm fine." Despite my hopes, he doesn't believe me.
"Castiel stop. I know you aren't. I've seen your hands when people offer to drive. I know that's the reason you still don't drink. You can't undress in front of people because of those two scars running down your back. For Hell's sake, I've watched the way you avoid every chance of someone giving you an ounce of affection." I clench my jaw and stare at my older brother. Why did it have to be Lucifer? 'I can lie to Gabriel and Micheal but Lucifer?' "Castiel. You were sixteen. It wasn't your fault."
"Lucifer stop!" I shout. "You and I both know that's not true!" He pauses at my change in voice. 'They don't have to lie to me. I'm sick of being treated like a kid.'
"Cast-"
"I said enough. Let's just go play a game. Please. I don't want to be treated like a broken child anymore. I'm done talking Lucifer," I plead. I watch as his gaze softens. He's never been able to deal with sorrow.
He sighs deeply, rubbing his temples, "Fine. But the minute I see your hands... I'm not going to give this up as easily. Eventually, Micheal, Gabe, and I aren't going to be here when you have an attack. You need to tell Dean soon. I don't want to see you in the hospital again."
~~~
"Hey, Cas! I put MarioKart 8 in! Come play with us!" Dean shouts from the center of the living room staring over at me. For the past hour, I've pretty much said nothing. And everyone knows why. Except for Dean and Gilda. And for the time being, its gonna stay that way. I'm just glad Gilda hasn't said anything.
"I don't know..."
Charlie butts in and says, "C'mon Castiel. I know you're a beast at all the Nintendo games!"
"Really?" Dean asks, already handing me the remote. I accept it quietly and shrug while taking a seat next to him and her.
"Oh, bullshit. Castiel is a god at them. He's beat me every time we've ever played!"
"I've got to see this for myself. Sammy was never much competition," Dean chuckles which lands him with a pillow to the face from his younger brother.
"That's just because you never let me play!" he whines like an overgrown puppy. Although I don't like Gilda, I adore Sam. He's perfect for Gabe and I can trust him to keep the trickster in line. He's like a second brother even though they aren't married.
"Okay let's start already," Gabe pouts. Dean shrugs and hits the play button. He chooses Mario, Gabe chooses Luigi, Charlie chooses Rosalina, which leave me with the only other unlocked player so far. Princess Peach. 'Of fucking course. I bet they planned this.'
"You're so cute Cassie!" Gabriel smiles from next to Charlie. 'He definitely planned this. Asshole.' I end up just sticking my tongue out at him.
"I was gonna go easy on you but now I'm going beat your ass," I taunt choosing the standard bike with the red star wheels. Everyone else is checking stats and handling but I know that doesn't matter. The trick is to know what's going on in game. The bikes are always better anyways.
Gabe and Dean smirk but Charlie knows what's up and chooses a bike with different wheels so it doesn't look like she's copying me. After they all choose their rides, I look them over. Dean picked the standard car with slick wheels and Gabe choose Bowser's Ship. He's coming in last. I'm calling it. Dean chooses the standard course with Mario Stadium. It's too bad that I've memorized this course already.
"You guys ready? I just chose a single race so winner takes all!" Dean grins. I almost feel bad that I'm gonna wreck his ass.
Suddenly the beeping screen comes on and starts to count down. 5. 4. 3. 2. As soon as the 2 changes to a 1, I press the accelerator to get a boost. When the siren blows, I shoot forward. Dean had the same idea but he started too soon. If you start on everything higher than 2, you get a blowout and wait a few seconds.
"Bro! How'd you get ahead so fast!" Gabriel shouts in awe. I just grin.
As I turn the corner, a chance cube appears in front of me. I drift into it and hit a coin right as it starts to change. In the chance cube icon, there's a coin. Two for one. The higher your coins, the faster you go. That's my main trick. Most people don't know that and avoid the coins or don't know what the use is.
Instantly, I'm in first. Dean is in a far second. Charlie is third. Gabriel is last, getting hit by everything and running into every wall. I drift around a corner, a little too long so I build my speed and shoot even farther forward when I release. My heart pulses with pride as I cross the finish line at least thirty seconds before everyone else. These games are all about patterns and strategies. That's why I played them so much as a kid.
"Jesus Cas. I didn't know you were so good at these games! I woulda started a series on this by now with you!" Dean complains with an amazed tone to his voice. I shrug again, trying to act like I don't know I'm a badass. I enjoy compliments every once in a while.
"I told you guys," Charlie giggles as the ending screen pulls up. I won by 36.9 seconds with Dean coming in second.
"I shoulda known. He spent all his summer break playing on the Wii a few years ago. I always thought he was just sleeping or starting a rebellion but turns out, he was finding cheat codes," Gabe taunts, setting the remote down and creeping back over to his boyfriend. Sam gladly takes him into his arms and lets the boy curl into his chest. Lucifer notices me watching them and winks at me, his eyes darting to Dean. I shoot a poisonous glare and turn my attention to Charlie, who's taken her own place next to the wicked bitch of the couch.
"Okay enough PDA, you're all making me jealous," Lucifer laughs jokingly as Dean switches the game to put in a movie.
"Any requests, recommendations, or rejections?" Dean asks. Since I moved in his collection has grown to include Disney movies. Before me, he had pretty much everything except the Disney collection. When I wasn't studying, I forced him to a marathon which lasted until the next morning.
"Shrek!" Lucifer instantly erupts, seeming to forget our conversation only an hour ago.
"Oh Dad, please no," Micheal seems to pray. I've honestly gotten so much respect for Micheal after growing up. He's put up with Luci his entire life. Even with them both being adults, they still both live in our childhood home thinking that one day, our father will return.
Dean just grins. I'm almost certain that he enjoys Lucifer's torture. "Well, I'm down. I've already seen like all the others of Cas's collections." He doesn't listen to Micheal's objections and pushes the insert button. As the disc disappears, Dean takes a spot next to me on the floor. When the screen begins to play trailers, almost everyone is watching the tv. I say almost because I can feel Charlie and Gilda's phones vibrating from the couch above me.
With each buzz, they throw glares. Charlie looking unhappier and unhappier with each text. This continues until finally, Gilda gets up from the couch and storms out the door. Charlie watches her leave, a horrified look across her face. "I- Gilda... I have to go. I've got a meeting tomorrow morning. Sorry, I'll see you all later." She quickly follows her out without another word. I start to stand and follow her but Dean grabs my wrist.
"This is something she needs to do on her own. You can call her when she gets home," he whispers, pulling me back down to sit next to him.
"What was that?" Gabe asks, curled into Sam's chest. The taller boy sleeping with his head on the Gabriel's.
"She's got a meeting," I respond, turning to watch the movie again. He doesn't say anything else, nor does the rest of them. Quietly, I move to the couch where Charlie and Gilda sat. Dean follows when he notices the open spot next to me. Lucifer seems to notice too because he squeezes in next to me, pushing Dean and I closer together. He doesn't seem to notice that our arms are pressed against each other. I try my best to ignore Luci and stare ahead at the screen.
~~~
It's 10:30 by the time everyone leaves. Dean's passed out on the couch and I've managed to sneak my laptop downstairs and start studying. I couldn't bare to wake him and I didn't want to leave him downstairs alone.
Is there a genetic factor to strokes?
What're the symptoms of the flu?
What's the best treatment for influenza?
How do you tell if a heart is abnormal?
What is the proper procedure for reviving a patient?
When are you going to tell Dean?
"Wait-" I rub my eyes and look at the question again.
When is steroid use advised?
I rub my eyes again, yawn and close the laptop. "C'mon Castiel. Get a hold of yourself." I turn to look at Dean again. He's curled into the far side of the couch with his side of his face turned to the inside. I sigh, stand, and grab a blanket from the back of the loveseat and drape it over the sleeping boy.
Quietly, I move to the other couch as lay down. There's no comfortable way to lay on the sofa without folding my body in half so I end up on the floor next to the couch. It's actually not as bad as you would think. The floor is by far more bearable than the thoughts racing through my mind.
My brothers' voices seem to echo through my mind and even though I know its not really them, it still pains me.
"Why can't you just tell him?"
"He's gonna find out sooner or later."
"She knew what she was doing was wrong."
"It's not her fault."
"It's your fault."
"It's your fault."
"It's your fault."
"It's your fault Dad left."
"Mom died because of you."
"You're just a failure."
"He doesn't even like you."
"He's just using you."
"No one actually cares about you."
I know that it's nothing but voices, but they've become so real. They continuously pelt my mind. Its like they know what to say, at the exact right time. Is it just my lack of sleep? Or am I just going insane? Sometimes I wonder when how I can ever move on if I don't know where to go.
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A/N: HAPPY DEPRESSED SINGLE PERSON DAY! (Valentine's Day)... if you are reading this when its published at least. Just wanted to say you are all so beautiful and have great taste ;).