Okay loong chapter but this one is THE beginning hehehehe you'll like it.
I ignore her insult and just wait for the next. True to Lauren, she doesn't waste any time.
"Just to let you know, I won't be picking you back up." She adds and I nod. I don't want to arrive to Lauren's father's dinner in a sour mood.
"Did you hear me?"
"Yes, heard you. I hadn't expected you to." I sigh and lean my head against the window. I know me not fighting with her is making her more annoyed but I don't care.
"Why aren't you talking?" Her voice sounds too loud in the small space of her car.
"Because you're in a bad mood for a reason unknown to me and I don't feel like fighting with you."
"For a reason unknown to you? Really?" She growls.
"How much longer until we are there?" I completely ignore her question.
"Damn it Camila! Why are you so difficult all the time?"
"You are the one that is difficult, you are just trying to pick a fight with me and I am not feeding into it. I am over this back and forth shit with you. Now either you are going to be nicer to me or I will not talk to you." I tell her and mean it.
"That's not what I am doing."
"Yes, it is. You have no reason to be upset with me and here you are insulting me and making fun of me. All I'm doing is trying to look decent to go to dinner with your family when you refuse to." I breath.
"I wasn't making fun of the way you look, I .. I don't know.. but I'm annoyed as fuck that you're going." She admits and I want so badly to reach across and touch her, even just a gentle caress of her arm. If Lauren was a normal girl, I would be able to.
"Then why did you offer to drive me? You came all the way to my room and offered, why?"
"I don't know Camila, maybe so I could see you," her voice is low, a simple confession but the words rattle me.
"Don't play games with me Lauren." I warn.
"I'm not. Can we talk? I mean really talk?"
"Now? Can't we do this after dinner? I don't want to be late." I tell her. It's not that I care too much about being late, but I'm not ready for a talk with Lauren. I don't know what she wants to talk about and I don't know if I want to know.
Well I do but I know that I shouldn't. Of course I want to know I just don't think it will end well.
"I will be busy after dinner."
"Well Lauren, obviously your party is more important than talking to me so forget it. I don't want to know what you have to say anyway." I hate that I have feelings for Lauren and she doesn't even care to make time to have this "talk" with me.
"It's not that it's more important.. it's just that I want to talk now." I recognize the street and the massive houses, we are close.
"Well, I have dinner plans that you refuse to attend with me." I roll my eyes. I am getting more vocal with Lauren every day and I am glad. She doesn't intimidate me as much as she used to.
"Those plans happen to be with my father who I don't speak to, who's house I vandalized just last week." She reminds me and the car stops. The house is even more beautiful during the day.
"Well, I would stay and chat but I have a date." I smile and her jaw clenches.
I climb out of the car and walk up the steps on the sidewalk. In the evening light I can see the old vines creeping up the sides and front of the house and the small white flowers joining the vines. I hear Lauren's car door close, followed by the foot steps of her heavy boots on the sidewalk. I turn around to see her a few steps behind me.
"What are you doing?" I ask her.
"I'm coming with you, obviously." She rolls her eyes and takes one long stride to join me at the top of the steps.
"Really?"
"Yes." She's clearly irriated. "Now let's go inside and have the worst night of our lives." Her face twists into the fakest yet appealing smile, something only Lauren Jauregui pulls off. I elbow her and ring the doorbell.
"I don't ring doorbells." She tells me, reaching past my body to turn the knob. I'm unconfportable with her lack of manners but it is her father's house so perhaps it may not be so awkward.
We walk inside and through the foyer before her father appears. The surprise is evident on his face, he had not expected Lauren to show up. He smiles his charming smile and tries to hug Lauren but she dodges his gesture and walks right past him. The embarrassment flashes on his handsome features but I look away before he realizes that I saw his gesture.
"Thank you so much for coming Camila, Ally has told me some about you. She seems very fond of you." He smiles and I follow him into the living room.
Ally is sitting on the couch with her Literature book on her lap as I enter. Her face lights up and she smiles at me and closes the book.
I walk over and sit down next to her, I'm unsure where Lauren went but I am sure she will appear sooner or later.
"So you two are giving your friendship another try?" She asks with a frown. I want to explain what is going on with Lauren and I but I honestly have no idea myself.
"It's complicated." I try to smile but I feel it falter.
"You're still with Shawn right? Because Mike seems to think you and Lauren are dating." She laughs. I laugh too and I hope it doesn't sound as fake as it feels. "I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise but I am sure Lauren will" She says. I shift uncomfortably, unsure what to say.
"Yeah. I'm still with Shawn, it's just.."
"You must be Camila!" A woman's voice rings through the room. Ally's mother walks towards me and I stand up to shake her hand. Her eyes are bright and her smile is lovely. She is wearing a turquoise dress, similar to my maroon one, with an apron covered in small strawberries and bananas over top of it.
"It's so nice to meet you, thank you for having me. Your home is beautiful." I tell her. Her smile covers her face and she squeezes my hand. She's much more beautiful than I imagined. Mike is a handsome man but Karen is stunning. Classy and beautiful, she looks much younger and less plastic than I had visioned her.
"You are so welcome dear, it's my pleasure," she beams. A timer goes off from the kitchen and she turns her head, showing off large diamond earrings.
"Well, I'm going to finish up in the kitchen and I will see you in the dining room in a few minutes." Karen politely dismisses herself.
"What are you working on?" I ask Ally and she pulls out a folder.
"Next weeks assignments, that essay on Tolstoy is going to kill me," She smiles. I laugh and nod, remembering how many hours I spent writing that same essay.
"It really was a killer. I just finished it a few days ago." I tell her.
"Well, if you two nerds are done comparing notes I would love to eat dinner sometime in the next year," Lauren says. I glare at her but Ally just laughs and sits her book down before walking to the dining room.
It seems their fight was good for them after all. I follow behind her and Lauren until we reach the large dining room. The long dining table is decorated beautifully with full place settings and multiple platters of food in the center. Karen really went all out for this. Lauren better behave or I will kill her.
"Camila, you and Lauren will sit on this side." Karen instructs and gestures to the left of the table. Ally sits across from Lauren. Mike and Karen take their seats a few chairs down from Ally.
I thank her and sit down next to Lauren. She's quiet and seems uncomfortable but she stays silent behaving much better than I expected. I watch as Karen makes Mike's plate for him and he thanks her with a brief kiss on her cheek. It's such a sweet gesture, I have to look away. I fill my plate with roast, potatoes, and squash then pile a roll on top of it. Lauren chuckles quietly at the mound of food on my plate.
"What? I'm hungry" I whisper to her.
"Nothing," She laughs again and piles her plate higher than mine, still shaking her head.
"So Camila, how are you liking Washington State so far?" Moke asks. I chew my food quickly so I can answer.
"I really enjoy it, it is only my first semester so ask me again in a few months." I joke and everyone except Lauren laughs.
"Well I am glad you like it so far, are you in any clubs on campus?" Karen asks and wipes her mouth with her napkin.
"Not yet, I plan on joining the Literary Club next semester."
"Really? I've been trying to get Lauren to become a member." Mike adds and I look at Lauren. Her eyes are narrowed and she looks annoyed.
"So how do you like living near WSU?" I ask to divert attention from Lauren. Her eyes soften and I believe she is thanking me.
"We enjoy it, when Mike first became Chancellor we lived in a much smaller place until we found this house and we fell in love with it immediately."
My fork drops against the glass plate. "Chancellor? Of WSU?" I gasp.
"Yes, you didn't know that?" Mike asks and looks at Lauren.
"No.. I didn't." I look at Lauren.
Karen looks at Lauren and Ally looks at Lauren.
"No! Okay, no I didn't tell her I don't know why it fucking matters. I don't need to use your name or position!" Lauren shouts and stands up, leaving the table. Karen looks like she may cry and Mike's face is red.
"I am so sorry, I didn't know she.." I start.
"No, don't apologize for her poor behavior." Mike tells me. I hear the back door slam and I stand up.
"Excuse me" I say and stand up from the table to go find Lauren.
I rush out the back door to find Lauren. She has knocked over the patio table and is pacing back and forth on the deck with one hand balled into a fist at her side, and the other tugs at her thick hair.
I'm not sure how, or if I can help the situation at all but I know I would rather be out here with Lauren than in the dining room after her outburst. I feel responsible for this whole mess because I agreed to come in the first place when Lauren didn't want to, now I see why.
Lauren spots me and sends me an annoyed glare and she turns away from me when I approach her.
"Lauren," I keep my voice gentle and low.
"Don't, Camila." She warns. She's always warning me and I'm never listening. "I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that I need to go back in there and apologize to them and there is no way in hell that is happening so don't waste your breath! Why don't you just go back in there and enjoy your dinner and leave me the hell alone," She spits.
"I don't want to go back in there." Is all I can manage to say.
"Why not? You fit in perfectly with their prudish and boring fucking personalities."
Ouch. Why am I here again? Oh yea that's right, to be Lauren's punching bag.
"You know what?" I raise my voice. "Fine! I will leave, I don't know why I can't just stop trying with you!" I shout. I hope they can't hear me inside.
"I don't either! You just can't take a hint I guess." As the words leave her mouth, I feel the lump growing in my throat.
"The hint is well taken." I try to swallow the sting from her words but it's nearly impossible. I look up at Lauren and her cold eyes meet mine.
"That's it? That's your defense?" She laughs and shakes her head.
"You don't deserve anymore of my time. You don't deserve for me to even speak to you, or those nice people in there to spend their time setting up this dinner to have you ruin it! That's what you do is ruin things, everything! And I'm done being one of those things." I yell.
Unwelcomed tears soak my face as Lauren steps towards me. I back away, my feet disagree and I fumble over them. Lauren's hand reaches out to steady me but I grab ahold of the railing instead. I don't want or need her help.
"You're right." She sounds exhausted.
What?
"I know I am." I turn away from her again.
She snakes her hand around my wrist and pulls me to her chest. I lean into her without hesitation, I want to touch her so badly, but I know better. I can hear the heavy thump of my heart, rapid beneath my chest. I wonder if she can hear it, it seems impossible that she doesn't. Can she feel the pounding of my pulse under her grip? Her eyes are full of anger and I know mine mirror hers.
I have no warning before she crashes her lips down on mine, the force of her mouth is almost painful. Her action is so full of desperation and hunger that I am lost. Lost in Lauren. Lost in the salty taste of my tears on both of our lips, lost in her fingers threaded through my hair. Her hands move from my hair to my waist and she lifts me onto the railing of the deck. My legs part for her and she moves between them, never losing contact with my mouth. We are all heat and gasps, tangled in each other. My teeth graze over her bottom lip causing her to groan and pull me closer until my chest is flush with hers.
The back door creaks open, breaking the spell. I'm horrified as Ally's soft eyes meet mine. Her cheeks are flushed, and her eyes are wide in surprise. I push Lauren away from me and jump down from the rail, adjusting my dress as my feet hit the deck.
"Ally, I.." I begin. She holds up her hand to silence me and steps towards us. Lauren's breathing is so loud that I swear it is echoing between the house and the trees. Her cheeks are flamed, her eyes wild.
"I don't understand? I thought you guys hated each other, and here you are.. you have a boyfriend Camila, I didn't think you were like that." She says. Her words are harsh but her tone is soft.
"I'm not.. I don't know what this is" I motion between me and Lauren. Lauren stays silent, for which I am glad. I'm ashamed by my behavior and that shame is only multiplied by Ally's clear disappointment.
"Shawn knows, well about before. I was going to tell you, I just don't want you to think differently of me." I defend myself, even though I know I'm wrong. So wrong.
"I don't know what to think.." Ally says and walks back towards the door. Like something out of a movie, a clash of thunder rolls through the air.
"It looks like it may storm." Lauren says, her eyes scanning the darkening sky. Despite her flushed appearance, her voice is calm.
"A storm? Ally just caught us.. kissing." I say and feel the fire slowly burning out between us.
"She will be okay," Lauren tells me.
I look up at her, expecting to see a smug expression, but it's not there. She puts her hand on my back and rubs gently. The fire ignites again. I am still reeling from the kiss, now she is comforting me? I can't decide which is more shocking.
"Do you want to back inside or do you want me to take you home?" She asks. It's astounding how abruptly her mood can change from angry to lustful to calm.
"I would like to go back inside and finish dinner, what do you want to do?"
"I suppose we can go back in, the food is pretty good" She smiles and despite the awkward situation at hand, I find myself laughing.
"That's my favorite sound," Lauren surprises me by saying.
"You're in a much better mood." I meet her eyes and she smiles again.
"I don't understand it either," She says, rubbing her neck like she always does.
So she is just as confused as I am? I wish my feelings weren't so strong for her, then I could deal with her much better. When she says things like this it makes me care for her that much more. I only wish she could feel the same, but I have been warned by Lucy and Lauren herself that it would never happen. I remember when she told me I wasn't her type, it hurt a little then but I didn't consider her my type either so I didn't mind. Little did I know, she would have me hoisted on the ledge of a deck kissing me less than a month later.
Thunder rolls again and Lauren takes my hand. "Let's go inside before it rains."
I nod and she opens the door and leads me inside. She doesn't remove her hand from mine as we walk back into the dining room. Ally's eyes dart down to our hands but she says nothing. As much as I don't want Ally to see it, I love the way Lauren's hand feels over mine. I love it too much to pull away. Ally focuses back on her plate as we take our seats. Lauren lets go of my hand too soon and looks up at her father and Karen.
"I am sorry for yelling at you that way," She mutters to her father.
The surprise on everyone's face is evident and Lauren looks down at the table.
"I hope I didn't ruin the dinner that you put so much effort into" She continues. I can't help myself, I reach over and put my hand over Lauren's, giving it a light squeeze.
"It's okay Lauren, we understand. Let's not let the night be ruined, we can still enjoy the dinner." Karen smiles and Lauren looks at her. She gives her a small smile, which I know takes a lot of effort from her. Mike doesn't say anything but he nods his head at Lauren as if to say "It's okay". Forgiveness is clearly a strong trait among this family in everyone except Lauren.
I slowly pull my hand away but Lauren laces her fingers through mine and looks sideways at me. I hope I don't wear the surprised but very pleased expression that I feel inside. For what seems like the first time since I met her, I don't overthink why I'm holding Lauren's hand under the table during a dinner with her family while I'm still dating Shawn.
The dinner continues well but I find myself intimidated by Mike a little more now that I know he is the Chancellor at WSU. That is a huge deal. Mike tells us about when he moved from England, and how he loves America, Washington in particular. Lauren is still holding my hand as we both struggle to eat using one hand, but neither of us seem to mind.
"The weather could be better, but it is beautiful here." He muses and I nod in agreement.
"What are your plans after college?" Karen asks me as everyone finishes eating.
"I am going to move to Seattle, and hopefully work in publishing while I work on my first book." I say with confidence.
"Publishing? Do you have any houses in mind?" Mike speaks.
"Not exactly, I will take any opportunity I can get to get my foot in the door, I know how hard it is for a student to find anything so I won't be picky."
"That's great, I happen to have some pretty good connections at Vance Publishing, have you heard of it?" he asks and I look at Lauren. She had mentioned knowing someone at Vance Publishing before.
"Yes, I've heard great things about it." I smile.
"I can make a call for you if you would like, it would be a great opportunity for you and you seem like a very bright young woman, I would love to help you." He offers and I take my hand out of Lauren's to put them under my chin.
"Really? That would be so kind of you! I really appreciate it." I tell him and reach my hand back under the table to find Lauren's but she quickly moves her hand away. Well, her affections didn't last long.
Mike tells me that he will call whoever it is that he knows on Monday and I thank him repeatedly. He assures me it's no problem at all and that he loves to help anytime he can. Lauren excuses herself when Karen stands and begins to clear the table, I decide against following her this time.
"Can I help you?" I ask Karen and she smiles appreciatively.
"That would be lovely." She beams and I help her clear the table. I load the dishwasher while she washes the large serving plates that can't be put in the dishwasher. I really wish Lauren wouldn't have destroyed a large amount of her dishes, she can be so cruel.
"If you don't mind me asking, how long have you and Lauren been seeing each other?" She blushes at her question but I give her a warm smile.
"We have only known each other about a month, she's friends with my roommate Lucy." I didn't exactly tell her we aren't dating, I just dodged the question.
"I haven't met any of Lauren's friends, only seen them in passing but you, you are.. well, you are different from the ones that I have came across." I gather that she's trying to say that I'm not tattooed and pierced like them, but she is too polite to come out and say it.
"Yes, Lauren and I are very different." I tell her, meaning that in more ways than she could imagine.
Lightning flashes and the rain begins to pound against the windows.
"Wow it's really coming down out there." Karen says and pushes the small window in front of the sink closed.
"Lauren isn't as bad as she seems," her voice is so sweet when she tells me this and I can't help but laugh. I can't imagine the terrible things Lauren has said to her since she has met her and I'm well aware of Lauren destroying her dishes.
"She is just hurt, I would love to believe that she won't always be this way. I must say I was very surprised that she came tonight, and I can only believe that is your influence on her."
She takes me by surprise when she wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a hug. Unsure what to do or say, I hug her back and she pulls away but keeps her well manicured hands on my shoulders.
"Really, thank you." she says again and removes her hands.
She blots her eyes and returns to washing the dishes. She is too kind for me to tell her that I don't have any influence on Laure. She only came tonight because I did, and she wanted to annoy me. After I finish loading the dishwasher, I stare out the window watching the rain drops trickle down the glass. It is remarkable that Lauren who hates everyone, except herself and maybe her mother, has all these people who care about her but she refuses to let herself care for them. She is lucky to have them, us. I know I am one of those people, I would do anything for Lauren, even though I would deny it to her, I know it to be true. I have no one, except Shawn and my mother and both of them together don't care about me the way Lauren's soon to be step-mother does her.
"I'm going to go check on Mike, make yourself at home dear." Karen says to me. I nod and decide to go find Lauren, or Ally, which ever one of them I see first.
Ally is no where to be found downstairs so I make my way up to Lauren's room upstairs. I hope she is in there, if not I will have to just go sit downstairs alone. I turn the handle but it won't budge. She has locked the door.
"Lauren?" I try to speak quietly so no one hears me. I tap my knuckles against the door but hear nothing. Just as I turn away the door clicks and she opens it.
"Can I come in?" I ask her and she nods once and pulls the door open just enough for me to come in. There is a breeze in the room and I can smell the cool scent of the rain coming through the bay window. She walks over and sits down on the built in bench surrounding the window and raises her knees up. She stares out the window but doesn't say a word to me. I sit across from Lauren and wait as the constant drumming of the rain creates a calming rhythm.
"What happened?" I finally ask. She looks at me with a confused expression.
"I mean downstairs, you were holding my hand and then.. why did you pull away?" I'm embarrassed by the desperation in my voice. I sound too needy but the words have already been delivered.
"Do you not want me to take that internship for some reason? You offered to help me before?" I question.
"That's just it Camila, I want to be the one to help you, not him." She says.
"Why? It's not a competition, and you were the one who offered first, so thank you." I try to ease her stress even though I don't understand why it matters.
She sighs and exasperated sigh and hugs her knees. Silence hangs between us as we both stare out the window. The wind has picked up, swaying the trees back and forth and the lightning is more frequent now.
"Do you want me to leave now? I can call Lucy and see if Tristan can pick me up?" I whisper. I don't want to leave but I have to eventually and sitting in silence with Lauren is driving me insane.
"Leave? How do you get that I want you to leave from me wanting to help you?" She raises her voice.
"I don't know, you aren't speaking to me and the storm is getting worse.." I stutter.
"You are maddening, absolutely maddening, Karla."
"How?" I squeak.
"I try to tell you that I .. that I want to help you and I hold your hand but that doesn't do anything.. you still don't get it. I don't know what else to do." She puts her face in her hands. She can't possibly mean what I think she does?
"Get what? I don't get what Lauren?"
"That I want you. More than I have ever wanted anyone or anything in my entire life" She looks away from me.
My stomach flips over and over and my head starts to spin. The air between us has once again shifted. Lauren's unguarded admission hit me hard, I want her too. More than anything, not in the same way I am sure but she wants me. More than anything.
"I know you don't .. you don't feel that way but I.." She begins and this time I am the one to cut her off.
I move her hands off her knees and pull them, bringing her to me. She hovers over me, uncertainty clear in her green eyes. I hook my finger into the collar of her shirt and pull her down to me. She rests her knee beside my thighs on the bench and I look up at her again. I expected her to kiss me by now.
"Kiss me." I beg and she moves her head closer. Leaning into me, she snakes her arm around my back and guides me down so my back is laying flat on the cushioned bench. I open my legs for her, for the second time today, and she lays her body between them.
Lauren's face is inches away from mine when I lift my head up to kiss het, I can't wait any longer. As our lips brush, she gently pulls away, she nuzzles her head in my neck, planting a small kiss there, then slowly bringing her lips back up. She kisses the corner of my mouth, then my jaw before, sending shivers of pleasure through me. Her lips brush over mine once more and she runs her tongue over my bottom lip before closing her lips around mine and opening them again. The kiss is gentle and slow, as she laps her tongue around mine. One of her hands rests on my hip, fisted around the material of my dress where it has bunched up at my thighs. The other hand caresses my cheek as she kisses me, my arms wrap around her back, hugging her tightly to me. Every fiber of me wants to bite her lip, to pull her shirt over her head, but the soft and gentle way she is kissing me feels even better than usual burn of fire.