School starts in a day. I don't want to go back. Ugh. I don't have anything to say this week, besides that horrible news.
YO! Shoutout to one of my good friends currentlyXthinking. Her book Dylan's' Signs is super good and all of you should go check it out! Oh, and if you're reading this heeey!
Okay, so I have this really awesome person that is currently translating FILWMBBF (the first book). If you know or are from Turkey that want to read the book in Turkish go to kahvemanyagi profile. Thank you!
Enjoy this chapter!!
Love, El
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"How are you?" Lisa asked me. I had her called to get some advice and just to talk.
In the years that I have known her she has always given great advice.
"I ran out of the room when Jonas was born." I told her playing with my water bottle.
"I know, sweetie. Dylan told me about it."
"Did he tell you how awful I feel about it? Or how I have no idea if my brother hates me?" I sighed and walked over to the ledge of the roof.
"Honey, have you talked to your mom about this?" She asked before quickly responding again. "Not that I don't want to help, but maybe your mom could help too." I shook my head and looked out into the city.
"No. She's been at the hospital since the baby was born. I feel like my family thinks I'm a freak that needs psychiatric help."
"No. Sweetie, no."
"Than can you please tell me why they look at me funny? Like at any moment I could do something crazy. Or why they don't believe in me? And they keep things from me. Did you know Lauren and Zac are engaged?" I wiped my nose with the back of my coat sleeve. I know it's gross, but what was I going to do? "Because they are and decided to tell me four days after because they wanted to make sure I could handle it. I-They- my family doesn't feel like my family." I cried to my boyfriends mom. She probably thought I was crazy.
"Callie, listen to me alright?" I sniffed and then closed my eyes.
"Okay." I put my elbow on the ledge, and placed my hand on my forehead.
"You have a great family that loves you," I began to say something, but she cut me off. "Sometimes it may not seem like that, but it doesn't mean they don't. You've gone through a lot in the last couple of months. Major things that you've handled quite well. To be honest with you, I would've went crazy."
"I feel like I'm at my breaking point." I opened my eyes and looked down to my feet.
"You have so many people that love you, kiddo. So many people that want to help you. People who will do anything to see you back to who you were a little while ago." As she spoke I could tell she was crying, just as I was. "You are a beautiful, smart, young lady that has so much ahead of you." I smiled and wiped away my tears. "You got that?"
"Yeah." I told her with a little laugh. She sniffled.
"Look what you did to me, Callie. I'm a mess." I laughed and she joined me.
I need to start laughing more. Not only for me, but for the people around me.
Lisa sighed on the other side of the phone.
"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"
"Should I go into the hospital and apologize to Scott and Julia?"
"I believe it would be best, but you have to remember that you can't be forced to do anything. Moving at your own pace is alright. No matter how long it takes."
"You're a great advice giver." She laughed and I smiled. "How do you do it?"
"I've learned a couple things in my years of life."
"Thank you. For everything. I really appreciate it,"
"No problem, Callie. You know Dylan's still with you because I love you too much, right?"
"I'm only with Dylan because I like you. You're a great advice giver and your desserts are the best." The two of us laughed for a long time.
"He loves you so much." She told me, the conversation becoming serious.
"I love him, too. More than anything."
"So I'll be looking for a wedding invitation soon?"
"Probably not. As you know, a lot has been going on." She sighed into the phone.
"A mother can only hope." I smiled. "Tell everyone I said hello, okay?"
"Will do."
"And tell my son that I want to see a ring on your finger soon." I laughed and blushed a little. "Remember to keep a positive mind, sweetheart. I'll talk to you soon."
"Alright, Mrs. O. Thank you for everything. Again. Bye." I slid my phone into my coat pocket.
Conversations with Lisa always made me feel better.
Although I loved that conversation, I wish it would've been with my mom. Every time I did try to talk with her she would always ask about my health and tell me how I should see a doctor. It gets annoying.
I pulled my legs up to the bench and sat Indian style. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, letting out a breath. The roof was where I loved to come in situations like this. I've came here a lot recently.
The roof door opened and footsteps got louder as they made their way to me. I opened my eyes to see Dylan looking down to me.
"Your mom said that she wants to see a ring on my finger soon."
"She's been telling me that a lot." I laughed and placed my head on his shoulder as he sat next to me. "Is everything alright?" I sat up and looked to Dylan. "You seem..." He smiled and pushed some hair behind my ear as the wind blew it in my face. "Happier."
"Your mom just told me some positive outlooks." I smiled and shrugged as Dylan looked at me knowing there was more behind my happiness. "She told me that I was a smart, beautiful young lady that has gone through a lot. She also told me that you love me. A lot."
"It's all true." He smiled and ran his thumb across my cheek. "Every single thing."
"Even how you're only with me still because your mom won't let you break up with me?" I bit my lip watching his response.
"That's not true. I'm still with you because I love you. My mom has nothing-"
"Babe, I know." He placed his forehead on mine. "I need to go to the hospital."
"What's wrong?" He looked at my body, searching for any signs of me being hurt.
"Babe, I'm not hurt." Dylan sighed in relieve. "I need to talk to Scott."
"Are you ready for that?" I looked down to our intwined hands.
"Yeah. You and I both know that me staying at home isn't going to do me any good for trying to get on with life. Anywhere I go there will most likely be a pregnant lady or a baby. It's going to hurt, I know that, but I need to get through this." I looked up to him and he was smiling. "Because my nephew is coming home soon and I want to play with him and compete with Ren for being the best aunt."
"I'm so proud of you, Cals." I smiled as he pressed his soft warm lips to mine. "So proud." I smiled and put my arms around him for one of his amazing hugs.
Dylan smiled to me as we stood in front of the hospital door. I placed my hand on the cold knob and twisted it.
Julia was laying in bed holding Jonas, while Scott stood next to her. He stared down at his son with one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen.
"Hey," I said and gave them a small smile. When none of them said anything I grabbed the two bags of food from Dylan's hand, holding them up. "We brought food." Scott slowly walked around the hospital bed and stood in front of me.
"Let me apologize before you say anything. I know I'm a horrible sister and aunt, but I want to make up for it. I apologize for running out, but you two have to realize that this is happening a little too fast paced for me. I couldn't handle all of it at once. Not that you had any control of giving birth." I stopped myself when Scott just stared at me.
I honestly was a little scared. I had no idea what Scott was thinking. For all I know he could be planning on ways to tell me off. Hopefully not.
"Sorry, we bothered you. We'll just leave." I mumbled and looked to Dylan with tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
I knew Scott hated me for what I did. Everyone tried to tell me different, but I knew it.
"Cals," Scott grabbed my arm, stopping me. When I turned around he picked me up in a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his neck. "I love you too much to not forgive you." I laughed as tears ran down my face.
He didn't let me go for a minute or so. When he did I wiped away my tears and the few of his.
"We understand. About all of it. We shouldn't have pushed all of that on you." My big brother told me. I smiled and hugged him again.
"I'll make it up to you." I whispered. He kissed my forehead.
"Babe, I'm really hungry. This cafe food is going to kill me." Julia said. I smiled to her and she returned one.
"I'm sorry." I told her too.
"I forgive you, Callie."
"What do you want, Jules?" Scott asked her.
As their conversation went on I watched Jonas. He was sleeping peacefully in his mother's arms.
"Huh?" I asked looking up.
"Would you like to hold Jonas?" Julia asked. "I mean if you're ready." I looked to Dylan and he gave me an encouraging smile.
"Yeah," I smiled. "I'm ready." I slowly walked up to the bed. I carefully took Jonas into my arms and sat in one of the chairs.
Jonas yawned and moved around a bit. I laughed as his tiny fingers wrapped around my pointer finger. I smiled again, loving this feeling. I looked up to my brother and his girlfriend, who were already watching me.
"Am I still his godmother?" I asked scared for their answer. I was also afraid that they would've replaced me with someone else to be this beautiful baby's godmother. I would be devastated if that happened.
"Callie, just because you ran out doesn't mean that we changed who his godmother is. We want you to be his godmother. You're the right person." Julia assured me. I laughed and more tears fell from my eyes.
"So where are mom and dad? They said they were going to get us something to eat." Scott asked. I briefly looked up.
"We told them to go sleep in a real bed." Dylan said for me. The two began a conversation and I watched Jonas.
"I'm going to make it up to you Jonas. I promise." I whispered to my nephew. "I'm going to be the best aunt ever."
"Do you want me to take him?" Julia asked me. I looked up to her. I blinked a few times before shaking my head.
"If its alright with you I would like to hold him some more."
"Two hours isn't enough?" Scott asked with a laugh.
"Not when I missed the first few moments of his life." Jonas looked up to me with his big brown eyes. I leaned down and kissed his soft forehead. "You two know that this child is going to be spoiled by me, right?"
"We figured." They said together.
"But try to keep it to a minimum, Cal."
"Ugh, fine." I looked back to Jonas. He was looking at Dylan, who was playing peek-a-boo with him. I looked up to Scott and Julia. They smiled to each other and then kissed.
"Cover his eyes. He's only a couple days old." Dylan said leaning forward. I laughed at him and he kissed my forehead.
I looked down to Jonas and made a silent promise to him and myself.
I promised that I wasn't going to miss a single huge moment in this kid's life. I was going to be there for him when he says his first word until I can't be there anymore. His was my first nephew after all.
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QUNU: Who is your least favorite character and why?