A/N: I'm not caught up on season six of Teen Wolf (I know, I'm bad) but I envisioned Murder Song by Aurora for this scene and when I went on YouTube I discovered season six of Teen Wolf beat me to using the song. An interesting coincidence. I definitely recommend listening to the song as you read, especially near the end.
Also, I'm getting really busy with school during March so updates may be sparse for the next couple of weeks but I'll definitely be working on this book more in April!!
So much is revealed in this chapter! I'm very much looking forward to your reactions!!
Cheers,
- TAAF_
Lillian's POV
After what felt like hours, he inhaled sharply, and I was instantly upright. "Derek?"
His eye popped open and he blinked a bunch before looking up at me. "Ow," was all he said for a minute. "What happened?"
"What do you remember?" I asked, moving to brush a hand through his hair, but I stopped myself. The fact that we were broken up came sweeping back into my mind.
"The Alpha..." Derek murmured. "I was talking to Stiles and Scott, and I heard him-- then I--" Derek braced his arms under him, wincing, the muscles in his back rippling like water. "Where did you come from?" he asked softly, his eyes burning holes in me.
"It's a bit of a long story, but I found out you were hurt, Stiles and Scott thought you were dead, and I got you from the school to here."
Derek hissed as he sat up and faced me, his chest heaving. "From our last interaction I would've thought you'd have left me for dead," he said, sitting rigidly, hands curled into fists as he braced himself against the bed of the truck.
"Can we have this conversation after you shower?" I asked, the blood around his mouth and on his chest proving to be a bigger distraction than anticipated.
"You'll let me use your shower?" Derek joked, arching an eyebrow incredulously.
"Good to hear the Alpha didn't kill your sarcasm," I snarked back, sliding over the side of the truck. "Do you need help getting out?"
Derek narrowed his eyes. When he stood, I realised I didn't so much like the sight of him towering over me, black blood covering him. "I think I'm good, thanks."
I gritted my teeth as he jumped out of the truck behind me, but I took note of his suppressed wince when he hit the ground. He flared his nostrils, looking down at me, his gaze soft without its sarcastic edge. "Have you been crying?"
My cheeks heated but I didn't say anything. I turned on my heel and walked away, as he obviously didn't need help getting up the stairs or anything. The second I touched the stairs, I heard Hudson leap off my bed and scamper around my room excitedly. When I opened the door, he was right there. When Derek stepped into the loft, Hudson immediately stopped in front of him to sniff him thoroughly. The dog whined anxiously, looking up at Derek.
"I'm okay, buddy," Derek murmured, scratching Hudson behind his perky ears. I blinked at how normal the interaction was, like Derek hadn't just nearly died or was almost paralysed. My dog seemed to be able to tell there was something off but seemed satisfied by Derek's response.
"I'll just..." Derek put a hand on the doorframe of the bathroom, ticking his tongue. "Be in here."
I nodded, just barely, as I watched him walk in and close the door. I glanced at my own clothes, his blood still covering them. There was no getting the stains out; and I would have to trash the pants at the very least. The knees of the blue jeans were black and dried stiff.
Once I was sure the bathroom door was shut, I shimmed out of the pants and shirt, leaving them in a pile beside my dresser to deal with later. My bra and underwear had escaped unscathed, though, except for a dark splotch on the lace strap.
Whatever. It appeared no one was going to see my underwear anytime soon, anyway.
With a huff, I pulled out a clean pyjama set and tugged them on before flopping facedown on my bed. Where was Derek going to go? Where would he sleep? In my bed? Would I sleep on the floor? My eyes were already so, so heavy and it felt like there would never be enough energy in the world to sustain me. So I just stayed there, dreading the moment Derek emerged from the bathroom, forcing me to deal with things I did not have the energy to comprehend.
I stayed there until the door opened and Derek cleared his throat. I rolled over to face him, and my heart lurched.
He hadn't bothered with clothes other than the towel he had wrapped around his waist, his body glistening with water. Clean, not a spot of blood on him.
"Do you have anything I could wear?" he asked, grinning a bit as I was sure he noted my change in heartbeat. I certainly noticed. I noticed the way the water cut down the grooves of his pecs, his abs.... Fuck.
"Right..." I muttered, walking over to my closet. "I think I have some boxers you left here from a while ago. I don't know if I have much in the way of shirts," I added, fighting the urge to bite my lip. Derek breathed a chuckle as I fished out the dark underwear and chucked it at him.
"Too bad, huh?"
I ignored him and turned my back. I didn't know what I'd expected when we talked again, but this certainly wasn't it. I heard him wince as he changed, and then he said, "Nice job with the stitches."
I turned, relieved to see him dressed. Or maybe not. "Thanks."
"How did you find out about what happened?" Derek asked softly. Despite his tone, caution was written all over this movements when he approached me. "Did Stiles tell you?"
I shook my head. "No. I called him after I felt what happened to you."
Derek narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean, felt?"
"I don't know how this works, but this has happened twice now. Once when you were shot, and then again tonight." I sighed, sitting on the end of my bed. "I never even knew anything happened to you, but I woke up around the same time you were shot with this horrible pain in my arm. It didn't really go away until you apparently burned it out, or so Stiles said. Then tonight, I was in the barn when it felt like I'd been stabbed in the back by claws, so I called Stiles and he told me you were dead."
Derek stayed quiet through my explanation, only crossing his arms and listening.
"I somehow knew that it wasn't true, so I came to the school and brought you here," I finished. "I thought you were going to die or be paralysed. I was pretty much certain the Alpha had sliced through your spine, but either he missed or you've healed already." I scoffed and shook my head. "You're one lucky bastard to not be human. Any human would've been dead before they hit that wall," I muttered, shuddering at the image of the blood splattered against the brick wall of the school.
"I'm not sure you're human, either, Lillian," Derek said softly.
I snorted. "Don't be ridiculous, Derek."
"I'm serious," he said, walking closer to me, pinning me with his stare. "I started thinking you might not be the night we broke up." My chest stung a bit at the mention of it. "You told me to 'Stay the hell away' from you. I was not about to let you walk away without hearing my side of things, but when I tried to follow you, I couldn't. I couldn't make even a move toward you. I was stuck there. Once you were gone, I could move again, but when I wanted to call you, I couldn't. It's like what you said was an absolute order I couldn't disobey."
I frowned. All that time I'd spent wanting Derek to call me, thinking he just didn't care enough. I'd forced him not to?
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yeah. There was no way around it," Derek admitted. "So I looked into it. I thought maybe it was witchcraft, but if you were a witch, I think you would've told me. And I'm pretty sure accidental sorcery isn't a thing." He paused, running a hand through his damp hair. "Did you mean to make me stay away like that?"
"No," I snapped. "I didn't think you'd actually listen, at least not for that long."
"Trust me, I didn't want to," he muttered. "If it was up to me, I would've sat you down and explained."
"Explained what?"
"Explained that the Alpha who just fucked me up is the one who killed your grandfather, not me. I would've told you I would've never done that, and that Stiles was wrong."
I exhaled slowly, shutting my eyes. "I kinda figured that. I think Stiles was just trying to make sense of things that don't make sense to him. He thought you were dangerous and didn't know how to react. He's a very rational person, and I think he was a bit thrown off by the whole werewolves thing. But the thing that shocked me that night was you didn't deny that you've killed someone."
Derek's eyes clouded, his sorrow sweeping into the dark room like a stormy breeze. "Jesus, Lillian," he muttered, turning away. I'd struck a chord.
"I have killed a person before."
All the air was suddenly sucked out of the room. I didn't move, didn't breathe.
"If you had ever seen Scott shift, you'd know his eyes are amber. Beta werewolf eyes are supposed to be amber." He paused, shutting his eyes for a moment. "But mine are blue. They're blue because I took an innocent life."
I barely held in my whimper.
"Her name was Paige, and I loved her. I wanted her to spend her life with me, so my uncle Peter arranged for her to get the Bite." Derek turned away slightly, facing the loft door. My heart thundered. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the story. Didn't know if I could handle it. "But sometimes the Bite doesn't take, and instead of turning you, it kills you."
"But that couldn't have been your fault--" I breathed, tears lining my eyes, a mirror to his, though he wouldn't meet my gaze.
"It was," Derek said bitterly as he sliced me with his gaze and looked away again. "It was killing her slowly. It took hours. She cried and screamed the whole time. I tried to take her pain, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't strong enough to stand it. I've never been in so much pain," he murmured, and I knew he didn't just mean physically. Dread filled me as he took another breath. "She begged me to end it. And I couldn't let her suffer for something that was my fault. So I snapped her spine."
The breath I didn't know I was holding blew out, and tears fell.
For a while we didn't move, and Derek didn't face me. Maybe he thought he couldn't. I didn't know what to say. I didn't think there was anything I could say. Nothing could help that broken part of him I knew was there. That would always be there.
I was quiet for a few minutes, at a loss for words. But I felt like I had to say something, even if it wouldn't really help.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly, meaning it but knowing it sounded empty.
"It's done," he said brusquely, squaring his shoulders. "And anyway, I'm a murderer. But I did not kill your grandfather. You were right to tell me to stay away from you. You should've stayed away, too."
Hearing him call himself a murderer broke something in me, and I jumped to my feet. "You are not a murderer," I insisted.
His snarl was low as he turned to face me, his eyes glowing blue. "These say differently."
"They're still beautiful." The words slipped out, and I stepped closer than I probably should have. His guilt hung, suspended in the air like a cloud.
Something in his gaze shifted, and he scoffed. "When you said what you said, I realised your accidental command to make me stay away would have only worked if you really, truly meant it." Defeat lined his tone. "You must have really meant it."
"I was upset, Derek," I murmured. "I think at the time it was all just too much, and I was looking for an out."
"Well, if you're still looking for an out, I think I found you a pretty fantastic one." He paused. "Are you?"
I held his gaze firmly, inching so close I could practically hear his heartbeat. I'd known the answer to that question for a long time. Longer than I'd realised. My heart broke at the pain I knew Derek was in that I caused. I hadn't realised until that moment how badly I wanted to tell him. That I wasn't afraid. And that what he was didn't scare me.
"No," I said before I kissed him.
He was so tense that he was quivering, and for a moment he just stood there. But then he kissed me back, his lips moving with urgency. The intensity could've set me on fire and every fibre of my body begged to stay in that embrace, but I wasn't done talking.
"And I still love you, Derek," I whispered, his eyes swallowing me whole. "And I'm not going to stay away. I don't care what you say. I know I screwed up but I'm here now, and I love you."