(A/n: double update in celebration of the success of NCT's first concert tour! Enjoy!)
C H A P T E R
F O R T Y - F I V E
I could hear it.
The rustle of something from the living room. A quick sound, low and quiet. When I opened my eyes, the dark ceiling of the room greeted my vision. Then when I looked sideways, Grandma was sleeping soundless at the space beside the bed.
The witchlight wrapped around my neck glowed. It only meant one thing.
Yuta's awake.
Carefully, I removed myself from the blanket and got out of bed. Grandma's body twitched and for a second I was terrified that I might have waken her up, but she just changed her sleeping position and moved her body to the side.
A soft sigh of relief escaped my lips, and I made my way to the living room.
Yuta was standing by the door, hair a jumbled mess and blue eyes a spectrum of half-awake, half-asleep paleness.
"I had a dream of a woman making me drink a cup of tea that rendered me asleep," he said. "It was horrific."
"It wasn't a dream," I said.
Yuta placed his palm on his temples, his ears earning a fair amount of redness. He blinked at the floor, bit his lower lip and sighed. "Well, that's embarrassing. And a displeasure in my part."
"I agree with that."
"I was terrified when I woke up and you're not here. I thought you left me in a house near the shore. With an old woman," he snorted. "I was convinced that it did happen. But when you showed up a few seconds ago, it felt too good to be real."
"Come on, Yuta. I am not a betrayer. Do you think I would do that?"
"I doubt too much," he breathed. "And I'm sorry I can't take that away from me, Soo."
When those words left his lips, I couldn't imagine how fragile he was. Now that I'm looking at him, he looked just like a boy.
"Fully distrusting everyone, even your close friends," I sighed. "It's unhealthy."
"Unwholesome," he shrugged one shoulder and added, "By the way, have you contacted Mark and the others? I've been worrying about them. I was planning to see how they are, but they didn't give me goggles like yours."
I blinked my eyes. "O-oh, you're right." While I was busy looking for the goggles on my pockets, a grin flashed on my face. "I don't know you care about them. What a good big brother."
"Say one word to them and I'll feed those goggles to the wolves."
I chuckled. "Alright."
Before I even tried to reach out to them, Mark actually was able to send me pictures of their current situation. It was attached in one file, where the caption said,
Cyborg becomes MYborg. It's mine now. Knocked it down thanks to DRM power.
-Donghyuck.
Of course. Donghyuck's the one using Mark's goggles. I just ignored the pun. Sighing, I shut the device down to conserve its energy and looked at Yuta.
He had one eyebrow raised already. "So?"
"They're fine. I think they took down the cyborg."
Yuta smirked. "Interestingly, I am a valid contribution to their success."
"How so?"
"By being their trainor," he finished. "And I have a wild hunch. Do you remember the Regulate that I took from one of the wolves?"
"Of course."
"I think that it's a repulsion device," Yuta said. "Maybe the wolves won't detect us as their target if we wear it too. It will sense us as their fellow comrades instead. The Regulate is not equipped with a eye-scanner for physical confirmation but rather, it has a sensor that utilizes the Neowaves of their target. So if you wear the Regulate, they will believe that you're on their side."
"Intriguing," I replied. "But no, it's just a hunch. We can't risk doing it."
"It's not you who'll be doing it, it's me---"
"Good night, Yuta."
"Sooji," he called me, while I began walking away. "Dong Sooji."
"Yuta, it's literally one in the morning."
He looked something between the look of hurt and disappointment.
"Fine," was all he said as I entered Grandma's room and shut the door behind me.
As soon as the door closed between us, I laid my back against it. I was waiting for something to happen. Yuta's unpredictable, after all. Who knows what he's thinking right now. When I heard nothing unusual, I proceeded walking towards the bed. But then when my legs hit the edge, it was when I felt something... something opening. A door. The door.
Yuta...
Cursing mentally, I headed back to the living room. Yuta was no longer in the couch, the blanket that I wrapped around him left unfolded. I instantly moved to the window, half-awake and half-asleep, to witness where Yuta had gone.
There he was. Standing in front of the sea, staring at it as if he's eager to dive deep within.
I went back to the room and grabbed some random coats I found on Grandma's cabinet before fleeing outside.
I felt my body tremble as the cold wind hit my skin. At least, the blizzard had passed away. But the falling of snow, although mild, was still evident.
"Yuta!" I screamed, but the sound of the waves seemed too loud for him to hear me.
Troublesome little prince.
I looked around, until my eyes dropped on the woods just behind the shore. And when I saw the same pair of yellow eyes and sharp fangs flicker in the dark, I felt my heart drop. They weren't moving, but their eyes were trained on Yuta.
Without thinking properly, I was already dashing from the house to where Yuta was, a distance separating us by every grain of white sand. The waves of the sea clashed angrily, but I could hear the wolves' growl loud and clear as the movement of my feet.
"Yuta, the wolves!" I screamed.
Finally, Yuta noticed me. He turned his head to my direction, the expression on his face a mix of shock and displeasure. "Sooji?! Get back to the house, you-"
"There are wolves behind you, you idiot-"
Wrong move, Champion.
I noticed that the wolves only started moving when I went out of the house. Or when they saw me.
Yuta saw this too, cursed, and ran to my direction.
My body turned to a stone. I paralyzed, feeling terror travel down my body. The wolves and Yuta were having a race as to who would reach me first. My eyes squeezed in fear, heart hammering wildly against my chest. The waves roared, the animals growled with their hungry mouth, and the wind howled, as if mocking me with a sound of recklessness.
Then I felt a weight slam me to the sand, the sediments flying in the air and sticking to my body and face and hair. Arms were wrapped tightly around me and a cold breath fanned my cheeks and a voice, Yuta's voice, was telling me that I was alright.
"Soo," he said. "You're okay, you're fine, just, just hold the Regulate."
I was about to open eyes, but Yuta objected. "Don't! Keep them close or the sand will enter your eyes."
Nodding and panting, I tried to locate where his face was and when I did, I slowly stroked it to confirm that he's real, that this wasn't a wolf hovering on top of me now.
"What happe-"
"I said hold the Regulate, not me," his hand found mine as he guided it near his chest, where the machine was located. He made me wrap my hands around it, and he blew a puff of air to my face, letting the sand dust away from my eyes.
I still had my eyes closed.
"I told you I'll be the one doing it," he said with a sharp click on his teeth.
"The wolves, where are they-"
"They're slowly," he panted, "slowly moving away," he said in between his breaths. Then his fingers traced my eyelids, wiping away the sands that were accidentally caught by it. "I was right. The wolves don't target someone who wears the same Regulate as them. But, damn it, I was wrong about you too. Suddenly barging out of the house, unprotected, and running to me-"
"You should've warned me!" I shouted.
"I did!" he snapped back. "I did but you ignored me. For you, I am not worth listening-"
"That's not true," I said. "That's not true... Next time you do this, this..." I bit my lower lip. "This ridiculous stunt of yours then make sure not to make others dead worry and clueless about it!"
"The last time I recall, I did inform you about it and I did say I'm going to do it but you just slammed that door to my face and stepped on my ego a thousand, countless times--"
I turned silent.
"And I let you do it," he said, voice becoming soft. "I let you do it, all the time."
I pursed my lips together, unable to talk, and Yuta guided me to the water, my eyes still closed, and he told me to wash the sand out of my face with it.
I did it silently, scooping a handful of water with my hands and gently splashing it on my face.
I blinked my eyes before I fully opened them, taking in sight of the dark sea in front of me. Turning around, I examined the woods, only to find out that the wolves were no longer there.
My eyes flew back to Yuta. His legs were folded to his chest, eyes staring intensely at the sea. He looked isolated with his own thoughts, like a blue bird, lonely and consumed with solitude.
"I had never seen the sea."
"What?"
"I mean I've seen the photos and some simulations," he murmured. "But I've never been in front of a real one until now. And the sand," he said, tracing his fingertips on the sediments and slowly drawing a curved line, like a hook. "I had never touched a sand."
Feeling a little piteous for him, I looked away and stared at the sea. "What do you think about it?"
"About what?" he asked.
"The sea."
Yuta hummed and returned his gaze to the body of water. His shoulders tensed, eyes lifting a color of sapphire.
"It makes me feel..." he paused. "so many strange things. What if everyone is lying to me, Sooji? What if nothing is real? What if I'm living in a barricade of fake, unnatural things and--what if I'm not real?"
"You're real." I said. "What are you saying? You're real," I repeated, as if I needed a reassurance for myself.
I may be saying these words to him but deep down, his own questions were attacking me.
What if he isn't real? Or the thought of him, the Capital inheritor, was just a story?
"And if the Capital's gone, where will I go?" he asked, doubt after doubt leaving his lips. "B-but wouldn't it be better if it...disappeared? No one would be tempted to rule over it. I don't need to live my life like I'm on an edge of a cliff. And you," he turned to face me, "you don't need be the Champion. You don't need to suffer protecting me. You can be who you want, be with the person you want... and-"
"Stop thinking like that."
"You can actually do that, Sooji. You can actually leave this and just walk away and live a life that you deserve. You don't need to tangle your life with the trouble that we caused. You don't need to burden yourself for me-"
"That's enough," I said. "I chose to be here, okay? Don't try to make me feel guilty of my own decisions."
His throat tensed. "I don't think anyone means what they say to me. You sound a lot like Hansol. Saying promises, only to leave me behind."
He stood up, and I noticed that he wasn't wearing any shoes. "I admit that the sea is beautiful, yet tragic. The waves always try to reach for the sky, but they could only go as far as the wind could take them. But if I were the sky, I wouldn't mind being caught," he stared upwards, blue eyes flickering in the darkness. "Just let the waves catch them," then he dipped his head down and looked at the water, "until they're a part of the sea itself. And be gone forever."
Then he gave me one last glance before walking away. He started to walk towards the house, walking past me. I clenched my fists tight, bit my lower lip, and screamed his name, causing him to stop on his feet.
"I will clear the way for you," I shouted, my voice clashing with the sound of the waves. The sea in front of us was nothing but a black horizon. "Wield a gun. Pierce my heart. Hold me down to the ground. I still won't leave you. I will find out a plan, an escape, for us to run away - "
He stood barefoot in the sands of the beach, his eyes watching the billows. "Drown," he whispered, face cold and hollow. If we weren't this close, I wouldn't be able to hear him. "What if we drown?"
I knew he's afraid of the sea. Afraid of the water, the trees, the sands, the storm. He's terrified of the world itself. Outside the Capital, he's nothing but a little child. Gone. Lost. Alone.
But I'm here. We're here. The world brought us here.
"Listen, Yuta," I smoothed his brown hair with my hands, his body wincing in surprise. "They won't find us."
He may haven't spoken a word, but at least he nodded. In an attempt to soothe him, I traced the bruise marks on his cheekbones.
He's trembling.
As the waves clashed louder and the sands turned icier, he moved his hand above mine. And began to stroke it with his thumb.
Now I'm the one who's trembling.
"My skin and body only existed at where you touch me, Soo," he said, knocking me off defenseless. "The rest of it is just a cloud of smoke."
"Stop being so poetic," I said. "It's not like you."
He smiled. "Sooji, I am different. You made me different."
Then he planted a gentle kiss on the crown of my hair, and it's hard to believe that it came from a person. It exactly felt like the snowflakes sticking to my hair, soft and melting, as if it wasn't there. Like a mellow and benign touch of unreality.
"I love you," he whispered, every syllables creating a melody that only the two of us could hear.
I felt my chest and heart melt all at once, until my legs turned to clay and my cheeks turned to the deepest shade of red it could ever be.
It's been a long time since someone told those words to me. And to hear him being the one to say it, I would think about this moment for the rest of my life.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I whispered, "I love you too."
________
A/n: *gasp*
You know what's special about their exchange if I love yous?
(*an official claim of the author*)
Sooji and Yuta are both not vocal of their feelings. Instead, they hide it deep within themselves. Just like Sooji's feelings for Sicheng, she does love him as her brother but she can't tell him through words, but through actions. Yuta's the same too. He loves his parents, cares for the DRM members, but like Sooji, can't also vocalize his feelings. And for them to be able to muster up their courage to say it with each other, means they're giving it all. :")))
I am telling you, as the author, that Yuta had 1 million thoughts before telling Sooji that he loves her. he's just so afraid of commitments. And about Hansol, *ehem* there's still more to it so just tune in. (cries in advance)
I hate how this story will end because it hurts :( but issokay there's still book 3 (which will hurt more lol) just kidding, just kidding haha just enjoy this ride guys<333
Continue scrolling for the next chapter 👀
Love, Lumi