Chapter 16
"Well Ella, you're doing very well. We think now would be a good time to do a round of chemo, if you're okay with that."
If I was okay with that? Did I really have a choice in the matter anymore?
"Yeah, sounds good," I mumbled to Dr. Samuels, who was standing at the foot of my bed with Nico, both of them staring at me like I was a specimen under a microscope to be examined.
"Ella, don't worry. You did fine in surgery and you'll do fine with chemo. It's not like you haven't had it before," Liam explained.
"That makes me feel so much better about it," I shot back sarcastically.
"It's the best I could do, love," Liam told me, exhaling loudly. He used the pet name he had been using for a little while now. Love.
"Okay Ella, we're ready to go then," Dr. Samuels said.
And away I went to be scanned and poked once again.
***
"Here we are; home sweet home," Liam said, rubbing small circles on my back as he reached to unlock my door.
I had been released from the hospital that night after my last round of chemo. Let me tell you, I was exhausted. All I wanted was to go home with Liam, sit on the couch, and watch a movie with him. There were only a few slight problems; A, I couldn't wear a bra for a while until my stitches healed, which could be extremely awkward, and B, I had a houseguest.
Nico was perched on the couch in my apartment, watching a rerun of Jackass. When the door opened, he turned to greet us.
"Hey Ella...and Liam." Although they had once been friends, it was really quite awkward between Nico and Liam, and rightfully so; Nico had punched him in the face.
Under normal circumstances I would have run up and hugged Nico, but A, I was not wearing a bra, and B, Liam was standing right there.
"Hi Nico," I said, plopping down on the couch beside him. Liam gave me a slightly disapproving look, but Nico looked pleased.
"Elle...not to be rude, but you kind of look like shit." Classic Nico.
"That's low man. Ella, why don't you go and get washed up and ready for bed." That was my cue from Liam that he wanted to talk to Nico, man to man. And I trusted that Liam would be mature and responsible. Nico, not so much.
I grabbed a washcloth and wet it, then began rubbing slow circles on my face. Not being able to help myself, I slipped out into the hallway and listened to the conversation going on in the living room.
"Look, I know we've had our problems, but I'm ready to settle it if you are. I know what I did may have been stupid, but didn't you hear the doctor? She pretty much had it coming," Liam's voice half whispered from the other room.
"Yeah, and you just sped it up," came Nico's reply.
"That's beside the point. Are we cool man? I just want what's best for Ella. I really love her, and I know you do too."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Don't try anything stupid with her," Liam warned.
"Dude, she's my best friend, and I have a girlfriend."
"Alright, enough said."
The conversation ended and I heard footsteps coming down the hall. Quickly I pretended to be very interested in washing my face. Just in time, because I heard Liam say my name through the bathroom door that stood ajar.
"Ella? Can I come in?"
I opened the door.
"I've got to get home now love, but I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
"Alright. Do I get a kiss?" I teased.
"Of course."
Liam held my hand and kissed me once on the mouth, ever so softly, before I walked him to the door and he told me he loved me.
"Pillow fight!" Nico yelled girlishly after Liam left.
"No, I think I'll do without," I said dryly.
"Aww Elle, what's the matter?" Nico asked, pouting and resting his hands on my shoulders before pulling me into a headlock.
"Nico, don't," I warned.
But of course, he didn't listen. He proceeded to give me the biggest noogie I've ever experienced in my life. Not that I've experienced many.
Suddenly, he stopped. He slowly released my head from his grip and I straightened up, but not before I saw the cause for concern.
My hair had begun to fall out. Again.
"Oh," I choked out. I felt wetness on my cheek as I stared down at the small clump of hair, the hair I had just recently regained.
Without so much as another word, I stumbled off to my bedroom and climbed into bed. Nothing was going my way. I couldn't sleep on my stomach as usual, because the stitches on my boob would probably rub and then break, my hair was falling out, and worst of all, my cancer had returned. A shitty life is a life that might as well not be lived, I thought to myself.
I stared at the ceiling. Sobs were still affecting my breathing, making my breath come out in pants.
Then, so much like what I had done just months ago to him, Nico came into the dark room. He wordlessly slid into my bed beside me. He didn't need to say anything.
"You know, I would hug you right now, but my boob would probably fall apart," I told him quietly.
"Yeah...don't really want to stitch that back up for you. No offense."
"None taken," I said in response.
Nico lay quietly for a moment before speaking again.
"It was hard, you know."
I replied with, "What was?"
"Watching the surgery. It was hard. Not because of the surgery, but because of you."
"What do you mean by that?" I questioned.
"I mean that obviously no one deserves to get cancer, but I think that you especially don't deserve it. And I hated to have to see you go through that. Because until then, it was easy to forget that you were even sick."
"I know," was all I could say.
I scooted closer to Nico until I was pressed right up against him.
"I brought you hot chocolate, by the way."
"It's like 30 degrees outside."
"Yeah...but my mom told me something interesting. She said that hot liquids cool you down on hot days. I don't even know if that's been scientifically proven, but it seems to work for me."
"Can you pass me the glass?" I asked.
"Here," Nico said. Instead of handing he mug to me, he fumbled around in the dark until he found my mouth. He proceeded to place a straw in it, and he rubbed my back slowly as I drank. My breathing finally settled back to normal, and I took the straw from my mouth.
"Thanks," I said softly.
"You're welcome."
And that's when I realized; maybe my life wasn't so shitty after all.
***
I approached Aunt Jodi's door with Melanie a few days later. I opened the door and we walked right in; Aunt Jodi never bothered locking the doors during daylight, because her whole property was fenced in.
When Aunt Jodi saw me, she frowned and hugged me.
"Oh Ella baby, your hair's fallen out again," she exclaimed sadly.
"Yeah, I know," I replied. "By the way, this is my friend Melanie. We live in the same apartment building."
"Oh! I'm so glad Ella's made friends here!" Aunt Jodi said. "It's nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," Melanie responded.
"Call me Jodi, by the way."
"Alright," Mel replied. "Thanks!"
"We're going to use the TV room, if that's okay," I told Aunt Jodi, smiling.
"Of course, anytime. Let me know if you need anything! And help yourselves to anything in the fridge. But Ella..."
"Yes I know, no alcohol," I said. Melanie grinned.
Melanie followed me downstairs wordlessly. She didn't stay quiet for long.
"So, spill. What's it like having Nico stay with you?"
"Fine," I said slowly. "Why, is it weird or something?"
"Well yeah, because he's not your boyfriend! How does Liam feel about this?"
"I think he probably doesn't like it, but he's dealing with it for me."
"God, I know if I ever had a boy staying with me, Austin wouldn't be very happy about it." Austin was Melanie's boyfriend of awhile.
Melanie walked over to the fridge and looked in.
"When she says no alcohol..."
"She means for me. Go ahead and get wasted for all she cares."
"Sweet," Mel said, grabbing a Mike's from the fridge.
"So," she said after taking a sip. "What's the deal with uni? Did you drop out or what?"
"I talked to my profs, and they agreed to let me catch up, given the circumstances."
"Understandable. So do you think you're going to..."
Mel's voice seemed to grow quieter as the sound of rain filled the room, drowning her out.
"Well then," Mel yelled over the sounds of the rain.
Suddenly, I had an idea.
"Melanie."
"What?"
I just stared at her.
"What? Don't look at me like that!"
I remembered that she didn't know about the bucket list.
"Sorry. Don't think I'm crazy, but...do you want to go for a walk?"
"You are crazy woman," Mel said, shaking her head. "But it could be fun...and you probably have some strange reason I'm not fully aware of. So sure."
Quickly, I led her to the sliding door. We ran outside into the rain and suddenly I started laughing. Who cared that I would probably get hypothermia or something crazy like that? Who cared that I would be soaked? This event was one for the bucket list.
Mel and I exited through the back gate of Aunt Jodi's house and walked towards the beach. We walked in the sand, our feet squishing as we went. We sat on the swings as the waves angrily crashed against the shore.
A clap of thunder and the strike of lightning was all it took for us to be brought to our senses. We raced back to the house just as the thunder and lightning grew louder and closer together.
In through the back gate and up to the back door. I slid the door open and turned to usher Mel inside. She went in and stopped, causing me to almost walk into her.
Because there, sitting on the couch like he owned the place, was Nico. The look on his face said he wasn't happy. Not. At. All.
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