"Alright class whose first?" Miss Simmons said and Jessica instantly raised her hand. She rose from her seat walking to the front of the class and began her poem about being perfect. After Jess finished a few other students went and I zoned out when "Malory, your turn" Miss Simmons said and I snapped my head to the front.
I got up from my desk and walked to the front with my notebook. "So Malory, what is your poem about?" Miss Simmons asked and I bit my bottom lip before answering. "It's about my mom" I said and she nodded. "When you're ready" She said and I nodded before starting.
"I can remember your hands holding mine
As you helped me take my first steps
I stumbled, giggled, wobbled around
But you still didn't let me slip
I can remember sitting on your bed
The hairbrush running through my hair
You humming your sweet lullaby
And for a moment I didn't have a care
I can remember our weekend evenings
As we sat up on our couch
Having our 90's movie night
Both of us sitting there in a comfortable slouch
I can remember the day you told me
The tears built up in your eyes
You sat with me on my bed
And told me, I wanted to believe they were all lies
I can remember watching you
Trying to keep your illness sly
You wanted me to be happy
But I sill heard you cry
I can remember feeling your thin fingers
As they ran through my hair
The thoughts of loosing you running through my mind
Are thoughts I couldn't bare
I can remember your final days
The final few words you spoke
"This isn't goodbye my darling, just see you soon"
And at that moment my heart broke
I can remember the first few days
After you were gone
I didn't know what to do
Because everything felt wrong
But then I remembered what you told me
Before you got so sick
Something that made me feel slightly better
So I thought about it
"Someday when I am gone, I don't want you to cry. It is important that you remember, I will always be by your side"
Now when I think of you
I see you standing there with a big smile on your face
And that's how I will always remember you
My beautiful mother, Grace"
I finished my poem and closed my notebook as I fought back tears. "That was beautiful Malory" Miss Simmons said as she placed her hand on my shoulder. "Do you need a moment?" She whispered and I nodded before exiting the class and running to the bathroom. I placed my hands on the basin of the sink as I looked into the mirror.
I wiped my fallen tears taking some deep breaths. I calmed myself down before walking back into the class room. After class was history. I walked down the hall to my class and sat at my desk. I felt eyes on me and out of my peripherals I saw Emmett Cullen glaring at me. "Good morning class. Now today you're going to break off into pairs and are going to read chapters 4 and 5 together. Then I want you to summarise and hand it into me by the end of class" The teacher said.
Everyone broke off into pairs leaving Emmett and I. I sighed and shuffled my desk next to his as I pulled out my book. "Do you have your book?" I said to Emmett and he pulled his out opening it. I flipped my hair and watched as Emmett covered his nose causing me to suddenly feel self conscious. I turned to my right sniffing myself quickly hoping I didn't reek.
Throughout the whole class Emmett didn't say or do anything except stare at me intently...as if I were a meal or something. The bell rang signalling class was over and Emmett was out in an instant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(AFTER SCHOOL)
I crawled onto my beaded grabbed my journal from my bedside table. I flipped it to a new page and clicked my pen before writing.
Dear diary,
I don't know how I feel right now. Jess has already made me feel unwelcome here which is great. God I miss my old home so much and my old school and my old friends. I miss my old life. I especially miss my mom. She would know how to make me feel better right now. Today in class I had to read a poem I wrote about her. It was so hard because it brought back so many memories and feelings I thought I had suppressed. It felt like an old wound had reopened. I mean it was stupid of me to write a poem so personal but I feel like in some way it took a small weight off of my shoulders. It allowed me to put how I feel into words but it still didn't help that aching feeling in my chest. I play that bad game of what if? What if I had a sibling, would things have been a little easier right now because I wouldn't be going through all of this alone? What if my dad never left? I would have him here with me right now. So many thoughts running through my mind all at once. I don't know what to do. No matter how many times I can smile it will never make me feel any better and I don't know what will. I just want it all to go away. I want to fall asleep and never wakeup because when I sleep I dream of my mom and when I'm with my mom, everything is ok.
I wiped my fallen tears and looked out the window. There was a knock on my door interrupting my thoughts. "Come in" I said as I quickly wiped my tears. The door opened revealing Danielle. "Hey" she said gently as she walked into my room. "Oh hi I " I said trying to put on a front. "Jess told me about English and I wanted to make sure you're ok" She said sitting on my bed in front of me.
"I'm fine" I said brushing it off. "Malory, I know you're not ok. What's wrong?" She said placing her hand on my knee. "I'm just finding it hard to adjust you know" I said as the tears built in my eyes again. "I know honey" She said. "It's been two months and it still feels like it was just yesterday. I miss her so much" I whimpered as my voice broke.
Danielle wrapped her arms around me and I began to sob. "I can't even imagine the pain that you're going through right now. But I know that your mom is watching over you and will be by your side forever until you meet again" She said as she rubbed my back. "And I know right now it feels like it but you're not alone. I'm here for you ok?" She said and I nodded.
After a while I felt better and we pulled away. "Now I should head downstairs, I have dinner to cook but I'm here anytime you need me ok sweetheart?" She said and I nodded before she got up and quietly left my room.