"So..." It was obvious I was completely avoiding Petra's gaze as she wrapped the bandage around my stiff shoulder. "...you and Jinn, huh?" I shook my head wildly, which was a stupid idea that pulled my shoulder even more.
"N..no?! What are you talking about?! Eld and I are just...uh..."
I can't say friends cuz I barely know the guy!
"...acquaintances! Y..yeah...that..." With my cover blown, all I could do was sit there in flustered silence as Petra giggled.
"Calm down, hun! Even I can admit Eld is pretty cute...Not my type, but still a good catch. Want me to put in a good word..?" She playfully punched my knee and I jumped up; thankful she had already finished pinning the bandage.
"It's n..not like that! I mean...h..he is really good looking...and...I guess he's really nice, too...but..." I trailed off as I picked up my shirt.
"He's an angel if you're on his good side. Though I've noticed he's even nicer to you, little miss (Y/N)..." I decided to look at her just as she winked, and I couldn't take it anymore.
"Argh! I just don't know about any of this, Pet! Understanding feelings isn't exactly my strong suit...Unless it's sadness...I know all about that..." I heaved a sigh as I wrestled to get my top on, and the ginger beckoned for me to sit back down.
"I have my work cut out for me...I get it, though. Nobody taught you these things, and I'm gonna step up and fill that pretty little brain of yours with knowledge!"
Oh...Oh dear...
"Tell me, what's the most you know? Kissing, right? Please tell me you know about kissing..." She scooted her chair closer and, in turn, I scooted away.
"O..of course I do! When two people like each other they kiss...and hug...and...have kids..?"
Yes, ladies and gentlemen...I was that out of the loop. I knew what sex was from reading books, but I had absolutely no idea what was entailed apart from putting piece P into slot V. Most of the novels I had read had had pages torn out, or worse, we're so horrifically decayed that I could barely make out a full chapter. I had only learned the name of a period through Sasha and that small blonde girl Krista after I overheard them talking about it quietly during training. I didn't have the qualifications to be an adult.
"Sit tight and listen well, my dear! Let me tell you about the birds and the bees..."
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I couldn't even manage to give Eld a sideways glance the next morning after Petra's little life lesson. I never knew someone could go into so much detail...It was somewhat unnerving. We were all standing out where I had been with Levi the day before; the sun was barely rising at this point, and the stoic man pointed out towards the looming trees.
"Okay, I reset all of the dummies. We are to surround (Y/N) from a distance in our basic formation and study her movements. I want to see if my theory is correct." He announced as he turned his pointed finger to me.
"When you're ready, we'll follow. Ignore us. Do not even attempt to look at us. Just do exactly as you did yesterday." I was nervous now, but I knew it had to be done. Surely there was some kind of explanation. There was no way in the world I had done what they thought I had. Taking a deep breath, I launched my first anchor and set off; trying to block out the four extra whizzing sounds behind me.
I suppose Petra stayed behind to time me...I don't wanna do this...There's probably an animal doing it...Or someone followed us out here...or something...I just know it couldn't have been me...
I blinked a few times, and I was coming back down from a circular swing. Confused, I struggled not to look to my sides, where I could hear two of the others flying along. My grip on my blades was tight, and I was sweating already. No, the sun was much higher than it had been a moment ago. Too high for it to have only been a minute or less. A titan dummy popped up and I cleared it with ease, though I didn't think about it. That startled me even more; especially because there was only one thing in my mind.
Kill it.
I kept dipping in and out of my thoughts the entire time, and it was kind of scary. The rush I felt when slicing those makeshift napes was almost godly, and I actually felt kind of disappointed when we left the forest and came to land in the clearing by the castle.
"Wow...that was only a minute or two slower than yesterday..!" Petra exclaimed as she gave me a bright smile. I gave her a slight nod and turned to address Levi, but then I realised it hadn't been the five of us to make it back. It had just been myself. Of course, they all arrived soon after, but even Levi was panting, which came as a major shock to me.
"I knew it..." Levi took out a folded handkerchief and dabbed at the sweat beading on his forehead. "Your primal instincts kicked in, even when you weren't paying attention...Tell me, (Y/N)...How many actual titans have you killed..?" Damn him and his ability to make everyone turn their attention to me. Shuffling my feet, I stared at the grass and shrugged my shoulders.
"Um...I dunno...like...four or five..? B..but they were trapped...in the wire I set up...a..and one was immobile because the sun had gone down..." I wouldn't have really counted them as official kills, considering I didn't ever give them a chance to eat me. I wasn't as brave as they were when it came to charging at the beasts head on.
"How...the hell...are you so fast? And flippy? And...fuck, I'm too dizzy...Gimme a sec..." Gunther had his hands on his knees as he puffed to catch his breath, and Eld took the opportunity to lean on him as he also panted like an overheated dog.
"You...are fucking amazing, kiddo...Like, that...that was insane...in the best way possible..!" He gave me a wide grin, and my god, I never felt so weak. I had an identical feeling when Levi placed his hand atop my head, though it was laced with resentment.
"Honestly, I think conventional training is pointless for you. That...was indeed...pure skill..." He gave me a small; but still very real, smile and I felt like squealing.
Oh god, calm down, holy shit...
"S..so...It was me..? I...didn't even know what I was doing most of the time..." I murmured, and Levi began to ruffle his palm against my (H/C) hair.
"That is what we'll focus on. We can't have you going ballistic like that in a real situation. Take a break for an hour, then we'll begin...I need to think of what would help with that." His hand left my head as he began to walk off towards the castle; likely to make some tea and sit in eerie silence to ponder, and a new hand took its place.
"Wanna go for a ride while we've got the time? I heard your Boy getting kinda restless when I passed by earlier." Eld motioned his head towards where the stable and I beamed up at him; the heaviness of my new realisation being pushed to the back of my mind.
"Uh, does Oluo look fifty?! Yes!"
"O..oi! I heard that, you little punk!"
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There was much more space this far away from civilisation, and I was loving the wind combing its cool, invisible fingers through my hair. Boy was ecstatic as he galloped along in some kind of unspoken race against Rasputin, and both Eld and I knew he was trying to one-up the bay gelding.
"You've got a competitive friend there, missy!" He laughed as he leaned forward to try and help his mount pick up speed. "You two might be wild, but we're not going down without a fight!"
The race was exhilerating, but despite the excitement of thundering across the open field, I kept turning my head to look at the man who was only a length or two behind. His hair, which was usually tied up in a kind of looped bun, was coming loose, and the blond wisps were dancing around behind him. An infectious smile was ever-growing on his face, and it made me feel giddy.
Damn it, Petra..! Why'd you have to go and put all of these thoughts into my head?!
I knew that I had the same issue with some of the other guys; Petra had explained that it was only natural at my age, but I was spending so much more time with Eld lately, and he was by far the most familiar and comforting of the lot. It wasn't really an unwelcomed feeling, but my god, his smile was going to kill me before Erwin got the chance.
We ended up slowing to a halt by a small scattering of trees, and there wasn't any question about who won. Boy was the fastest, of course, but Eld just didn't seem to care.
"Damn, I haven't ridden like that in a long time. It's great not having a care in the world..." He sighed as he slid off Rasputin and left him to graze alongside my odd-looking horse.
"Yeah...I miss doing this..." I sighed as I sat myself down beneath the largest of the trees. "...It's...good to have company for once, though..."
That...wasn't an awkward thing to say, was it..?
Taking a place by my side, Eld stretched out his long legs and rested his back against the coarse bark.
"Just say the word, and whenever we have spare time I'd be more than happy to do this with you." He turned his head and gave me a soft smile; the light breeze making his blond hair sway once more. "I don't get much of a chance to have fun these days...Being second in command doesn't really leave the opportunity open..."
"It's stupid...Life is for living, not just fighting...For the good of humanity or not, what's the point if we're only going to lose ourselves in the process..?" I mumbled before I really knew that it wasn't just a thought playing in my head.
Shit...
Eld looked at me for a little while before he nudged my shoulder with his gently.
"You know, you're pretty damn insightful for a kid." He teased, and I bumped him right back; a pout forming as I narrowed my (E/C) eyes.
"You've got barely seven years on me, Eldy! Don't go talking to me like I'm some little girl...I'm an adult too, ya know..." Pulling my knees up to my chest, I hugged them close. There was a fresh chill to the wind, which was quickly picking up, and in the distance the sky wasn't looking quite as friendly as before.
He nudged me again, but this time his shoulder didn't part from mine.
"I know, I know...But still, seven years is still exactly that. I just feel like...I dunno...I need to look after you...but I guess it sounds kinda stupid considering where you've spent the last few years..." Both of us fell into a comfortable silence as we watched our horses graze side by side, but I was burning up from the inside out. The warmth radiating from his clothed arm against mine wasn't helping, but I didn't want it to go away, even for a moment.
"I...like it when you look out for me...I guess..." I murmured without taking my eyes away from bay and chocolate coats. It took me a moment to realise his hand had come to rest upon my knee, and I was holding my breath for some unknown reason. It felt nice, and it was comforting. I could get used to it.
"I'm gonna be completely honest with you...I'm not looking forward to when you're out on the field with us, (Y/N)..." He admitted quietly; his gaze still far away, just like my own. "...and if Zachary even considers denying the request, I won't allow it..."
Eld...
"You'd be punished for insubordination..." I sighed as I turned to look at him, and he did the same. He held a deep resolve in his eyes, and it made my chest squeeze tight.
"That's not an issue. It...won't come to that, anyway..." Another peaceful quiet draped over us, but inside my head all I could hear was the wild thrumming of my heartbeat. He was really close now, and I wanted to blame my desire to get even closer on the harsh chill being brought by the zephyr. "Uh...I...meant what I said yesterday, too..."
"Yesterday..?" I tilted my head a little; my dear friend confusion paying me yet another visit. Eld coughed into his free hand and rubbed at the back of his neck slowly.
"When I said you were...uh...cute...Well, pretty, more like...Or, maybe be..beautiful..?" His stammering was a whole new side of him I hadn't exactly seen before, aside from the time I had asked him that painfully embarrassing question in front of Gunther. The quick intake of breath I took barely made it to my brain as my (E/C) eyes widened considerably, and I shifted a little to face him more.
"Y..you...need to get your eyes checked, Eldy..." I chuckled; the sound filled with obvious nerves. After being told I was the scum of the earth for my entire life, I wasn't going to accept such an outlandish comment like that. He had to be either teasing me or as blind as a bat.
"I'm serious! Take a good look in the mirror, girly...There isn't a thing wrong with my eyesight!" He defended his proclamation as he looked down at me with a flushed face. "Gotta say, I never thought I'd actually feel kinda jealous of the cadets...but now...I can't say I don't wish I was back in training..."
His eyes kept darting away, but they always made their way right back to my own. Their deep, earthy hues glimmered in the sunlight, and the way they looked at me had me thinking I was suffering from some kind of petrification.
"N..nice try...Teasing me isn't gonna throw me off for the race back..." There was no way I could hide the flames in my cheeks, not the way my leg quivered under his hand, which showed no signs of being moved away from my knee.
"Dammit, what do I have to do to prove to you that you're worth every one of those compliments?!" Eld almost whined in exasperation as he frowned at me. There was a subtle flicker of his gaze to my lips, then back to my eyes, which I found to be doing the exact same thing to his. Slowly; oh so dreadfully slow, his face moved closer to mine. I could feel his breath fanning against my face, and I could suddenly breathe again. Closer...closer, until...
"LIEUTENANT, SIR! I COME WITH A MESSAGE FOR THE SPECIAL OPERATIONS SQUAD, DIRECT FROM COMMANDER SMITH, SIR!"
Well...fuck you, Eyebrows...You're gonna pay for this...
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***Big oof - Okay, so I know that Eld, in the anime, had a lover waiting at home for him...but...yeah...she doesn't exist here...***