Serenity
The stares burned behind my back as I waited for the teacher to finish her discussion, I already knew them all and I don't care if I miss something from it. I haven't see Sora-kun around since the bell rings the moment I stepped inside. I sigh and look behind me to see Iori's fangirls.
Discussion was finished and the school suspended our classes because of the heavy snow outside, they said that it might burden us. Instead of going home, I ditched Iori again and went to Sora-kun's office. He's sitting on his chair, signing some papers with a dark aura surrounding him.
"S-Sora." I mumbled, he looked up from his paper and I was distracted by the papers, falling on his table.
I found myself in his arms, trapped and warm, I felt tears around my eyes, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me while sobbing. I dig my head deeper to his chest and smell his scent, it drives me crazy.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't talk to your brother yesterday, I couldn't face him, I'm not strong enough." he said and I shook my head.
"But I'm glad, I'm glad that he knows it now, I don't want our relationship to be secluded from your family, they deserves to know." he whispered in my ear, his breathing movement sends chills down my spine.
"I love you." I replied randomly while blushing.
"I love you too." He said, kissing my forehead and pulling me to sit down on his lap.
We stayed like that for a moment, a silence between us, our eyes talk for a minute as our lips spoke nothing and collided. I kissed him deeply like there's no tomorrow because, I don't know what to do if I'll lose him.
He's the person that makes me want to stay in this fucked up world.
***
"Ne, Sora-kun, can I just call you Sora?" I ask him while were cleaning our stuff, we already finished our private class and it's still a bit dark outside with heavy snow, I don't really care about them that much but I hate them to the bones.
"Sure, so can I call you Se-chan?" he ask and I shook my head.
"You're to call me Serenity, I'm fine with it." I said, he pouted and pecked on my lips all of a sudden.
"You're being a kissing monster." I whispered and flick his forehead, he winced.
"Don't you like it?" he ask and pouted, I giggled and push him away jokingly.
"Don't ask me that and let's just go home." I said.
We ride his car and we also made sure that no one saw us, it'll be a big issue in our school and it might end his job. I already thought about his job and believe me or not, I'm not regretting my decision because,
This is the only thing that made me happy in my entire existence.
We reached our residence and I kissed him goodbye before going out his car. Iori is watching me as he stood beside the gate, his arms are crossed in front of his chest and there it is, the feeling, it feels like he's looming over me, caging me in his gaze.
"I told you that you should go away with him, didn't I?" he said with venom dripping from his voice. I look down and start walking.
He was speaking nonsense as we enter the lobby of our home, his voice full of anger and disappointment, I don't want him to be angry to me but he's being unreasonable because he couldn't understand me.
He couldn't understand me and my personal needs, he's a great brother and I love him so much but he's making me his prisoner. He's putting a collar around my neck.
"If mother found out---"
"I don't care! I don't care if she founds out, I-I can fight for us and I will, because you will not understand me Iori." I said and felt a tear drop from my eyes.
"You had a girlfriend Iori, you should already know how much happiness a person that is so special to you can make you feel, you should know to protect them and fight for them." I continued, wiping a tear from my cheeks.
"It's a different situation." he replied, his hands close to a fist and shaking.
"I know and mine is also different so don't tell me what to do." I whispered.
"Please, don't do this Serenity, mother will disown you when she found out, I don't want that." he said and put both of his hands on my shoulder.
"You can't order me to feel a certain way and she already disown me from the start, she's just using me to vent her angers." I said and slap his hands away, I started running away, away from our residence and away from Iori.
No please, stop crying or else those demons will come back, they will tell you to tear yourself apart and make you cut your wounds deeper, don't let his words get in your mind, you still have Sora.
You still have someone that cares for you and your happiness.
I stopped in front a bridge, I looked down and stare at the water, If I jump here I can die now, there's no cars around since the snow is heavy and only few of them is coming. I stare deep into the water, I thought the water here would froze but the water might be deeper, the water is cold enough to give me a hypothermia and then the deep level can kill me by drowning.
I stare at the snow that is falling on my hair and face, they're so beautiful, they're so cold and I jumped letting the cold and icy water hug my body.
***
I stare outside the window of my room, my brothers seems to be having fun, even Iori. I envy him, he's already a genius and he can still do what he wants, like having a normal childhood with brothers.
And here I am, doing all of the essays that I'm supposed to pass for the next month and memorizing some books that I need. I seat in front my study table and put a hand on my eye patch before putting it down beside my notebook.
I pull a mirror in front of me and smiled, my eyes are so beautiful.
They're a pair of blue and golden eyes, a tear runs down my cheeks before a knock entered my spacious room. I wiped the tear and put my eye patch, they don't want to see this disgusting pair of eyes.
"Serenity, I have someone for you to meet." mother stare at me, looking angry and disgusted as usual.
"Yes, mother." I said and followed her.
As we reach the living room of our house, a man with smile approached us, he's holding out some papers and pen.
"Good afternoon Serenity-san, I am Dr. Philip and your mother would like you to have a surgery." the doctor says as I sat down beside him with mother in front of us.
"What surgery?" I ask, What the heck is this?
"A surgery that can give you both a blue eyes, your mother said that your other eye is different from the other one, we can use a surgery to make them identical." he answered and I quickly stood up, I step backwards.
"No, I'm not having this surgery, you won't touch any of my eyes! I'm not letting this happen!" I yelled and put a hand on my covered eye.
"Serenity! that's an inappropriate manner!" mother yelled and also stood up.
"I'm not repeating myself!" I yelled before I felt a sting on my cheek.
"Disgusting!" she said and I felt tears run from my eyes.
"Y-You don't even care about my feelings, you don't care about your own daughter." I whispered, she grabbed my jaw and made me look in her eyes.
"You're not my daughter, you disgusting creature." she replied in my ears.
I slap her hands away and start running away, I sob while running to my room. I quickly push my door and locked it. I pull my knee up to my chest while crying. It hurts me.
She's not my mother anymore and I'm not her daughter.
"I'm not trying hard again, this pain is not enough to satisfy her." I mumbled to myself as I pull my hair.
I stare at the floor with no emotion, my eyes found something under my bed, a pair of scissors. I quickly pull it under my bed and slowly let it touch the skin on my wrist.
"I-I don't need her, they're just using me anyway." I whispered to myself.
I'm not doing this just because I want them to notice my absence but because it's scary to be lonely. To feel used is my way of being noticed for them.
Because I am only useful when I'm being used.
I make lines of red, I painted scars over my skin, I make lots of of them, every line is a poison of my mother's word. Her words are sharper than any blades that I have ever tried.
~~~~~~~
(A/N)
Sorry for my wrong grammars and typos!
Please, I am not promoting self-harm, I am making you all aware that self-harm is not something that is beautiful because for me, self-harm is a serious matter, if you have a friend that is doing this, help them to find themselves, make them happy and as much as possible, don't make them feel like they're alone.
PLEASE LEAVE SOME COMMENTS AND VOTES!