T H I R D P O V
3 years ago
Evanna: 11 years old
Date: February 23rd, 2016
What's wrong with me, Evanna thought. She was on her bed, feeling her heart break into millions of pieces. She felt this weird, emptiness inside her, like someone ripped away her happiness.
Bella tapped on the table, getting her attention. "What'cha thinking about?"
Evanna shook her head. "Nothing..."
"I'm obviously the prettiest!" Heaven said.
"Yeah right!" Kristen argued. "I'm the prettiest."
"Well we know who's not at least!" Heaven teased, smiling at Evanna.
Evanna's heart ached, but she put on a fake smile. "Yeah... you guys are prettier than me..."
"But to be honest, Evanna," Kristen said. "I kind of agree with Heaven. But it's fine! It doesn't matter!"
All of a sudden, Evanna felt someone poke her sides. She turned around and saw Jayden smiling, walking away.
Evanna smiled, a small laugh escaping her lips. She turned back to her friends.
"Why do you smile like that?" Heaven asked. "It's so weird. I don't really like your smile. Oh guys! Did you hear about the new movie that's coming up?"
Evanna's smile faded as she brought her arms around her. She started feeling more insecure and self-conscious. "I heard of it..."
Heaven jokingly rolled her eyes. "Not you! I only have 3 tickets, and I already told my mom I was taking Kristen and Bella. Sorry!"
Evanna looked down at the table. "Oh." She felt like someone stabbed her heart. She was the person no one wanted. She was so easily replaceable, and the last choice.
"Anyways, I can't wait for Science. I'm paired up with Tyler! He's so cute!" Bella exclaimed.
Evanna's eyes widened. "Oh no... I forgot to do my homework..."
Kristen sighed. "Are you serious? How could you forget?"
Last night, all Evanna did was lay on her bed, no motivation to do anything. She wanted to get good grades. She cared so much about school. Her dream to become a doctor just like her mom required hard work, but for some reason... she couldn't get herself to do her homework.
"You're so stupid," Bella groaned. "I thought you were smarter than that..."
Evanna quickly took out her homework and started working. Luckily, for second period, her teachers gave everyone a break instead of working.
"Dummy!" Heaven laughed. "You're supposed to do your homework."
I fake laughed. "I really am... Like how could I forget, right?"
And the day continued, just like that...
At the end of school, Evanna, Heaven, and Kristen went over to Bella's house.
"Can I tell you guys something?" Evanna asked.
They nodded. "What?"
"Guys, I feel like there's something wrong with me... There are times where I feel so sad, and times where I'm happy, but it feels fake."
Heaven rolled her eyes. "It's probably in your head."
"God, you're being annoying right now," Kristen said. "Everyone has those days. It's probably nothing."
Evanna forced a smile. "You're probably right... I'm being dramatic."
Bella nodded. "Don't overreact. You'll be fine."
February 27th
Evanna didn't know what was wrong with her still. She did her homework in school instead of at home. She wasn't in the mood to eat. All she wanted to do was sleep and never wake up.
Bella texted Evanna. 'Send a picture of yourself. I want to change the contact picture.'
Evanna turned on her phone camera and took a few pictures for Bella. Before she sent any, Evanna looked at all of them.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Evanna thought she looked ugly in all of these. Her smile was hideous. She felt tears well into her eyes as she deleted all the pictures.
Why can't I be pretty, she thought.
Evanna went up to the mirror and looked at herself. Her heart clenched as she saw a hideous, monster looking back at her. She looked so ugly to herself.
Evanna looked away, not being able to look at herself anymore. She felt that ugly.
I just want to kill myself. I don't want to exist. What's the point? I'm so ugly. I'm talentless. I'm worthless, she thought.
Evanna sent Bella a text. 'Sorry, my camera's broken. Can't send a picture.'
Bella replied. 'Ugh, Fine. So annoying...'
Evanna threw her phone on her bed, breaking down. Bella was right. She was being annoying. She was bothering everyone.
Evanna learned about self harm in school. She grabbed a thumbtack and stared at it. I won't become addicted, she told herself.
Slowly, she slid the thumbtack across her left forearm. It stung, but there was some relief in the pain. The scratch soon turned red and the area around it became swollen.
Regret filled her. Panic flooded in her eyes. She couldn't believe what she had done. She sobbed, regretting hurting herself.
At night, Evanna couldn't sleep at all. She could barely sleep until 3 or 5 AM, bad thoughts filling her head.
But something inside her that night kept telling her, 'Don't regret it.'
February 28th
Evanna fathered the courage to tell someone, not wanting to make her situation worse. She went to her friends at school, first Bella.
"Bella," Evanna whispered during class.
Bella looked up. "Yeah?"
"Can I tell you something? Please don't tell anyone," Evanna begged, and she lifted her sleeve, showing the previous scar. "I... I hurt myself and I don't know what to do."
Bella stared at Evanna's arm and rolled her eyes. "Are you serious?"
Evanna felt really hurt. "Bella..."
"Oh my god, why would you do that?" Bella huffed, annoyed.
Evanna self consciously pulled down her sleeve and dropped her arm by her side. "Sorry... I didn't mean to annoy you..."
"Too late," Bella muttered and turned away.
Evanna told her other two friends, but they had the same reaction. They were all annoyed. Evanna was going to tell Jayden, but after her friend's reactions, she was scared Jayden would react the same way. So from that day on, she decided to never tell anyone.
March 3rd
It was Evanna's first anxiety attack.
She was in the cafeteria, when all of a sudden, her heart felt heavy and started beating faster. She was shaking her legs and fiddling with her sweaty hands. Her head started pounding, and all the sounds around her became muffled.
Tears rose from her eyes. She had no idea what was going on. It felt like everybody was staring at her. She imagined everyone looking at her, and she also imagined the negatives things they said about her, even though it wasn't real. But she believed it was real.
She ran out of the cafeteria and into the bathroom, gasping for air. She locked herself in a stall and gripped the bottom of her shirt tightly.
Her heads filled with panicked thoughts, and Evanna was scared. She didn't know what was going on. She didn't know what was happening to her.
March 7th
Evanna felt terrified of going to school. First, she didn't even want to move a muscle, but instead sleep and never wake up. Second, she was scared she would be by herself, and everybody would judge her.
"Honey, Have you been feeling okay?" Mom asked me.
Evanna nodded, grabbing her backpack. "Yeah mom. I'm fine."
She was scared to tell her parents. How would they react?
March 8th
"Mom, Dad, there's something going on," Evanna muttered, finally gathering the courage.
"Whenever I go somewhere, like school, I start getting so anxious and I feel like everyone's eyes are on me and are staring. And then this weird stuff starts happening to me like I can't breathe, and my heart is racing too fast—"
"It's probably nothing. You're just getting older," Dad cut in.
"Every kid experiences that one point in there life," Mom said, stroking Evanna's hair. "Don't worry, okay?"
Maybe Evanna was overreacting. Maybe it really was nothing.
March 16th
Her self-esteem continued to get lower. She could barely look at herself in the mirror without crying. She was having trouble talking to others, including her friends.
She could barely keep her grades an A. She couldn't answer any questions, due to her anxiety. She couldn't talk to her partner, constantly worried that she was being annoying.
March 19th
Her social anxiety became worse than ever. She couldn't even leave the house. She couldn't even talk to her parents. She kept herself isolated in a room, crying. She hated herself for being like this, but she couldn't control it.
Her parents started becoming worried.
Evanna kept hurting herself, and when she was going to sleep, she turned the lights off and stared into no where, drowning in thoughts.
She gently ran her fingers over the scabs from her cuts on her forearm. She lost track of how many there were, now. She would use blades, pins, or her nails to scratch and cut herself.
When she took a shower, her cuts hurt really badly, but it took the pain away from her most of the time, leaving her numb and empty.
She wanted to die. She wanted to kill herself. She couldn't live anymore.
March 21st
Something changed inside of Evanna. It was around 10 PM, Evanna called her mom inside her room.
"Yes?" Mom asked.
"M-mom," Evanna stammered. "Don't get mad at me, okay?"
Mom frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Don't freak out. Don't be mad. Don't be upset either. I'm really sorry," Evanna mumbled as she lifted her sleeves, showing bunch of scars.
Her mom's eyes widened and filled with tears. "E-Evanna..."
Evanna bit her trembling lip. "I'm so sorry..."
"W-why would you do this?" Her Mom stuttered, grabbing Evanna's arm.
Evanna felt her heart clench. "I'm sorry..."
"Let's go see somebody, okay?" Mom said. "School counselor... therapist... I don't know. Evanna..."
She hugged Evanna and she cried into her shoulder. Evanna felt like a terrible and worthless daughter. She disappointed them.
April 7th
"Don't be nervous," her mom muttered, pulling up in the parking lot. "It'll be okay..."
Evanna nervously stepped out of the car and walked inside, her hands trembling. She went to the room where she was supposed to go.
"Hi," the lady inside said. "I'm Katy. Sit down."
I sat down on the couch and looked around. "H-hi..."
"So what's going on? We're in a confidential place. You can tell me anything, and we can talk about anything."
April 9th
Therapy didn't help Evanna. It made her feel a little better being able to talk to someone, but it didn't stop her from being depressed.
"Jayden," Evanna said, tears in her eyes. She was finally going to tell him. What if he starts hating her? Will he be annoyed?
"Yeah?" Jayden replied, sitting next to her. "Is everything okay?"
"Please don't hate me," Evanna whispered, a tear drop rolling down her cheeks. "Promise?"
Jayden furrowed his eyebrows. "I promise...why would I ever hate you?"
Evanna rolled up her sleeves, revealing a bunch of old and new scars. Jayden stared at her arm. "Ev..."
Evanna looked away, tears threatening to escape. She couldn't bear seeing Jayden. She was scared.
"Aw, Evvy," Jayden said, wrapping his arms around her. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Evanna cried into his chest. "I'm so sorry..."
"Don't be sorry," Jayden gently told her, tears also forming in his eyes. "Evvy, Don't cry..."
Jayden pulled away and took her arm, looking at it again. "Ev... don't hurt yourself, okay? If there's anything going on, I'm always here for you..."
"Y-you don't hate me?" Evanna stammered.
"I would never hate you," Jayden said. "You're my best friend. I never want to lose you, you got that?"
Evanna hugged him one more time, thankful that she had him. "Thanks..."
Jayden hugged her back. "Don't worry... I'll never leave your side."
April 22nd
"Evanna, come on!" Bella urged. "God, you're so slow! Ugh!"
"Sorry," Evanna mumbled, running up to them.
"Hurry up!" Kristen shouted. "Can you go any slower? You're slower than my grandma!"
The girls burst out laughing, but Evanna held in her tears. She caught up to them, and they started walking to the movie theatre.
"Oh shoot! It's 5!" Heaven exclaimed. "It's starting!"
Heaven and Kristen ran inside, but Evanna's legs were too exhausted from being forced to run with her friends before they came to the movie theatre.
Bella grabbed Evanna's arm and started running, pain shooting through her arm. Evanna pulled her arm back quickly, wincing. Her cuts started throbbing.
Bella stared at Evanna, sighing. "You're literally so useless. Come on!"
Bella ran inside and Evanna followed, wrapping her arms around herself.
May 2nd
"Isn't it pretty?" Bella asked, twirling in her dance uniform. "I'm performing tomorrow!"
Evanna gave her a small smile. "It is. Is dancing fun?"
Bella nodded, turning on some music. "It's the best."
"Should I try..?" Evanna asked.
Bella laughed. "Try what, dancing? You?"
Evanna frowned. "What?"
Bella laughed again. "You're not skinny or pretty enough to be a dancer! Obviously! You won't even fit in the uniform!"
Evanna looked away, hurt by her friend's words.
May 4th
"Who's the skinniest?" Heaven asked.
"We definitely know who's not," Kristen teased, laughing.
Evanna continued eating her lunch, ignoring her friend's hurtful comments.
"You're like a pig," Heaven said. "You eat so much!"
Evanna stopped eating, staring at her food. Maybe they were right, she thought.
And from that day on, she stopped eating and starved herself. She worked out constantly too. By the end of the month, she went from 100 pounds to 89.
July 7th
Evanna has enough. She couldn't hold it anymore. Everything crashed down on her. Evanna hated herself so much. She wanted to die. She wanted to die so badly.
Evanna ran out of the house, not even thinking about her parents. She kept running until she reached the park. Tears streamed down her face as she slowly walked up to the bridge.
She climbed onto the other side of the railing and stared down below her. She grabbed onto the railing, sobbing.
"Evanna!" Jayden shouted, running up to her. He saw her when he and his friends came to the park. He wandered off alone until her found Evanna.
Evanna looked behind her at Jayden. "J-Jayden..."
Evanna's grip loosened on the railings. "I'm sorry... I can't do anything right. I hate myself. I want to kill myself."
Jayden took a step closer, tears in his eyes. "Hey, hey... Evvy, it's okay... don't... don't loose your grip... don't let go of it.... okay?"
Evanna felt hot tears roll down her cheeks. "Jayden—"
Jayden put his arm out to Evanna. "Evvy, grab my hand... please... please dont let go.... I'm here... everything will be okay..."
"No!" Evanna screamed. "Nothing's okay! Everything's going wrong!"
A tear fell from Jayden's face. "Evanna, hold my hand..."
Evanna cried harder. "I want to... I'm going to kill myself..."
Jayden quickly reached for Evanna's arm as one of her hands slipped. "Oh my god, Evanna! Hey, don't freak out, okay? Just... listen to me..."
All Evanna needed to do was let go of the other hand, and Jayden won't be able to carry her whole weight. If she let go, she would die... but she didn't. She held on.
"Listen, Evvy," Jayden stammered. "You are my other half. I can't live without you. Please. I love you so much. You're my best friend. I can't lose you. There's so many people who care about you."
"Climb back over..." Jayden said. "Please..."
Evanna's eyes fluttered open, and the first thing she heard was monitors beeping. Her vision slowly came back and the next thing she heard was,
"She's awake!"
J A Y D E N
"Holy shit, I think there's actually something wrong," Dylan muttered.
"Jayden..." Owen said. "You haven't even talked once. You're not eating either... are you okay?"
I stared blankly at the wall. I heard my phone go off. I looked at it and it was Ethan.
"J-Jayden," Ethan said, sounding like he just ran a marathon. "Evanna... She's awake..."
I hung up and ran out of the school as fast as I could, ignoring shouts of teachers and my friends. I ran and ran as fast as my legs could carry me.
I reached the hospital in 5 minutes. I rushed to Evanna's room and opened the door.
Everyone's heads turned towards me, and I saw Evanna upright on her bed, staring directly at me.
I felt like I was going to cry. "E-Evanna..."
***
Okay, listen to me, don't freak out.
This is the last chapter of Step-Brothers.
Woo! The book is finally finished!
Yes, I know I left it at a huge cliffhanger, but I love all of you guys, and I hope you all know that! You guys supported me in any way I can imagine and made me smile constantly.
You guys literally are the best, and I hope you guys are all excited for the sequel!
<3
I
Love
You
:)
-Grace