"You never told us you got accepted to Johns Hopkins," Edward said Monday morning, his arm wrapped around Bella's shoulders. She shot me an apologetic look.
I shrugged. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet."
"You were accepted to Johns Hopkins?!" Alice squealed, positively beaming from her place beside Jasper. "How did I not know?"
"Because I haven't decided what to do yet," I said. "It was pure luck, really. It came on a Saturday and I told Esme I'd grab the mail that day while I went on a walk."
"Carlisle will be thrilled. He would never pressure you to do anything, but he's really pleased that you're considering following in his footsteps," Edward told me.
Warm happiness curled through me at the revelation - even after four years I was still always pleasantly surprised at receiving approval and pride from a fatherly figure like Carlisle or Emmett.
Edward smiled slightly when he heard my thoughts, though there was an element of sadness to it. "You should tell him, maybe he can give you some insight. Regardless, I know he'd really love to know."
"Perhaps you're right," I agreed, and it was that conversation that led me to stand awkwardly outside Carlisle's office later that night, unsure on whether or not he would want to be bothered with this.
"Are you going to stand outside Carlisle's door all night?" Rose asked, her tone gentle despite the amused smile that played on her perfect features. "What are you doing out here, anyway?"
"I don't want to bother him," I admitted.
"Hey, you wouldn't be bothering him. Why don't we talk? Tell me what's bothering you," she said, her cool fingers tucking a few strands of hair back behind my ear. I leaned into her touch.
"Alright," I said, and I knew without being told where we would go to talk: the garage, which was practically Rose and Emmett's second bedroom.
"So what's on your mind? Is it school, are kids giving you trouble?" Rose asked, and she had gone through several iterations of worry before I spoke to stop her questions.
"No, no, I'm fine. Really," I said, upon seeing her skeptical expression.
"Was it one of the kings, because I can promise I'll kick their asses if they-"
"Nobody will be kicking anyone's asses," I interrupted, laughing. "And it's not them. It's not a problem, not really."
"Then what is it? I'm worried, you just seem so subdued lately. I know that things can't be easy for you right now, but I want you to know you can talk to me about anything."
I leaned into her shoulder. "I know. It's just- well, I got my acceptance letter to Johns Hopkins University but I don't know if I even want to go, with everything happening. Bella thinks I should go, or at least to go some college in Italy, and I know Edward probably agrees, but I'm not sure what I want to do."
"It's your decision, Rowan. Think about you, and what will make you happy, but don't give up the opportunity to enjoy your remaining years as a human, either." There was a sad glint in her eyes, and I knew becoming a vampire wasn't the life she wanted for me.
"I know. That's why I'm so torn," I said softly. "That's why I wanted to talk to Carlisle, see what he thinks. Hence me lurking outside his office."
"Well, I wouldn't say you were lurking," she said with a smile. "Loitering, maybe."
"Rose, lurking is like half of what I do," I joked. "I think it's a pretty apt description."
She laughed, shaking her head before returning to our original line of conversation. "You should talk to Carlisle to see what he thinks. All I want is for you to be happy, Rowan. If you decide to go to Johns Hopkins, or to a college in Italy, or not at all, it doesn't matter. Emmett and I will be proud of you no matter what. We're so proud of you already."
"Thank you." I whispered the words, but I knew Rose heard them, and I'd like to think she understood that I wasn't just thanking her for the advice. I sought out Carlisle after that, knocking before entering.
"What's on your mind?" he asked, shooting me a smile.
I passed him the acceptance letter I had received. "This came in the mail for me last week."
"Johns Hopkins, huh?" Carlisle asked, his golden eyes reading the letter at an inhuman speed. His eyes were warm and full of pride when he glanced back up. "You should be very proud of yourself, Rowan. Very proud."
"I want to be like you, I want to help people," I told him. "But I'm not sure if I should go."
Carlisle smiled, and instead of asking for my reasons why, he asked what no one else had. "Do you want to go?"
I blinked. I was so concerned with making everyone else happy that I hadn't even stopped to think of myself. "Yeah. I do."
"Aro, Caius, and Marcus certainly won't be pleased at my saying this, but I think if you really want to go, Rowan, that you should," Carlisle said. "What area are you hoping to concentrate in?"
"Oncology. I thought, after I'm changed and I'm safe to be around people, I could go back and get a few different medical degrees like you and Edward," I said. "But it'll take four years just for my bachelor's degree, that's a long time."
Carlisle caught the unstated end of my sentence. That's a long time to be away from them. "Italy has some good colleges. Perhaps some of us could even go abroad with you."
"Maybe. What do you think I should do?"
He glanced down at the acceptance papers. "You have some time to decide. Do what makes you happy, Rowan. Sometimes compromise is best. Johns Hopkins is a good option, but as I mentioned Italy has a couple good medical colleges as well. I would look into it, at least. And know that there's nothing wrong with waiting until after you've changed to attend college. No matter your decision, you have eternity in front of you to choose whatever you'd like."
"Thanks, Carlisle," I said. He had given me a lot to consider. Perhaps his suggestion to take a gap year wasn't such a bad idea with how tumultuous my life had become over the past few months.
"Well done, Rowan. We're all very proud of you," Carlisle said, squeezing me in a gentle hug before I left his office.
I ran into Edward on my way downstairs, who was so preoccupied that he didn't even notice my presence until I quite literally ran into him. I grimaced, as it wasn't unlike running into a brick wall, and raised my eyebrows in question. "What's on your mind, Ed?"
"Bella is down at the reservation with Jacob," he groused, and now that he revealed his source of trouble I could easily spot the worry that lined his face. "I don't trust him."
"Why don't we do something to get your mind off of it?" I suggested. While I doubted that anything but Bella returning safely to this side of the treaty line would ease his worry, I missed spending time with him.
"I miss spending time with you, too," he said, catching my thoughts. "What would you like to do?"
"How about we go for a hike?" I suggested. Usually hiking was an activity reserved for Emmett or Jasper, but I knew Edward wouldn't mind.
"That sounds good," he agreed, and twenty minutes later we found ourselves walking down one of Forks' many trails at a leisurely stroll.
I didn't realize until we had been walking for ten minutes in relative silence that this was one of the first times I had been properly alone with him since we had all returned from Volterra.
"I'm sorry."
"What?" I glanced over at Edward, puzzled.
He didn't look at me. "I'm sorry. For forcing you all to leave with me. It wasn't fair, especially knowing how tough the moves are for you."
"I forgive you, Ed. It was a douche move, and I was angry with you for a long time. I was angry until Alice said that you were going to Volterra to die, and then I was terrified that I was going to lose you," I murmured, watching the leaves sway under the warm breeze. "And then I realized I was never really angry at you at all. Just sad that you left, and scared that you'd never come back."
"I'm not a very good brother, am I?"
I shook my head, disagreeing. "I couldn't ask for a better one, Ed. Everyone screws up. Though for most a screw up doesn't involve attempting suicide by vampire royalty."
Edward laughed. "You've got a point there. But I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know," I said, bumping my shoulder with his.
He smiled down at me. "So we're good?"
"Of course we are, Ed. We always were."
-:-
"Please, Rowan?"
I sighed, hyper-aware of my siblings' gazes on me as Bella pleaded with me. "I don't think you understand my family's relationship with the wolves, Bella."
"But you're human, they can't bother you! Plus, I really want you to meet Jake properly. He's my best friend. And maybe having you there will ease Edward's mind," she said, and I sighed again.
"Why can't you go by yourself?"
"Edward-"
"Does not control you," I interrupted before she could complete her sentence. "Go down and visit Jake if you want to, but I'm not sure it's a great idea for me to be down there. I reek of vamp, and my current surname doesn't do much in way of creating sympathy."
"Rowan."
"Bella."
Bella gave a resigned groan. "Look, I wasn't supposed to tell you, but Sam wants you to come down. He and Jared want to talk to you."
I clenched my jaw, already suspecting what he wished to discuss, and nodded. "Fine."
A chair scraped across the cafeteria, and I saw Edward striding over to where Bella and I stood with displeasure written on his face. "And what do you think your guard will have to say about that?" he asked once he had drew close enough to not be overheard.
"I'll talk with them this afternoon," I promised, and with that I brushed past him to take a seat beside Jasper, who stopped speaking rapidly under his breath to Alice when I sat.
"Don't let me stop you," I said, taking a bite of the sandwich Esme packed for me.
Jasper shook his head. "It was nothing. Be careful around the wolves."
"Of course," I said, and shot him a smile. Despite this, he didn't look comforted.
I headed into the forest that surrounded our home once I got home that afternoon, leaves crunching under my shoes. Even with the entire afternoon to think on it, I still had no idea as to how I was to convince the guard to remain on the Cullen side of the treaty line while I ventured into La Push.
I walked until I arrived at my rock pile, hoisting myself to the top and allowing my legs to swing over the side before talking to empty air and frankly feeling rather ridiculous. "Um, I need to talk to you guys, if you wouldn't mind."
All four of them - Alec, Jane, Demetri, and Felix - appeared so suddenly below that I could have been convinced that they had been there the entire time.
"My queen," Demetri said, inclining his head. "What can we do for you?"
"I need to go down to La Push," I said.
Surprise flickered across Demetri's face. "Why?"
"I have to speak with Sam. He's the alpha of the shape-shifters that reside there," I told them.
"That should in no way hinder our ability to protect you, my queen," Alec said.
"I want you to stay on this side of the treaty line."
As expected, they did not take this well. Felix was the first to protest, but only barely, and they were soon all talking over one another. "My queen, we cannot protect you if we cannot see you!"
"It would directly go against the orders of the masters!" Jane exclaimed.
"They are volatile and dangerous, you could be injured and we would not be there to know or protect you!" Demetri said.
"We will not leave you alone with mutts!" Alec inputted, his voice raised to carry over the rest.
"Hey, enough!" I exclaimed, and their silence was instantaneous. That didn't mean they were pleased with my words, however. "Look, if you go over the treaty line the wolves will attack, and then you guys will attack, and then everyone is fighting and things will be very bad for all parties involved. So stay on this side of the treaty line. The wolves patrol it, I have no doubt you can do the same. I'll be safe down there, and it's not as if they're aware of my status as it is."
Jane's jaw was set much like a petulant child's, and Demetri placed a hand on her shoulder to silence her reply, speaking instead in her wake. "Is that an order, my queen?"
"I don't want anyone to die, so yes. It is," I said firmly, inflecting as much authority into my voice as I could muster.
Felix frowned. "Very well. We will have to set up some kind of system."
"You could travel in pairs, like the wolves do," I suggested. "I see them patrolling sometimes, when I'm particularly close to the border."
"That could work," Alec begrudgingly admitted, arms folded over his chest. "Is that all you need from us, my queen?"
I had a sudden thought. "There is one more thing."
"Yes?" Demetri asked.
"Well, this more pertains to Alec and Jane than you and Felix," I said. The two younger guard perked up at their names. "Aro is totally a Slytherin."
"I told you!" Jane exclaimed abruptly, giving her twin a victorious smile. Demetri and Felix exchanged bemused glances with each other as the two began bickering, and I lifted my hand in a wave as the four disappeared back into the trees, a grin still on my face.
I didn't see hide nor hair of them again, but if I listened closely on my way back I was certain I could still hear them arguing.
Edited 4/16/2021