A/N: The title is a dodie song it's called 'Human' if ya'll don't know! also, please be gentle with the comments, I haven't written anything in months! mostly because I've been busy but also cos I just got the confidence to write again! well anyways, here you guys go :)
warning: panic attack
"Lena, you okay? Don't worry I swear I'll get you out!" Kara shouts, her voice muffled behind the other side of the door, she can hear Kara rummaging through a tool box for something to use,
it's only been five minutes since Lena got locked in their apartment's bathroom thinking she would just be relaxing inside for a few minutes in the tub coming out refreshed after a hard day's work in the office as usual but no, their door decided to fuck up and now she's freezing, her towel the only piece of cloth keeping her warm.
Why did they ever decide that it was a good idea to put the laundry basket outside the shower?!
"Kara, dear I'm fine, I know you will," she's really not though, it's a stupid thing to get worked up over, she already got through this irrational fear, it was years ago. She's starting to hold her breathe again, she knows she shouldn't. She's trying her best to focus, telling herself over and over again that she'll get out eventually nothing to worry about,
She's doing all she was thought at therapy, the breathing lessons she practiced almost every time she as so much gets in a narrow passage.
It started with the first family who adopted her, they weren't... the kindest. A lot of being locked in bathrooms and closets by her step siblings. In closets! The irony is not lost on her; it's probably the reason why they locked her up in the first place, just because she thought her step sister's friend was cute.
"cute?"
"yeah? Why? Can't I say that about her?"
"do you want to hold her hand? Is that what you meant by cute huh Lena?"
"well, yeah if she'd let me, isn't that what people do when they like someone?"
"yes, but only boys and girls do that, girls can't like girls like that"
"why not?"
And that's when it started, that one small question.
She shouldn't be thinking about this, not now and especially not here. She tries to breathe, just breathe through it, but the thoughts are too strong. She sees it happen again,
they ganged up on her, told her she wasn't allowed to come out 'til she took what she said back, she didn't get it, it was just a crush, a harmful crush after all.
Her foster parents weren't to come home 'til supper, she won't be able to get out 'til then. The closet they locked her in was stuffy and dark, she tried to fight them off, scratching and pulling but her step sister got help from some other kids they played with.
She was sobbing, scratching at the wooden prison she was thrown in for being different, her nails broke, her fingers covered with blood, she was pounding on it. She knew they could hear her in there, suffering, because at the other side of the door she can hear them laughing. Laughing so hard like it was the funniest thing they've ever heard. Someone crying out for help was something they enjoyed.
So, she stopped, she kept quiet, she was still heaving but she tried to stifle it with her hands, she leaned on the side of the closet and waited, waited for them to stop laughing, to leave. She was holding her breathe 'til she finally heard footsteps going away from the closet.
After that it became a hobby for her step sister and her friends, they would pick on her, push her towards girls "you like her? Huh Lena? Wanna kiss her and hold her hand? You do, don't you?! You freak!"
It was cruel and she couldn't do anything about it, she doesn't have a say, the only thing she could do was keep her mouth shut. Because no matter what happens her foster parents would always side with her siblings, well of course, who was she? She was just a kid they got at a shelter.
Why they even bothered to adopt another child was beyond her, it was all hazy, her experiences with that family. At least they had the decency to bring her back to the foster home due to "mischievous behavior" she doesn't know where they pulled that out from.
She snapped back to reality when she heard Kara calling her name from the other side, her voice worried and scared. She didn't know why but then she realized she started crying, realized that chest rising and falling at an abnormal rate, realized that she has been screaming at Kara to get her out, for the love of God just please get her out of there.
What should only, probably, be 10 minutes in there feels like an eternity, time being stretched longer and longer as her breathing gets ragged, her voice hoarse from all the screaming she has apparently been doing, she's on the floor now, it was wet and cold but she doesn't care, her hands holding on the pipes of the sink trying to stop herself from shaking even further, her eyes closed shut, she's feeling light headed now, all those lessons gone, her irrational fear has eaten away at it,
She hears someone screaming back, the loudness only making her feel worse. Lena can't make out who it is anymore, was it still Kara? Or was it her step sister? Were they back?
"Please... please, make them stop,"
"Please make them stop laughing..." She can hear them so clearly, laughing so loud, all of them, there's banging on the door
"le-let me out, just please let me out,"
She's back inside that closet, that dark unforgiving closet, her hands shaking but she can't see them, there's not enough air to breathe, there's never enough air to breathe when she's in there, and it's dark just so dark, and no matter how hard she pounded on the door it wouldn't budge, her foster parents would just shrug it off, say the kids were just playing around, a game she was unwilling to play, she's done, she doesn't want to play anymore, "Kara!"
The bathroom feels small, it's getting smaller, it doesn't have windows, and it's all brick walls and the door, thick and solid as she kicks at it.
The room is spinning; it felt like hours, like years, slowly dragging her back to that dark place, she's coughing, her lungs are on fire, it made her puke on her side, the contents of her stomach now all over the floor, bile still in her throat as it stings and aches, when she heard someone say,
"Lena, take cover!"
She only had the energy to hide behind the pipes she has been gripping hoping it's enough to cover her from what's about to happen. She was about to pass out when suddenly a gush of air comes in as the door was pulled out of its hinges, wood shattering as it was thrown to the side by a mass of red and blue who immediately came to her after, she finally let go of the pipes trading it for something warmer, something steadier.
A pair of blue eyes greets her; full of care and worry, she can drown in them, an ocean of comfort, familiarity washing over her they're just like Kara's she thought, though the red cape says otherwise
She feels faint as she looks around frantically, a hand gently stops her, cradles her now heavy head; she buries her face into it as much as she can,
"S-supergirl, I- whe-where's" she wheezes out, the feeling of being choked is still there, her vision a blur, tears stinging her eyes, she barely has them open
"shh, hey it's okay, I'm here now, I hope this helps you breathe" the only thing she remembers is leaning into the hero, holding on as tight as her strength would allow her and being gently flown out of the balcony.
she was so sure she was going to pass out, due to the fact that her breathing won't even out, the hero's hands tight around her but she can't tell her to loosen for the fear of falling, she's still hyperventilating and though there's an overwhelming amount of air, it now feels like she's being drowned by it, her logic thrown out of the window, she knows her blood pressure is rising not falling which will not lead to her losing consciousness but how does she convince her brain to stop freaking out?
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"how are you feeling?" is what Lena hears as soon as she wakes up. she turns to her side, following the voice who spoke, she didn't have to look around the familiar walls she sees in her peripheral to know where she is.
Another pair of blue eyes greets her, with the same concern and worry as the hero who rescued her last night. Kara is sat next to her in their bed, looking as relieved as she is,
"Kara," she croaks out, her throat is still a bit dry from the events of last night, she wanted it to come out sweet but it was raspy and hard
"I-I was so worried, Lena" Kara says, Lena is waiting for her to ask, to ask her what that was about, why she reacted that way to being locked in a bathroom, god it was just a bathroom she gives herself a mental face palm, but her girlfriend didn't say it, she didn't question her, she just looked at her with so much worry in her face, her eyes are sunken a bit, lack of sleep she presumes, she fidgets with her glasses like she always does,
"I'm okay now, love" she reaches out to hold Kara's hand, it was cold and shaking a bit, Kara closes her eyes, squeezes her hand, she takes off her glasses and puts it on the side table, putting her free hand over her face
"I know that, I was just--" she couldn't even continue, her voice cracking as she spoke
"shh, hey" she knows how much Kara tries to save everyone, tries to avoid not being in control of a situation, a disaster, and it breaks her when her powers aren't enough to do that, especially someone close to her, someone she loves. She sits up, still holding onto Kara's hands as she looks into her eyes. There's so much confusion in them and Lena knows she just wants to understand, so she lets her.
She hasn't opened up to anyone in so long, especially about what her childhood was like, it was never a topic that came up in her day-to-day working at L-Corp or in her personal life with past lovers. She wasn't really the type to dwell on things as it distracts her from what she needs to do and she has never considered anyone in her life as important as Kara.
"You don't have to, if it makes you uncomfortable" Kara says as Lena starts to explain what made her have a panic attack, Kara continues by saying "all I have to know is how to help you when or if it happens again."
Which makes Lena smile, Supergirl may have gotten her out of the bathroom but Kara is getting her out of her head.
"I'll be okay, you're here with me," Kara smiles at that as she looks down a bit to squeeze Lena's hand.
"I am, I will always be here to protect you."
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So, they sit there on their bed, covered in blankets, for what felt like an hour. Lena talking while Kara earnestly listens to every word.
Kara tries her best to suppress the anger brewing inside of her at the thought of someone doing the things that family did to Lena, or doing it to just anyone really. Why are there people who treat people like aliens in their own planet, in their own home.
Kara stays silent as Lena continues to tell her the words and slurs that were screamed at her through the closet doors, and how she would claw at those same doors trying to get out. And though she did not mean to, she remembers how she was screaming reassurance to Lena as loud as she can earlier, and knowing the things she knows now, it probably didn't help Lena get through it any easier.
Lena finishes with a sigh and as realization sets in on Kara she is paralyzed in her spot. She could have opened the door sooner, she could have completely ripped the door of earlier than trying to so desperately unscrew the hinges like a complete idiot. They've been together for only a month and she was still afraid of the dangers of Lena knowing, she was still planning on how to tell her. She stupidly thought Lena not knowing was for the best. Kara's logic was that If villains were to ever come along, they wouldn't know who to target, they wouldn't know where she got her strength from, they wouldn't be able to hurt Lena. But villains didn't have to come this time, and Lena still got hurt.
"Kara, darling, are you okay? Don't be worried about me anymore, look, I'm breathing fine" Lena says noticing that Kara has been staring blankly at her right after she finished talking. So, Lena inhales imitating a cartoon superhero, putting her hands to her sides and puffing her chest as she laughs to try to make light of the situation.
But Kara wasn't having it, she looks at Lena seriously,
"Lena, I need to tell you something."
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"Are you wearing it right now?"
Kara nods, and debates whether or not she heard a slight twinge of disappointment in Lena's voice. She figures she heard it clear as day, of course she's upset, you lied to her, she closes her eyes and hopes to Rao that she's not going to regret telling Lena this too late, what if this was it, this was where she fucks up?
But her overthinking gets cut short when she finally hears Lena speak again,
"May I?" and Kara almost gasps as she opens her eyes to see Lena closer to her just a few seconds earlier, Lena's eyes looking greener than usual, or does her eyes seem a bit misty?
Kara ignores this but doesn't reply, she just blushes and nods again, being rendered speechless by her girlfriend in intimate moments like this as usual.
Lena slowly puts her hand on her chest, Kara knows that Lena can feel her heart thumping under her fingers.
Lena goes to undo the first few buttons, and Kara's eyes are focused solely on her touch more than anything else at this point, keeping her thoughts of worry at bay.
when Lena sees the blue and red, she stops, putting her hand on the S, Kara doesn't know how much faster a heart can beat but it seems like hers is about to jump right out of her chest. She stiffens and closes her eyes, because now Lena knows for sure, that she's been lied to. Maybe she just wanted to see the proof of her betrayal by the one person she thought she could trust.
But Lena seems to understand, her hand moves up from Kara's chest to her chin to look at a pair of sad blue eyes,
"You were my hero even before I knew,"
And the relief that washed over her was almost as amazing as being able to know that Lena was okay. Kara held Lena's hand that was on her chin and returns it to her chest and holds it there and closes her eyes again as she tries to find the words to apologize, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner about this, I'm sorry I didn't get you out the damned bathroom sooner because I was being a coward, I was so scared to tell you, Lena. I didn't want you to get hurt, and in the process of trying to I just- Lena, I was so scared- " and now she's fully crying while Lena shushes her, she looks up to meet those green eyes, and sees that Lena's been crying too.
"I'm sorry it took you getting hurt for me to tell you. After you told me these things, Lena you let me in, and I couldn't even do the same? I had to, you deserved to know,"
Lena untangles their hands momentarily and Kara almost panics for a second before realizing what was happening, Lena goes to cup her face and says "And now I do, you can stop apologizing now, I'm not mad at you, Kara I can't stay mad at you even if I tried. Smile now, darling, we're okay"
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