CHAPTER SIXTEEN.
memories from hell.
━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━
"You're not allowed to fall in love with me."
"Won't be a problem."
"And that's when they fell in love." Sage narrated. A grin stretched across her face as she watched the scene unfold. She hadn't left the couch in hours and had been watching her new television show religiously.
"Well obviously." Murphy chuckled. He strolled around the kitchen bench, a drink in each hand before joining the girl on the lounge.
"They're so cute Murphy. Look!" She announced excitedly.
"Not as cute as us though." He grinned, handing his girlfriend her drink.
"Thank you. And no, no one's as cute them," Sage corrected before collecting her campari spritz from his outstretched hand.
"Sure, whatever you say kiddo."
"Kiddo? When did we decide that nickname was suitable." Sage frowned.
"Because I'm older than you." He laughed to himself earning a pointed look from the girl.
"By what? A month?" She surmised.
"Six actually." He corrected, grinning to himself and then at the girl.
"You're so full of it." She chuckled.
"Yeah but you love me anyway." He smiled before changing positions on the couch so his head now lay in her lap, his stormy eyes peering up at her.
"That's debatable." She chuckled to herself causing the boy's eyes to roll.
"I like this episode." He announced softly, tilting his head to glance back at the screen. Sage followed his gaze before trailing back down to his lazy figure, all sprawled across her much smaller body.
His frame was surely withering and despite the indulgence of food and alcohol, Sage could see the frailty hiding within his bones. It was inevitable of course, but it didn't change the fact that she took pity on him. His skin was more tanned than usual but that was to be expected after spending so long in the desert. During their time in the bunker, Sage had seen more of the boy than ever, she was slowly picking up on additional habits and knew the boy like the back of her hand. She could name every shade of blue swimming in his eyes and knew how every scar on his body was given to him. All but this new one gracing the back of his neck.
"What's this?" She questioned softly, her finger tracing over the jagged line, marking his skin.
The boy tensed and Sage realised she had hit a soft spot, both figuratively and literally.
"It's nothing, just another scar to add to the collection." He muttered bitterly, and suddenly his eyes weren't that sparkling blue she had fallen for.
"Murphy, how did you get this?" She insisted.
"How do you think? It was from when I was hung." He explained, adjusting himself so that she could no longer see his scar.
"Hey, you can talk to me." Sage reminded, her hand brushing over his cheek softly. The boy nodded and smiled tightly, she knew it was forced but he was trying his best.
"It still hurts some days. Not the scar itself, just the memories that come with it." He began.
"I.. I remember that day so vividly. I just remember the feeling of everyone's eyes on me as I struggled for my life. One minute I was yelling and the next I was just there, swinging, praying someone would let me down. But no one did."
Sage's stomach dropped at the memory, she could almost see herself, peering from within the crowd, wanting more than anything to help the boy but being too cowardly to actually do so.
Murphy's eyes looked anywhere but at her, and suddenly that bright blue had faded. His eyes were like the ocean, so full of life yet so uncertain. The blue-green hue carried his emotional currents, and before Sage could breathe she was drowning in them.
"I should've done something that day." Sage mumbled to herself.
"What could you have really done anyway? It's not like anyone would have taken your side. It would've been a lost cause." He pointed out.
"It's no excuse, I shouldn't have just stood there. I went against every moral my parents ever taught me."
"Sage, don't start blaming yourself for shit other people did to me. It doesn't matter and I know you and the lengths you'd go for me." He assured her, now taking it as his turn to caress her face.
"How did this conversation end up with you comforting me?" The girl chuckled softly to herself.
"Nothing gets between me taking care of my girl." Murphy smiled.
His girl. Sage liked the sound of that, apparently her heart did so also and therefore swelled in adoration.
"But seriously, you didn't deserve to be hung that day. You didn't even do anything wrong." Sage pointed out, frustration evident in her tone as she thought back to the events of the day.
"I did piss on Connor though." He laughed.
"Yeah, but that was funny."
"Then you went on your wild goose chase, looking for Charlotte." Sage continued, smiling to herself.
"Don't even get me started on that little bitch." Murphy scoffed, Sage could tell he was joking but she also knew a part of him was serious and even in consideration to her age, the girl would never receive sympathy from the delinquent she scarred so deeply.
"I heard she jumped off that cliff, is that true or was it just an excuse for you to kill her?" Sage asked, the question was one that had been burning in her for months at this point, ever since that night.
"She jumped. Although, I can see why you thought otherwise."
"Can I ask you something else?"
"Shoot."
"You suffocated Connor that day in the dropship didn't you?" She asked, her voice quieter.
"I did. I'm not proud but it needed to be done, I don't regret it." The boy explained. Sage nodded in understanding, even with the violent acts he was admitting to she still couldn't bring herself to see that man when she looked him in the eye. To her, he was just Murphy. The scared and abandoned boy she loved.
"I thought so."
"You don't hate me?"
"I could never."
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Considering Murphy and Sage had chosen to share a bed rather than utilise the different rooms, they had grown familiar with each other and the warmth of another person while sleeping. They both enjoyed sharing the room and had come to the realisation that falling asleep was a rather simple task when you were entwined safety in the arms of another.
Therefore when Murphy had awoken unexpectedly from his sleep one night, his first instinct was to reach for the now empty space beside him. His fingers wrapped around the sheets, hoping to locate Sage with his hand. When his fingers failed to find her, his eyes fluttered open. He sat up straight, a frown etching its way onto his eyebrows as he gazed upon the bare bedsheets.
Just as the boy opened his mouth to call for her, a sound in the other room made his ears perk, as if she attracted his full attention, voluntarily or not.
Murphy retracted his hand before throwing the bed sheets off of his lower half, ignoring the cold surrounding them. His feet made contact with the cool wooden floorboards before carrying him off and out of the room, in search for the girl. His girl.
It took a while to find the girl, but the determined boy wasn't about to give up. He eventually found her, he always did. She was curled up in a balled position, her back pressed against the sofa. Her hands were gripped onto a paper while her face was pressed into her knees, hiding her sorrow.
Murphy rushed over to the girl, emotions taking over and his only concern being her well being.
"Hey hey, what's wrong?" The boy asked worriedly.
Sage tried to speak, really she did try her hardest but her sobs were too loud and far too strong to defeat the choking in her throat.
Murphy's fingers wiggled their way between her hand and the paper, retrieving it from her grip which fell loose at the touch of his hand.
The moment the boy flipped open the paper he knew what it was. A note from her parents. One they had written before their deaths, a small and insufficient goodbye to their daughter. Murphy's eyes scanned through the note but he only got about halfway before folding it up again, in fear he too would shed a tear or that he was invading her privacy, reading something so dear to her heart.
"Sage-"
"They never got to say these things in person. There's so much I want to tell them but never can." She sobbed, her words growing more and more difficult to understand as she continued to bawl.
Murphy took her in his arms, holding her as close as physically possible while allowing her to let her tears fall freely. She latched herself onto his hold, resting her head against his chest and trying her hardest to match his breathing.
"I know, I know they never got to say these things but, but at least you've got them in a written form, it's something to keep, words can be forgotten but this, this will always be with you." He explained, holding both the girl and her keepsake note.
"I, I just miss them. So much." She continued, wiping her nose.
"I know."
"They were the best people I ever met. They were saints, they didn't deserve what they got, they deserved so much more."
"They deserved to see you grow." Murphy added, brushing away a strand of her hair from her face.
"They wouldn't be very proud of who I am today." She gulped, finally terminating the lump in her throat.
"What do you mean? You're like the perfect child." Murphy frowned.
"They raised me morally and kindly and I let them down since being here. I fought, I lost my sister, I-"
"Fell in love with a criminal." Murphy finished, a smirk lacing upon his lips. Sage rolled her eyes at his words but chuckled nevertheless.
"Yeah, I suppose."
"But for real, they would be so proud of you. They way you stood up to Caspian, the lives you've saved, the connections you made. Sage, you're the one who deserved better."
A frown knitted its way into her eyebrows and her eyes remained glossy with tears. They were rather red and puffy but it didn't matter, Murphy didn't mind. She examined his face, he was genuine, reinforcing the one fact he had fed her within their time together.
"My parents didn't do anything wrong, I have. I deserve the shit I went through, they never did." She excused, comparing herself to her loved ones.
"Sage, you are your parents' daughter and you are more like them than you realise." Murphy smiled. Sage didn't know why he was smiling, but the fact was so blatantly obvious to him that it was almost humorous that she couldn't see it.
"How would you know?"
"Because I know you." He started. Sage gazed up at him. "And I know how much you care. And I know that every natural instinct you have to care for others or help even the lost causes comes from your parents and the people they were."
"You're awfully wise for someone who doesn't give a shit." Sage chuckled, finally wiping her eyes and meeting his.
"I do give a shit, especially for you."
Sage watched him for a moment, simply taking in his features. His now clearer skin, the scars that still remained, the way his hair flopped messily because of its length, the gentle pink coating of his lips and finally the ocean storm trapped within his pupils. Sage wondered what it looked like when he cried. She had seen him cry on more than one occasion but not closely enough. She didn't want him to be upset, it wasn't that. But surely his eyes would embody the rainfall if he let a few tears slip.
Pushing herself forward, she connected her lips with his, releasing all passion and appreciation she could fathom into one lip lock of a moment. Murphy kissed back, equally as enticed as his fingers tangled in her curls, pulling her closer if it were even possible.
Voluntarily or not, Murphy moaned into the kiss, indicating he was very much enjoying the feel of her lips upon his. Sage smiled at this, pulling her lips away from his for a mere second before Murphy whined, connecting them again. Sage burst into laughter, chuckling at his annoyance and resting her head against his chest. The boy fell back, taking her with him as they both shared a fit of laughter.
Sage giggled quietly, not having the chance to pause when Murphy joined in, creating a vibrating sensation between their chests. Sage's nose crinkled at this while the boy beneath her hummed softly. Murphy tucked a piece of the girls hair behind her ear before tracing his finger down her jaw, the shorter girl glanced down before looking up at him through her lashes.
"Oh don't look at me like that." Murphy groaned, a hint of a moan in his voice.
"Like what?" Sage asked, sitting up so she was now straddling his lap, aware of exactly what she was doing.
"Like that whole sexy look thing you do." He explained, his pupils dilating ever so slightly.
"A sexy look?" She questioned, raising her eyebrows.
"Yes."
"Well, if that's the case." She started before flipping her hair away and bringing her lips down to meet Murphy's neck. She placed light kisses over his collarbone and neck before swiftly pulling away and standing to her feet.
"Wha- You can't just-" Murphy stammered, sitting up and following the girl with his eyes. She smiled innocently as she walked around the couch.
"Oops." She grinned cheekily, glancing over her shoulder to find the boy, breathless and frowning.
She strutted out of the room and smirked to herself. Suddenly she had never felt so powerful.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
"How do we only have three episodes left?!" Sage shouted angrily. Murphy stopped in his tracks at the sound of the girl's loud exclamation and glanced over at her, finding her standing in front of the television, the remote hanging loosely in her hand and her other hand resting on her hip.
"Relax would you. It's just a show." Murphy piped in, strolling around to the kitchen island where he placed his elbows down and rested his chin in his hand.
"Just a show? It's my entire livelihood." Sage objected, throwing the remote down onto the lounge before folding her arms over her chest.
"It was made over a hundred years ago."
"So was your precious whiskey." She retaliated, taunting him with her eyes.
"Don't you dare talk about Jack Daniel's like that!" Murphy shouted, hugging the bottle tighter to his chest, caressing the bottle as if it were a baby or such.
"Well, your Jack Daniel's does what my Brooklyn Nine Nine does for me."
"The show did pretty well if you ask me, I mean it went for seven seasons." Murphy stated, falling down onto the couch beside her.
"Yeah but they're only twenty minute episodes." Sage whined, her head falling to rest upon the boy's shoulder.
The two then sat in silence, only chuckling or giggling when something humorous occurred on screen. Murphy pointed out several times how the character Gina reminded him of Sage while she liked to joke and say he shared similarities with Hitchcock.
"How many hours do you think we've spent watching this show?" Murphy asked, amusement laced in his tone.
"Well if every episode goes for twenty minutes and there's around twenty four episodes in a season there's around eight hours, shit we've spent so long on this lounge." Sage realised, pushing herself off of him and meeting her eyes,
She wasn't wrong. There had been several days where the pair hadn't left the lounge after watching their shows all day, falling asleep on one another while watching the clock tick slowly by, wondering what they could possibly do to pass the time.
During said hours, the couple played a variety of games, ranging from board games like Monopoly to video games like Mario Kart. They had also participated in other activities involving making out and further tasks.
"Doesn't surprise me." Murphy muttered with a small shrug.
Sage chuckled softly before laying her head down again, making herself comfortable in his arms once more, she liked it there. All snug and cosy, she didn't feel like she belonged anywhere else.
A rumbling sound erupted beneath her, causing the girl to glance down at the source of the noise, discovering it had derived from Murphy's stomach. He was hungry.
"Are you hungry?" Sage asked despite already knowing the answer.
"Ravenous, one might say."
"Same here." She sighed mellowly.
"How much food do we have left?" He asked softly.
"Not much, a couple packets of noodles and some fruit I put aside." Sage answered, reviewing the list in her head.
"We should save it. We can survive off of the alcohol anyway."
"How much longer do you think we'll survive down here?" Sage asked innocently, looking up at him, worry flashing across her face.
"I don't know Sage, a week or so." He guessed. The girl suddenly felt a little nauseous and in reality she no longer wanted to eat. She pushed herself up from her former comfortable place and began to walk away from the couch, ignoring the dragging of her feet. She was sick of this place, sick of the same walls and abstract artworks, sick of the alcoholic smell and certainly sick of the miserable mood lingering in the air day after day.
"Where are you going?"
"I forgot to tally today." She replied before continuing on her journey through the bunker.
Eventually her feet carried her into the room behind the kitchen, a space in which was used to store the motor vehicles Sage thought were an absolutely ridiculous piece of furniture. They weren't conventional and were unavailable for use and certainly couldn't move them into a space in which they could be of use. Sage ignored their pathetic existence as she strolled past and stood face to face with the wall she had spent hours staring at.
Sometimes she'd simply sit on the floor and stare up at the numerous white markings staining the dark grey stone. Everyday she visited the wall and watched it, as if she was waiting for it to do something. It never did. And everyday there was another line added to the collection, sure she was the one who put it there but that didn't stop it from taunting her.
She picked up the dusty piece of chalk before adding yet another line, completing another set of five. Eighty days. Eighty days they had been trapped within the godforsaken bunker. Sage didn't know what had come over her, but as she stared back at the neatly drawn chalk sets, a white hot rage filled her stomach, hot tears brimmed in her eyes and the world around her was dark. She let the tears fall, hardly strong enough to keep them inside. She fell to her knees, however her eyes remained focused upwards, still glued to the wall which was now growing blurry through the sight of her tears and watery eyes.
The lines seemed endless, countless even and the worst part was they were countable, she had placed each of them there for that exact reason, to be tracked and counted, to learn just how many days they had spent in the bunker. If it weren't for the tallied wall and numerous clocks scattered around the bunker, Sage would surely go out of her mind. In fact, the two timekeepers along with Murphy were the only reasons Sage hadn't completely lost herself.
With her eyes still trained on the wall, Sage pulled her knees to her chest and swallowed tightly. She hadn't stopped crying but she also didn't care. She wanted to leave, she hated it, they were running out of food and she was starving. If it weren't for the food problem, Sage believed she wouldn't mind it down in the bunker. But that wasn't the case and she was still starving. She didn't dare eat though, she thought about sinking her teeth into the luscious red apple she knew was resting idly in the fridge but that's all it was. A thought, a delicious one at that.
She pushed the thought from her mind and remained huddled on the floor, she wasn't about to go and eat, she was saving that for Murphy.
And with the distant memory of what it felt like to be full, Sage cursed the universe in her mind.
Oh, why did she always have to put others first?
unedited!
hi so, with the state of the world i now have a whole lotta time on my hands and figured i could post a little something for all of you! i would like to thank everyone for continuing to read even with me gone i cannot believe this book is at 31K WOWOOWOW THANK YOU EVERYONE THIS LITERALLY MEANS SO MUCH TO ME !
- clovdy