*Nikita's POV*
Everything around me seemed hazy, like my mind was working in slow motion. My body felt heavy and weak as I crawled to the edge of my bed. The walls of my room are starting to drive me insane, I can't take looking at them any longer. The need to be up and moving was outweighing the dark pit of despair I felt inside. Quin finally convinced me that we would feel better after getting out for a little bit. Making my way slowly to the bathroom, my body slow and sluggish as I drag my feet. Maybe I shouldn't go out.. just lay in bed. That sounds really good.
'No Nikita! Please, just get in the shower. That will wake you up a bit more, make you feel more like a person.'
'But.. the bed is so comfy.'
'Please Nik, for me?' Her pleading voice made me sigh. I couldn't deny her any longer. We really did need to get out of this room.
'Fine.' I grumbled as I stepped into the bathroom. My own reflection staring back at me startled even myself. I looked like a homeless person.. My hair was a giant knotted mess that I kept throwing up into a bun. My eyes looked like I went a few rounds with Rocky..or maybe I was turning into a raccoon.
'Ew! We could never be one of those trash pandas!' Quin spoke, disgust clear in her voice. I chuckled and shook my head slightly.
'What is it with you and raccoon's?'
'Nothing, I just hate the filthy bastards.'
'Mm, okay.' Was all I said before turning away from the mirror and shedding out of my clothes. At least they weren't too disgusting anymore since Dominic got me changed after my bath yesterday.
'You mean when you went psycho coo coo pants and almost flooded the house? Yeah if you can call that a bath, then sure.' Quin piped in sarcastically.
I rolled my eyes while ignoring her and turned the shower on. Once it was the right temp, I stepped in. The water pelting down on my back felt nice, refreshing. A small smile filtered across my lips while I worked shampoo into the rats nest on my head. Like I said, I have always loved the water, showers were my safe space. My arms still felt sluggish and heavy as I rinsed the soap from my hair but the warm water really was waking me up. I think I used about half the bottle of conditioner, my fingers massaging it into my scalp was like heaven. Quickly scrubbing my body as the conditioner soaked into my hair I decided to make myself feel even more 'normal' and shave. After rinsing out the conditioner I turned the water off, reaching out I grabbed the giant fluff of a towel and wrapped it around my body before doing the same with my dripping wet hair.
Finding comfy clothes was a struggle, nothing I put on felt right. They all felt suffocating and the one thing that felt okay was leggings. After my undergarments I quickly dressed in a pair of black leggings before discarding my hair towel into the hamper in the bathroom as I set to work on the knots and tangles in my hair. Once that was finished I made me way to the bedroom door before making sure the towel wrapped around my upper half was secure. Opening it slowly before peeking out. Thanking the goddess that Jack-jack or Dominic weren't lurking about in the hall. Those two have been the only thing keeping me grounded, without them or Quin I don't know what I might do. After my little episode last night I knew I owed Dominic an apology. None of this was his fault, it was no ones fault..well other than my own maybe.
'Stop it! There was nothing you did wrong Nic. I told you, something was wrong from the very beginning. We were not meant to have that pup. It would have come out wrong, mentally and physically..' Sadness filled me as Quin and I thought of our lost pup. I tiptoed out of my room and made my way down to Dominic's. Maybe she's right, maybe it wasn't my fault but I couldn't help thinking it was. There must be something wrong with me.. That thought made perfect sense as I opened the door to Dom's room and slipped in quietly.
'Nikita Jean Anderson! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Do you trust me?' Sighing I nodded.
'Of course I trust you Q.'
'Then please trust me on this. Nothing is wrong with you, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are smart and don't think for one dammed second that this is your fault.' A small smile spread on my lips. Quin really did know how to make me feel better.
'Thanks Q.. love you.'
'I love you too Nikky girl.'
With my heart feeling lighter and a smile on my face I walked into Dominic's closet. Scanning the contents I finally spotted the shirts. He had everything under the sun in here from sweaters, hoodies, dress shirts, old ratty t-shirts, tank tops, regular t-shirts and the last thing to catch my eye was a massive selection of flannel shirts. My fingers trailed over them, the softness of the material felt good against my skin. Looking through them I noticed some were sleeveless as they had been cut off while others were long sleeved with the occasional short sleeved ones. I swear he must have a flannel for ever occasion.
One of the long sleeved flannels caught my eye, the material was super soft and the colors were my favorite. I smiled again as I pulled the red and black shirt from it's hanger. I released the towel from around me. Pulling the shirt over my head sent shivers down my spin as the soft fabric brushed against me. Warmth spread through me as Dominic's scent filled my nose. I really miss him right now.. I haven't seen him since last night. Even after I said I hated him he still helped me. Got me out of the tub, peeled my drenched clothes off of me and helped dry me off before he got a pair of comfy pajamas for me. I just sat there in a daze as he did this. I didn't know what to think or feel but somewhere deep down I felt a spark ignite in me. The dark and nasty thoughts stopped whenever he was near. My guilt only built as I thought about how he has been there for me everyday. Either just holding me or trying to talk and break me out of this hell I've been drowning myself in. To think that I had even tried to blame everything on him and it wasn't even his fault.
He did nothing wrong and he didn't deserve the things I have said to him this past week. I even put my hands on him and still he just let me do it. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting, even if I knew he was already. Through our bond I could feel his sense of loss over our pup. He never showed it but I knew he was sad too and the way I haven been acting only made things worse. He needed me just as I needed him. We need to rely on each other to get through this. The thought of everything I put him through makes me sick. Sighing loudly I collect my towel from the floor and exit his closet. Stopping I look at myself in the mirror on the wall. Dominic's shirt is more like a dress on me, swallowing me whole as the hem ends mid thigh and the collar droops down exposing my left shoulder. Tossing the towel into his clothes hamper I do up two more of the buttons on the shirt and adjust it so it doesn't droop anymore. After taking one more glace, checking that I was presentable enough for others to see me I walk out of Dom's room.
As I make my way down the stairs loud yelling startles me, I don't recognize any of the voices at first but soon I can make out John's voice. A small flutter of happiness fills me until a loud crash reverberates through the pack house. I'm stopped halfway down the main staircase as Dominic's looming form storms down the hall and past the stairs. The look in his eyes has me scared, not that he would hurt me but scared for anyone that gets in his way. His eyes remind me that of a sharks, pitch black. He didn't even take notice of my presence as he passed by. My eyes trail after him, watching his every move. The front door slamming open makes me jump slightly as the wood groans and protests against the force of the impact. My feet move on their own as I make my way down the rest of the stairs and to the front door. I stand in the doorway watching him stride away from the pack house. Murmurs and whispers fill the air as pack members watch Dominic's retreating form until silence reaches them once again. My eyes scan the area around me, noticing that everyone is now staring at me. I wet my lips quickly before clearing my throat.
"No need to worry everyone, he just needs to blow off some steam." My voice doesn't come out as reassuringly as I would have liked and I mentally kick myself for it.
A presence behind me has me whirling around on the balls of my feet. Thankfully Brent's fast reflexes saved him from my fist saying hello to his face. His large hand quickly catches my fist as he dodges to the side.
"Are you okay?" He asks, concern clear in his voice as his eyes scan over me. I nod before answering.
"I'm fine. What happened with Dominic?" Brent's eyes meet mine as he gives me a grim smile.
"The rogues have done it again." Immediately my heart rate picks up as panic surges through me. They attacked Blood Moon again? Is everyone okay? Oh god.. but.. wait. I clearly heard John's voice just a minute ago.
"What.." clearing my throat I continued. "What happened?" Brent quickly filled me in on what took place during the meeting as he walked with me around the territory. When I was caught up on everything we continued to walk in silence. It felt good to be up and moving around again. The fresh clean air made me feel calm with the afternoon sun beating down on us.
"Aren't you hot in that?" Brent's question broke me out of my thoughts. I quirked my eyebrow at him.
"No?"
"I'd be physically melting right now if I wore something like that." He gestured to my flannel shirt. I looked down before shrugging and chuckling softly.
"I feel fine, maybe a little warm but it's not as heavy as it looks." Brent gave me a small smile before silence surrounded us once more.
About twenty minutes later I heard Brent curse under his breath as he grabbed a hold of my wrist. He spun around quickly and began running back towards the pack house. My feet struggled to keep up with his wide strides and fast pace. Fatigue was hitting me and hitting me hard. As the pack house came into view I instantly knew what the rush was. I could hear screams and shouts along with the sound of things crashing around inside. Lowering my walls I felt the mate bond. Rage hit me first then panic and lastly fear. I yanked my arm free from Brent. Adrenaline rushing through me as I pushed past him, my speed leaving him behind. I raced through the large yard where kids stood frozen in fear, up the porch steps and through the front door. Pushing through the crowd of people as they stood ramrod straight, watching their Alpha. My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as Dominic hurled a sectional couch through the air. The crash it made as it flew into the wall was so loud many of the wolves covered their ears.
He had finally lost it and I was the reason for it. Through our bond I could tell Ace was in total control right now and not thinking straight. When Dominic came home only to find I was gone, Ace took control and began destroying everything insight. As the couch clattered to the floor my scent hit him. In a blur he stood in front of me, a breath in between us. Craning my neck I looked up into his eyes, seeing the same pitch black color from earlier. His bare chest heaved up and down along with his shoulders as his breath came in and out raggedly. Reaching up slowly I placed my palm on his bicep, his skin twitched from my touch.
I could hear the sound of feet shuffling as pack members began to trickle out of the room but I didn't care about them right now. The only thing on my mind was my mate, my Dominic. The need to have his arms around me overtook me and I threw my arms around his waist, burying my face in his sweaty chest. A new wave of warmth surrounded me as his arms wrapped around me, holding me in a steely grip. His nose buried in my hair as he inhaled deeply, a small rumble vibrated my face from his chest. Needing to be even closer I scrambled up his body like a cat. My legs locking around his waist as my arms slid around his neck. Dominic's hands roamed over my ass before his arms encased me once again. Tears pooled behind my eyelids but I refused to let them out. I kissed his cheek softly before whispering into his ear.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so so sorry." My voice cracked with raw emotion, a few rebellious tears slid down my cheek before I quickly wiped them off on my sleeve. Dominic's arms tighten even more around me, almost to a painful degree but I didn't mind. I felt safe, protected even, in his arms.
"I'm sorry too." His deep voice whispered back.
Dominic's own emotions washed over me and I was glade he was holding me because if I had been standing on my own two feet, my knees would have given out on me. His pain was just as powerful as mine, his sadness cut deep and his anger boiled like a lake of lava. Going deeper into his mind I could see everything. The nights he spent silently crying while I was asleep. His anger at the goddess for taking our baby, his anger at himself for not being able to help me. Feeling helpless to do anything and useless. The night he found me in the tub, his panic as he thought I might hurt myself. The thought of losing me, having me taken away from him so soon. He was silently breaking inside and I didn't even notice. I was to stuck in my own pit of despair to notice his. The thought of me dying had him contemplating how he would die. He wouldn't live without me, he couldn't. In such a short amount of time we had woven into each others lives. Into each others hearts so deeply. It was then, in that very moment that I knew, I was all in. There was no denying it now, I was in love with him.
"I love you Dominic." I whispered softly into his ear. His whole body tensed at my words. Panic shot through me. He wasn't ready for this, he won't be able to take it. He told me he needed to take things slow and here I am already telling him I love him. Oh god.. is he going to go back to treating me like nothing again? I can't handle that right now.. no please goddess no. Why did I have to go and open my big fat mouth.
"You aren't fat.." He said softly. Wrenching me out of my spiraling thoughts.
"I promise you I won't do that to you again Nikita. I may not be able to say it back to you right now but just know. I would die without you, I can't lose you. Not now, not ever."
He tucked his face into the side of neck, peppering it with soft kisses as his words sank in. Even if he wasn't able to tell me he loved me right now. He didn't have to because he was saying it in other ways. I let my love for him seep into the mate bond, reassuring him that I wasn't going anywhere. Nothing would take me away from him. Not the goddess, nor the devil himself could take me away from him without the fight of their lives. Dominic chuckled softly as he heard my thoughts.
"There's that fire I've missed so much." His voice brought a new smile to my lips.
"I'm sorry I've been such a basket case.." He shook his head as he walked over to one of the couches he hadn't destroyed.
"It's okay Nikita, I understood that you were going through a lot. I don't blame you for anything."
"I treated you so badly. I, I said such hurtful things. I didn't mean any of it I swear." Dominic's lips peppered kisses along my neck as he shook his head again.
"I know you weren't in your right mind. Like I said, I don't blame you."
"But.. I hit you. I treated you so bad. I'm so sorr--" He cut me off by kissing me. It was slow and sweet, filled with all his emotions as his hand trailed up my back before getting tangled into the hair at the base of my neck. I got lost in his kiss, in the feel of his lips on mine, in the way he tasted, the way he smelled and the heat his body crated around us. Nothing in the world could ever make me feel that way he does and I gave in to being lost in him.
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Hope you enjoyed the chapter!
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WORD COUNT: 3,031