Read the note at the end for an emotional rant. I love you guys so fucking much.
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Thalia Lively
Everything that happened afterwards was a blur. I felt my body take control while my consciousness was pushed to the back of my mind. My muscle memory was recovering more than my actual memory was. I couldn't control the anger that surged through me, almost like it was always in me but was just now unlocked from within. It's as if I held everything back for so long, unknowingly that is.
Wind blew around me, swirling around almost comfortingly. The breeze smoothingly slid by my skin, reminding me that this was reality, not a sick twisted nightmare.
It was in this moment that I knew my life would never be the same again, and there's no one to blame for that. No one was truly safe, including me. But that was reality.
Reality: the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
I was living in a dream, thinking all my life was a simple day to day routine with a few amazing friends. I kept reminding myself that I didn't want to remember because "it would hurt too much", but maybe it was actually because I got a second chance at life. A clean slate. And I subconsciously took that chance. Left my past in the dark and took the opportunity to open a new door in life.
But the past never truly stays in the past, now does it? It will always find it's way back to you like it's attached to you by an unbreakable string.
I zoned out of my thoughtful state that only lasted a couple seconds in real time.
"I didn't know you had it in you still." Lincoln stood beside me as we looked down at the unconscious bodies. Obviously, I wasn't the hulk, I couldn't take these grown men down on my own so Lincoln watched my back and fought them off with me. If he wasn't here, I don't know what would've happened.
"Neither did I." I said in a low voice. What scared me was that this felt familiar, and I didn't regret it one bit. "Nonna." I looked up and raced to one of their cars where they forcefully pushed her in the backseat.
I opened the car door and saw her sitting there with wide eyes and trembling lips. "Nonna? Nonna you're safe now." I whisper softly but she doesn't look at me. "Nonna?" I repeat but louder.
"That was exactly what I tried keeping you away from." She said after taking a moment to pause and collect her thoughts.
"I know you want to keep me away from danger but Nonna, that isn't your choice anymore. It isn't my choice either." I say softly. "I love you, and I know you want the best for me but what's best for me right now is letting me find myself again." I try to reason without even knowing her take on this situation.
"Thalia," she grabbed my hand and rubbed her thumb across the back. "I love you and you're absolutely right. I've hid so much from you and I could never apologize enough for that. You deserve to know everything and you deserve to get your life back." She agrees with me and gets out of the car. "I just, I've been through this so many times." I could see her words get stuck in her throat, causing her to swallow harshly before continuing. "I could never forget the amount of times Aiden would come home all bloody, and barely conscious. You hated it as much as I did, until you dragged yourself into it because you wanted to be with your brother at all times. I never knew if you two would walk back in through that door every time you left. Call me selfish, but I thought that if I could keep that part of you away for even a little bit so you could finally live your life without looking over your shoulder constantly, I'd be doing my job as your guardian." She explained and we stayed in silence as she got out of the car and looked at me with her everlasting soft eyes.
"Nonna?" I whisper but I can't seem to find my voice.
"I'll be at home and I understand you have some things to sort out before I see you again." She collects herself, kisses my forehead and then sends me a small smile before walking off down the street. "I accept who you are, no matter what path you choose to take. Sei sempre lo stesso, Thalia. [You're still the same, Thalia.]"
I watch her figure disappear from my view whilst I stand in the exact same place she left me in. "Thalia? You okay?" Lincoln's voice entered my thought process making me snap out of my daze.
"Yeah," I mumble although I knew full well I wasn't, and he knew that too.
A speeding car caught our attention before anything else could happen. It harshly stopped in front of us, which immediately caused Lincoln to stand in front of me, like it was his first instinct to protect me.
We both loosened up once we saw Darren and Nathan step out of the car but then realized it was Darren and Nathan and we both tensed up again.
"We're fucked." Lincoln mumbles and cringes slightly when he meets Darren deathly glare.
"I don't know if I want to kill them or you two more." Darren speaks harshly, his words sending slight terror through Lincoln and I.
"... it's not what it looks like." Lincoln spoke up first, sounding like a teenage boy who just got caught cheating.
I didn't even bother looking at Nathan even though I could feel his unwavering stare. "Don't get mad at Lincoln, it was my idea. He caught me leaving the house in the morning and came with me instead of me going alone since he couldn't talk me into staying." I somewhat bullshitted the story. "I went back home to open Aiden's box. Then I was on the phone with Nonna and they were after her." I told the truth now. "I found them trying to take her here, and well." I looked down at the weirdly positioned bodies.
I saw Darren sigh and look away before looking back towards me. "I understand that but Thalia there's a million more of them crawling around this fucking place. And you're their target. Even people who don't work with The Mob are after you in hopes of getting a reward for your capture. It's not safe." He tries reasoning with me but I was getting tired of this "protect Thalia at all costs" rule. I'm not Elena Gilbert for fucks sake, I don't need a protection squad.
"And I understand that, but I'm not going to live in hiding. I'm not going to put everyone's life at stake for me. I get that you guys deal with this on a day to day basis and are the best protection in the world and I appreciate it, I swear I do. But I've had enough of feeling scared! I'm not going to hide behind you guys when I can clearly protect myself." I hinted towards the bodies on the floor. "And I'll be even better when I actually start to train again. I won't live that life, Darren." I put emphasis on the "won't."
"You don't want that life back, trust me." Darren said in a low voice. "Look at how good you've had it for the last few months, Thalia you didn't have to sleep with one eye open for once! You're strong, you always were, but I don't want to even risk losing another one of you." He referred to my half existing family. "I don't doubt your abilities. They're bigger and stronger now especially since I haven't been here for the last year and a half, they've had time to plan and grow in numbers." He explained.
"They're never going to stop, Darren." I say more calmly. "The only way to deal with them is to actually deal with them. Not hide. Not run away." I knew I was right when his face shifted into a thoughtful one. He knew I was right and even though I didn't want to be right, it was the truth. It was reality.
"So what do you want to do?" Darren replies, accepting my perspective. I noticed that Nathan hasn't said a word but never stopped looking at me. He was observing me, and this time, I knew he couldn't figure me out.
"I'm going to train first of all. I need to be able to defend myself when I'm in this type of situation again." I started pacing slightly. "I'm not going to drop of school either, and before you attack me for that idea, like I said I'm fighting my life. I need to graduate and I worked too damn hard, anyway. The boys go to my school so they'll be there with me if I ever need them. I'm going to have someone looking over Nonna whenever I can't because so help me god, if this happens again I'm not going to just leave them unconscious." I plan my next steps out loud. "We're going to profile everyone who could be working for The Mob, even outsiders. We need to be more aware because quite frankly, we're in the dark right now. We need to have a contact within the prison so we can still keep an eye on Victor." I continue to spit out ideas.
"We are also going to stay in contact with each other at all times, nows not the time to leave each other out of plans. We need to be together on this one. This isn't just about me anymore, it's about all of us." I look up at Darren once I conclude my first steps in moving forward.
I felt a surge of confidence once I saw Darren's look of approval. The gang leader liked my idea. What a world.
"Oh and," I add. "I'm going to see Aiden."
"You did good with this one." Darren looked over to Nathan then nodded at me before throwing Nathan the keys to the car. "Lincoln and I will take care of the bodies." Darren walked over to Lincoln's side and I made my way towards Nathan.
Thankfully we were at the end of the street and most of the houses down here weren't occupied so we didn't need to worry about anyone seeing this sight at the moment. However they needed to work fast before anyone decided to come this way for any reason.
Darren and Lincoln went to work behind me as they carried the bodies into the different cars. I finally looked up at Nathan to see him already looking down at me without a specific facial expression. He didn't look mad, or happy. He didn't look like anything, which worries me. What's he thinking about?
"I know you don't like this." I begin. "But we're in this together, okay? I know you'd rather carry the burden on your own and keep us out of it, but you can't do that anymore. I know you have my back but now I have yours too." I reach for his hand and hold it with both of my hands and when he allows me to take it, I knew he wasn't too mad about the circumstances.
I look back at him and with a shake of his head, he leans down to kiss me softly. It was an accepting kiss, a way of him showing me he agreed with me. He didn't have to say it for me to know he was with me on this.
With that, I led him to the car and we entered through opposite doors; him in the drivers seat and I in the passenger seat. As we drove away, he put on the radio and an easeful song comes on as we drive to a place that potentially cause memory recovering and lost feelings.
"Are you sure about this?" He asks once I assume we got closer. He seemed more hesitant than I am.
"I need to see him." I nod, sure of my feelings.
He reaches over to hold my hand as he continues to drive with the reassurance that I wanted to do this. It's about time and now especially, I needed my brother.
I never thought I'd be able to ever say that again. I can see him, he'll be in front of me. He's still here and if he's as strong as I perceive him to be, he'll make it back to us. To me.
We were parked for a while before I finally took a deep breath and looked over at him confidently. We left the car and walked into the hospital hand in hand. I took note that the hospital had Darren's initials in the name and it didn't take long for me to put two and two together. Of course Darren owns a hospital, why wouldn't he? He owns everything else anyway.
It does make sense though, it's his hospital and he runs a mafia were his members get injured all the time. He has a place for them to be taken care of in secret.
Nathan directed me towards a door to my right where two guards were stationed outside of. Nathan nodded at them briefly before opening the door and entering without the hassle of the guards stopping us. Nathan must've been here before.
Behind the door was a hallway and stairs leading either upstairs or downstairs. I assumed Aiden was being kept downstairs, away from majority of people but Nathan lead me upstairs instead.
"Darren gave him the best room, knowing he deserved it. Downstairs is where members get treated, it's just a quick stitch up and go operation down there. Up here is where Darren has more urgent care." Nathan explained since he sensed my confusion.
We then stopped in front of two doors where again, there were guards. This time, Nathan waited for the guard to personally put in a code to open the door, which he did without question. Nathan stopped in front of a desk that was stationed in front of the door. A nice looking woman was sitting at the desk, calmly writing through some papers.
"Hey Macey," Nathan greeted her to catch her attention.
She smiled at the both of us and dropped what she was doing to assist us. "Hey Nathan," she replies then looks towards me kindly. "We haven't met, I'm Macey." She sticks out her hand towards me and I smile back at her, deciding I liked her.
"I'm Thalia." I introduce myself and she nods at me.
"What can I help you with today?" She turns her attention to Nathan.
"I need the key card to room A1." He got to the point and she looked at him unsurely but still went to get the key.
"Darren approves of this, right? You know how he is with that room... especially having strangers anywhere near it, no offence." She jumped to apologize.
"She didn't introduce herself properly." Nathan corrected. "This is Thalia Castillo, Aiden's younger sister." Nathan reintroduced me and Macey's eyes grew ten times their size. With that, she quickly gave Nathan the keys without another word.
"Can I please just give you a hug?" She asks but didn't wait for a reply as she made her way to hug me tightly. I was taken back but hugged back nonetheless. "I know about your story, kind of? My hearts with you, girl." She held onto my shoulders as she gave her condolences.
"Thank you," I say back softly, giving her a small smile.
"If you ever need anything, I'm always here." She smiles then gets back to her desk. "Oh shit, I also forget to mention that Doc said he's being way more responsive nowadays, well his body is. I personally have high hopes for him." She mentions to us and I chose to push away the sparking hope that rose in me. I didn't want to get my hopes up just yet. "Just thought I'd tell you."
With that Nathan smiled at her then grabbed my hand again and lead me to the room. I didn't bother being dramatic and staying outside of the door unsurely, I just wanted to see him already. Nathan sensed my eagerness and unlocked the door with the swipe of the key card.
He walked in first and I followed in his footsteps, looking over to the bed immediately and growing soft at the scene.
"O-oh my god." I stutter and look at Nathan with teary eyes but a smile on my face. I was happy; happy that a part of me was still here. Nathan nudges me to go over to him and I do.
I walk up to his bed and take a hold of his limp hand. I cry silently, taking in his smiling features to my own. His clear and slightly pale skin. His mess of curly hair spread around crazily. He was tied up to machines that I assume are his only source of food and hydration.
"I'll wait outside," Nathan said from behind me, turning to give me a kiss. "Take your time." He says softly and I nod, giving him another kiss before smiling at him, signalling to him that I'm okay. He exited the room after that, and let me have a moment with Aiden.
I pulled up a chair to sit next to his bed. "H-Hey Aiden." I struggle to push away the stutter. Tears ran down my face endlessly but not for the wrong reasons. "It's m-me, Thalia." I continue, breathing in and out deeply to try and control myself. "I don't k-know if you can hear me but," I pause and take a second to look at him. "But, I miss you." I begin to hold myself together. "I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, I-I didn't know..." I trail off and look down at his hand that was held in my own. "There's so many things I want to tell you but I can't seem to find the words." I try to wipe away some of my tears. "I guess I should start with, I'm okay. I survived, because of you. I had major brain trauma though, and I couldn't remember a thing for the life of me for the longest time." I update him on the things he's missed.
"I lived with Aunt Julia for a little bit until Nonna decided to move me out here. Nonna's good too by the way, she misses you." I trail onto random thoughts. "I, um, wasn't okay for what felt forever. I was alone and l-lost." I feel a single tear make it's way down my cheek and drop onto my hand. "I couldn't even remember who I was before the crash, but at the time I preferred that. I preferred not knowing because it eased the pain. Not knowing helped me move on." I look up at him and take another deep breath. "But um, it wasn't all bad." I decide to switch gears and let him know about all the good things that have happened.
"I met these amazing people at school. They're the reason I found myself again and even if they don't know that, I'm forever grateful to them. They made me happy which is something I haven't been in so long... since mom and dad died." I slightly tighten my hold on his hand. "This guy, um, also came into my life this year. I don't remember how my relationship was with you but from what I've been told, you probably aren't going to be too happy about me having a boyfriend." I snicker and look at him sadly. "We aren't dating yet, I don't think... I don't know, it's um, complicated. We're in the middle of a freaking gang war, thanks to you." I joke and pitifully laugh to myself.
"His name is Nathan, Nathan Reyes." I return back to my previous point. I felt the need to tell him about Nathan, A.K.A someone who plays one of the most important roles in my life. "In all seriousness, you'd love him. He's so amazing, I don't know how to explain it to you. He's caring, selfless, thoughtful, understanding, strong, protective, honest, loyal, my god the list goes on. He's helped me in ways he'll never realize. He made me feel... something." I pause, smiling to myself slightly.
"I never thought I would feel anything again after what happened, I became so distant. But he did. He made me feel happiness and," I look back at Aiden with teary eyes but the tears didn't fall yet. "Love. He taught me how to love." I conclude. I stand up and lean to push away his curls from his face.
"I need you back, Aiden." I whisper. "Please, come back to me." This time a tear did fall down my face. "If you can hear me, I'm never going to leave you, okay? I'm here now. But please, fight Aiden. Fight through t-this, I know you can." I choke on my words and decide to kiss his cheek instead of talking more.
Right on time, someone knocked on the door.
"Thalia?" I heard Riley's voice as the door freaked open but she didn't come inside fully out of respect for my space.
"Come in," I announce and she quietly closes the door and turns around to face where I stood beside Aiden's bed. She immediately focused on my tear stained cheeks and rushed over to engulf me in one of her famous hugs. We stayed like that for moment before she pulled away and wiped my cheeks.
"Are you okay?" She quickly cancelled her first question before I could answer. "That's a stupid question, you're obviously not. What I mean is, are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do? And were you guys twins or something? Holy shit you guys look so much alike." She flickered her eyes between Aiden and I.
"Well we are siblings, Ry." I chuckle. "Yeah, I'm gonna be okay. No more sad shit, I'm getting tired of it." I sigh, which was completely true.
"Yeah me too, but I mean it's kind of hard to be positive in our situation." She shrugs. "On the bright side, while you were gone, Jax and Ethan assembled a snow cone machine." She gleams and I shake my head, of course they did. "Speaking of," she then smacked me repeatedly.
"Ow, why!" I moved away from her.
"Don't ever do that again, okay? I woke up to Nathan and Darren having a fucking panic attack when they realized you were gone. Mainly Darren, Nathan was doing his whole "deathly silent" thing again." She informed me of their reactions and I feel bad that they went through that but I mean, like they said, they wouldn't have let me leave. And I wanted to open the box on my own, not being influenced by anyone.
The USB drive!
"Oh shit," I panic, fumbling in my pant pockets until
I brought out the USB and calmed down. Riley eyed the drive weirdly and I know Aiden said to not tell anyone, but it's Riley. What could she possibly do with this information?
"What's that?" She questions.
"It's what Aiden found that night. This USB holds all of The Mobs documents, activity, everything." I tell her and her eyes widen excitedly.
"Are you serious? Fuck yes! We can bring them down now! Good job, man." She subconsciously nudges Aiden then realizes she gave props to an unconscious body. "Oh shit, sorry." She patted the place she nudged on his shoulder. "Fuck, he probably already hates me." She steps away from him cautiously.
"Ry, he's unconscious." I facepalm.
"Oh... right." She replies awkwardly. "Anyways, the boys are outside too, and they miss you." She pushed me towards the door and I look back at Aiden for a moment before exiting the room and leaving him in peace.
She was right, the boys were here. Literally all of them.
"Hey guys," I greet them, making all their eyes snap up to meet mine.
"You mother fucker," Ethan says first. "Never do that again." He hugs me tightly and everyone does the same.
"Okay, okay." I silenced everyone's worries. "Can we talk about this while eating? I'm starving." I suggest, not wanting to have a whole intervention outside of my brothers hospital room. "Where Darren?" I ask, noticing he was the only one missing.
"Interrogating the guys Lincoln brought in." Jax shrugs. "So, where are we eating?" He looks around to everyone.
I thought of the endless torture possibilities Darren could putting those guys through, and I didn't feel bad at all but I still cringed at the thought.
"Popeyes." Ethan declares and we all know that once he decides on something, there's no changing his answer.
• • •
"You're a badass." Griffin says while giving me a side hug after I share my events of the day. "I vote that Thalia replaces Darren as our leader." He put his hand up and looked around for more votes.
"Oh fuck yeah, now we'll have a hot leader. I'd do whatever she tells me to." Jax winks at me and it took Nathan practically milliseconds to swiftly slam Jax's head into the table. "Ow, I was kidding!" He recovered easily but still shifted away from Nathan.
"No you weren't." Nathan corrects and takes a sip of his drink calmly. I set my hand on Nathan's thigh as I laughed at Jax's 'you're right' expression. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I felt Nathan tense under my palm... which encouraged me to keep it there. I'll always love the feeling of knowing my actions effect him.
He didn't look at me but I saw a smug expression cross his features and I knew I got myself into trouble. He returned the favour and set his hand on my thigh too, except higher than where mine was set. No one could see us, and no one cared at the moment either, they were all talking in separate conversations as we waited for Carter to finish cooking our food.
I took his hand off of my thigh and pulled him up from his chair as I stood up, pulling us away from the group. He gladly followed me as I remembered the way to his room, not knowing what the fuck I was doing.
I closed the door and the second I turned to face Nathan, he pulled me into a kiss and pushed me against the wall. The impact of the wall hitting my back caused my mouth to open slightly, and he took the chance while he could as he slipped in his tongue. I was sent into overdrive.
We broke apart for a second to catch our breath and I looked deeply into his green eyes that pierced through mine. "You're so hot." I commented as my eyes bounced around his features.
Instead of replying, he just smirked then kissed my forehead before setting me down. "I hope you know what you're doing." He says out of the blue and I shrug.
"I honestly don't, but who cares? We're all still together and we're going to stay that way no matter what happens. We just have to step up our game, stay one step ahead of them." I state.
"Seeing you take control is sexy, not gonna lie." He chuckles as he watches me blush within seconds. "Fuck I wish shit was normal so I could forget about everything and just spend everyday with you. I don't even see you at school because well, I can't go there anymore. I've been handing in my work online since Darren spoke with the principal. I'm always in training, or out on 'missions' as Jax likes to call it." He pouts and I hug his torso tightly.
"Hey, now that we finally found you, I'm not letting you go again. Plus I do kinda need a training coach." I hint to him as I continue to hug up but tilt my head to peak at his expression.
"Pfft, you wouldn't be able to keep up with me." He teases and I let go of the hug immediately.
"Oh yeah?" I prompt. I try to surprise him with a punch to the chest but he was quicker and grabbed my hand before it hit him. "Well shit." I shrugged.
He laughs loudly then pulls me back to his chest. "I'm going to Darren's office to work on some things but I'll see you later okay? You're sleeping in here and you're not leaving without me knowing this time." He says sternly and I nod while rolling my eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be here." With that he gives me one last kiss before leaving the room.
Maybe things aren't as bad as I thought they'd be.
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1 million.
We hit one million, all because of you guys. I'm not normally serious but this is different. I could be here all day talking about how much this means to me but then this chapter would never end. I just want to start off by saying that I, in no way imaginable, thought happier would ever come to this. I didn't even think it would get reads in the first place. I simply started writing this book because I was in my feels one night and thought "Hey, why not? What's the worst that could happen?" And now here we are one million reads later. I truly have no words you guys, which is ironic considering I'm an author but I really don't. You've rendered me speechless. I just want to say thank you, my god, THANK YOU for everything. Every comment, vote, read and message means the world to me and you guys make my day every time. I literally cried when I saw a million because it's so unreal.
I promise to work harder for you guys. I know we've had some highs and lows (regarding me going ghost quite a few times throughout this year), but I promise to stay true to myself and you guys this year. There's so much fucking content coming your way this year, you better believe that LMAO.
I'm gonna go now but I love you guys and thank you x a million ❤️
The happier squad (aka us) pulling up to join the other books who have a million LMAO ^