Evanna's Suicide Letters
"Dear, Dad.
I'm sorry for not being the daughter you wanted. I'm sorry for being terrible and a worthless excuse of a daughter to you. I tried really hard, but in the end, I failed you.
I'm sorry for being a disappointment and I'm sorry I'm depressed. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I always stress you out and make you feel burdened by me.
I'm sorry I'm depressed. I'm sorry I have anxiety. I'm sorry I have eating disorders.
That's why I'm leaving. I don't want to exist anymore because it's so impossible for anyone to love me. I'm really sorry Dad.
But thank you for the times you made me smile. Thank you for the times you made me laugh.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Rose,
I'm sorry I'm doing this. I didn't want to, but there was so many things going on and I couldn't do it anymore.
Thank you for being so nice to me from the start and being the only one that cared when no one did. I'm sorry for Andrew and what I did. I'm sorry I came into your family and split everyone apart.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Ethan,
I'm sorry for not being the sister you wanted. I caused you so many problems and I ruined your whole family.
I will never forget the memories we had together, though. Thank you for changing and being nice to me. You acted like the brother I wanted. I'm so thankful you cared about me.
But now I think it's clear you don't anymore. I'm so sorry, Ethan. You were really kind to me. I couldn't repay you, and I'm sorry.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Brandon,
I'm sorry. I really am. I came and caused so many problems. I can't explain how grateful I was when you decided to change too. You were really nice and opened up to me.
I'm sorry for being such a mess though. I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect sister. I wish I could do something to put your family back where it used to be.
I won't forget the times you would stay with me at night until I fell asleep when I would cry. I won't forget the times you would try and help me with my homework.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Andrew,
I'm sorry.
Where do I even begin?
You were the first person to be nice to me, and you won't ever know how thankful I am for that. You're so nice and caring, but I'm sorry I caused all of the problems.
If and when you wake up, I'll probably be gone. Please don't be upset. It was all my fault anyways. But you, you were such an amazing brother to me.
I'm so sorry I'm doing this. I don't want to cause a lot of pain to anyone. Don't be too affected by me disappearing.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear, Alex,
I'm sorry.
It's all my fault. I'm really sorry. You're really talented, and you were so nice to me. I'm really thankful for that.
I hope Andrew wakes up. When he does, please explain to him what happened. You cared about me a lot, and it was really fun hanging out with you.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Daniel,
I'm sorry.
I can't count how many times you've made me laugh too hard. You are so funny and nice, but I'm really sorry for everything I've done.
I'm sorry for being a bad sister. I won't forget those moments where we would laugh together or we would play games all night.
By the way, just a tip. There's a secret pathway near the dark forest in Dragon's Battle War. I hope you win, someday. I won't be here, probably, but I hope you will get a higher score than mine.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Summer,
I'm sorry for probably being the worst friend ever. I'm sorry you have to constantly deal with my meltdowns. I'm sorry I didn't ask you if you were okay.
I tried really hard to be the perfect friend. We made a lot of memories together, and I'm happy you were my friend. You're really sweet and smart.
I won't be coming to school anymore... I hope you understand. Thank you.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Natalie,
I'm sorry.
Thanks for being the first friend I made in school. You were really nice to me, and you're also really pretty.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with me. I'm sorry I made you mad and annoyed a lot. I don't know what was so wrong with me. I'm sorry for being so weak and not being able to defend myself.
But thank you.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear, Matthew
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for leaving like this. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you in person. Thank you for being my friend. You were so kind to me.
But I'm sorry. Everything was my fault. You ended up in the hospital because of me.
Thanks, though. You made me so happy. You made me smile when no one could. I won't ever forget the kiss.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Claire,
I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry for treating you like shit. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry I never cared about you.
I hope you're happy without me. I hope that you won't have to worry about me showing up to class anymore. I'm really sorry.
But I tried. I'm sorry.
I love you.
Goodbye."
"Dear Jayden,
I'm sorry.
I'm finally doing what you wanted. I'm killing myself. I tried so hard to be nice to you. I'm so sorry for coming into your life. I'm so sorry for ruining everything. I wish I never came.
I never understood why you hated me so much. But Jayden, I know you're a nice person. I know you're going through a lot too.
I'm sorry for being so annoying. I'm sorry for being a mess. I hope you're happier now.
I love you.
Goodbye."
Evanna
"I'm so sorry. I wish I could've been better. I hope your lives are better without me. No one needed me, and no one cared. I hope you guys are happier. Thank you for everything, everyone."
All her letters started with an 'I'm sorry,' and ended with a 'I love you. Goodbye.'
She wrote to the people she resented the most, hoping their lives would be better now.
Her tear drops are still visible on the paper.
————
J A Y D E N
At first, I didn't know. At all. When Evanna started taking all the attention, I was pissed. I just lost my dad, and the people who were supposed to show me love went to Evanna instead of me.
It all started when Andrew ended up in the hospital. Everybody started blaming Evanna, but I didn't say anything.
Why?
Because she's not the type of person that would fucking push Andrew down the stairs.
I was obviously confused by why they were blaming her. She was also yelling her head off about how everyone thought it was her fault while I didn't say anything so...
Then Dad slapped her. When I knocked into her, she fell and broke the vase. When Dad came down, he got mad at Evanna and hit her. I was actually really shocked because I never thought he would do that to her.
Suddenly, Dad called her "Ev."
I had no idea what or how much that small word meant to me, but my heart felt like it was dropping. My head started hurting like crazy and the word just echoed in my mind, pounding in my head.
That name seemed really familiar. When Evanna screamed at her dad not to say it, I didn't understand why. I asked him after and he told me, "She doesn't want anyone calling her that. It was a special nickname her best friend gave her. She doesn't know who he is..."
But something told me Dad knew something and he wasn't telling me. I ignored it though and went to my room.
The next day at school, I saw Owen standing near Evanna, pushing down on the locker door onto her hand. I wasn't going to do anything until I heard Owen call her "Ev."
The same thing happened, but it was more clearer. The echoes were my voice. I was calling out that name. However, I ignored it and went to Owen, trying to get my mind back in place. I pulled him away from her, and he was confused. I had to make up an excuse so I told him I didn't want to waste my time on her.
The whole day, I couldn't stop thinking about "Ev." When I looked at Evanna, she looked different. She didn't change physically or anything, but it was just something inside me. I felt a connection.
Then I said it was complete and utter bullshit because I fucking hate her.
At the end of school, I realized she had left her bag besides her locker. I didn't know what demon possessed me, but I picked it up and carried it home with me.
And then I stared at it and thought, I must be going crazy. I hate her. Why am I doing this for her?
I dropped the bag in the living room, but no one questioned me. I went to my room and rested for a while until dinner was called.
Is Evanna okay?
Why in the fucking world am I thinking about her? I'm not supposed to care.
When she finally came home, I could obviously tell something was wrong. When she smiled, she didn't have that sparkle in her eyes anymore.
But why would I fucking know that? Why would I care? At all? I honestly thought I was going to explode in that moment.
This was the same feeling as long time ago, when I ran away into the park. Evanna came to me and I didn't push her away at first.
When I saw her cuts, something flashed in my mind but disappeared as soon as it came.
"Can I go to Summer's house? She's my friend," Evanna asked.
But I swear, I heard her fighting with her... What in the fucking world is happening right now?
WHY AM I WORRIED ABOUT HER?
I'm going crazy.
————
"I told you it would be boring," I muttered, staring at the basketball court. My brother's team were losing. Andrew, the best player wasn't here. Alex wasn't playing his best, and Daniel also was slacking off.
Ethan leaned back, sighing. "Do you think Andrew will be okay?"
"Probably," I answered, taking out my phone out.
Ethan snatched it away, glaring at me. "Do you actually care about Andrew, or are you just saying that?"
I took my phone back and mocked him. "Do you actually care about me, or are you just pretending?"
He sighed. "Can we stop?"
"You started it."
"Jayden..."
"He's awake. He woke up," I said.
Ethan frowned. "I know. But he seems really out of it."
I rolled my eyes. "Hm, maybe because he just woke up from a fucking coma?"
Yeah, Andrew woke up. Everybody rushed to the hospital once we heard the news. Alex was a sobbing mess, and Brandon looked so worried. I've never seen them like this.
Ethan was so relieved that he couldn't even speak. Daniel was the same too.
Andrew was furious when he found out people were blaming Evanna. Alex was also very upset and went back to the Union Tower to try and find her bracelet.
And he did. He was so happy and he was going to give it to her.
I stood up. "I'm going home. This is boring."
I walked out of the gymnasium and went outside. I started walking home, putting on the headphones Evanna gave me.
Why?
I. Have. No. Fucking. Idea.
I went home, and opened the door with my spare key. As I walked inside, I found a bunch of papers on the counter but I walked past it and upstairs.
I was about to go in my room when I saw something flash in the corner of my eyes. I knitted my eyebrows and turned around. The flash came from Evanna's room.
I walked inside and saw that the sun was hitting a piece of jewelry in her desk cabinet that was slightly open. I took the jewelry out and looked at it.
My eyes widened and my jaw dropped.
No way.
No. Fucking. Way.
The necklace had half a heart on it, and the letters EV was engraved in it.
Memories flashed through my head.
This can't be happening.
No, this isn't real.
I ran into my room, clutching her necklace in my hand. I opened my drawer and pulled out the exact same necklace with the other half, with the letters JJ engraved in it.
Evanna...
I put the two hearts together and it made a clicking noise. I turned it around, shaking.
On the back, it said, Best Friends Forever.
Flashback, 2 years ago
"Happy birthday to you," Our parents sang. "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Evanna and Jayden. Happy birthday to you!"
Everyone cheered as Evanna and I blew out the candles.
"Happy 11th Birthday kiddos!" My Dad cheered, giving me a hug.
I grinned and I hugged Evanna. "Happy birthday, Evvy."
Ev giggled. "Happy birthday JJ!"
We were best friends. We had the same birthdays, we made us feel like twins. We loved it.
"Your presents!"
We opened them one by one, and the last one we got was very special to us. Evanna and I customized it so that we each had half a heart. She had my nickname for her on it, and mine had her nickname for me.
I never wanted to lose it.
It was our special gift.
Evanna...
She used to be my best friend?
"Ev," I whispered.
When I said it, even more memories flooded back. It seemed right when I said it.
I went downstairs, stuffing the two necklaces in my jacket pocket. I ran to the counter and grabbed the note that said my name with my shaking hands.
Evanna...
I dropped the letter and ran out of the house, as fast as I could. I took out my phone and called Ethan.
"What?" He grumbled into the phone.
"Get everyone. Get the car. Come home. Quick!" I hung up frantically.
I ran to Summer's house. (I knew where it was because Owen and Blake once wrote the words "Bitch," on her window, and they dragged me into it.)
I knocked on the door, panicking. When Summer opened the door, her eyes widened and she stepped back. "J-Jayden—"
"Where's. Evanna?" I asked.
She was scared of me. I could see the fear in her eyes. I didn't really care... "I-I don't know."
Didn't she say she was coming here?
I sighed and nodded. "K. Thanks."
I ran off into the opposite direction. Where would she go?
I heard a car pull up next to me, and it was Ethan.
"Jayden, you better explain what the fuck is—"
I opened the car door and went to the back. "I'll explain later. Go to the park near our house. The road. Hurry!"
I remember telling her I would go there if I wanted to kill myself. No doubt she'd do the same.
Ethan sighed and started driving to where I told him to drive. It started pouring out of nowhere, and everything became darker.
"What's going on?" Andrew grumbled groggily.
Apparently, the game ended quick anyways, so Ethan picked him up from the hospital.
Hold on, Ev.
We drove for a few more minutes until I saw a small figure, walking on to the road. It was hard to make out because it was so dark, but I rushed out of the car.
"Jayden! Are you stupid? It's pouring—"
I ignored Ethan and ran up to her. When I saw the truck about to hit her, I pulled her back as the truck drove right past her.
I put my hand on the back of her head, pulling her closer. Tears dropped onto the ground as I held shaking Evanna in my arms.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Ev," I muttered, and she burst into tears.
I remembered everything.
We got into a car accident when we were 12. My dad died from the crash. Evanna and I both survived with memory loss. But... but why did our parents keep it a secret?
"Evanna," I cried. "I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm so sorry, Ev."
The rain poured down harder, but we stayed like that for a while, until Evanna pulled away.
"J-Jayden," She stammered, and all of a sudden, she collapsed into my arms.
My eyes widened. "Ev? Ev?!"
I carried her bridal style and ran back to the car. My brothers stared in shock as I placed her in the back seat.
"Drive!" I shouted at Ethan. He quickly hit the gas and we rushed to the hospital, as fast as we could.
***
Another chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it! I'm updating early because I made you guys wait a long time. So, this one is a longer chapter too!
Q: What do you think about Jayden ending up as Evanna's best friend?
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