Chapter Fourteen
Dinner was exhausting. Candace prodded me, wanting to know about my personal life; things I wasn't willing to tell. He didn't need to know about Katie, or my over-protective mother, or how my family was as poor as the dirt people kick up with the heel of their boots.
I did pretend to be interested in anything he told me, the longer he talked about himself, the less he focused on the food on my plate, giving me the opportunity to slip some meat and bread into my pocket.
When dinner was over, none of us had to bother packing up the circus tent tonight, since we were holding another show tomorrow.
I made my way over to our train cart and opened the door. Cousin was chained in his usual spot and didn't bother to even acknowledge me as I hoisted myself into the cart and shut the door until only a small slit was open for moonlight.
Outside, crickets were chirping, and there was light talking from the dancers in the other train carts. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but some of them were laughing, and I even began to hear a few girls singing a soft tune.
It, despite mine and Cousin's circumstances, was a calming evening.
"I brought you more food." I told Cousin, not even caring if he threw it back at me like before. I wasn't going to give up trying to feed him just because he was being stubborn.
Eventually, he is going to have to learn to trust me.
I dug out the bread and meat I had snuck in my pockets and placed it in his reach. He didn't seem interested in it, as he stared at me instead.
We made eye-contact, I wondered what he was thinking, his face was emotionless, as if he were studying me, like I was the peculiar one.
After all that I was doing for a man I barely know, I was beginning to think that was true.
"I know I said it already." I tell him, as I take my usual spot against the wall. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I sighed, "But thank you for listening to me today."
His eyes narrowed, and I pretending to not notice just how menacing the shadows made him look under the thin strip of moonlight.
A knotted strand of hair fell in front of his eye, and I desperately wanted to grab it, and cut it with a pair of scissors.
I couldn't do that, not until we escaped. Not until Cousin gained more weight. Not until I had a plan ready.
Not until he and I could undoubtedly trust each other.
"We're going to have to do it again tomorrow. The crowd seems to love to watch our miserable act." I shook my head, "They're all disgusting."
"Disgusting." He breathed, which took me by surprise. I didn't expect him to speak to me tonight. I assumed he was still mad at me for refusing him last time he spoke. His eyes dropped to the floor, as he yanked the chains around his wrist, "The only one who disgusts me, is you."
I stared at him, unable to comprehend his words, "What?"
He clenched his jaw, and slowly moved his eyes back up to me, as if it were torture to even try. "You disgust me."
I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. I should be furious, but I only felt hurt. "I'm trying to help you."
His voice came out in no more than a pleading whisper, "Then end this."
I shook my head, not even realizing just how much his pleading affected me. It is not possible to refuse him and feel good about it. Even if it is refusing to end his life. "You know I can't do that."
He sucked in a shaking breath, like he had no experience with expressing such emotions. "Liar."
"I am not a liar."
"Disgusting liar."
"I am not a liar!" I shouted, before realizing that we could be heard if we were loud. I lowered my voice back down, "I am going to get you out of here Cousin, I am going to prove to you that life is better lived than just giving up." I took a deep breath to collect myself. "This isn't going to work if you don't cooperate."
I waited for a response, forgetting for a few seconds that Cousin wasn't the chattiest person I have met. When he didn't say anything, I decided to continue, "So what if we make a deal?" Again, I was given nothing as a response, so I hoped that he wasn't ignoring me at this point. "If you help me get you out of here, if you do everything I tell you to do, and if you don't like the world out there, or what you see. Then I will not stand in your way if you want to-" I paused, swallowing down the sudden bile that rose in my throat. I closed my eyes, "I will not stand in your way if you want to end your life."
He was staring at me, his face unreadable, and I realized just how much of a calculating individual he was. It made sense, how he spent his whole life watching, observing, calculating others. He's had his own eternity to sit in chains and ponder the motives of those around him.
I only hoped he'd figure my motives were trustable.
I didn't get an answer. He turned his head away and didn't say another word for the entire night.
It was frustrating, thought the deal wasn't one I was proud to conjure up, it was my last attempt at getting him out of here.
Inevitably, I fell asleep unsatisfied with our conversation. There was nothing I could do until he decided he wanted to cooperate.
I wasn't sure if that was even going to happen anymore.
Candace woke us both up per usual. I offered to help him get the show ready, he gladly told me what to carry, and where to place things, which I was happy to do. It got my mind off everything Cousins said last night, even if it were only a few sentences.
They were the most difficult sentences I have ever had to hear.
As I was cleaning the glass wine cups that the acrobats threw to one another during their act in the air, Candace sat beside me, wiping the sweat and melting makeup off his face.
"How are you holding up, hon?" He asked, taking a swig from a metal jug of water.
"Better than you apparently." I joked, beckoning the rings around his eyes due to his smeared mascara.
"And yet I still look ten times more the woman that you'll ever be." He stated, blowing me a kiss.
I laughed, "Good response."
"I am as witty as I am beautiful."
"More like as insufferable as you are arrogant."
He waved his hand "The little details don't matter."
I sat the wine glass I was holding down and turned to him, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"Are you happy here?"
His eyebrows rose in surprise, "Of course, why do you ask?"
I shrugged, "Doesn't it all just seem a bit sick to you? I mean the crowd pays to see how miserable and unfortunate we are."
He stared at me like I had more than one head, "We are a circus of freaks, not a puppet show. We don't entertain with dialogue, we entertain with our peculiar features."
"But-" I was cut off with a loud crash from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Mr. Father standing over Cousin who was lying on the floor. There were boxes tipped over, and it didn't take a genius to know Cousin had been pushed.
"You idiot creature!" Mr. Father bellowed, as he kicked Cousin in his ribs, making him curl up more into himself, trying to shield his frail body. I stood up immediately, shrugging off Candace as he grabbed my arm to pull me down.
"Enough!" I shouted making everyone behind the stage stop what they were doing and look up. How awful it was that none of them bothered to stop when Cousin was being beaten, but only when someone attempted to stand up for him instead. I walked over to Cousin and used my body as a barrier in front of his. If anyone was going to get kicked here, it was going to be me. "How dare you hurt the one person who is paying your bills."
Mr. Father looked at me incredulously, "Person? He is no more than the rats that chew through my shoes. Do you know what he has done?"
"He has done nothing."
"He stole from me."
I glared at him, "That is not possible."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"I don't see how you couldn't be lying. He has been chained here all morning."
"I am missing three hundred dollars from my pocket, and I know it was him."
If I wasn't so furious, I would have laughed. "You are delusional, what on earth would someone like him do with three hundred dollars?"
Mr. Father made an impatient noise with his throat, "Move out of my way, girl." That was when I smelt it. Alcohol.
He was drunk, at this hour, so close to our production.
Pathetic.
"I will not let you hurt him." I leaned against Cousin, shielding him from anything Mr. Father could do.
"Move!" Mr. Father gripped my hair, and jerked me onto the floor, a shockwave of pain erupted throughout my body as I hit the concrete ground. An immediate headache pounded, making a wave of nausea rush through my stomach.
"Where is the money you filthy shit." Mr. Father yanked Cousin up off the ground from his shirt and threw him against the wall.
My eyesight was blurry, I began to see black dots slowly invade my vision. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Cousin being hit in the face, once, twice. I could hear Candace talking above me, as he picked me up.
Everything became silent in his arms, as I closed my eyes and passed out.