THE DOWNFALL
THIS ISN'T EDITED SO APOLOGISES IN ADVANCE FOR THE SHITTY GRAMAR AND SPELLING MISTAKES HAH BYE.
BTW IT'S GOING TO GET SADDER BEFORE IT GETS BETTER SORRY.
jasmine xx
Louis was shocked to see Harry and Dalton standing there, Harry looking completely submissive as Dalton scolded him like a little boy. Dalton's brows were furrowed, his expression completely annoyed and pissed off as he waved his hand around like an idiot. Louis tried to focus, open up his ears and actually try to hear what they were talking about - no matter how inconsiderate it was. He wanted to know what was going on, each passing moment feeling like longer than the last. He tried to still himself, stop breathing so loudly.
They were standing face to face, quite close and they just looked like they were in the worst mood possible and Louis had to gulp away the fear. Why and what was he scared of? He wasn't even sure himself but he just felt anxious seeing them today standing so tense. Harry's back was facing Louis so he couldn't even try and read his facial expression. He could, however, see Dalton and it wasn't a pretty sight and Louis honestly had no idea what to say or do right now.
"We aren't supposed to be here, you know?" Dalton's gruff and harsh voice spoke like it was cutting through the cold air. It sounded hostile and Louis hated hearing it, shuddering and wondering how Harry dealt with this voice everyday of his life. "This is stupid, we should be home and you should be making it up to me!"
"Making up what?" Harry's voice was low, small and he sounded completely gone for Dalton. His voice wasn't the least threatening, not even close to Dalton's.
"You know what I'm talking about. Don't you ever realise where you're going wrong, do you Harry? Instead, you drag me out here insisting it's a surprise and we end up at fucking Louis's house? Him, again?"
Harry groaned softly, frustration sweeping through. "I just wanted us to get out of that apartment and have some fun, I'm doing this for us!"
"I don't like leaving that place, you know I don't."
There was an unsettling, chilling silence that followed and Louis hated it. Why was he even here? This wasn't his place, he wasn't supposed to be going around and eavesdropping on other peoples conversations no matter how intruging they could be. He threw his cigarette on the floor, burning it out and about to walk away because truthfully, this wasn't any of his business and he shouldn't of stood here in the first place.
"Louis, Louis," and it was Dalton's voice spoke out, loud and clear and alarmingly sinister. There was just something about the way he talked, the way he moved his mouth that made Louis wanted to run a mile and hide. Instead, he had just been caught by the person he least wanted to be faced with right now and he felt so foolish for being here in the first place. Had he just caused more damage to their ongoing argument?
"Louis?" He heard Harry's confused, exasperated voice. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?"
"No, you got me all wrong," Dalton chuckled deeply and darkly. "Louis is right there," he pointed towards a guilty form of Louis standing there behind the wall and he realised how stupid he looked, hiding here. So he stepped out of the place, coming clearly in view of the two boys and frowning slightly, shrugging. Harry did not looked the slightlest pleased, rather looking quite enraged as he narrowed his eyes, not being able to believe it.
"I was just wondering are you guys going to come in?" He asked, his voice completely calm as he breathed slowly so he didn't say anything he would regret. It was the first thing that had come to mind, the only thing he could say that would make sense as to why he was waiting behind a brick wall like a total loner.
Harry scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief as he ran a hand through his tangled curls. He was wearing a buttoned up shirt with bold, white hearts on them with black skinny jeans and there wasn't an inch of him that didn't scream perfect. He was just dressed to perfection, everything about him so stunningly beautiful and Louis felt like for a second, he couldn't breath. He couldn't understand or comprehend how someone as charming as Harry was not in the modelling industry.
"We are coming," Harry said firmly, almost pleading with his earnest, green eyes at Louis to get out of here. "We are coming." He repeated, more to himself this time.
Louis gulped, nodding and standing back, edging away. "Is everything okay? Do you guys need anything?"
"He said we're coming," Dalton spoke up. "Don't you get it?"
Fuck. It took everything inside of Louis to control his anger, not let himself burst because no one had the right to speak to him like that. Obviously, he understood, he was just doing the extra mile and caring. He expected Harry to speak up, to tell Dalton to not talk to Louis like that but he stayed put - not saying a single word. And it broke Louis's pride. He was already having a bad night and it wasn't even midnight yet. It seemed like Louis could never catch a break from sorrow anywhere he went.
"Fine." Louis said, his voice unsteady as he wobbled on his feet and stepped away from the two lads. "I'll be inside if you need anything."
"We'll ask someone, gosh," Dalton chuckled but it was anything but playful, rather intimidating. He just seemed to want to get rid of Louis fast and Louis knew they were arguing. He could tell by the tense expressions, the tight conversation and the harsh words that were spilling from Dalton's mouth. Did Daltone even realise what he was saying? Louis wished he had the guts to stand up for Harry but it wasn't his place, not now and not ever.
Without saying another word, he backed away and turned on his heel to head back towards the house. What seemed to be a simple step outside, smoke session turned into running into something he didn't want to witness and it was such a shitty feeling. Why did it have to hurt so badly? Why did it have to pierce so deep into Louis's heart until it felt like he couldn't even manage to breath? And why, oh why, was he still so smitten over Harry, the Harry he fell in love with three years ago? Because, everything is different and it's changed and he needs to realise that sooner than later otherwise he was never going to be able to get a hold of his feelings.
Louis ran back into the house, his eyes diverted towards the tile floor as he moved through the dancing, drunken bodies and tried to find his way towards the back. He wanted to avoid the people, he wanted to hide away behind closed doors and wait for this party to die out. Louis just wanted to go to his mum, he needed a cuddle and a cup of tea and he needed to watch a really weird soap opera to get over this.
Instead, he bumped into someone as he fell back, struggling to keep his balance and noticed he spilled the guys drink all over his clothes. He gasped, internally cursing himself for the mess he was today, and moved forward to help him before he realised: it's Zayn. Zayn, the one he had punched and the one that was his best friend but it felt so different and so distant than that.
Louis moved forward, reaching out to touch Zayn but he flinched away as quickly as he could and wiped his now wet clothes. He didn't even say a word as he pulled out a tissue, looking at his soaked white tshirt.
"I'm sorry, shit, Zayn," Louis muttered. "Come upstairs, I'll let you borrow one of my shirts."
Zayn scowled, looking completely ticked off as he tried to back away from Louis but Louis blocked his way. Louis wanted to solve this, he was tired of acting like a child and not speaking his mind and being man enough to approach him. He needed his best friend right now, more than anything and he couldn't stand Zayn giving him the cold shoulder.
"Please." Louis begged, his eyes so wide.
Zayn looked a little taken back. "Louis, I'm fine." He insisted, trying to make his way around again. "Please, let me go."
"We need to talk."
"There's nothing to say."
"There's a lot to say actually," Louis rolled his eyes, he wasn't going to drop this until he had discussed it out properly and all hard feelings were gone. He didn't want anyone being mad at him, holding grudges. "Let's just... talk?"
"You hit me, I left, that's all. I'm not mad." Zayn tried to sound convincing, almost like he was trying to convince himself but Louis wasn't having it.
"I saw the hate you were getting," Louis said instead because he knew he was going to have to start this conversation, make it more serious since Zayn was going to act like it was nothing serious.
"Your fans are mental," Zayn shook his head. "I was the one who provoked you to go and pick that guy up by the collar? Wow." His tone was dripping with sarcasm, looking unbelievably tired and torn.
"I'm sorry," was the only thing Louis could manage to say.
"When aren't you?"
"No, I am because this isn't right. I shouldn't of raised my hands on you, I shouldn't of done any of that." He was desperate now, his voice wavering. He didn't even know to express his feelings without his voice cracking because shit, he just needed a hug right now.
Zayn stared into Louis's eyes for a few seconds, his mouth pulled in a straight line and Louis felt the suspense growing. Until, he sighed and muttered. "Come here you fucker," and snaked his arms around Louis's neck and hugged him close. Louis just felt a sense of relief wash over him, a bucket load of stress being lifted off his shoulders as he went lax in Zayn's arm and let himself be comforted.
"I'm truly sorry," he whispered to Zayn, hoping he could hear the sincerity behind Louis's tone of voice but Zayn just shook his head.
"Please, don't talk."
"No, I can't," Louis said. "It's not acceptable and it won't happen again, I swear."
"Shut up Louis Tomlinson!" Zayn warned, his voice still playful but firm and Louis just shut his mouth and let himself soak up the attention he was loving right now, how homely he felt in Zayn's arm and just how much he missed Zayn. "Now, we can catch up, okay? I forgive you, c'mon."
So, Louis and Zayn went and sit in the kitchen for a bit whilst they sipped some drinks and talked about the past few days. It felt like it's been a lifetime even though it's hardly been a week and damn, Louis was quite surprised at how much he had to say. He talked about what the management said and Zayn was furious, he demanded Louis didn't go through with this and ruined his whole mood but Louis insisted this wasn't his fault or in his control. After Zayn calmed down, he talked about all the hate he received and how he just sat there, laughing about it and sometimes, Louis wishes he had Zayn's self control. Zayn never cared about what others say, never let it bother him and he wanted to be like that. He wanted to be able to laugh through all the tweets he got, chuckling at the stupidity of each persons comment. Instead, he took it to heart and found it hard to deal with.
"What about Harry?" Zayn asked, the question that seemed to be on the tip of his tongue everytime they met up.
Louis paused, his thoughts running back to just an hour ago when he caught them mid argument and just how stressed out Harry looked. The way there was frown lines, his brows furrowed and he looked annoyed that Louis had been there, interrupting what they had. Louis wasn't part of it, he just wasn't part of Harry's life like that and he was finding it really hard to adjust too. He shrugged, sighing. "Not much." He lied because he felt a pang in his chest everytime he tried to discuss Harry.
"Right, not much?" Zayn narrowed his eyebrows, crackling up as he refilled his glass and drowned it down.
"Forget me, tell me about your love life. I refuse to believe 21 year old Zayn, looking like yourself, is single," Louis shook his head in disbelief, sipping down his cup and Zayn looked a little taken back by the topic, his eyes widening as he shifted uncomfortably on his seat. His body language gave everything away, Louis caught on straight away he was hiding something. "Zayn!" He gasped. "Who is it?"
Zayn had blushed a little now, a half smile as he looked down, embarrassed. Louis's never seen Zayn embarrassed like this and clearly, whoever he liked, he was completely gone for. And a part of him prayed and hoped, it was the type of love where it was returned because unrequited love was painful. "It's just... no one," Zayn tried to play it off, dismissing the topic with a shake of his hand.
But, Louis wasn't having it. "You are going to tell me right now before I go and announce it on twitter!" He threatened.
Zayn looked more worried now. "No, no!"
"Say it!" Louis was about to pull out his phone from his phone, giving Zayn a look.
"It's... someone you know actually, guess."
"Is this a guessing game now?" Louis groaned, settling back in his chair and putting his head in his hands. Out of all people he knew, who would like and want to date Zayn? He didn't really know many girls and he hardly kept anyone close besides the boys. Then he paused, realising and catching on as he looked up to Zayn really slowly. "Is it Liam?"
Zayn smiled so wide that it looked painful as he nodded. "We're not dating, yet!" He quickly corrected but it was basically confirmed and Louis felt an overwhelming happiness surge through his body as he started clapping his hands in glee.
"Since when? What the fuck! Liam hasn't said anything!"
As much as Louis was feeling happy because god, this was good news. He had wanted Zayn to move on and find someone good for his life and Liam was exactly that. Liam was a honest guy with a huge heart, award winning smile and love to offer for everyone. He was reliable, he never let people down and gave his hundred percent in whatever he tried. But, there was a pang of jealousy too because they were his best friends and they were getting along, getting some action and they didn't need to hide it. Whilst, Louis, had no one and still he had to cover it away like a dirty secret that was too embarrassing to be shared.
However, he wasn't going to chanel these negative thoughts onto Zayn right now because this news needed to be celebrated. It also called for slapping Liam around the head for thinking this was okay not to be shared with him.
"We decided to keep it quiet for a bit, until we've sorted through our feelings. This is my first time... you know, feeling something for another guy." Zayn seemed thoroughly flustered about the whole topic, his cheeks rosy and his eyes glistening as he tried to avoid Louis's direct eye contact but Louis wasn't having it.
"What do you feel when you see him?"
"I feel... like there's nothing else in the world. I feel like I'd do anything for him and it just makes me want to kiss him over and over!" Zayn sounded more distressed than anything, pouting as he put his head down on the counter. "This is a mess."
"Why does it have to be a mess?" Louis asked, patting Zayn's shoulder. "It's fine mate, it's normal. You can't help who you fall for."
"My family would never accept it."
"Listen, we don't need to worry about that right now. All you need to do is keep to Liam, see how happy he makes you and don't change it for the world. When you find something worth living for, you don't let it go." Louis didn't realise just how deep this conversation had gotten in the space of a few seconds but he didn't care, he just handed Zayn another drink which he took gratefully.
"What if they're not supportive?"
"I'll be here," Louis promised because he couldn't offer much but he could offer his love unconditionally.
Zayn just looked up, nodding and pulling Louis into another hug before murmuring. "Can we find Liam now?"
They moved from the kitchen, grabbing a drink each as they moved through to the main room where Liam had invited him in the first place. All the lads were crowded around, playing a game of truth and dare which neither Louis and Zayn wanted to get involved in. So, they sat at the back of the room and sipped their drinks happily before Liam noticed them two and grinned, moving from the game and making their way towards them.
Louis noticed how Zayn's breath hitched, how he had gone a little tense by his side and Louis just smiled to him, nodding. Obviously, it was going to be a little different and hard for Zayn to get used to but Louis was here for him, no matter what.
Liam seemed overly delighted as he basically crushed Zayn into a bear hug. "My favourite boy," he cooed lovingly at Zayn before scowling to Louis, playfully. "Er, then there's you."
"Oh shut up Liam," Louis rolled his eyes. "You guys hid this from me, I'm offended." He jutted out his bottom lip.
He tried to focus on the conversation, he really did but his thoughts kept going back to Harry and Dalton. Louis wondered whether they had even bothered to come into the party or whether they stayed outside, just argued and left - he wouldn't be surprised. They seemed on edge today, Dalton a little harsh and Harry just looked broken and Louis wanted to know what was going and whether they were okay. He watched Liam and Zayn hug, whisper to each other and make it awfully obvious there was something going on despite their efforts to 'keep it a secret' for a while. But, Louis didn't have the heart to tell them to stop and just watched them, his insides warm because his best friends had found each other. Whilst, Louis was still alone and completely and utterly heartbroken.
"Guys," Louis cleared his throat, coughing awkwardly as he stood up from the seat. "Going to go and catch Lottie." He lied, leaving the room before any of them could stop him and he slipped from the room, back towards the kitchen.
He just wanted to be alone, to be honest because this party was making him miserable and Louis wanted to enjoy his own company. What was better than drinking away your sorrows? Forgetting the world, forgetting what what was making you heavyhearted because Louis was beyond caring. It's been too long, too long since he's been living like troubled and melancholy and it was time to stop.
Just his luck, he ran straight into Harry and Dalton standing in the corner of the party with a drink each looking completely attached to each other by the hip. Harry had red cheeks, his eyes glossy as he kept leaning into Dalton and Dalton was just chuckling, a geniune and sincere smile plastered over his face and they looked so content, so peaceful that Louis couldn't help it when a few tears slipped down his face. This was everything he wanted, right there, in front of his eyes and he had to stand there and watch Harry be happy with someone else.
It was like he could never get a break, the torturing was neverending and there for was no way out. He was in too deep, he was in love until it hurt in places he didn't even know existed. His heart felt heavy, his chest felt open and he felt vunerable - and everything hurt.
He sat down, without a word, grabbing another drink and looked at it. Louis felt destroyed, he felt hopeless as he just let the familiar burn take over his throat drinking as much as he could until he felt numb, he felt faraway from the world. He didn't care, he wasn't counting how many glasses he was taking because it didn't matter, nothing mattered right now. Louis didn't realise how much misery one person could take, how much he had to carry on his shoulders and he felt awful.
He was no longer in his proper senses, feeling completely lose and free and it was bliss, just for a few seconds.
"Louis?" He heard a familiar voice calling out for him, touching him on the shoulders and he shook the hand off, not wanting anyone to touch him. "Louis?" The voice repeated, shaking his softly. "Please, what are you doing?"
Louis groaned loudly, in pain that was being emitted from deep within his stomach but he didn't dare make any movement because he was afraid he was going to end up punching the person and well, that didn't end too well last time. "What do you want?" He asked, his voice small.
"Are you okay? What are you doing?"
And just then, something clicked in Louis when he discovered this was actually Harry. Harry who was touching him, asking him if he is okay and trying to catch his attention and for a moment, there was a slight twinge of hope in him. It was quickly replaced by sorrow as he tried to reach over, grab another glass but stopped by Harry's large hands.
"Move!" Louis bellowed, his voice deep. "Leave me alone Harold, just go!"
"I'm just checking up on you, shit Louis, are you okay? Do you need anything?"
Just on cue, Niall stumbled through the door and noticed the scene unfolding before his eyes and quickly came forward, removing Harry's hand. Louis felt the loss of the touch, the touch he really wanted and reached over to touch the spot himself, his hands over the warmth and he let a tear slip out of his eyes.
"What did you do?" Niall demanded, his voice sullen, uptight as he accused Harry.
Louis could no longer hear properly, everything a blur around him and he felt like waste so he closed his eyes. He pretended he was no longer here, he was faraway in an paradise where only him and his own happiness existed. Louis was tired, sick and tired of being the good guy and he no longer wanted to be friendly to everyone because it got him nowhere. It just landed him here, at a party he was supposed to be co hosting, drunk out his mind until he can't even think straight.
"I didn't do anything!" Harry's voice was arguing right back even though Louis couldn't pick up on all the words.
He grabbed Niall's shirt, pulling it. "Take me upstairs, let me sleep," he begged, his voice completely crushed and hopeless. He balled his fists up, snuggling his head in Niall's chest as he tried to control his breathing and tried to escape this whole scene.
"Fuck," Niall whispered before grabbing Louis, helping him out of the chair and out of the kitchen. "C'mon then."