tw: mention of suicide attempt
JARROD
My feet ached and muscles burned. Gritting my teeth, I pushed myself to keep up with the treadmill for another thirty seconds. Once I was huffing and puffing, my heart slamming in my chest, I lowered the speed and started my cool down.
The high of running kept my mind light for only a few minutes before succumbing to fatigue. I cut my cool down short and headed back up to my apartment. I rarely wandered through the building at this hour, since usually I was asleep. The halls were eerily dark and quiet.
I nodded at the security guard posted behind the desk and sauntered into the elevator. My body was now more exhausted than it had been an hour ago when I was tossing and turning in bed.
Realizing my attempt to chase Leah out of my thoughts and exhaust my mind had failed, I stumbled to my condo door in resignation.
I stripped out of my running clothes and collapsed on the bench in the shower. Pressing my head to the tile wall, I focused on the sting of the scalding water on my back. My ankles felt like cinderblocks.
Even so, the moment I closed my eyes, a vision of Leah appeared in my mind. This was different from the others, which had involved her contorted into various positions on my bed.
Now, she was standing before me, the water gliding down her soft, creamy skin. Her hair hung around her in thick, sandy ropes. Eyes trained on me, she wrapped her hand around my cock and tugged on the stiff length.
"Fuck," I groaned.
I forced my eyes open. It was just a fantasy, and I wanted something real.
Splashing my face with the water, I tried to rid myself of the lingering lust. The heat from the shower stream only drew more blood to my tip. My eyes fluttered shut again as I relented to the fantasy.
I pulled her into my lap, straddling her legs on either side of me. Our eyes held as I drove my cock into her soaking hole. Her nails dug into my shoulders and her cries resonated off the tile.
My erection pulsed in my palm, balls tightening. I was close.
"You're mine," I snarled, jerking myself harder and faster. Leah's face contorted with pleasure in my mind. "You're mine and I'll never let you go."
As her walls clenched around me, I busted hard and fast. I opened my eyes and watched the shower carry my load down the drain. Instead of relief, I felt more misery than before.
I rose to my feet and washed myself off. Even though I had an hour before I needed to leave for work, I threw on some scrubs and combed my hair back. The fog evaporated until my brooding reflection glared back at me.
The vibrancy and joy I'd seen yesterday had vanished. Darkness circled my eyes. Stubble shadowed my cheeks and my mouth stooped down. I looked old and grouchy.
Sighing, I massaged the muscles around my mouth and practiced a few smiles. It was no use. As long as I was apart from Leah, I didn't want to smile. I didn't care enough to even pretend.
I backed away from the mirror and stalked to the kitchen for breakfast. My thoughts continued to churn while I fried an egg and toasted a bagel.
The solution to my problems was obvious: I needed Leah. She had become my key to happiness. A world without her was bleak and boring. She made me feel more alive and like myself than anything or anyone ever had.
No matter how unprepared she thought she was, she was perfect for me. I just had to figure out a way to show her without scaring her off.
After scarfing down my food, I gathered my work bag and headed down to the garage. I scrambled my brain to think of an appropriate gesture.
She said she wanted space, so confronting her directly was likely not the best approach. I could write her a letter, but that was cringey and she might toss it without even reading it. I needed to do something that would catch her attention without annoying her.
Although it seemed basic, I wondered if she liked flowers. I tried to remember whether she kept any in her house, but I couldn't remember. Flowers were a classic, harmless gesture, at least.
James called as I stepped onto the elevator.
"James," I answered.
"Brother," he greeted in his usual flat voice. "What are you doing?"
"Heading to the hospital."
"Seems a bit early for your shift."
I rolled my eyes. "What do you want?"
"Ouch." He kissed his teeth. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
"I didn't sleep much. Is something wrong?"
"Of course. The glaciers are melting and the rainforest is getting chopped down."
"Something relevant," I growled.
"Yes, I suppose. Julia locked herself in the bathroom and took a plastic knife to her wrists."
"What the fuck! Why didn't you call sooner? Is she alright? Who gave her a goddamn knife!"
The elevator stopped at the lobby to pick up other early risers, so I turned to the side to hide my face. Breathing deeply through my nose, I tried to regain some composure.
"They brought her breakfast before visiting hours and I guess it was on her tray." He sighed. "She was covered in blood by the time I broke the door down."
I rubbed my temples and pinched my eyes shut. "Jesus Christ."
The elevator doors opened to the garage and I stormed out.
"She's strapped to her bed and they moved her to the psych ward," he said. "She has to be under supervision for at least seventy-two hours."
"Where the hell are Mom and Dad?"
"Father had an emergency at work and apparently needed Mother to accompany him."
"You shouldn't be there alone," I said. "Look, after my shift today, I'll see if I can get someone else to take my shifts this week. I'll fly back down and give you a break."
"We both know you can't find a replacement on such short notice. We've been over this. I'll work from here until Mother returns. It's fine. I didn't call to guilt trip you, just wanted to give you an update."
Groaning, I started my car and peeled out of the garage. "What a fucking mess. Has Jules mentioned anything about the father yet?"
"I've gathered he's an ex-boyfriend of sorts. They aren't on speaking terms."
"Do you think he knows?"
"If he knew and he cared as much as his attempts seem, he would've already called every hospital in Orlando. Any man with a pregnant woman would if she suddenly stopped responding to him."
"Have you asked Julia about him?" I pressed.
James scoffed. "What do you propose I say? Sister, who got you pregnant, and where the fuck is he?"
"Yeah, that sounds adequate."
"Your bedside manner must be impeccable, brother."
"Call me if something else happens," I spoke tersely. "Just hang in there until Mom and Dad arrive. I'll see what I can do about work."
"Don't worry about it."
"And maybe visit one of those cheap motels and get a blowjob while you're at it," I carried on.
"My hand works just fine, thanks."
Expelling a sigh, I ended the call. My sister was going through hell right now. I couldn't fathom where her headspace was or how to make it better. This would be a difficult tragedy for anyone to overcome, and she already had issues before.
I stopped at a floral shop and sat in my car for a while. First Leah and now my sister. This was too much shit to process on no sleep.
Rubbing my eyes, I got out of the car and headed into the floral shop. Flowers seemed like the perfect solution for Leah but shallow for my sister. Again, I didn't see the harm in trying. Julia would know I was thinking of her, at least.
An employee helped me pick a poignant tiger lily bouquet for Julia first. I scrawled a little note on the greeting card telling her that I loved her and would come to visit soon.
Then I asked the woman to help me find an impressive rose bouquet.
"Any preference for the colors?" she asked, leading me down an aisle dedicated to roses.
"No, but I'm going for romantic vibes."
"Okay. What's your budget?"
I shrugged. "No budget."
"Then I have just the one."
She led me to a display case protecting an abundant, overflowing vase of red and white roses. It was outlandish and gorgeous. I knew right away this was the one.
"I'll take it."
While Julia's flowers would be delivered, I opted to take Leah's bouquet to the bank where she worked. I had enough time to swing by before my shift, though I hoped the bank was open.
As I pulled in, a woman was unlocking the front doors. I hauled the heavy vase from my passenger seat and followed after the bank worker.
"Excuse me, Miss," I called to her from across the lobby.
She spun around with wide eyes. "Oh, my. Hello there. Who is this for?"
"Hi. I was hoping to leave these for Leah if that's alright."
"Yes, of course," she said, eyeing them a bit excessively. "Here, place them on the counter. It looks heavy."
I chuckled and set them down.
"You must be her boyfriend?" the woman asked. "Leah's very private is all. She's never mentioned you."
"Just an appreciative client," I told her. If Leah liked to keep her work and professional lives separate, I had no intention of causing drama for her.
"Understood." She beamed at me. "I will make sure it gets to her."
"Wonderful, thank you."
"You're welcome. My name is Crystal, by the way . . . should you need any help in the future."
Nodding, I turned and walked out.
I arrived at the hospital right on time and dove right into my patient load. Now I was feeling slightly more myself and less tired. Talking with and treating patients proved to be a more effective distraction than anything else had thus far.
Before I noticed the passing time, my shift drew to an end. Only once I was heading out of the hospital did I get the chance to check my phone. Amongst a slew of emails, I found a text that came through this morning from Leah.
LEAH: thank you for the flowers.
My face lifted into a smile, the first natural one of the day. If she was willing to text me, not all hope was lost. This had to be a good sign.
I checked the time and saw it was a little after five o'clock. She might still be at the bank. Even if I only caught a passing glimpse of her, that would suffice. I just had to see her again.
JARROD: Sorry this took so long, been a busy day. U still at work?
I waited patiently through rush hour traffic on my way over to the bank. Every time my phone screen lit up, I scrambled to check it. It was never anything from her, though.
When I finally reached the bank, her white Mercedes was exiting the parking lot and entering the highway. I flipped a U-turn and followed her.
Interestingly, she was headed in the opposite direction of her house. I tried to call her, thinking I might be able to intercept her for dinner, but it rang once before going to voicemail.
I got stuck a few vehicles behind her in traffic, but I was able to stick closely enough to track her to a large outdoor strip mall. She parked at the end of the building and entered a gym.
After I parked a few stores down, far enough away that she wouldn't notice me unless I wanted her to, I felt an unfamiliar thrill from watching her. She seemed unaware I'd followed her and there was something satisfying about that.
I looked up the gym online and discovered this was a high-end facility. I also learned that guests could purchase day passes to test it out.
Sighing, I pushed a hand through my hair. What was I even doing here? She would not take well to finding out I'd stalked her here. Not after she said she wanted space.
I couldn't make myself leave, though. Something kept me rooted in place.
Either I could sit in the car and wait for her to leave, or I could go in and approach her. I knew either option was risky, but I was desperate to see her. Even if she yelled at me, I would be pleased to have her attention for a spare moment.
Maybe it was false hope from her text or reckless naïveté on my part, but I found myself soon walking through the gym doors.
The facility had two levels and spanned the length of a football field. I figured it was a large enough gym from the pictures that I could always dip out if I panicked or things went south.
After purchasing a day pass, I wandered into the main floor. My gaze scanned the various machinery and equipment until I spotted Leah peddling away on a stationary bike.
My eyes roved over her cropped top and skin-tight pants. She raised onto the balls of her feet and incidentally lifted her perfect, plump ass into the air. I cut my teeth against my lower lip to suppress a groan.
A figure loitering near her diverted my attention. He was tall and lean and looking at her like he knew her. I didn't like that one fucking bit.
Who was this prick?
My guard flew up as he walked over and said something to her. She jolted in evident surprise and proceeded to all but fall off the stationary bike.
I drifted toward them on instinct but stopped myself from directly approaching. She looked hurt, but this could be my opportunity to save her from this creep.
The way she shifted nervously between her feet meant he was either flirting with her or they knew each other. She appeared to be in distress.
"You broke up with me," she was saying. "Why would I want to go to your work Christmas party?"
Broke up?
Heat poured into my face. This wasn't just some gym flirt. This was her ex. The one, I assumed, that made her feel like shit about herself and then dumped her.
"I know, I know," he said, despite not sounding the least bit repentant. "We can go as friends?"
Fucking fuck no.
I didn't care if I blew my cover. I wasn't going to stand here like a cuckold and watch this happen.
"I'm not doing anything with you," she told him. "Not as friends or anything else."
My blood pressure spiked. I had never wanted to punch a man so badly before. No, I wanted to do much worse than punch him.
I stormed toward them.
"Why not?" he sneered. "Got something better to do?"
"Leah, baby," I interrupted. "Here you are."
She visibly tensed as she and Danny both looked over at me. Her eyes were saucers.
I was pleased that she appeared relieved, albeit surprised, to see me.
"Sorry I'm late," I said as I planted myself at her side.
While directing my hostile glare to the fuckwad, he backed away. Not before looking confusedly back and forth between Leah and me.
That's right. Back off. She's mine.
My gaze turned back to her. That was when I noticed the blood dripping down her leg. Shit, she was injured worse than I thought.
"You're bleeding. What happened?"
She blinked up at me, seemingly paralyzed. I flashed the douche a peeved look before crouching down to examine her leg.
"Oh, um, it's fine," she said in a high voice. Her eyes darted back and forth between us, her lips trembling. "I've gotta go, actually."
Spinning on her heel, she ran across the gym floor and disappeared into the women's locker room. I took a step after her but realized her ex was still lingering.
I faced him with a dark smirk. He squinted at me as if trying to remember something.
"Do we know you?" he asked.
"I'm Jarrod, Leah's boyfriend."
His mouth floundered open and closed in shock. "Oh. I didn't realize . . ."
"And you are?" I didn't try to hide the smugness in my voice.
He swallowed and blinked a few times. "I'm Daniel. An old friend of hers."
"Cool," I said with a shrug. "I'm going to go check on her now. And a word to the wise? Leave her alone. You don't want to fuck with me."
His complexion turned ashen as I left without another word.