I could hear my voice cracking as I begged "w-what..d-do...I...do?"
Saihara didn't respond and I sighed 'nevermind...it was pointless asking you...you...wouldn't understand' I told him.
"Ouma I just-" he started 'it's ok...I guess I shouldn't expect other people to solve my problems...' I replied.
"Ouma I just-" he tried again but I raised a hand to shut him, 'save it...I just...forget I said anything all right' I told him.
"Ouma, I'm sorry..." he apologized and I sighed 'It's...fine...' I assured him 'I just...need some time to think' I told him and I could hear him sigh as well.
"WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS?!"
"P-please...s-stop...I...I don't...I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
"Riko...wake up...please don't die...we're going to the movies next week...heh...we're all going...all us girls...y-you...c-can't die...PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! RIKO!"
Why...why did that have to happen...? Did I really...did they really deserve that...all for some pranks...? All for not being perfect little angels...?
It's cruel...even worse...it's like it never happened...like the only reminder...of our lives here...is me.
The people who do remember what we were like...just leave us alone...they don't care...they just want to forget cause THEY can...they don't have to live with the guilt...
How lucky.
While I, am reminded every time I let my mind wander away...every time I try to sleep at night I have that nightmare over and over and over again...and you can't say it isn't even real...
And the person...the people behind it...get off scot free...that's so unfair...there we're people before us to...I'm just the one unlucky enough to live...and not even being able to tell the tale...
Heh...they probably hate me...huh...? I get to live while they died...and no matter how many times I try to die I can't, when they didn't even get a chance to make that choice?
I'm awful...aren't I? Heh...all those people...are right...I am a brat...even Saihara can't change that.
I'm a brat...I complain about being alive...I complain about remembering....I complain that I...could have a future.
Does...this make me selfish...? God...Atua...who ever was 'watching over us' must really hate us to...
I mean...if they didn't...why would they let that happen...? Why would they take away Chiasa's hearing...Saihara's mother...all those lives...and do NOTHING to stop them or at least give them what they deserve?!
Is this justice?! To h* with it! I'm tired of this! I'm tired of living the same cycle of pain over and over again! I'm tired of being treated and expected to forget the people who matter the most to me!
I'm tired...of...everything...
Heh...
So unfair...no one in my class...has really suffered a lot...yet...here I am...and they leave me to the dust...even the teacher...
Well...from her I understand...I...I basically killed them all myself...if I had never come to this town...
Chiasa and the others wouldn't have died like that...if I had never existed...maybe my Mother could finally be happy? For real and genuine?
Heh...even Saihara doesn't need me...no one does...so why...what's the purpose of me being here....?
Unless...
"This is justice"
That's wrong. I'm...I am the only one...who actually wants to change it...I'm the only one...who remembers and has been hurt from people like him...and lived.
I'm the only one...who remembers being abandoned...by nearly everyone...so...
Only I...can do this...
This is how I repent...substitute...whoever you really are...and anyone else behind it...
I'm going to find you.
No matter how long it takes...
And when I do...
I...
I don't know what I'll do but...
I don't care about the consequences...
I'll expose them for their crimes...and finally...maybe then I can have a moment of peace?
Maybe then...all who died...can rest in peace...? Then I...can truly make up for being alive...?