"... But then again Harvard is one of the most prestigious schools out there. Do you know that their acceptance rate is slowly decreasing by the year. Not only would I have to maintain perfect grades and a perfect GPA. I'd also have to be an elite athlete like Jesse Owens or better, have ten years of work experience as maybe a nurse, and be deeply involved with charity. I'd have to be more well rounded than ninety percent of the students in America. Ivory. Ivory! Are you even listening to me?"
I jump, having been zoned out for the whole of Jessica's talk about her future plans. And so has Riana apparently who looks just as confused as me.
"Sorry, you were talking about Princeton right?"
"I was talking about Princeton, then I moved to Brown, then Dartmouth, and now I'm onto Harvard."
"Wait, are these all of the universities that you applied to?" Riana asks.
"Yes, and before you tell me how unrealistic they are, seeing as I don't really have the best grades possible, I just want to mention that I've applied for thirty different schools."
"Thirty?"
"Better safe than sorry." Jess snaps at her sister.
"No, just stupid and sorry," Riana retorts.
"I don't think it's unrealistic."
Riana gives me a strange look after the words leave my mouth.
Probably wondering why I'm encouraging Jessica to spend hundreds of dollars on university applications.
"Thank you, Ivory," Jess nods. "Hey, I haven't even asked you what do you plan to do? After high school, I mean, you never even talk about what your plan is."
"Err, Iduno," my words mix together as I wring my hands trying to brush off the question.
"Really. You're by far like the smartest person I've ever met. Even if you don't do much outside of school I think it would be easy for someone with your brain to get into one of those Ivy league schools."
"Oh, I don't know I might just work like my Pap..."
"Really? Just work? Ivory, you know you would hardly manage to get by in life with the amount of money you earned. I mean if you plan to get married and have children how would you raise them. You have more capability than any of us? Are you really going to risk ending up like, erm, like"
"Like Papa?" I grunt.
"I never said that."
"But that's what you meant right?"
"I meant that maybe you aren't in the best living positions now. But you have the ability to change them. Maybe you could change the things people say about you. You don't have to live out the stereotypes people say about your race. Are you really just going to waste your life and do something as disdainful as becoming like your father. I mean money has a lot of benefits to it."
"I know, that money may play a mandatory role and have control in your life but some people have other things to worry about."
"Ivory don't be naive, money plays a mandatory role in everyone's life.
"Well guess what, Rhiana? I don't have any. okay." I snap, angrily, attracting attention.
"Why don't you just earn some," Riana smiles. "It can't be too difficult."
This coming from the girl who, I imagine isn't denied from every job interview she goes too.
"You don't understand. Since my Uncle left they're thinking of firing me from Whitby's restaurant, with too many complaints about well, me, the business isn't really getting the kind of reviews that it wants. They hardly gave me any money anyways, but I use most of what I get to pay the bills and try to help in our house that is hardly even standing properly if you hadn't noticed. And now, now Papa's gone, and he's not here to pay and I can hardly pay."
"My family could loan you some money."
"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING. You can't just lend me money. I don't have enough money for tuition. I don't have enough money to apply to a school. I don't have enough money to do anything remotely admirable with my life. I hardly have enough money to buy my own clothes."
Everyone around us seems to stare for a while, looking me up and down with grimace and judgement written all over their faces
Good Job Ivory.
You just told everyone in the school how poor you are.
"You didn't need to shout, based on your appearance we already know you're life is pathetic," some girl giggles loudly.
The whole crowd around us erupt into laughter, and push each other even more, whispering obnoxiously loud.
"Not that much of a surprise is it?"
"Maybe she should leave the school help her father to maintain whatever pigs sty that they're living in."
"And she wonders why people call her inferior."
"Seems that theyweren't wrong about people of her race."
"You've got to feel bad for her. She probably has no family left over."
"No ones fault but their own."
The bell rings, echoing throughout the hall and giving me a wave of relief.
As people drift apart I walk away uncomfortably, trying to ignore the calls from Jess and Riana.
***
Shuffling out of fifth period, the noise of shouting, cheering and the stench of the six foot tall basketball team indicates that their has just been a game.
And that our school team has won.
Wow.
I laugh as I watch all of the different girlfriends run up into their boyfriends arms and then the look of disgust on their face as they notice the same smell of sweat that everyone else has.
Sometimes I envy them.
Not often.
Just, from time to time.
Their relationships.
Not the sweat and the smell after a basketball team.
The things that those girls get to go through, that people like me don't get to throughout high school.
They look so happy. Like they've been married for years. Like they have a few dozen children waiting for them at home. Like they're putting up an act. Like they're trying to convince people that they're head-over-heels in love with each other and they have been for a lifetime.
"Aww, poor little Ivory. Do you think that if you stare long enough you'll get one yourself?"
"What?" I whip around to see Lauren, with her hands on her hips, glaring at me.
"A boyfriend. You seem a bit upset. Only just realised guys will never get with you now?"
"Never is a strong word, don't you think?"
"Its the truth. Because if you seriously think that anyone would ever like... well, a negro" she indicates towards me "Or want to deal with you and your life then you're really wrong."
I blatantly scan the area behind her.
"Weird. You don't have your 5 foot tall bodyguards to follow you around today?"
Lauren just glares at me even more, enough until her eyes are nearly shut.
"At least, I actually have people who are willing to follow me around."
"Yeh, too bad that i dont have people that follow me around all day without speaking or having an opinion or even seeming to care about me at all. So good for you, Lauren."
"Just because you don't have any friends doesn't mean you have to be a freak."
"A freak?"
"Yeh, you. A freak."
"Okay. Thanks. Nice talking to you again, Lauren," I spit ready to leave.
But then Lauren takes a large step to block my direction, and as I move again, she blocks my direction again.
"Do you want something?"
"I'm not sure yet."
"Well then, Let me leave and give you time to think, i know how it normaly takes you a while to process thoughts."
"Actually," she straightens immediately as if seeing something intriguing over my shoulder, behind me. "I was just thinking about my boyfriend, Christopher."
I wince hearing approaching footsteps which I can only assume belong to Christopher.
"Great," I whisper.
Go away. Go away. You'll make it worse.
Christopher strolls toward us focusing on the ball he's twirling in his hands before reaching us and looking directly at Lauren for a second.
He eventually turns to acknowledge me, with a surprised, tired expression and sweat rolling down his face.
He appears to have just been playing basketball, but his face is covered with an expression of sleep deprivation and pain.
Even though he's sweating just as much as the other boys were, he doesn't stink of sweat when he comes near us.
My god, How does he always smell good?
"Jo-Ivor- Lauren what's going on?"
Lauren smiles wide and creepily.
"I was talking to my friend here, Ivory, you know her right and I was just thinking about how Ivory here would probably love to meet my boyfriend, Christopher Evans."
Christopher seems confused at first but then focuses on the ground awkwardly, although Lauren is slowly edging closer to him.
"Lauren, I've met Christopher before, you already know that," I scoff.
"Yeah, however, see, you haven't met him as my boyfriend yet."
"Your?" Christopher asks.
"Yes, My boyfriend, Christopher," She glares at him, then turns back to me. "As in, were in a relationship now."
This situation is starting to feel more and more uncomfortable.
"Nice to know that you treat your boyfriend like your own possession," I say, trying to leave again.
"Well, I guess some of us do need to be a bit more clear of what's or who belongs to us, right Ivory?"
"I'm sorry. What's that supposed to mean?"
"There are just a lot of people walking around these days. A lot of people way in over their heads. People that think they can walk around and do whatever they want with whoever they want regardless of how erm... inferior they are. I think some people are just forgetting their place."
"Wow. 'Some'. Why don't you just say my name, you're always saying bad things about me without second thought. Why stop now?"
"Oh trust me, I'm not stopping on your account, its just Chris here-"
"I told you not to call me Chr-"
"Christopher seems to think that people of your kind," she turns to Christopher, "are worth defending and caring about. He keeps talking about how coloured people are the 'same as us' and 'deserve to be treated the same'. It's cute how delusional he is sometimes."
"Lauren, just stop talking for once," Christopher sighs.
"Do I need to remind you everything I told you about her the other day Christopher. What about you're father?" She whips back around to face me. "You're inferior. Stop trying to fit in with us and stop trying to associate your self with us just because you know that we're better than your own race."
"Associate with you? You're the one that came up to me."
"Well maybe you should think about keeping your tongue to yourself before going around and kissing people who already have a girlfriend, and who are not interested in you."
"Lauren what are you talking about?" Christopher snaps.
"Her Christopher. She likes you but you dont like her and you act as if you can't tell it. But she stares at you all the time, and she smiles at you all the time and she sees you, all the time. You can tell, you know that she thinks that there's a chance that she could be with you. Just tell her the truth. Maybe if you let her know how unimportant she is then she'll actually listen to you. She seems to believe everything that you tell her."
"Lauren, I don't have time to deal with you right now."
"But..."
"Listen, I don't give a fuck what you have to say, unless you're apologising."
"Apologising?"
"Yeah, apologise to her or I'm leaving."
"You don't have to." I finally manage to fit a sentence into their argument. "I actually owe you an apology. For making you think that I'm a threat to your relationship."
"A threat. You? Ivory Jones? A threat to my relationship . That's funny." Lauren exclaims.
"Oh don't worry Lauren, I don't want anything to do with your boyfriend." I focus my attention on Christopher, angrily. "He's managed to do nothing but make my life miserable and personally, I don't think I could be less attracted to a person if I tried. You two both deserve each other."
Christopher jaw clenches.
"Great, it's finished. Are you happy now? You heard what she said. She couldn't be less interested in me," he sneers. Moving to leave.
"Christopher."
"Just leave me alone Lauren."
"Wait, where are you going?" Lauren calls after him.
"I'm not needed here." He gives me a glance before barging into the entrance door.