"Are you excited for your birthday bash tonight, Lacey?" Phoenix lay upside down on the bed in the blinding pink room, scrolling through her music playlists.
"Yes!" She sighed overdramatically falling back on a purple beanbag, "Justin can be so romantic."
I sat up from my position on the floor, my eyebrows scrunched in confused curiosity, "What does Justin being romantic have anything to do with your birthday bash?"
"He was trying to surprise me," she giggled, flipping her chestnut, loose curls over her shoulder. "But the geek is simply horrible at planning parties, so he caved and took me to the barn it's being held at to tell me everything. But it was so...romantic!" I smiled while Phoenix rolled her eyes. "By the way, are you guys nervous about tomorrow?"
"Nah," Phoenix lit up immediately. "I'm excited; I can't wait to get out of town."
"That's not the point of it," Lacey shook her head.
"So? I need a change of scenery; I wonder where it's going to be held."
"You should take phase two seriously."
"I do, Lace, but you can't blame me for finding this part fun."
"Nothing is fun about someone being in danger."
"No one is in danger; it's a mock field test, like a game."
"It's not a game!"
I groaned, "Can you two please not fight right now?" I think living together and sharing a room has taken its toll on their relationship.
They ignored me. "I know the job isn't a game-oh my word, just let me enjoy something for once in my life stick in the mud."
"Excuse me? The audacity for you to call me that," Lacey sat up, honey irises narrowed into slits. "You're the one moping all the dadgum time, always so gothic."
"Better than being a prissy, pink sugarplum."
I sighed getting up unnoticed as their petty argument continued, stalking out to the barn to help feed the horses. I caught a glimpse of Hannah lifting a pitch fork; I grabbed a bucket to fill with water. "They going at it again?"
"Yeah," the faucet squeaked as I turned the handle.
Hannah sighed, "I wish they wouldn't."
"I read in a book that sometimes it's best not to room with your best friend because it puts a strain on the friendship. Will this ruin theirs?"
She threw some hay into one of the stalls, "That can be true in a lot of cases, but I don't think it will ruin Phoenix and Lacey's relationship. Those two have been through thick and thin together. Sometimes friends just fight to get out tension and then move on."
I turned the water off heaving it up to switch the bucket out of Bolt's stall, "That seems silly. Can't people just talk civilly about what's on their mind?"
She chuckled wiping her forehead with her sleeve, "Not Phoenix and Lacey." Silence passed between us as we finished up the work with ease. I threw the last of the hay into No Name's stall and patted my hands off. "Thanks for your help, Saige."
"No problem," I stroked the paint horse's nose, giggling when she snorted.
"If you don't pick a name soon, Lacey is going to end up calling her Majesty."
"It's not a bad name," I mused.
"But, you should decide for yourself." She observed me for another moment, "If you don't mind me asking, why you haven't named her yet?"
"I just can't seem to find one that fits," I fed her a sugar cube.
"You're starting to spoil her," she smiled.
I shrugged and shot her a grin, "Oh well." She chuckled turning back to the house. "I'm going to take her for a run, okay?"
She was about to answer, but shouts from the house cut her off before she could reply, sounds like their fight got worse. "Can you wait until after we've calmed them? Kelly is working and I don't wish to bother her." I grumbled under my breath but nodded following after. When we walked through the door the shouting had stopped, both girls sitting on the opposite sides of the living room refusing to acknowledge each other. "We could hear you all the way out in the barn and that is unacceptable. I'm coming back in here in ten minutes, and I better see some progress in both of your demeanors or I'm not cooking for y'all," Hannah strolled past huffing.
I sat on the couch directly in the middle of them sighing, "Come on, you guys are best friends, y'all shouldn't be fighting like this." Nothing, not even a glance my way. I sighed, "Please makeup?"
"I have nothing to say to her," Phoenix crossed her arms sinking further into the armchair.
"Same," Lacey copied Phoenix's stance.
"Hey, look at that, y'all actually agree on something," I attempted to lighten the mood, but they wouldn't budge. "Do y'all want food? Hannah is the best cook ever; you're willing to skip one of her meals?" Silence. "This is ridiculous. What would it take for you two to be nice to each other?" Phoenix stuck in her earbuds, Lacey simultaneously picked up a book. I buried my face in my hands, "I'm so sick of this." I stood up heading to the stereo, both pairs of eyes somewhat watching.
I cranked up one of their favorite songs taking a deep breath before facing them; then moved along to the beat. At first, they tried not to watch, as I'm sure I resembled road kill spazzing out after being run over. So, I got dramatic adding more arm movements, swinging my hair as I've seen girls do on TV and trying out what people call a duck face. Phoenix bit her lip in an attempt to hold back a laugh, her shoulders slightly lifting, but swiftly got over it. Lacey continued reading her book, no sign of her paying attention. I moved in front of her throwing my arms out like some sort of monkey, she smiled, but only slightly. I decided to take it up a notch. I spun around in a circle, jumped, and went full out in a crazy dance where I absolutely had no idea what I was doing flailing my limbs about.
At this Lacey's façade broke as she busted out laughing clutching her stomach falling back on the couch. I grinned knowing I'm the one making her laugh and continued, Phoenix being a little harder to crack. Halfway through the song, I got frustrated at her ninja training skills for effectively hiding her emotions, so I did the next best thing; I jumped on top of her. She let out an oof, followed by a hearty laugh. I erupted into a fit of laughter myself, unable to contain it. "Oh, oh! Dogpile!" We grunted as Lacey's weight was suddenly above us.
"Get off! Y'all are crushing me!" Phoenix muffled voice came from beneath us. "Can't breathe!"
We rolled onto the floor catching our breath. "I think we need to teach you how to dance," Lacey chuckled, wiping her eyes.
"Not just any dancing," Phoenix smirked, "Line dancing."
I tilted my head, "What's that?"
"Our favorite type of dance around here," Lacey finished, getting up to replay the song. "And we're going to be doing a lot of dancing tonight."
"I don't know if I can learn how before then."
"You're known to be a fast learner, and after that performance, you can afford it," she smirked.
Heat crept up my neck, "I only did that because you two were fighting, it's not like I'm gonna dance in front of everybody."
"Why not?" Phoenix spoke up. "There's not a lot of difference between dancing and fighting."
"Nope," I shook my head frantically. "It's not happening; do you know how many people are going to be there?"
"Quite a bit, Justin and I finalized everything yesterday," that dreamy look sparkled in her eyes again. "There's a stage for the band, and the lights look amazing, and-,"
"That was a rhetorical question, Lace," Phoenix stood up smiling. "But, we are great teachers, and the three of us slaying on the dance floor would be awesome."
"Well, you're going to have to deal with just the two of you," I crossed my arms out of nervousness.
"Just try," Lacey played the catchy, country tune, effectively moving her feet on the beat with her hands on her hips. Phoenix quickly joined in, floating around the living room in sync. They spun around laughing, adding hair flips like I tried to do and arm movements that did not resemble a chimpanzee.
"You look like you've practiced this," I commented in somewhat awe, they looked good.
"Kind of," they admitted simultaneously, erupting in a fit of giggles afterward. I got up from my seat, tentatively testing a couple of movements, and soon found myself lost in the music. They were patient, their previous fight is forgotten as they took turns helping me learn the dance. The more I practiced, the more comfortable I became. Kelly came home a little later while Hannah made lunch, they observed us at first, but soon they were dancing right beside us in a similar way I was before practicing. Our laughter could be heard across the town I'm sure, it was some of the most fun I've ever had.
"Okay," Hannah mumbled breathlessly making her way towards the kitchen with a grin. "Lunch is ready."
Throughout the whole meal, the girls were buzzing about what to wear, and I couldn't help but feel that familiar pang, the one zings in my chest and buzzes into my stomach causing it to flip-flop in summersaults. The last time the town gathered together to have fun in one place...I shook my head to clear the memories washing my dishes and placing them in the dishwasher. "Hey," Kelly bumped my shoulder seeming to read my thoughts. "Don't go down that route, nothing is going to happen."
I gave her the best smile I could muster in hopes to convince her I'm fine while drying my hands off with the hand towel, "I know. I'm gonna be outside, okay?"
"Don't go too far," the warning in her voice told me she wasn't. "Be back in an hour, keep your phone on you, and if you see or hear anything suspicious you come straight back, got it?"
"Good grief, Kelly, the girl's an adult. Let her live a little," Hannah closed the door to the washer and pressed a button to start it. "No sense in reiterating stuff she already knows."
"You don't hear me telling you how to deal with your child, so don't start with that."
"Excuse me? There's no point in keeping her in fear."
"Its caution, not fear, there's a difference. She's lucky I'm letting her go out at all."
"This is the exact reason why she runs away."
"Um-," I'm interrupted as if I'm not standing right in front of them.
"You know nothing about such things!"
And they're off. I sighed slipping out of the kitchen quietly used to being ignored in these intense conversations, grabbing my phone off its charger and treaded to the barn. I guess the saying "like mother like daughter" fits well here. I saddled No Name and swung myself up with ease, smirking that I don't have much trouble anymore doing so, and urged her into a trot down the beaten path. "Majesty," I tried the name out loud, my heart sinking just a bit. I hadn't told Hannah the full reason why I haven't named her yet. The truth is I didn't think myself worthy of such a beautiful animal let alone name her, even though they insisted I could have her, I felt it would be wrong if I accepted.
I let out a long breath slowing her down to a stop as I felt a buzz in my jean pocket though I didn't pull it out right away; I sat there staring at my hands holding the reigns. Sometimes this feeling suddenly wraps itself around me like a cold blanket, sucking whatever shred of happiness I thought I had away, making me wonder if I had felt it at all. My thoughts shift back involuntarily to those ice blue irises when they were filled with tenderness and when he came to see me every day, how he brought food, and showed me affection. My head clouded with a dark fog, tainting my thoughts, twisting my memories.
He listened to me.
He paid attention to me.
He helped me when no one else would.
He was there for me.
He lov-
The buzz in my pocket jolted me out of my daze, the slight movement making No Name shift in her stance. I pulled my phone out to see a text message.
Ky: Hey, are you coming to the party tonight?
A smile instantly spread across on my face, a little light breaking through my funk as I hastily replied. Wouldn't miss it. I didn't have time to do anything else before he answered.
Ky: I'm holding you to that. You just pinky promised.
I frowned at the screen. You actually have to hold each other's pinkies to pinky promise. Right?
Ky: Let's just say that we did.
I shook my head chuckling. Whatever you say, weirdo. :P
Ky: Lol weirdo? Fine smarty pants, I'll see you later. :)
I giggled, completely forgetting what I was previously thinking about. Can't wait. I sent my response without hesitation and stuffed the phone back in my pocket noting the sun dipping lower across the sky. I nudged her into a walk for a few minutes just enjoying the outdoors and relishing the rare moment of peace and quiet. I followed the horse trail I've grown familiar with deeper into the woods occasionally nudging her on. "Majesty," I tried again, frowning. "I mean it fits, I guess, what do you think?" I stroked her neck, she brayed in response. "And now they'll call me crazy and lock me away for talking to a horse," I sighed. "It's a bit much, I don't like it. I'll think of something eventually."
Up we climbed the slanted hill, higher and higher, the clip-clop of her hooves a comforting sound as we strolled past clumps of vibrant leaves swaying among the light breeze, the trees becoming denser the more we traveled. Kelly called once to check on me, we decided now that I have a phone we should have a safe word for emergencies, a word that I don't normally use. So if I say it in a text or on the phone to anyone, they know immediately that I'm in trouble. I can't count the times she asked me if I was okay in that single call.
I blew out a breath and suddenly pulled on the reigns halting her steps. The horse trail is a giant circle that leads directly back to Addison's backyard which takes roughly thirty to forty-five minutes depending on how fast you go. I've walked this trail nearly twenty times, and none of those times have I ever noticed another path leading away and further up the mountain. I cocked my head in confusion whilst studying it, concluding I can ride No Name comfortably through. I glanced at the worn trail slanting at an angle to go down, my eyes immediately cutting back to the one less traveled. "I shouldn't, it's reckless, and not to mention it goes against everything everyone constantly drills into me," I tried talking myself out of it, staring another minute. "But I'm already out here," I turned my horse towards the hidden path, curiosity getting the better of me.
It wasn't smooth like the previous walk; it was straight and narrow, rocks and roots poised to trip whoever dared to climb up the mountain. I eased us up carefully taking on an even slower pace than before, all my focus on the ground in front of me. Once we neared the peak the branches were too thick to stay on top, so I dismounted gently pulling the reigns for her to follow while simultaneously pushing dangling limbs from my line of vision, and my breath caught in my throat.
I've seen a lot of tranquil beauty in my time here, but being this high up and able to see miles on end of never-ending mountains takes on an entirely different feeling. My heart rate spiked in excitement as I tied No Name to a sturdy tree and stepped closer to the edge of the cliff, unfazed of being literally on top of the world. I beamed glancing at the sky, that familiar, warm sensation of peace surrounding me like a security blanket. I reached up grasping at the clouds, "I can almost touch heaven." My arm fell limply to my side, eyes never straying from above, "I hope Mommy and Daddy are happy there, and together."
"We can't leave her."
"I don't want to, but-," his lip quivered, and a wail escaped him. "We need to leave." He didn't move. "She's in a better place now."
"In Heaven?"
"Yes, we'll see her again someday."
"But, I miss her."
"Me too," he wept.
My eyes stung as the scene played out.
"Stay here."
"Don't leave me," I pleaded.
He cupped my face with his hands, "Keep your head down, don't make a sound, and do not for any reason come out until I come get you. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Daddy."
"If you ever get the chance, go to the river."
"I don't understand."
He smiled sadly, "You will." He gently kissed my head, "This is not goodbye, more like, see you later." He touched his forehead to mine, "God," he breathed. "Protect my little girl." A lump formed in my throat. "I love you." And then he was gone.
The tears spilled over freely and I let them, clenching my fists, I glared at the sky, "God, if you really do exist, I don't understand. My parents believed in you, Ky believes in you, they devoted their lives to you, and for what? To reap suffering? Death?" A low, distasteful growl built in the back of my throat, "And Sarah, that woman is as pure is it gets, you let her get ripped away from her life, from her family. Do you know the pain that has caused?"
Silence.
The growl morphed into a shout, my voice echoing in the distance, "I don't understand! Daddy prayed; he wanted you to watch over me, am I that minuscule that you wouldn't?" Hot, angry sobs burst out of me as I collapsed to my knees, "If you don't love someone as worthless and dirty as me, the most high and powerful, how can anyone else? What would my own parents say if they saw me now?" My emotions swirled, constantly battling for dominance, never settling. I didn't know how or what to feel anymore. I wanted to believe, but a stone barrier clenched around my heart effectively keeping me from doing so. I simply couldn't, the anger, bitterness, it's all I've ever known. To let go of that would be like to freefall off this cliff.
I shut my eyes, my fingers dug into the grass, a cracked whisper breaking past my lips, a half plea and half despair, "I don't understand." And then that warm tenderness engulfed my body as if someone was holding me, like a hug. My eyes flew open as I inhaled sharply, afraid someone had followed me and heard my inner turmoil. I whirled around, but no one was there.
At first I chalked it up as my imagination; I was a little startled, it lingered still, and I sat there taking it in. Eventually I grew used to it, pulling my knees up to my chest relaxing, eyes fluttering shut enjoying how it calmed my storm. That voice trickled into my mind, soft but firm and oozing power, the same one that spoke when Braxton attacked me. I soaked it in, no longer wondering if I was imagining it. I knew it was real. I no longer could deny it. Two simple words, yet holding so much meaning, brought fresh tears to cascade down my cheeks.
You will.
***
Lacey's party was in full swing, I could hear the music and laughter from my place on the wood fence though slightly muffled. I had stayed inside putting on a smile for Lacey's sake the first hour, but I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate. Maybe that was selfish, but birthdays have always left a sour taste in my mouth, especially mine. Which is why I've never told anyone when my birthday is, and thankfully no one has brought it up. Once I was sure she and my friends were occupied, I slipped out the door and have been here since, careful not to stray too far. I took in a long deep breath exhaling slowly, so many thoughts running through my head I was tempted to go numb.
He stroked my arm slowly, tauntingly, the evil glint in his icy orbs never faltering. "Did I hurt you?" I bit back a whimper as he purposely put pressure on my new collection of bruises, his mocking smile growing in length resembling one that a snake would have, "It's only because I love you."
Footsteps kicking up the gravel snapped me out of my daze and I waited for the person to show themselves, having a good idea of who it was. Ky's arms folded over themselves on the beam as he leaned his weight onto the fence glancing at me warily, though he remained silent for a time. I didn't mind his company, just knowing he was beside me made my whirlwind of emotions a little less of a tornado. My involuntary sigh, however, caused him to speak, "What's on your mind, O'Connor?"
I shrugged keeping my balance on top of the thin plank, "Anything, and everything. Why aren't you in there?"
He gazed at the farm we were borrowing for the night; his tone sincere, "I'd rather be here with you."
I furrowed my eyebrows letting out another long breath of air stealing a glance, admiring how his curls swayed in the slight breeze; I swallowed down a lump forming in my throat. "I'm...confused," I admitted in a whisper.
Those hazel irises bounced immediately to mine no doubt sensing my uneasy state, "About what?"
"I don't know...I-," I stuttered not sure how to put it into words, but finally settled on a question. "What is love?" His eyebrows raised slightly surprised. "I just don't know what real love is, or if God-," I stopped again, the words heavy and jumbled on my tongue.
Our gazes swept in front of us once again as he chewed on my mismatched sentences, somehow able to answer, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
My lips parted in shock, then remembered when we first met he was sort of poetic. It seems so long ago. "That was beautiful."
He chuckled shooting me a small smile, "They're not my words." He cast his eyes away, "1 Corinthians 13:4-8."
I cocked my head, "You mean the book we read in church?"
"Yes," he nodded, "The Bible." I fell silent, and it was like the last bit of puzzle pieces came together to form a full picture.
Love is patient. I pointed yet again to another word on the menu, trying not to show my nervousness of asking. But Commander only smiled, putting aside any doubt I had, "Spaghetti."
Love is kind. "You need to eat something. If I give you chocolate pudding would you eat that?" I gave Debbie a sheepish smile to which she laughed, "Alright, but this will be our little secret."
Love does not envy, boast, nor is it proud. Ky was breathing heavily, "Who won?
"I think it was Jackson," Phoenix said. Ky let out a disappointed sigh.
"I want a rematch," Justin said in between breaths.
Jackson laughed, "I'm quitting while I'm ahead."
Love does not dishonor others. Lacey stepped towards her mom and Ky with a huge grin rather than being winded from trying to find clothes for me, "I give you the one and only, Saige!"
Love is not self-seeking. "So you're not going to tell me which one to go for, huh?"
"It's not my place too; all I can tell you is to follow your heart."
I glanced away now fully aware of her feelings for Ky, "What if I don't trust my heart? After all, the heart can be deceitful."
Phoenix's eyes widened a bit coming to some sort of realization, "You're right, so trust God."
Love is not easily angered. I couldn't stop; the anger was so overwhelming I found myself spitting, "You're not my mother."
Kelly had been keeping calm this whole time, but I wondered if I kept it up how long it would last, "You're right, I'm not. I'm just someone trying to keep you alive for crying out loud."
Love keeps no record of wrongs. "Saige," Jackson kept his tone soft. "I'm all for helping you train, but are you doing all of this for the right reasons?" I didn't answer, determined not to let anything show, but he always seems to be able to see past my walls. "It's okay to be angry, but if you stay that way for too long, it will destroy you." I furrowed my eyebrows in thought. "Don't let them win, Saige, because they will if you stay stuck in the past. You're a lot stronger than you think; channel that strength to help yourself move on. I'm not saying it will happen overnight, but overtime, you'll come out stronger than you have ever been."
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. "I believe her." All eyes shot to Monroe in utter shock. "What? I'm not making the same mistake twice, been there done that. I learned my lesson." No one said anything. "Oh, quit your staring and close your mouths, you might catch flies," he shoved a sugar cookie in his mouth.
Love always protects. I kept my eyes down unable to look at Monroe, burying myself deeper under Ky's arm. "Now that everyone knows the truth, it changes everything. You will leave her alone," his voice was surprisingly calm while still keeping a steely undertone. Monroe walked away with Cleo, grumbling under his breath. I made no attempt to move in the sudden quiet. I was afraid of what Monroe or Cleo would have done, but I was more afraid that I didn't mind the warmth radiating off of Ky.
Love always trusts. I smiled holding up my pinky, "Promise?"
He grinned hooking his pinky around my own. "Promise."
Love always hopes. "It's so sickening, the way Ky was shouting your name, how defeated Jackson looked; I already had you in the trunk of my car before that stupid, little boy could utter a word to them. Who knows if they will make it out of the fire, which is out of control, by the way. I could hear Lacey scream from being trapped inside."
My eyes welled up with tears. No, she's lying; my friends are safe, they have to be.
Love always perseveres. I could only open my left eye and it took a moment for my vision to clear. But once it did I took in the faces above me, crying with relief. Ky held me against his chest, his hold tightening when Jackson reached up to gently brush my tears away, "Hey, it's okay." Everything hurt, but I could ignore all the pain for a small, joyful moment. They found me.
"Love never fails..." I murmured to myself. It then dawned on me that my parents may have not succeeded in escaping, but they did keep me alive. I survived long enough for Sarah to come into the picture, though it took longer than I had wanted, and finish the job. I made it through. The revelation goes against everything I've ever known, and I didn't deserve it.
"God's love never does."
Tears pricked my eyes, my perspective took a big shift; these were not tears of despair, rather disbelief and joy. It swelled up, overpowering my entire being. I stared at my lap since my hands were splayed out to my sides keeping me upright on the fence, "God can love someone as broken as me?"
I could see his slight smile from my peripheral vision, "Not can, He does. God is...relentless. He will never stop fighting for us, for you," Ky's eyes now never leaving my face. "He loves you, Saige. God loves you so much that he gave his only son, Jesus, to die on the cross so you can live." He came to stand in front of me, gently cupping my cheek so I'm looking at him, "He did that because you're worth it."
Just like that, the atmosphere shifted around us. The background music and laughter faded out, no one else existed, it was just Ky and me. My heart pounded, tingles erupting where his thumb brushed across my cheekbone, bringing his other hand to hold my other cheek. I slowly slid off the fence, careful not to break the contact or the sudden spell that drew us together, ever so nearer. Those hazel pools sparkled in the dim lighting, I was entranced, have those gold flecks always been there? My arms took on a mind of their own sliding around his neck pulling us flush against each other, our hearts beating in sync, molding together so much I wasn't sure where it started or ended. The corners of his mouth twitched up, and mine followed.
As we inched closer, I barely noticed the zero hesitation in me, or how I felt absolutely no fear. He tilted his head down; I stood up on my tiptoes. Our noses almost touching, his eyes flickered to my lips, and I couldn't help doing the same. When we caught each other's gaze again, my stomach turned into a million knots, he was giving me a chance to back away in case I wasn't ready; but I was. So after a moment, he leaned closer and I met him halfway, my eyes fluttered closed as our lips met in a soft, gentle kiss. Fireworks exploded inside me, his hands drifted to my back and waist tugging me even closer if it was possible while one of mine snaked in his hair; his touch left an outbreak of tingles in his wake. Never have I ever felt this way before.
He pulled back first and rested his forehead against mine with the biggest smile I've ever seen adorning his lips, his lips, the ones I just kissed. That's when nervousness decided to kick in and heat rushed to my cheeks turning them crimson, I shot him a shy smile. Ky chuckled pecking my forehead making no move to let go, and neither did I. Another thing I didn't notice from our own little world was the bruised and battered figure in front of the barn, watching with a pair of dark, heartbroken irises.
***
They finally kissed!!👩❤️💋👨😍