Luke Hemmings
5 years ago
University of Washington
•
I wasn't scared to go back to College.
Freshman year was easy, and if the past summer was any validation, then Sophomore year was about to be a breeze. I turned 19 over the summer, a bit young for my year, but I was well on my way up the ranks of my class.
I hadn't planned on being in a fraternity when I committed to the school, much less be on my way to lead one, but circumstances changed, and I found myself completely submerged into Alpha Delta Phi by the middle of my freshman year.
And by circumstances, I mean a certain pretty girl changed my mind.
I met her when I turned 18, when a mate of mine brought her to my parent's house where I was hosting a birthday party that was slowly getting out of hand. She didn't know me, or anyone else there, for that matter, but I didn't care.
I didn't care because I was drunk out of my mind, and she was pretty.
Once the alcohol wore off and the hangover settled in, I woke up the next morning to a handful of sleeping bodies next to mounds of trash, cups, and empty bottles. It wasn't exactly ideal considering Liz and Andrew Hemmings would be home later that same night, and they weren't at all aware of the antics their youngest son decided to pull the second they left for a weekend.
But there was someone else up in the early morning, only she wasn't nursing a hangover, because I clearly recalled her staying sober the night before. Something about wanting to watch everyone else in their drunken states, although it seemed like most of her attention had been on me.
She studied me, and I won't lie, I noticed, and I enjoyed it. When she told me she liked the piercing hooked through my lower lip, I made a mental note to never take it out.
She was a sweet girl, and I couldn't help but become infatuated with her as I watched her sift through the mess, placing trash in bags and dumping leftover liquids down the sink.
I don't know why she did it. The cleaning, the watching, the subtle flirting behind the shyness. Maybe she wanted me to take interest in her, maybe she wanted something from me, maybe it was all just unintentional.
But I was kidding myself, because everything Sidney does is intentional.
When she convinced me to join the fraternity that mixed will with her sorority, Kappa Kappa Gamma, it was intentional, but I did it without hesitation. She persuaded me so sweetly, so innocently, and I was just about putty in her hands.
Freshman year was so good with her. She paraded me around Greek row like a trophy, but I didn't mind, because I was falling for her. I was falling for the sweet girl I'd come to know so well, and the innocence she radiated.
Or, at least, I thought I knew her well.
I don't know if I loved her. That's what I was trying to figure out as I wrapped an arm around Sidney's waist. Around my girlfriend's waist.
"I don't know, Sid, I think this year might be even better." I pulled her into me and she smiled up at me.
She always had such a sweet smile.
"Maybe, if we can get you into that VP spot." She nudged me and I rolled my eyes playfully.
That was the thing about Sidney, she always brought it back to the frat and getting to higher positions. I figured she just wanted to see me succeed.
"I'll meet you back here after your class, okay, babe?" I positioned myself in front of her and kept my hand placed on her waist. She laughed lightly and leaned up to place a quick kiss on my lips.
"I know you will, Luke."
Of course she knew. It's exactly what a conditioned boyfriend was supposed to do.
•
5 years ago
Kappa Sorority mixer
•
I never go to these things.
I never go, unless Sidney's sorority is exchanging with my fraternity. I have the option to go, of course, being as it's my girlfriend's sorority, but Sidney always told me not to.
"You don't need to come to these, Luke," she dragged a hand down my chest as she spoke. "It's only supposed to be us and one other frat."
"I know, babe, but you always say they're so boring," I wrapped a hand around her wrist that was running dangerously low on my stomach. She did that, sometimes, to keep me from arguing, and it used to work quite well. "So let me keep you company." I pleaded with her, to no avail.
"Oh, Luke, come on," she pouted her lip and I knew the discussion was over. "Don't be so dramatic about this, okay?"
But this time, it was the day before her birthday, and I wanted to be with her when midnight rolled around. I wasn't going to go, but the boys convinced me.
"Dude, just go," Cole said, waving me off. "You'll get major boyfriend points for this." He sounded rather bored, and I'm sure he was, considering he was a freshman and couldn't possibly understand how I could be with one girl, only.
I rolled my eyes. "It's not about that, dick. I don't have to do some grand romantic gesture to get her to have sex with me," It was true, Sidney was always in the mood. "I just wanna surprise her."
"Then stop stressing and just go, Hemmings."
And so I did, because I was pretty sure I loved Sidney, and I just wanted to surprise her for her birthday.
I fumbled with the box holding the 'L' pendant necklace that stuck out from my tight jeans as I walked up to the steps of her sorority house. I don't know what possessed me to buy it, it just seemed like the right thing to do. She would've wanted me to get it for her, because that's what good boyfriends do.
The girls at the door, her sisters, were clearly surprised to see me. Too surprised, in my opinion.
"Oh! Um, hi, Luke, what's up?" I think one of their names was Maddie, or maybe Mackenzie, but I couldn't be bothered to remember.
I cocked an eyebrow, confused by how odd they were acting, and already regretting my decision to come here. "Just came to see Sid."
The girls glanced nervously at each other, and my patience wore thin. "She's-she's um-" the blonde one looked to another blonde and I didn't bother hiding my annoyance.
"We'll go get her!" Another one interrupted, and the girls nodded frantically. "Yeah, um, why don't you just wait here and-"
Absolutely not.
"What the fuck is going on?" I cut them off with a grumble and pushed past them, fed up and fearing the worst.
There weren't a lot of people there, as it was only between one sorority and one frat, but it certainly didn't look like anyone was bored. Everybody looked absolutely wasted, but it was hard to tell considering everyone was up on their feet dancing, or grinding I should say, in a packed corner of the main room.
It worried me, a bit, because I didn't see Sidney as I scanned the few people choosing not to dry hump in the mass of bodies, and I hated assuming she might be dancing with some guy.
But anything would've been better than the truth.
I told myself she was probably just bored, and went up to her own room, because she always told me these things were boring. I told myself this over and over as I made my way up the stairs, ignoring the pleads from tipsy sorority girls from behind me. I told myself that there wasn't some secret reason why she wouldn't let me come to these.
What I'm trying to say, is that I hadn't expected to find my girlfriend fucking someone else in her room.
Sidney hadn't expected me to stumble in either, and she was probably really caught off guard when I threw the guy to the ground.
"Luke..."
I couldn't hear anything. I was just angry, and I wanted to take it out on something, anything.
But I had a right to be angry. Because it wasn't just one time, and it wasn't just one guy. It was every guy, whoever she could get her hands on, and I was the lovesick boyfriend completely under her spell.
Because Sidney wasn't the innocent, sweet girl I thought I knew. She never was.
She had her eye on me from day one, and she had a plan. One that she intended to carry through.
She would make me into the perfect boyfriend, and we would be the perfect couple, using my rising status in my frat to push up her own. But that didn't mean she wouldn't have a double life, one where she could party and fool around, only to hide behind our perfectly public relationship.
"Luke, don't be like that," I was too busy fuming to realize she had her hands on my chest. "Come on, I know you love me." She purred and gave me the same sweet pout that was anything but sweet.
I wanted to throw up.
"I could never love you," my voice was hard, cold as I took a step back. "I don't love you, I don't love anyone."
"But Luke-"
I had to blink to bring my mind back down. "Fuck you, I don't love you." I shook my head, trying to wrap my head around what happened, and what I was telling myself.
"I don't love you." I said it again, and it was clear to me in that moment that it was true.
I didn't love Sidney. I didn't want to love anyone. I didn't want to feel like this ever again.
And thus, once I threw the necklace box into the closest trash I could find, 19 year old Luke was done being nice, and done with love.
•
4 years ago
Alpha Fraternity
•
"Fuck," I groaned, fingers digging into the girl's hips underneath me.
She was loud, but I couldn't care less. The boys in the house heard me up here often, and tonight was no exception.
"Oh, fuck, Luke," she whimpered as I quickened my pace, thrusting rather hard as I could tell she was close.
I didn't even know her name, but that happened a lot. The girls knew me, they knew the name Luke Hemmings, and that's all they needed to know to understand my reputation.
And I'd earned it, fair and square, being the man-whore that I chose to be in the past year.
I was rough with girls, particularly during sex, as I just didn't have any motivation to be gentle. I was so full of anger, for so long, that it just overcame me.
It's not like I was numb, I still felt everything, I was just taking full advantage of what this school, and my fraternity in particular, could offer me.
The boys praised me, and I won't lie, I was a cocky son of a bitch, so I ate it up.
It felt good, walking around campus, thinking I was the shit. But I only thought like that because everyone around me fueled my ego. And maybe it didn't help that I did my activities rather loudly, well aware that my fraternity brothers could hear everything.
"Shit, fuck," I gritted, hearing the girl cry out in bliss as I edged upon my own.
And that's just how it always went. The girl would collapse and catch her breath, and I'd wait patiently for her to leave.
Because 19 year old Luke was a dick, and I just didn't care anymore.
I kept the lip ring, although I considered taking it out in spite of Sidney, but the way girls ogled it made me leave it in place.
She wanted me back, she'd made that very clear, but I practically laughed in her face when she tried to tell me that I was supposed to be with her. She tried so often to tell me that we were so good together, that there wouldn't be another girl that I would love.
But I didn't love Sidney. And I never planned on loving anyone else, anyways.
And since Sidney wanted me to become VP of my frat so badly, I became president, instead. I wasn't even supposed to, considering I was so young, but the boys practically crowned me once my reputation took off.
I didn't want a relationship, I didn't want love, I didn't want anything, anymore.
Because what was the point? What was the point of loving someone, just to get hurt like the way I was?
So I took Cole's and Cameron's and Zach's advice, and decided to ditch the idea all together. And it worked, for a while, bringing out a much rougher part of me.
It was so easy to leave the feelings out, the messiness of it all.
I just hadn't realized how difficult it was to push that part of me back down.
•
2 years ago
English Literature Classroom
•
I was a mess my senior year.
I think I was lost, but I wasn't sure what I was looking for.
It seemed like the last few years of my university life went by in a blur. It was fun, I wouldn't lie, but I was tired, exhausted really. I changed my major too many times, and nothing seemed to stick.
I was lost, and I needed to make a choice fast, so I picked English on a whim.
And as I sat in the back of the lecture hall, hungover, with my head on the desk, in need of a haircut to trim the sprouting curls, I really had no idea what I was doing with my life.
I was half listening, half scolding myself for letting my 21 year old ass drink excessively with the pledges the night before, when I heard my professor mention something about keeping a journal. Something about documenting anything and everything meaningful that happens to us as a way to garner inspiration for future writing.
It didn't sound like the most appealing activity when I still had a raging headache.
But I stumbled my way back to the frat house, nearly groaning once I fell back onto my bed, and I started thinking about writing.
I started thinking that might be my problem. Maybe I had so much to say, for the past three years, but never bothered to find the words.
Sidney was gone. She transferred right at the start of the year, and I felt like I could finally breathe a little better. The girl was relentless, and she served as a constant reminder to what started my spiral in the first place.
But she was gone, far away I hoped, and I just wanted to rid myself of her and this leftover anger.
So I bought a damn notebook, took out my lip ring, and I wrote everything I could think of. Some of it turned into songs, some were just ramblings, but every time I wrote, I felt a little less lost.
And I thought that maybe if I could stick with this, and I could get myself out of this hole, then I might be able to do the same for others.
Maybe I could even be a Professor.
•
•
•
AW LUKE. Homeboy really went THRU it in college.
SO THERE YA GO, you have their stories. I hope this clears everything up.
I promise this is the last weird chapter, next will be present time and back to normal.
Sorry if you didn't like these, I just thought it was the best way to give you some background.
ALSO HEY Y'ALL ARE THE BEST FOR REAL! I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THIS AND IM GLAD YOU'RE COMMENTING AND ALL THAT! :)
Love y'all!
-tay ♡