They all gathered for breakfast the morning after. The mood was happy, the tension was gone, and they had said what they had to say, nothing more to hide. In the end, nothing seemed to have changed in the view of the children, Now that they had said the words, routine was back again, as if nothing had happened.
Dean had never been the expressive kind of guy, particularly when his feelings were concerned, even during the years he had spent with Tessa. So there was nothing different between him and Castiel. Except what had led to their deeper bond, long look exchange, silences that were more eloquent than words.
The children had always known these attitudes; today, there were able to grasp the meaning of it all.
The only thing that changed was their place at the table. Dean was now sitting at Castiel's right, where Balty used to sit.
Jewel in front, Chadwick facing Castiel... like an unspoken recognition.
So this morning, they were savoring cereals and yogurt, while planning activities for the following Sunday. It had been snowing a lot over the last few days and the young ones wanted to go sledging and share a family stroll. All in all, they wanted the Sunday to be more than a day spent with their father, they wanted it to be a family day. Dean was quick to understand that.
All of a sudden, everything was much more easier and he regretted to have kept it secret for so long. Then he thought about what to say to their relatives and friends. How could he announce he was in a relationship with a man ? Especially Castiel...
A relationship ? Were they really a couple ?
Was it enough to have shared kisses, to love him in secret, to talk about a couple?
Dean was aware it wouldn't be enough. After a brief silence, only disturbed with the cutlery jingle, he finally spoke.
« Kids, I'd like to ask you a favor » he started, putting down his empty coffee cup on the table.
All eyes turned to him.
« I'd prefer this remain between us, for the time being»
« You mean, you and Castiel ? » Chadwick elaborated.
Dean nodded.
« Why ? » Jewel truly seemed surprised by her father's request. « Can't I tell Marissa that Castiel is your lover then ? » it was obvious she was disappointed.
« No... This remains between us four »
« Why ? » she asked again.
Dean turned to Castiel who remained silent.
« Because I need some more time, Pumpkin » he replied with a smile. « And because the both of us still have a lot to talk about»
Castiel smiled in turn.
« It's hard not to say anything » Jewel complained, swallowing a spoon full of cereals.
« I know, but you're a big girl now, you'll manage, I'm sure. You will be able to tell her soon, I promise »
She straightened with pride.
« Promise ?»
Her father winked at her.
Chadwick exchanged a complicit gaze with Castiel while sipping his hot chocolate.
Dean found it rather difficult to explain the reason for his silence to his children. How could he explain that, as long as he couldn't cope with the physical attraction to Castiel, they wouldn't be a real couple and display their relationship to the world.
What they were sharing was some kind of an ambiguous love friendship that they had a hard time naming, something between love and a profound bond.
How could he explain he was so difficult to admit that part of him.
He hoped Balty would manage to help him sort out his feelings and felt quite perplexed to have to call for help in order to confirm what he already knew...
He wanted Castiel, he was dreaming of him, yet he felt incapable of admitting this first step because he knew, once they had gone beyond a certain point, nothing would ever be the same.
He knew this ultimate experience would be the last, the one he had to acknowledge if he were to love someone again... totally, completely.
The one experience that would drive him to say the words he hadn't spoken since Tessa had gone.
So here he was, that morning, torn apart between fear and desire : yet that particular morning, no more denial, just a sense of apprehension.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror, wearing a simple short, and imagined Castiel's silhouette looking back at him.
He imagined his hands covering his own and closed his eyes.
He needed to find the courage within himself. He looked down at the obvious sign of his desire and lowered a hand on the bump that could have been the other's.
When the reflections joined, he shouted out of frustration and hit the mirror with the flat of his hand.
« SHIT » he sounded so desperate, his forehead leaning on the mirror.
www
Dean called Frank and asked him if he would accept to work on his day off, promising an extra day off in return the following week.
The latter accepted at once to work that day, although he refused the extra day in compensation. A beer would do. Dean smiled and apologize for the last minute warning.
Franck reminded him the many occasions he had notified Dean of his late arrival at the last minute too. After he divorced, he had had to deal with a hectic schedule to meet the lawyer and go to court. It had been so important for him to be able to be there for his kids, the apple of his eyes.
Dean had always supported him throughout the whole procedure and Franck would never forget that.
Castiel drove the kids to school before going to work and Dean was now alone, filled with anxiety.
He peeked at his watch... 9.30 AM... He heaved a profound sigh... He needed to clear his mind... He turned to Apache.
« Ready for a little winter walk ? » The dog jumped on his feet at once.
He sat on a bench and casually watched Apache playing with a German shepherd within the paddock. He pulled his hat down as it was freezing cold. Suddenly, he realized that the cold was within him and not due to the outside temperatures.
Cold linked to fear...
He knew Balty well enough to know he wouldn't beat around the bush ; that was actually the reason why he had called him in the first place.
He might as well say the things loud and clear even if their past conversations on gay sexuality had left some traces, as he had felt trapped between his love for Tessa and Castiel.
The main reason – or at least one of reasons - why he had called Balty was that the man was bi and as far as he could remember, Balty had first been straight before, and besides, he knew Castiel intimately.
Dean sensed he was blushing, as a kid caught in the act of watching a porn. That made him laugh.
He felt so lost and at the same time so sure of what he wanted...
Yet, he had to overcome that irrational fear, making him embrace the unknown... the body of another man close to his own.
The German shepherd master left with his dog and Apache seemed to have lost all interest for the walk. He notified Dean by barking out loud.
« I got it.. let's go » he stood up, shivering all over.
The die was cast.
www
Castiel had left a message to apologize for having tactlessly cancelled their lunch the day before and to ask whether they were still OK to meet that day.
« Yes... your treat this time » she had added a smiley.
« This one and the next ones » Castiel replied.
« You're forgiven »
« See you later » He locked his phone and pulled out of the car.
He now felt so happy and it made him smile. His colleagues smiled back at him as he was walking within the walls of his company. Happiness seemed to be contagious.
He arrived early at their lunch place and sat down at their reserved table, close to the window, taking his hat and coat off, and ruffling through his hair.
« Hot chocolate ? » the young waiter proposed.
« Thanks, Inias » he nodded with a smile.
Two cold hands covered his eyes.
« Hi there » she said before walking on the other side of the table, her cheeks reddened by the harsh wind. « Have you been waiting for long ? » she took off her coat.
« No... » he replied casually, staring at his half-empty cup.
« Sorry, I had a last minute class meeting, I had to fight tooth and nail to prevent them from expelling one of my students » she finally sat down.
« Considering your happy face, I guess that you won»
« You're damn right, honey. This kid is living with a depressed mother and an alcoholic father, you could say he has mitigating circumstances »
« What did he do to risk suspension ?»
« Nothing that serious. He slapped one of his teachers » she waved at the waiter.
« Is that what you call nothing serious ?» he raised an eyebrow, feeling perplexed.
« If you knew M. Wyart, you wouldn't ask ; this guy is a total jerk, owing his post to his longevity in the school. He's got a disciplinary history as long as my arm»
Castiel smiled at that.
« So, what are you gonna take today ? » she asked, looking at him in the eyes.
« The soup of the day and a piece of pie »
« That's all? Are you on a diet? Do you wanna lose some bone ? » she asked, reading the menu.
« No, I'm not hungry, that's all » Castiel replied in an amused tone.
« Yeah, sure ! I'm sure you had another argument with Dean, right ? » she went on, looking up to him.
« It's a long story »
« I'm all ears » she said, sharing a brief smile with Inias. « I'll have a club sandwich and a coffee ... And on top of that, a Mikado pancake » she closed the menu.
« The soup of the day, a piece of pie ... and another hot chocolate » Castiel asked
« I'll be right back with all that » the waiter took the empty cup.
« So, tell me ? » Madison seemed eager to hear more, chin resting on her hands, leaning forward.
« So what ? » he folded his arms as if to put an end to the conversation
« Don't be such a jerk, tell me all the details... especially the kiss of reconciliation »
« How can you tell there was one ? »
« That stupid smile on your face since I arrived » she pointed a finger at him, without moving an inch.
Castiel couldn't help but laugh. Madison was indeed a fresh breath of air in his life, she was the neutral outsider who made him see things in a different way.
She knew all about him and Dean. He suddenly thought about Balty who didn't know anything about it yet, and this left a sense of guilt, as the man had been his companion for a long time. More than once, he had hesitated to call him, but he had promised Dean not to disclose their relation to their inner circle friends...
Madison was a different matter, although he intended to take measures for the rest of them in a short while. She has been a part of his life since their very first encounter.
Some sort of friendship at first sight, the one he hadn't known again since Tessa. He smiled.
« What's that smile about ? » she asked in a suspicious tone.
« I' was telling myself how lucky I was to have met you and that I should introduce you... »
« To whom ? Them ? » Madison snapped, with her eyes open wide and a bright expression on her face. « You mean, I get to meet your Dean, flesh and blood?»
« Him and the kids ...but don't feel obliged to accept »
« Obliged ?...Are you kidding ? I'm dying to meet him, you've been talking about him for ages » she rubbed her hands in happy anticipation.
« What about Saturday next week ?» Castiel proposed.
« I'll cancel everything else on my agenda »
« So you had plans ? » he said, leaning back so that Inias could serve him. « Thanks »
« I'm not sure. I gotta check it out but I'll cancel whatever is planned in any case »
« Jared is welcome to join... That would be a good occasion to meet him »
« He's gonna love this... I've been babbling about this uptight gay couple »
« Madi ? » Castiel sighed in desperation.
« Isn't that true ? You too should have moved on for a while now, you know, and engage in the physical chapter. What is Dean waiting for, perhaps for his balls to get ripe? »
« Madi » Castiel tried to get her to lower her tone with a smile.
« So what ?» she let Inias serve her too. « Thanks, honey » she said, looking at the waiter as he walked away
« If I wasn't married, I wouldn't say no to that » she added, staring at his butt.
« You should definitely meet Balty...You and him are so alike » Castiel started to eat.
« Why don't you invite him too ? I'm dying to meet the guy »
« He doesn't know for Dean and I » he said, looking down at his plate.
« Oh ! »Madison's expression turned serious. « You haven't told him yet ? Don't tell me you haven't. He should have been the first to know. He'll be angry at you for sure. I would be mad at you, that much is certain » she added with a sulky face.
« I know but Dean... » he seemed lost in his thoughts.
« What about Dean ? He's playing chicken, is that it ? »
« NO... The children already know » Castiel snapped back, as he wanted to defend Dean at all costs, even if he was aware Madison was right.
« And ? » she went on, with her sandwich half way between her plate and her mouth.
« They reacted astonishingly well »
« Astonishingly ? Honey, they've been watching Balty ogling you ass for eight years ; gay relationship has become quite commonplace for them »
« Yeah, but this time, we're talking about their own father... and me»
« Splendid ! Nowadays kids seem to be less stupid than yesterday's adults. Where there's life, there's hope. Now, it will perhaps seem weird at first. I don't know how I would have reacted if my father had started to polish his pal Jeffrey's tonsils, but anyway...» she took a big bite in her sandwich, facing an alarmed Castiel.
He had known her for ages, yet she often managed to astonish him more than once.
«...I would have accepted if his happiness was at stake. Even if I didn't have two gay friends explaining how it works» she went on.
« I guess it's helped »
« I'm not sure it will help seeing you two hungrily kissing each other, but in any case, they got prepared to the possibility» she said with a big laugh.
« Oh my God » Castiel heaved a big sigh, thinking about his next encounter with Dean and most of all, Balty. That would surely lead to very special moments to remember.
« So... I'm glad we stopped beating around the bush... » she said, biting in her sandwich « ...tell me what happened last night? » she couldn't help spluttering. « And I want all the details... » she added, indicating she wanted to hear about that kiss of reconciliation.
She patiently waited until Inias finished cleaning up their table and sighed.
« Holy Christ, this guy is really gifted making things difficult» raising the eyes. « Whatever, he'll end up getting laid, one way or another, so what's that hesitation about ? »
« He's not ready »
« Nonsense. Don't tell me he's doesn't feel like taking the dive, I won't believe you » she smiled when she saw the pancake put in front of her.
« Inias, sweet angel, would you please answer this simple question... »
Castiel's face went pale.
« If a handsome guy like this one kissed you and left you breathless, how much time would you wait to drag him in your bed » she asked casually, her chin resting in her palm, the other hand holding the fork planted in the pancake.
Inias blushed and looked down.
« If ... if a woman... » he insisted on the last word.
« No, I'm talking about the guy there, look at him » Castiel's expression went from pale to bloodless.
« Just imagine you're turning gay, or that you're facing a really gorgeous chick... » she corrected as she watched the waiter losing his grip.
Inias blushed and stared at Castiel.
« If... If... If I were attracted to a man... such as him... I wouldn't wait another minute » he said quickly before literally running away from them.
« Are you out of your mind ? » Castiel almost shouted, as his face turned back to a normal skin color.
« I just wanted to prove that it's not purely physical... Your Dean is afraid to commit himself, it's as simple as that »
« He's straight, Madi »
« Not anymore, not entirely, since he's set his heart on you, right ? Sorry, Honey, but he was the one who kissed you in the first place... and the second, for that matter» she said, before swallowing a piece of her dessert.
They finished the meal without another word.
« So... What time do we need to show up next Saturday? » Madison finally asked.
« Around noon. I'll call you to confirm. I still need to speak with Dean about it» he replied in a casual tone.
« Are you mad at me ? » she asked, a bit worried.
« No, I'm not... If I wasn't interested in your opinion, I wouldn't have talked about it » he said, pushing away his empty plate. « It's just that it's... » he took a deep breath in « ...complicated »
« That's what they call Love, Honey. And it's only the beginning » she sipped her coffee.
« I really gotta go now, and so do you » she stood up.
« See you on Monday ? »
« Yeah, until Monday » he returned her smile.
She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.
« Do you know that they sell a little miracle blue pill ? Oops, there it goes down his drink and... ...» she couldn't help but offer him a wry smile.
« Madi » Castiel nodded, feeling embarrassed.
« I'm only telling you this to help you out... To prevent you from suffering from wrist tendonitis » she laughed out loud.
« Madi » Castiel was now furious as he looked at her leaving.
« See ya on Monday » she waved before going out.
He waved at the waiter to get the bill.
« My apologies, Inias »
« Don't worry » the young man said, taking the money Castiel gave him. « However, she's right, you know... » He blushed.
« As always. Keep the change » Castiel said as the waiter was rumbling in his fanny pack.
« Thanks » he was all smiles.
www
Dean had prepared the meal and had been waiting for half an hour now. As usual, Balty was late. He stroke Apache's head and sighed.
Toasts were waiting for the guest's good will. Dean felt a twitch in his stomach. How would Balty welcome the news and more particularly, the fact that he had asked Castiel not to mention it ?
Would he accept to help him anyway ? Besides, what was he supposed to tell him ?
He just hoped Balty would follow his intuition and talk first.
He smiled... Or else this moron would leave him to marinate in his own doubts. That would only be fair, Dean said to himself as he stood up. Someone had rang the bell.
Balty had his own spare keys but he only used them when nobody was coming at the door. He actually rarely used them.
« Hi » Dean invited him in.
« Hi, Deanie, sweetheart » he tapped his shoulder, still wearing his winter gloves. « It's freezing out there » he said, stamping on the entrance mat.
Dean watched him as he took off his coat, his gloves and his hat.
« It's been quite a while, huh ?» Dean finally said. « We missed you, you know » Dean showed a genuine happiness to see him again.
« I missed you too » Balty smiled back.
« C'mon... I made your favorite French toasts » he said, patting him on the shoulder. « How do you get along with Bryan ? » he casually inquired as they headed for the kitchen.
« I guess I hit the jackpot. He's a sex god, he's able to cope with my temper and seems to love me for good... What more is there to ask ? » he claimed with a smile, rubbing his hands against each other, perhaps more to hide a certain embarrassment than to get warm.
Dean looked at him with tenderness.
« What ? »
« Balty in love, who'd have thought ? » he said, folding his arms on his chest.
« Not me, that's for sure » Balty answered, avoiding to look at Dean.
« It's high time you introduce us to the man who finally tamed you »
« Yeah » the other one said, blushing a little. « We'll do that... He's eager to meet you too » Balty smiled again.
« We'll set something up... Because it's not the same around here without you. I... We sure don't wanna lose you... We can't afford to lose each other, you know what I mean ? »
« We won't, I promise... You know how much you mean to me » he raised his eyes to Dean.
« Come here... Help yourself, I just made fresh coffee »
« Thanks » he stepped closed to Dean.
« Well, when are you gonna tell me what's on your mind ? »
« What do you mean? »
« Don't tell me you ruin a perfect sex night just to invite me for breakfast ? » he said, pouring himself a cup of black liquid.
Dean tensed up.
« Do I need to help you cross the T's ? »
« I... » Dean dipped his bread in the sugar milk then in the whipped eggs.
« C'mon, man, spit it out ! »
The only sound in the kitchen was the bread frying in the pan.
« I... » He raised his eyes, staring at the ceiling for a moment before wiping his hands on kitchen paper. « Me and Cass » he heaved a long sigh.
« Good God » he put down his cup without touching it. « What do you mean ? You... did it ?! You... » he stared at Dean who couldn't look back at him. « Since when? »
« Since he got back »
Balty's expression turned cold. He took his cup and sat down, unable to speak another word.
« Don't blame him... He wanted to tell you. It's... it's my fault»
« Why ? » Balty's tone sounded bitter. « Don't you trust me enough, is that it? » he obviously was hurt by Dean's revelation.
« It's nothing to do with you... » he turned the bread in the pan. « It's me. I wasn't sure of myself. Even now I'm not sure of anything » he looked down.
« Don't you dare, Deanie! Don't do that to him» Balty said in a loud desperate tone.
« It would kill him » He had almost jumped from his chair and forced Dean to turn around and look at him. « I forbid you to do this to him. Don't you play with his heart » he threatened, looking at him in the eyes. « He loves you, Dean. He's always loved you. Don't let him hope for nothing. That would kill him. Trust me. It would kill him » he had seized Dean's arms and squeezed. His eyes were pleading.
« That's why I need you. I'm lost, Balty » Dean said, setting himself free from Balty's grasp. « I'm crazy about him but I can't go all the way » he confessed, turning around to take care of the bread.
« You ended up with the sexiest man on Earth, besides me, of course» Balty tried the humor tome, without success. « And you still ask yourself too many questions ? »
« He's a man»
« So what ? »
« So what ?» Dean repeated, his voice getting louder, as he almost threw the piece of bread in Balty's plate. « I can't do it » he finished, throwing the pan in the sink. « I can't do it » he whispered, running his hand through his hair.
Balty poured another cup and put it on the table.
« Sit down...We have to talk» he sat down too.
Dean had obeyed in silence.
« It's burned»
Dean looked up at him, not sure he understood what the other meant.
« The bread... it's burned »
« I... » Dean was about to stand up.
« Stay right there... I don't give a shit about that bloody bread. Now, talk to me»
« I don't know where to start... I don't even know if I feel like talking. I'm tired of talking, I've done nothing else for weeks. It's eating me from the inside. »
« How far did you two get? »
« That's a good question » Dean's laugh sounded perplexed.
« Stop thinking too much, as a start. Asking yourself too many questions will only make you forget the one and only question that is essential» Balty explained.
Their eyes met.
« Do you love him ? »
Dean remained silent for a while.
« Is it that hard to say ?» Balty smiled a sad smile. « Because your silence is more eloquent than words, you know»
« How do they do it? How did you do it? »
« What do you mean ? »
« You used to be straight, right ? » Dean avoided to look at the man.
« Yes, indeed » he folded his arms and stretched his legs. « And I still am, as well as I'm gay. That's what you call « bi ». Rest assured, it's not a disease. It's just a matter of knowing how to love without boundaries »
« But, a man's body is so different » Dean managed to confess in a shy whisper.
« Is that what you're scared of ? Don't be. You should know that making love with someone of the same gender is a lot more exiting, especially between men, because we have a HUGE advantage » Balty smiled a wicked smile.
Dean looked at him briefly and blushed.
« I know what you're thinking of, but don't worry... » Balty laughed « Sodomy – which I love, I confess, isn't the most frequent practice between men, no matter what most people think, but it sure is a lot more intense than between our lesbian sisters. We can do anything. Oral sex, masturbation, active or passive penetration, sometimes both at once... Quite an array of techniques. And don't forget a simple caress that can send you to Heaven» there was a salacious smile on his lips.
« I... » Dean's face was quite red now. He stood up.
« Deanie....Sit down. You wanted to know, I'm gonna tell ya »
« I just... can't » he said, in an almost inaudible voice.
« What is it that you can't do? »
« ALL THIS ! » he shouted, waving his arms around. « I can't » he stared at Balty, totally at lost.
« Have you already fantasized about him ? » Balty asked, regaining his serious composure.
Dean let out a sigh.
« Yes, I have»
« And probably appeased these sexual fantasies all by yourself, am I right ? »
« Oh shit... Balty ! » Dean cursed.
« This means a big yes » he answered with a wide smile.
« It's not the same »
« Maybe, but the fact you satisfied them means the act itself isn't that repulsive to you »
« When... when... » he nervously ran his hand I his hair, « When we go too far... When I feel we could actually.... I chicken and run » he leaned on the table and heard Balty heaved a long sigh.
« I was 25 when I made love with a man for the first time. I knew the bodies of women by heart and I'd never been attracted to a man before. I never asked myself that question, for that matter, I had a rather balanced and blooming sexual life. And then, one day, our eyes met, his name was Richard, he was 10 years older than me and was a hundred percent gay. I found it difficult at first to cope with the fact I was attracted to him but then I finally took the leap. It was such a shock to discover I was enjoying this. I entrusted our relation to him. He knew his was my first male lover » He saw Dean's shoulders drop heavily. « Castiel will never overstep his limits, he knows you too well. He will be your Richard, but if you wanna succeed, you need to let go »
He stood up and walked closer.
« I'm gonna be crude, Dean. But you should know that a blow job between men isn't that much different than with a chick, as well as masturbate a woman or a guy ; what matters most is the pleasure you give and the one you get... As for penetration, this will come in time, when trust is settled between both. Only the erotic novels describe young virgins getting fucked the very first night »
« DAMMIT BALTY ! » Dean screamed, stepping away, full of anger.
« Sorry » Balty started to laugh. « Dean » he regained his composure and faced him. « Deanie » he forced him to look at him. « Do you know what the most erotic thing is to turn each other on between two guys who are in love ? »
« Shut up, please » Dean was now begged him to stop, trying to free himself from his grasp.
« It's the feeling of caressing fingers on the skin, electrifying and arousing desire. The kisses softly raining down the chest and linger on the sensitive spots » he explained, pointing at Dean's nipples. «...and travel down until they capture the object of desire, and claim its warmth »
« THAT'S ENOUGH » Dean shouted, pushing him away.
« The caresses guiding his hand to your hard cock and masturbating you until you lose your mind» Balty went on in a feverish voice, chasing him in the kitchen.
« SHUT UP ! » Dean shouted, about to leave to room, submerged by anger.
Balty blocked the passage at the door.
« Get out of my way » Dean was firing anger with his eyes.
« He loves you. Don't ruin this because of your macho prejudice... There's nothing wrong to love a man... There's nothing wrong to love someone, whatever the gender. It's the most beautiful token of trust to give one's body to the other. It's the greatest proof of love to give oneself to the other »
« I'd love to be able to do it » Dean clenched his fists.
« Give yourself to him... For once, Dean, try to be the passive one. Let go. Believe my long experience » he managed to make Dean smile a little. « Of all the men who could cross you path, you got the best. Don't you lose him, because you could lose your greatest love story» he put his hand on his arm. « You gave your love to Tessa. Now give your love to Castiel. The three of you were meant to meet »
Dean remained silent for a long while, looking down.
« Do you still want some French toasts ? » he finally asked.
« Sure. And please don't burn it this time... While you cook, I'm gonna reward myself with a handy jay and I'll be right back. All this has inspired me » he walked out of the kitchen.
« Dammit, Balty » he raised his eyes to the ceiling.
« Just kidding » He heard him laugh as he walked away.
They chat some more. Dean was feeling more at ease. To speak about sexuality among men was still uncomfortable for him but Balty was now choosing less crude words, avoiding details, putting more emphasis on feelings.
« I don't have to tell you how to do things... That will come with instinct, even if you first feel clumsy and don't find it as good as you hoped it would be... It isn't that different from a first intercourse with a woman... You hardly attain Nirvana at once »
Dean smiled at that.
« But know this, Castiel is rather gifted, I think you two would be just fine » he said with a wicked smile. « Talk to each other... Tell him what you like, or don't like... Each partner has his own preferences »
He read the silent question on Dean's mind.
« He particularly enjoys foreplay, intimate caresses and a good blow job to end the round » he started to laugh again. « But don't ever say I told you, or he'll kill me » he laughed some more as he saw Dean's expression of total dismay.
« Not necessary, I'll kill you first » he drank his coffee, finding an excuse to hide his growing fear behind his cup.
« The advantage with Castiel is he don't need condom... he never had another lover besides me when we were together » a content smile spread on his lips.
« Balty...could we change the subject ? » Dean had obviously reached the limit of their discussion on the subject.
« Have you gone through the tests ? »
« What tests ? »
« I mean... HIV, STD, all that » he sighed.
« Lisa wanted me to... she wanted more committment »
« And ? »
« Balty » he sighed again.
« That's a clear answer to a crucial point »
« What do you mean ? »
« I don't hold a grudge against nightcaps but it's so much better to fly without a parachute» he sent him a wink.
Dean suddenly seemed so tired. He played with his cup while Balty was swallowing his fifth toast.
« It's gonna be fine » Balty reassured him.
« If anyone had told me something like this would fall on my lap, I'd have laughed. I was married, happy. I got two wonderful children with the most extraordinary woman and then everything tumbles down on me and I end up in the arms of a man... My best friend, one of the pillars of my family, a genuine part of my past. This is completely crazy, it scares me» he rubbed the top of his head.
« I find it rather magical. I always thought there was something magical about you two. You never were an ordinary family »
« It's up to me to make it ordinary now»
« Err... a couple of gays raising two kids » Balty started to laugh.
« A family is so much more than that »
« You're right » he replied with tenderness.
« Don't you forget you're a part of it, Balty... You'll always be. We owe you so much »
« Yeah, you're right. I will remind you, trust me » he leaned back in his chair.
« I don't doubt it » Dean let a grin spread on his lips.
« I don't wanna punch you out, Deanie, but if I remember correctly, you told me you are supposed to fetch the kids at school »
« Shit. Is it time already? »
« Yep. You know, speaking of sex makes time fly faster » he stood up.
« Can I count on you to bring Bryan over at dinner some time ? »
« You can. I wanna toast to your gay defloration» he went out in a big laugh.
www
Castiel came home late in the afternoon, the children were waiting for his return before they could all have supper together.
He had to work extra hours. Greg was sick so he had to take care of his share of workload.
« Good evening, my angels » he kissed Jewel and smiled to Chadwick.
« Where's your Dad ? »
« In the kitchen, we were waiting for you »
They talked about their day, Dean told them Balty had come to visit and that he would come back another day and introduce them to Bryan. The children were enthusiastic about the news, as they missed Balty so much. Castiel side glanced at Dean who winked back.
So, Balty knew at last, he could feel the relief in his heart.
Jewel was singing all through the meal the song she had learned at school. Chadwick was talking about his History class and the Egyptian gods.
« We should visit the Sciences Museum, I heard there's an exhibition on Ramses II» he finally said.
« I think it's a very good idea » Castiel approved. He guessed Dean wasn't too happy about it, even if he tried to hide his reluctance to go.
« Don't worry... You're a fan a movie with mummies, you're gonna love this »
« Blablabla...» he swallowed the last bit of his fish stick.
« Great...Ty can come too ? and Lyndsay ? »
« Lyndsay ... well well well, you two seem to get along pretty well ? » Dean was surprised.
« Yes, we do» his son confirmed.
« OK, then, we're check the dates and organize a visit »
« Thanks Dad »
« Can I bring Marissa? » Jewel begged, swallowing a spoonful of mashed potatoes.
« The more, the merrier »
« Super! » she smiled at her father.
Friday at last.
They had planned a special Indiana Jones evening, at the request of Castiel. The children were happy about it.
Sitting on the floor, leaning against Castiel and their father's legs. The men were sitting next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, sometimes their hands would touch, but their fingers didn't interlace.
The kids gave up at the end of the second movie.
Castiel was yawning throughout the third one. His head was almost falling on Dean's shoulder.
« I'm dead tired. I'm going to bed »
« Are you sure?» Dean leaned forward and kissed him.
« Dean? » he gently pushed him away.
« What ? » he said, feeling a bit surprised.
« Nothing » he smiled and rushed to take his lips. When they moved apart, they were breathless.
« Wow » Dean laughed.
« Fatigue has a weird effect on me » Castiel smiled.
« I can see that »
« Good night » he gave him a last quick kiss.
« Don't stay up too long. We need to bring the kids to dance class and swimming pool tomorrow»
« I'll take care of it » Dean answered, giving him a kiss in turn, a long one, with a hand on his cheek. « Good night, Cass »
He watched him as Castiel was walking away, slowly, observing each and every movement of his body.
« Stop ogling my ass » Castiel said, laughing.
He went upstairs and Dean started to put order in the room. He let the dog out in the garden for a quick walk.
And looked one last time at the living room.
He stopped in front of his bedroom, opened the door, peeking at the stairs leading to Castiel's bedroom.
End of the chapter